Thursday, April 26, 2007

So the sun has just set and the moon is waxing to about a 3/4 moon...I have felt the new energy evolving at the school after the momentary lapse of energy with a new moon...things will only get better at our school..my old hs swim coach, chuck (he would whip you with his boondoggle whistle if you ever called him charly!)Dean, when you are down at the bottom, Garvald, you got nowhere to go but up!
Ok ive had one "fat tire" at applebees and I have one hour to let it digest while getting wireless access in the walmart parking lot. I still havent heard anything. No news is good news. Maybe it will be set up for after school is out in about 3 weeks! I still have all those Ieps to rewrite and Im not letting it bother me. I will take the steps thanks to the addaboy and I will plug along. I find out that I can surprise myself about how much I can fit in a day!
At this point I am frustrated that I can get much interest in the human chess play but if I send out the letter and some posters it might get some interest.
chess clinic during freshman homeroom and lunch, see Mr. G. for appointment.,,

Saturday, April 21, 2007

We only have 5 more weeks of school and I have access to the internet universe... It is springtime and I feel the energy of change about to happen again as I wonder about getting out of the comfort zone again chatting with Bob who is 60. He is lonely and depressed also since his gf has been gone for a couple of months but will see her in a couple of weeks...Ladonna was great help with me during the crisis of the Navaho matriarch/assistants that sit on their butts and gossip..There's a little tiny blurb with my name in the paper and I'm just waiting for the inevitable(??)...almost as if it's so much easier to let ourselves have a premonition of bad luck. I imagine the worst case scenario with my picture on TV.
hese last 2 weeks have been the hardest but them when I'm down about the futility of my chess project, 2 squares short of a chessboard, the band director says not to give up my dream and then I open up the fortune cookie from the only Chinese restaurant in Grants
"Happiness is the joy of creation"
I'm wanting the signs and they come to me...
Muffy wants to marry me and move to Oz with her daughter so they can all just relax and lay on the beach..funny now how her daughter is nicer to me now especially since she loves when Buffy comes and visits!
I see her wagging tail. It's her period now and so she has low energy for two weeks twice a year. I lay down a white towel beside my bed and I look down when I wake up at first light in the am. Her blonde 50 lb. body lays down in her cute little curl. I say, "allright" and encourage her to jump on my bed. I put another little clean towel under her butt so no more blood will be left on my bed. She sighs in my arms and she cheers me out of my mild depression...

Monday, April 16, 2007

plop, plop, oh what a relief it is!...funny how I am so relieved yet still very angry over the system we have in america.
We are slaves to our automobiles
automobiles are killing machines. I was lucky that no one was hurt including myself
all it takes is about 3 drinks to be over the limit even for a big man well over 200lbs!
...we cannot get around without them...
unfortunately one time you have one too many drinks you make a poor judgement and think that you can drive about 30 miles home. Wrong,G!
someone calls you in from the pub or wherever. ...any chance to get a bellagonna in trouble!
you are about 3 or 4 miles from refuge and safety and the lights go on behind you to give you one of life's large wake up calls!
maybe and you have this black cloud hanging over you...I was enjoying myself and the bloke next to me bought me two beers. That is all it took. I have a good lawyer and the fact that it took so long, for a couple of weeks that I did not know about, my only means of transportation was supposedly revoked. I ask the lawyer to appeal it. But the fact that is appealed before we even go the judge, I am immediately guilty until proven innocent. Thank you , God or the Universal Energies for rescinding the revocation almost immediately but not before it is put in the paper for everyone to read. The actual court date that we have been waiting for almost half a year will be tomorrow and there are two obstacles that the prosecutor has to deal with. The amount of time that it took for me to finally take the test (almost 2 hours) and the fact that the state policeman never sent the certification papers for the equipment's reliability. I was 1/100th over the limit. The state policeman even stated that the reading can go up or down 2/100ths in a 2 hour period!
This was a lesson to me in many ways!
I have been very cautious about ever having a drink before I drive. I did this once and made sure that I had been walking around walmart for at least one hour before venturing to drive!
I keep going back to that moment when friendly folks were buying me beers and saying if only I just walked to the nearby motel. Even though it was expensive , it would have saved me thousands of dollars!

..another week has happened and this last week was so full of ups and downs...MONDAY morning! at least the principal and the Borg weren't here to make it worse. Now I have that important piece of paper to show him. I will get there at 7:30 with a copy of it and then to say if you have any more questions, you can contact my attorney.The revocation was rescinded!...but its dealing with all these judgemental squaws with nothing better to do than rat on others. Someone showed the asst. principal the paper with my name on it!...no publicity until we appeal the revocation! amazing!..so now even some kids have seen it or they are making gestures.
Part of me was wanting to just escape from the drudgery and thinking these kids, adults and parents don't really apreciate me being here!
I will appear before the judge tomorrow and then I realize how much scrutiny teachers are under...even from expothead gfs who would love to see you lose your job over something like this because they expect the worst out of you....Then I feel like something great would be really wonderful just to prove those assholes that will hate me know matter what!..Im in town 30 miles away just to get that piece of paper that I can show the cops or administrators concerned whether I have a license or not.
...at times , I want to be like Martin Luther or even Popeye
"I yam what I yam!" accept me for what I am with all my mistakes and blemishes...if you love me great! if not, fuck you!
then of all folks the native born again secretary who has always hated me walks by and attempts to ignore me the first time I say hello. She finally says hello after she knows that I have spotted her. She continues walking but at least aknowledges me with barely allowing me to engage her in conversation. She has hated me even more since she became one of Jesus's disciples!

April 18th
The cloud will still be hanging over my head since they every chance for the police to show up in court! So now I wonder if it will show up in the paper again??
If it will be a month from now, that most likely will be when school is in session.Im bummed out but still relieved that there was no decision. A new moon has started and I hope that I get my energy back...sometimes no news can be good news.

Monday, April 09, 2007


he wrote her letters, he wanted to share his life with her and then he was almost 80 thinking if she would ever forgive him....he gets a phone call late at night in his beach shack from his long lost daughter...
he realizes ....i saw your letters after she died,,,can I come to u and be your daughter...can we be a family? can we share our life??

randy williams

tears fell....as I heard this song on NPR with some of my own embellishments...'
If i had another life, I would have done so many things but then we see the seeds grow from the children we teach...maybe we can make an impact???
Healing will help me and maybe we can live on in others...life is so short a little time in our conciousness...the creative process??

I wanna explore something new...I realize when I am travelling how much younger I feel...listening to this bloke telling about his experiences going from denmark to morocco...solice , thinking, time to think...

laughing like a child is when I was happiest...what will make me laugh again??hanging out in aus...free to love myself again and be happy with who I am standing on this precipice...the short span of conciousness and then our individuality will be gone or what ways we can still leave our imprints???...

creativity is the travelling processs...standing still and grab the ideas as they pass by,,,I wish that I could have started an instrument

space quiet and listening to explore our creativity??

sketching??

start now and take the time to do it...a couple blank pages of writing...some to share or some to toss into the fire"

the process is the product...form and content match...being what i do...art is having the space to feel ...art??

who will want to listen to be and be muse>>>musings to our creative process indescribable process

creative expression is a way to help the world...we sing and they no longer feel ashamed...hope and music...open a dialogue...open myself to needs of others and that ...heel differences...art of the song.org

Im listening to the radio, knowing that you are there with me , listening to me...I have a connection to the universe when Im listening to the radio and the expressing myself to the world on this cell phone to the blogosphere>>.

the sun has set behind the clouds...a weight has been lifted...but I still worry about that note of revocationit is painting the clouds red as I listen to these songs that are so beautiful...I wish that I had the cassette tapes

inspiration...language devices such as personification..song strategies

metaphors...when clouds sail across the sky..magazine husband ...deep sense of superficiality...metaphor bumps...game...a good metaphor, a new taste of these two unexpected ingredients..

a car is a person, relationship with its owner and brings the car to life! the personality of my car

brought item to life...what would my dog think?

2 lists of 5 words

why is she neglecting her own job so that she can find a way to take my job??she has been on a mission for the past 2 years to get my job!

ooh thats waht happpens when you have a flow of conciousness,,,,

we will see each other again...somehow i have that confidence...

burn the bridges we once walked...let yourself move on...but how can I when I realize that I won't find anyone that loved me as much as she did...and there is some of the guilt that has lived with me...

"Study turns pot wisdom on headLab rats given drug 100 times as strong as potCalgary — Forget the stereotype about dopey potheads. It seems marijuana could be good for your brain.While other studies have shown that periodic use of marijuana can cause memory loss and impair learning and a host of other health problems down the road, new research suggests the drug could have some benefits when administered regularly in a highly potent form. Most "drugs of abuse" such as alcohol, heroin, cocaine and nicotine suppress growth of new brain cells. However, researchers found that cannabinoids promoted generation of new neurons in rats' hippocampuses.Hippocampuses are the part of the brain responsible for learning and memory, and the study held true for either plant-derived or the synthetic version of cannabinoids."This is quite a surprise," said Xia Zhang, an associate professor with the Neuropsychiatry Research Unit at the University of Saskatchewan in Saskatoon."Chronic use of marijuana may actually improve learning memory when the new neurons in the hippocampus can mature in two or three months," he added.The research by Dr. Zhang and a team of international researchers is to be published in the November issue of the Journal of Clinical Investigation, but their findings are on-line now.The scientists also noticed that cannabinoids curbed depression and anxiety, which Dr. Zhang says, suggests a correlation between neurogenesis and mood swings. (Or, it at least partly explains the feelings of relaxation and euphoria of a pot-induced high.)Other scientists have suggested that depression is triggered when too few new brain cells are created in the hippocampus. One researcher of neuropharmacology said he was "puzzled" by the findings. As enthusiastic as Dr. Zhang is about the potential health benefits, he warns against running out for a toke in a bid to beef up brain power or calm nerves.The team injected laboratory rats with a synthetic substance called HU-210, which is similar, but 100 times as potent as THC (delta-9-tetrahydrocannabinol), the compound responsible for giving marijuana users a high.They found that the rats treated regularly with a high dose of HU-210 -- twice a day for 10 days -- showed growth of neurons in the hippocampus. The researchers don't know if pot, which isn't as pure as the lab-produced version, would have the same effect. "There's a big gap between rats and humans," Dr. Zhang points out. But there is a lot of interest -- and controversy -- around the use of cannabinoids to improve human health. Cannabinoids, such as marijuana and hashish, have been used to address pain, nausea, vomiting, seizures caused by epilepsy, ischemic stroke, cerebral trauma, tumours, multiple sclerosis and a host of other maladies.There are herbal cannabinoids, which come from the cannabis plant, and the bodies of humans and animals produce endogenous cannabinoids. The substance can also be designed in the lab.Cannabinoids can trigger the body's two cannabinoid receptors, which control the activity of various cells in the body.One receptor, known as CB1, is found primarily in the brain. The other receptor, CB2, was thought to be found only in the immune system.However, in a separate study to be published today in the journal Science, a group of international researchers have located the CB2 receptor in the brain stems of rats, mice and ferrets. The brain stem is responsible for basic body function such as breathing and the gastrointestinal tract. If stimulated in a certain way, CB2 could be harnessed to eliminate the nausea and vomiting associated with post-operative analgesics or cancer and AIDS treatments, according to the researchers."Ultimately, new therapies could be developed as a result of these findings," said Keith Sharkey, a gastrointestinal neuroscientist at the University of Calgary, lead author of the study.(Scientists are trying to find ways to block CB1 as a way to decrease food cravings and limit dependence on tobacco.)When asked whether his findings explain why some swear by pot as a way to avoid the queasy feeling of a hangover, Dr. Sharkey paused and replied: "It does not explain the effects of smoked or inhaled or ingested substances."

I always thought that it made you think a lot more..nothing is more enjoyable than playing a game of chess with a friend who enjoys rambling and philosophizing while playing an exciting game of chess...

and then I'm spotted while here alone in the car and I feel the negative vibes so much more from judgemental women who see me on the computer and I think what he might be thinking??

"does he even have a life??"

I wish that I could find a spot in the parking lot with the shade and still have access to some unsecured network.