Saturday, January 27, 2007

It's great to finally chat with you again!..Lots of coincidences happening lately in the longest week of the school year!!...I get a little love Valentine from Muffy ...LOve Dice... I roll and it says to do it on the couch and then I immediately hear the DJ mention the word "couch" within 5 seconds of rolling the word!...Then I walk into the city library and there are all these folks from Utopachi including one of my peace corp neigbors in our cul de sac!...I walk outside for a little fresh air on this beautiful day and there is the counselor looking more relaxed...I feel like my tongue get's a little loose when I haven't had herb in a little while!! I really enjoy the euphoric feeling far more without the depressing feelings that often when imbibing more frequently...
The desire to chat or write takes over and so here I am finally able to express my thoughts to you again!
It was a long week but it finished well with momentary feelings of anxiety, paranoia about job security and then the realization that I will most likely take at least 12 months off to enjoy the world while I'm still young and healthy enough to enjoy them in my "Golden Years"..(M laughed when I said those words so happy that I got her Valentine present..)
love is nice...she's been my best friend these past 4 years meeting her in KC, First Friday's at the Nelson! She was the bartendress that enjoyed the flirtations from me and a younger chump!
thinking about how our relationship evolved both of us sharing our ups and downs together often on the phone or praying for snow days to avoid the wicked black queen of the middle shool in KCK... I'm not prejudice but it's funny how by far by two worst bosses were African American with severe insecurities and power a female canine that has to piss in every corner of her territory to show that she's the top alpha bitch! They want every one to kiss their behinds or they are banished from their queendoms!

Thursday, January 04, 2007

The Spell is Broken!

I wonder what is the point of writing when only 4 folks have seen my site since I last chatted with you! It's great seeing Charles and taking him to a place that he hasn't been to since 1976... a few years of healthy nurturing from mammary glands helped him recover from Vietnam! The Red Dog is an establishment right in the face of feminism and fundamentalism...I remember even Pagan witches didn't like the idea of their potential soul mates being in to their carnal desires as some strange ladies rub their nipples in your face while making love to your ears! We had a couple of pitchers and promised table dances before I handed over my car keys to him knowing my luck with our peace ocifers!
We had such a great time that we went to
Day Trips the next day!

Lo and behold about bizarre coincidences I met the ex husband of an exgf. The last time we chatted coincidentally was when the lady and I were in a relationship. She went ballistic when she found out her and I were having an impromptu conversation about being a controlling woman.
The realization of who she really was had been missing from the closure that I needed. It is so heart warming when this image of a woman is totally shattered w... you find out that she truly is a psycho instead of the angel you thought she was! It was a virtual epiphany and a weight was lifted. You find out how you were marvellously manipulated by a disturbed woman just the way she had done to the other men in her lives. It was also great to find out that she had become obese. It would have been the icing on the cake to see a recent photo.

Oh well.
A recent quote to show the manifested derangement,
"First, the kind of bird I am right now is a bluejay. protective of my family, and loud about it. Someday, i want to come back as an owl. I love their silent, night time rituals. but first, I would probably come back as a pigeon and follow my least favorite person around and immediately poop on his head every time he walked outside, and then do the car handles while he was inside...."
hmmm, and I fell in love with this mentally unstable person??

Wednesday: 1/10/07
I have so many IEPS next week. They schedule so many of them in a week it could easily be overwhelming but it's nice to have the addaboy handy...I have so much more confidence know just knowing that I can accomplish so many more menial tasks especially tedious paperwork, phonecalls and essential trips. I have that pretrial meeting looming over my head, but at least I have a much better outlook about it confident that I will beat it and at least procrastinating the worry!!
I think overall, the holidays were better than average at least in coming to terms with so much sadness and mortality that has befallen me in the past 12 years... I'm coming to term with NewYear's eve when Alene, my soulmate, passed away. I attempt to not get bogged down with the menial activities and worries over trivial things. I attempt to enjoy the little things in life that give me pleasure:
1. cuddling Buffy and seeing her anxiously waiting for me to come home
2. Watching her get so excited to see me ...
3. Watching her patiently wait for me to go to bed so she can get on the comfy bed with me
4. I hug her and she gives a contented sigh before immediately falling asleeep!
5. The joy when a student learns a concept and the satisfaction that is shown on his face.
6. The joy of making a creation that will make an impact on others.
7. The taste of my home made cappucino while the sun comes up over the desert in the morning
8. Walking in the fresh high desert air just as the sun begins to warm up the mountains on my left side!

I have another hour on the library's puter. I cannot even talk to you everyday like I used to . I have to drive into town when I get my groceries and a TV remote since I lost one...vaguely I remember absentmindedly (an ADD moment) taking it with me and I would put it in a "safe place"...of course I always forget the safe place...and then when my mind is on something else, I might even leave at my gf's house!
I forgot what I was going to write to you about??...Oh yeah, the laptop! I finally broke down and invested in one from Best Buy! The problem is that I don't have wireless and I thought somehow in my warped thinking would get free wireless somewhere??
G, there is no free lunch! Duh!!
but at least you have finally the tool to use in your can take the puter to a wireless cafe somewhere in the world and write??......ok, I'm rambling...Charles notices that also when I might imbibe in a little herb.

I often have things to say but I feel like I need to know that whatever I am writing is immediately out there...Gosh...I only have 11 minutes left. I can easily afford to buy into wireless! I just hate the way cable companies have a monopoly on this!

Buffy, his canine soul mate!

Canine soul mate, G finds his soul mate biking up and down the slopes of the courtyard sidewalk as Buffy speeds by in her love of running and frolic..By understanding this beautiful animal, he can understand the deep rooted love that humans feel for each other..They have a need plus a connection ..Sometimes the way a dog would connect with her master but in humans we are equals but there is a tendency for one to be dominant in some aspects of their lives ...what he wears, the looks of their domicile, their desire to be in control so they go through husbands and bfs like throw away watches or fads(?)

He has momentary euphoria mixed with some brew to keep his blood sugar above normal
MLK Day!
Getting internet access with my own laptop is so wonderful! I finally decided to get out of the 3 day weekend hibernation and visit a cafe! I can write to you whenever I come into town. The next step will be to get the word perfect connected!

WOW! It is sure nice to go to to a hotel and get free internet from a choice of neighboring hotels with internet access!..Nice to have a hotel room in the middle of civilization instead of so much isolation and loneliness in Utopach!...Muffy just called and she was really down about
the apartment complex having to make cutbacks just when she was expecting a raise! I hope that I can cheer her up..I wish that I could be with her to cheer her up..
Buffy is always happy to check out a new location now sleeping on the floor...I have total uncensored access to the world while watching cable!
I only wish that I had some herb to accentuate the evening. I was worried that someone was hurt but the way I look at her situation is that she will only get a much better job now managing and selling apartments!

Samstag at motel 76
Snow arrived last night, while I snuggled in my little nest little family of Buffy and moi! ;)... I have two more hours to write to would be nice to score a little herb with the benefit of anonymity in this big city surrounded by mountains in the middle of the desert ...I have to put the puter beside the window diagonally across from the Daze INN (they have free Internet but the signal is probably less than 50 yards..I'll need to find out if anyone with the internet access in Utopachi is willing to share some of the costs so I can chat with you anytime I want...the school district has banned access to blogging now so it's essential I have another source to the world out there..It's snowing now while you listen to my stream of consciousness. The lady at the gas station said that the state and I-40 will probably be snowed in for the whole weekend and more! They will shut down any roads out of here like they did before...that sounds kinda exciting!...Well, the snow has almost stopped but nothing is sticking...most of it is melting thanks to global warming ;)

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Froliche Neues Jahr!

wow...sometimes small victories help overcome the continual onslaught of losses in your life in order for you to come to terms with your own mortality and eventual demise or....
just realize that you will be recycling into new life??...
Will this energy be carried on or will you just hypnotize yourself in believing that the conciousness will continue in some you wake up each morning, wondering where your aging body and soul(?) will go...
my journey is more than half way's nice that the visit to Muffy ended well in the full moon phase other than being physically and emotionally abused in the middle of the night for snoring and daring to cuddle...I sure hope the valerian root and the natrol help stabilize her moods ...
Mittwoch: cool, Muffy's town has a cyber cafe where you have a cup of Java and chat with you... I took my blonde Buffy out for a walk and was taken by how gorgeous the day was...I felt that now was the time to seize it..I was about to take off but wanted to be sidetracked by writing a few notes to my wonderful 8 readers that don't despise my existence(?)), or an old gf that might still be curious about moi...No, G, be realistic and know they have moved on!

I was momentarily feeling euphoric, I wasn't sure if it was the sun, God or just a combination of Bud and bipolarity! ..just kidding or am I?? M says it's functioning autistic or Auspergers... Do folks like us often excel or obsess about something until we become experts at it??
I wonder about the many personalities of women where I've had intimate relationships of momentary cohabitation(?)...I am more experienced but then I still don't figure them out or how I could be funny without being obnoxious(?)...she was mad about my finnickiness about her bending my Uno cards and the pick up two syndrome in the game...She was working herself the way my emotionally disturbed student does...

post to newsbusters :
Cheney and Bush will wet in their depends long before they go to the gallows! They will be held accountable for war crimes. Invading a country based on manufactured lies that had to me made up in only two weeks! This is scary about our country for the first time in history starting a war on lies!
"No one can terrorize a whole nation, unless we all are accomplices."
E. Murrow