Friday, November 30, 2007

I need to discipline myself to chat on here for at least 5 minutes a day...my dream come true about finally connecting the internet universe has come into the comfort and safety of my own home in my village ...I feel that slowly things are happening in the right way finan, cially and in my career...Like I said to someone in the past, I will self actualize by the time Im 54!
This week was the best week of my teaching career and confidence..Finally having my own two half hour math classes instead of just assisting teachers and students ,,although I enjoy teaching math to all the students. Im talking to more students everyday now than any other teacher from having only a couple of students in a self contained classroom.. I am walking tall knowing now how I am connecting with so many children especially in my after school clubs I've created!
Im so excited about creating the drama club and how the students are taking ownership in the program..
Im excited about seeing how a student in special ed now is eligible for the gifted and talented from scoring 99.6 in a test as a direct result of chess!

And by the way I am falling more and more in love with my muse who has totally immersed herself in my life on the REZ!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

November 18, 2007, 6:47
Driving to Amadillo by morning…the fate of my paintings and our family heirlooms worry me while we are heading again towards Arkansas to see A’s parents; again! I am frustrated at our own prograsstination to finally take off on our trips… now she is smiling at me, asking me
“Are you gonna sell a billion copies of your book?“
I guess I’m having to pay her truck payment….she’s not making enough substituting to pay for the outrageous rates also!

I set down the lap top almost at the state of limbo where one drifts off to other realities and we are shocked into vigilance when the mulitcolored lights flash behind us... She drives her jeep into the middle grassy median while trucks zoom by in their high 70 almost swiping us into oblivion...the highway patrolman runs up to our vehicle while I take the last swig of any evidence of brew overly paranoid over the previous incident. Of course I had been smokin ...The worst thoughts run through my mind... another night in the slammer?? hoping my bowels will hold up ...worried that 40 other drunk inmates with share the one toilet seat with a diminishing roll of bumwad?..I am happy that A is totally sober..

The officer smells "alcohol" through A's open window.
"have any of you been drinking?"
NO!
He goes to give a ticket to the car that A was following behind closely.
We both open up a pack of gum and chew.10 to 15 minutes later he comes back while both of us are talking about the worst case scenario.
"You are chewing gum. That's where the smell of alcohol comes from."
I see you are sober, Mam but I will have to give you a ticket for going 92 and following to closely behind. Those trucks almost ran you over"
A stayed cool through the whole episode. Again her charming innocence worked but we still had a ticket. We were both so relieved and happy. I thanked again feeling the energy from my mother protective blue hand knit Aussie wool sweater! Again a protective talisman.

It has been a very strenuous week dealing with two long IEP meetings held up by what appears an instigator to get the school in trouble…
He always appears to make more sense and the new sped director was even agreeing how brilliant he was! He co teaches now in the reading correction class with Jesus. The second meeting could very much turn into a litigious situation because one of the students wants to graduate. They asked for a parent advocate to sit in on the meeting …It could have been a contentious meeting ..
It upsets how you keep giving to a student and then he manipulates the adults around him about the situation…






November 21, 2007, 12:38 AM
A is getting used to the village of Serendipachi…she is actually starting to enjoy subbing over at the high school much more so lately…the boys and girls don’t get on her nerves as much as the
Bratty middle schools children do when she travels to the city where they make fun of her Arkansas accent… A doesn’t think I do a very good southern accent even though I’ve lived in the okie zone for more than half life!
(right now I’m in her new truck where I have to make most of the payments until her subbing can hopefully pay for it,
+you’re not writing a book …it’s more like a journal!
Suddenly she flips the radio to “rollercoaster” and grooves to the music at a decibel level that gets of unmanageable levels for G’s present temperament… wow the song came out in 76 when she was only 3 years old !
I’m glad that M is going to help out Hillary in Iowa…A found her emails when she came to school…

I’m glad that we are honest and don’t have anything to hide about past relationships!
A and I imagine the idea of what it might be like when we bring up kids together…Will we ever be responsible enough?
I sometimes wonder if the Universe sent a female mirror image of my own traits to help me get my own self in check??
I could easily get frustrated with her own laziness or our inability to get out of a place within a reasonable time when both of us are trying to pack? Because of her I’ve actually found out that I’m a good cook…this new found self esteem has helped me become an even better cook!
It is so wonderful to finally found a non-judgemental woman!

"The greatest need in a soul is to achieve that loving of self which will bring about the unity wherein the judgements that have caused such pain are eliminated."
Emanuel's Book

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I often think of how easy it could have happened…I need to start writing to you at least everyday for a few minutes…then I can transfer it
Watching Nicole kidman going into the soul of an emotionally disturbed and vulnerable woman..then I see the parallels with my muse…how she was so depressed and then I brought her out of it..and sensing her on the upward swing..she sees the vision of what I am going through…I feel is another chance to have a child…I make love to her innocence and naïve vulnerability …but then a few drinks sometimes seems to unleash her demons~
I get excited about seeing all of the talent and visions that we could have in our future~!
I then wonder about our future together…
She sees all of what he see!
I then wonder about the soul of the witch…what issues are going over in her mind??
She’s taking care of her kids…and struggling with her health…she seems to reach me now in this moment…more so with an energy…
Now Im watching this the man denying his black ancestry!!
The suspense of wondering “if the kids won’t come out as white as him??”
Muffy sees me as the tortured soul…
Now I feel myself approaching the peak of my life…I could have done it with her!!
(presently I’m enjoying the sweet taste of this last taste of Mexican beer, Modelo especial!!) On a Saturday evening while my gf sleeps as if in a coma recovering from her nicotine addicted wild night of reverie while I slept in Steel Reserve induced coma…She visited Jesus and Mary next door wanting to drive because she couldn’t find her keys…she asked Mary in her inebriated state why Jesus and Garvald couldn’t get along! Jesus and Mr. Fayler were drunk next door. Fayler is the o personality social studies just weaned (1. vti give food other than mother’s milk: to start feeding a baby or young animal food other than its mother’s milk) from college less than 20 months ago…he has joined the young club of know it all’s that suddenly know how to teach these kids better than the experienced veterans!
Many things happened over the week…lectured over talking to much with my gf and not testing a student before the Iep…the drama club starting to evolve and the epiphany of this being the best subject and experience of teaching….that I have ever taught!! Feeling the magic more and more before
Their own natural instincts know far more than us on how our bodies communicate with us!
She is type c- as compared type as next door like Jesus!
daydream: a state of idle and pleasant contemplation

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
When does Garvald decide that he won’t be the whipping post anymore??
G wonders when that wonderful day will happen when he self actualizes to be the teacher and parent that he wants to be but is ultimately scared of becoming that person…
He still portrays a man with lack of confidence in himself and with others…”U just have to step out of the comfort zone””
Say’s his muse just awakening from her 30 hour coma from her Friday night revelry …
Unfortunately she went into an addictive personalities’ craving for nicotine
She broke down from her abstinence of the tobacco until a couple days of ago when she went crazy with his 100$ bill…
It was meant for her passport and instead of her masseuse in town…she comes back with a cute haircut and that ashtray smell of tobacco…and then has the audacity to say how beer is addictive and we are drinking too much (sometime she get into the habit opening several beers at once when she cant find the beer on the patio!)…I am very frustrated worried that she might have had an accident on highway 666!

rev·el·ry [révv’lree]
(plural rev·el·ries)
noisy celebrating: lively enjoyment or celebration, usually involving eating, drinking, dancing, and noise (often used in the plural)
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
60 to 100 miles …..several counties in LA apothis! Hit’s in Tsunami…we would have 3 and half hour waves..
simple rise of
I feel the negative energy sometimes as if others are doing their best to manipulate and observe my demise..
I understand what is going on and need the right energies…I wear folks out , I guess , with my rantings about Jesus!
All the nay sayers! Mirna, Jesus, Betty Lou , and even having to watch my back about Gaye…they want to be in charge and then I think that you are waiting for silly things
To be documented about my behavior…
Can you make it so that I’m not the center of attention when I’m called into the office so that enquiring manipulative minds want to enter the picture and capitalize on their wounds!
Suddenly I have a cannabis brain fart and think of playing a hippy looking character in the appearance of jesus with hunter s Thompson sunglasses in this play..
The biggest I think sometimes is the parental conscience of worrying about going beyond our self and societal imposed paradigms!
Write stories for plays for us to do….a human chess play with 32 actors, thespians, staff and community members playing various parts!
At times it is easy to feel good about myself and then other times it is so easy to see myself as a failure…I feel like I have a great American novel ready to be written at any moment but my own self disclipline is holing me back!
Taking care of business:
I see the pieces and how they should fit… and how I want them to fit…
I see the chess pieces on the board and then I see wonderful plays..

November 18, 2007, 12:51 AM
Driving to Amadillo by morning…M still has my paintings and I’m heading again towards Arkansas to see A’s parents again! I am frustrated at our own prograsstination to finally take off on our trips…she is smIling at me asking me
“Are you gonna sell a billion copies of your book?“
I guess I’m having to pay her truck payment….she’s not making enough substituting to pay for the outrageous rates also!
It has been a very strenuous week dealing with two long IEP meetings held up by what appears an instigator to get the school in trouble…
He always appears to make more sense and the new sped director was even agreeing how brilliant he was! He co teaches now in the reading correction class with Jesus. The second meeting could very much turn into a litigious situation because one of the students wants to graduate. They asked for a parent advocate to sit in on the meeting …It could have been a contentious meeting ..
It upsets how you keep giving to a student and then he manipulates the adults around him about the situation