Friday, June 29, 2007

So here I am again in my home away from home...I get used to a place and it's cool to see the same familiar streets except that it has the warm ambience of mid-summer..
the anxiety of summer accelerating without doing anything is wearing off as soon as I take a road trip and hang out for a night smuggling Buffy in the "Bates Motel" in the middle of Gallup next to some of the very limited dives ... Maybe they could call these places "Stumble Inn's"...The inn keeper saw me on the hotel camera taking my blonde bitch for a walk...She was smiling when she asked me if that was me sneaking my dog out for a walk (she has had some loose poop since changing over to the high quality dog food just before the trip...a mistake but I had run out of the other)...The inn keeper was also 50 and made me feel better about my reflection in the mirror doesn't look too bad for the flip side of the half century...
especially when exgfs a generation younger are diseased and in need of wheel chairs (was it a result of their loose lifestyles? I wonder if her teeth are all black from crack?)Its sad when I see women half my age with very ugly teeth from too much crack or whatever manmade drug of choice..

Muffy and I seem much more comfortable with a platonic relationship on the phone...It's almost a full moon so I warned her to make sure nobody is around for their own safety...just kidding, M, or am I??

as soon as sex is involved women so often feel entitled to at least half your will!
....they are never grateful...you are automatically supposed to pay for everything since you are a man...I often wonder if men are expendable in the mind of a utopian amazonian lesbian? They can just get their selected sperm from the refrigerator and there might be a few very young submissive boy toys for the older matriarch of the utopian society to enjoy...(uh oh I'm either babbling, rambling or too cannabized to care)
The only worry that I have right now smack in the middle of summer without having to report to work for maybe 5 weeks(?) is my infinity parked in the shade for Buffy's sake with the windows half open...they wont tow it away but I could get a parking ticket??

Seriously friends and not so friendly, it is such a relief to finally to be almost over the case...my lawyer will ask for a motion for dismissal since the six months is way past and I won't have to appear for hopefully the last hearing!

It's also a relief to finally make the decision to stay at least one more year and dive full force into our metaphoric pool of miracles just waiting to happen

Thursday, June 28, 2007

"Armadillo by Morning"

ok...so I I'm taking my time heading back west to take care of business with my school, my abode and my decisions for next year when I turn in the contract.
The hotel here in Amarillo has internet access in the lobby and not in the room like it was supposed to have, so I'm delaying my trip so I can chat with you!

I still have the anxiety but then I let the fuck it attitude takes care of it... I imagine just hanging out in my place on the beach for a few weeks with a little Ganja and some Aussie neighbors!
"She'll be right mate! Pass me a pint of Tooheys! No worries Mate, look at the gorgeous sun rise! It's my beach!"


It will nice to know that I will have some funds in both lands to use in my very modest lifestyle!

"I admire the quality of not feeling sorry for oneself. I have seen some people with some really tough lives but they just shrug it off and keep going like nothing happened, and in fact, seem to try even harder to succeed"

I have felt that way very often drowning in my self pity, but then finally waking up and realizing that I can still do something really great in this short life
.."that which doesnt kill me makes me stronger" .. just finally learninng from my mistakes so Im not doomed to keep repeating them.

Monday, June 25, 2007

still vegetating in the okie zone before I head west again and make the decision to work in the land of enchantment at least one more year....
It's almost surreal the being here again in the same locations but so many changes...visiting the old Haunts...I went to Mikes in Oklahoma City...again after being personally attacked there 3 years ago by one of their customer..another young jerk who spent time in prison bullies me for no reason...amazing..but when it was their fault and I warned the security about his continual harassment. They did nothing until he physically attacked me.

I have been told that Mike's in Oklahoma City is still a very violent bar with fights every weekend. I will write a letter to Daily Oklahoman (disappointment) about the violence in clubs.
They let me buy a pitcher of beer until the fairy bartender and old lady that remembered me decided I had to go ..
Why do bartenders only get old and angry...its almost as if the wear of being control freaks wears on their psyches

I have seen nice angelic people become monsters after years of bartending. They always end up with power trips like Shannon from Danny's Blues Saloon. I was thankful that he wasnt there anymore. He married the sister of the nice thoughtful bartender, Matt that is an exception to my theory of accelerated aging in bars!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

What am I thankful for?I am lucky to have finally found a very fulfilling job and be financially secure. I have had very loving nurturing parents that were always there for me. They took me around the world and were dedicated to my education.I had a strong nuclear family with my parents always together. They taught me to exercise and always eat healthy. I was very fortunate to have had a wife who loved me with all of her heart and it made me realize that only the good die young. I am happy to realize what true love was instead of just a facade and getting used.
6:39 PM

Friday, June 22, 2007

"I hope this doesn't qualify as babble to you?

The surrogate children that I teach love chess. The 300$ after taxes, that I earn for coaching the whole year, I sink totally into the program since there are no funds. I asked the woodshop class to make giant chess pieces for outdoor chess with the lumber and paint I bought. I offer an outlet for students twice a week in my classroom that might be otherwise be getting into trouble. They painted a 100 sq ft yard chess board with the school colors and beautiful indigenous wildlife in the surrounding border of the cement chess board. The biggest complaint about the school is the ugly grey cement buildings. Now there is a beautiful board in the center with the "cougar pride" mural right behind it.

We have played chess outside a few times and hope to have some human chess next year if I decide to go back.I would have loved to have this opportunity as a child especially if there was nothing but poverty in my home life living in a shack with no heat.

I give time and money to my kids, because it makes me feel good inside especially when I see these students walking tall now when they have had mr labels since early in school."one of the greatest pleasures in life is doing something great when others says you can't and proving them wrong!

some folks question my teaching ability...I love to prove these jerks wrong!

Monday, June 18, 2007

A
not so anonymous ex girlfriend of this one ridiculous anonymous said...
"When are you going to stop babbling about the same old stuff? 'i never self-actualized, i don't have any friends but a dog, i'm lazy, i have add'....whatever, dude....the reason you don't have any friends is because you're kinda creepy and you stalk people. You have a difficult time getting one single coherent thought out and putting it on one of these blogs. i know you. i lived with you. you are a whining pain in the ass with no personal respect for anyone...and if you can linger around everywhere on the internet that i want to be and i have to continue to listen to the SAME crap that you have been incoherently babbling about for seven years at least....then you can just read the damn answer to why you have no friends and why your relationships failed. the question was, 'how do you live with yourself,'....and the answer to that is YOU CAN'T. you have to be right in the middle of someone else's crap whether they want you there or not. all your lovely little imagery of you and your dog and a deathwish stingray in the water is just great. has nothing to do with the question posed. so let's add this up....you are incoherent, creepy, and you cannot stay on the subject to save your life, and you are going to force yourself on anyone you can. probably even your dog. great. still....nothing to do with the question asked on this blog by TwoFeathers....but it does answer yours. (the 'why do i have no friends' one, just because i know you cannot stay on track long enough to remember what your own stupid question was.) you can't even remember what the damn question is that was asked on the blog the same day you comment...you just keep going on and on about your self-proclaimed pathetic life every time you comment on one of these handful of blogs that you like to frequent and be 'anonymous' at. as if no one knows who you are! haven't you ever heard of a statistics tracking program??? you are just so freaking creepy. geez. enough already.......why not just comment as 'Garvald, special ed teacher and weirdo?' i can't even believe children remain subjected to your creepyness

How does a loony hippy witch fall in love with creepyness?


some fan mail:
a not so anonymous ex girlfriend, ( she left out her name of course) of this one ridiculous anonymous said...
When are you going to stop babbling about the same old stuff?


I guess it is a broken record about my failures...but you only married failures, your ex husband says you are a failure and now you are in very poor shape physically and mentally...How can you expect to be a mother when you have to depend on drugs to counteract your bipolarity??

'i never self-actualized, i don't have any friends but a dog, i'm lazy, i have add'....whatever, dude....the reason you don't have any friends is because you're kinda creepy , but I still made love to you. I did the same with this other old geezer named Quentin. He kept Roscoe for me and suckered him into paying my rent for ocassional sex.

again the creepy?? Then why did you live with me ?? to sucker me into free room and board? All the bs about love was really a facade??

You have a difficult time getting one single coherent thought out and putting it on one of these blogs. I would love to talk to Muffy to hear her side of your stupid attention deficit problem!
i know you. i lived with you and I made love to you! But in the meantime I write an essay about my dealer's large penis and how to give head to it! How do you work for weed?

yes , I suppose I do ramble a lot but I thought that you really loved my writing??



you are a whining pain in the ass with no personal respect for anyone and I listened to your whining pretending it was interesting and humoring your dumb ass! I have posting anonymous posts on your stupid blog but your dumbass never got the picture.

So taking care of you and your family was a front like you took advantage of your husband?? He told me how you would tell him how much of a needy nerd I was , while I worked for you and the family in a small rural town 1oo miles away while you stayed in my large house with your family, because I thought you loved me and wanted to have my family! Your wonderful child would call me Daddy and your son told me several times how he wanted me to be his father. I was trying to help him to learn to ride a bike!
You kept writing lies about how badly you wanted me to be the father of all your children. Your son even asked me to be his father! I would have been a good family man just as I am a good teacher. I would have been devoted to your family as if they were my own kids!
I realize that it was a lie like all the lies that you continually told me in your faux journal while secretly emailing your overbearing butch friend.... lies while having sex with your dealer while I was out of town working to pay the mortgage for the house that would have been ours! You begged me to marry you and bought you a beautiful ring that you said was infinity. You broke off the engagement and kept the ring. I am glad that I found out that you were a slut for free herb just as you ended up being all over your little town bartendressing.

I read your stupid website and i have to continue to listen to the SAME crap that you have been incoherently babbling about for seven years (6, 2001) at least ....then you can just read the damn answer to why you have no friends and why your relationships failed. the question was, 'how do you live with yourself,'

Maybe you should become a shrink. You sound better than Dr. Laura!

Alene loved me and she passed away. We lived together for 13 wonderful years. You are a very cruel woman and now understand why you go thru men like walmart watches...4 different children from 4 different men,,, it seem like you are only comfortable with abusive relationships. I love you but I guess I was mistaken. Thank you for the awakening! I needed this closure and from one of your exes how you refused to take medication and went crackers , and how your mother had you committed... and in regards to success, my top 4 players on our chess team have learning disabilities. They are walking tall! The parents of our chess players believe in me and they are my friends!



....and the answer to that is YOU CAN'T. you have to be right in the middle of someone else's crap whether they want you there or not. all your lovely little imagery of you and your dog and a deathwish stingray in the water is just great. has nothing to do with the question posed. so let's add this up....you are incoherent, creepy, and you cannot stay on the subject to save your life, and you are going to force yourself on anyone you can. probably even your dog. great. still...

my dog is very well adjusted unlike the crazy witch that believes in hocus pocus and will come back as a pigeon to shit on all her male victims!

.nothing to do with the question asked on this blog by TwoFeathers....but it does answer yours. (the 'why do i have no friends' one, just because i know you cannot stay on track long enough to remember what your own stupid question was.) you can't even remember what the damn question is that was asked on the blog the same day you comment...you just keep going on and on about your self-proclaimed pathetic life every time you comment on one of these handful of blogs that you like to frequent and be 'anonymous' at. as if no one knows who you are! haven't you ever heard of a statistics tracking program??? you are just so freaking creepy. geez. enough already.......why not just comment as special ed teacher and weirdo?' i can't even believe children remain subjected to your creepyness

creepy...I thought you loved me for all my silliness brought on by the ADD. All those letters telling me what a great teacher I was for giving myself to the children. The principal told me not to worry when you kept calling over to the school with your lies! You lost sanity like your ex and your mother dearest told me. She did a great job convincing you to leave me ??
This once beautiful lady said she loved me. I guess folks that are manic depressive are wonderful manipulators. I thought that I had found my soulmate. I beared my soul to her and I guess it must sound pathetic to my readers... Oh well
I guess thats why Im going to Oz...

I have never been so cruelly hurt with words...This woman was lying to me fooling an older man into believing she really loved him and now she sends me threatening lies in her hate mail, attempting to blackmail me knowing that I teach special ed..She was and is threatening my job like she did before (she even introduced me to her dealer yet she goes on and on about my herbal medication, yet she's on anti depressant medication)
This is a woman angry at the world and hating the only man that wanted to help her and her family so much! He gave everything to her.. Now she is currently working on her latest sucker to be another father to 4 fatherless children!

All I can say is that Im sorry but poor health is often the result of a very poor and loose lifestyle, a strong propensity toward obesity, drug abuse and a body only pent up with anger towards men that actually cared about you! No wonder , Mommy dearest, had you committed! Oh well. Thanks for the closure that I had. I am sorry about what you turned into when I was conned into actually thinking you were an angel.May the universe bless you, regardless of your ill will towards me.
"today i deeply appreciate the fact that my children are healthy, and happy, and compassionate. i appreciate my sweet and loving friends, the ones that make life seem more interesting, and meaningful. i appreciate the fact that i am not living with a madman. he is not mean, and he is good hearted, and he loves me in his peculiar way. i appreciate the gift of my house, and the financial security i have been given. If this peculiar man ever crosses me, I will kick him out of my house!
i appreciate the fact that my family and friends and pets are healthy. i appreciate the presence of spirit in my life in ways that i am easily able to recognize and that are realized at just the right times. and today, i am particularly appreciative of this blog, because if i had not sat down and thought about it, i might have forgotten for a moment that i am so deeply grateful for these things in the rush of daily activity and domesticity"

who is mad and peculiar? Its interesting that crazy people are always the first to notice it in others!

""This is where Voo Doo comes in handy. I don't ever use it though, unless there is just no other alternative. For example, I once used spellwork to cause a woman who was abusing her child to have severe stomach pain any time she went to beat the child. Thank God that situation got rectified. On the next new moon, I will be getting rid of something else that's been bothering me, and it used to own a pair of grey socks with green stripes that are going to be key in my spellwork. It will be great fun, and make me feel a total release, the same as I did when I burned every lie that was written on paper to me"

and who is emotionally unstable? Now she is threatening to get rid of me using voodoo!
wow!

"I just want him to want to get married so I can waffle around about it and leave him wiggling on the hook for a change. I'd like to know how to be that one lucky bitch that all the guys want but treat with respect. I'm more like the bitch that does laundry and gives blow jobs (or would but they are apparently unwanted at this time) and puts up with constant absence and relatively no affection and certainly no sex. And no talking. And no help except a little financial help which would probably be less than child support were it ordered. ????? "


I was just checking out blogs and was fascinated with some of the thoughts the opposite gender has about their philosphies in regards to the weaker gender...

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Maybe it's a challenge to accept the mirror's reflection on the laptop.???..all those extra wrinkles since 911...your hippy witch gf breaks up with you almost 6 years ago..but it seems like only last year.. experiencing Einstein's theory first hand...sitting here in a bier garden in a town outside a big metropolis of the heartland...an anual concert is going on for a 59$ fee, you can have your car break down or get a flat due to prograstinating baldness...Buffy is sitting with you at this new location that allows your canine soulmate to accompany you...she still has separation anxiety...
"is my master gonna just tie me up and leave me all alone to fend for myself?? Ill just bark at his ass to make sure he doesnt leave me again...I know what its like when he deserts me for long periods of time...hanging out in his yard while he goes "walkabout"...ooh I like that pretty blonde with long hair to her asssss"
Buffy has a preference for young pretty waitresses...maybe she's a canine lesbian??

I realize she is the only female that I can trust since Mom and Alene passed away a long time ago...she gives the warmest feelings especially in the morning of a new day...she sighs and I feel it with her...or she is the best empath in the world...better than any human bitch could possibly ever be...at least in understanding your feelings...
so a bunch of single blokes are all hanging out on a lazy summer weekend watching time fly by in it's accelerating fashion

later on in the evening
I come back by and chat with two attractive couples of course talking about our favorite conversation piece , Buffy...I walk by in the neighborhood a poor middle aged lady is sitting outside smoking..
Does your dog want a mate??"
the dog is all blonde and looks like her except for the face and more squat features of a chow...
1137 am..Nadal beats Federer in the French Open
YOu don't realize what you have until it's gone...alene was so patient, loving and especially forgiving...I dont think Ill find anybody even close to her on the flip side of 50...now Im not as fit and as energetic to do the things that I want to do ...even the independence to walk alot of places..
But at least I have made myself at home in this little town in the summer before it gets too hot..I read about Joy and the ways to keep happy..sometimes it is so hard
as usual, I am a very slow learner...muffy insists I see her before I go to australia and then cant wait for me to go as soon as I arrive...I think always with her the anticipation is far better than the meal..
Is it always the same things that get on her nerves? ... money and my add?? yep...so why argue....resign yourself that it will not work and make the best of the last day...If I say it's the last day of our relationship then she'll start pushing me to go and I can't keep up with her or her impatience..

Thursday at the Peanut:
its cool that there is a beer garden where Buffy can be the social butterfly and greet everyone person that comes on the patio...