Wednesday, December 26, 2007

thought you might get a kick out of these and how it relates to our Peyton Place!

Office Politics: Top 7 Tips for Surviving Office PoliticsBy
Kevin Kearns
The race for the U.S. Presidency is finally over. Regardless of your political affiliation, you probably wish politics did not get so negative and dirty. Realistically, wishing for a clean presidential race and a little over $4.00 can buy you a non-fat soy, vanilla-mocha, triple-iced, latte. Wishing without action adds little value. If you want cleaner presidential politics, take action towards making it that way.Office politics also require you to be proactive. You must act in a manner that will bring about your desired change. These seven tips will help you move your organization in a more positive direction.

that would be cool if it happened to our office!

Don't Listen: La la la la, I can't hear you. If nobody listened to the junk that people spread around at work, the excitement of the junk would be lost. The junk spreaders would stop.
How many junk spreaders do we have...in league with the various forces of this self proclaimed Jedi Warrior!

Put simply, they will not keep selling what people never buy. However, if you buy it once in a while when you think it's "okay," that is enough to keep the junk machine in business. Junk is often easy to recognize: if the person makes sure the coast is clear before they tell you and the information makes you think "ooohhh" - it might be junk.the problem is that we all love to listen to the gossip!Ask Why: Why am I saying this? Are you passing information for the good of the organization or a person? Or is it simply for the joy of having the scoop on someone?YEP!Be careful not to do the same stuff that upsets you when it happens to your name.AND THEN WE DO IT OVER AGAIN!If you are not sure - then bite your tongue and don't say anything until you are sure.

I wish that i had bit my tongue before I started getting involved with J adressing me disrespectfully in front of T.

The Muck Stops Here: Bob's a jerk; DON'T pass it on! Sometimes it is awkward to outwardly protest the "spinning" of others. In those cases, simply let the spin stop with you.

wouldn't it be so informative just to be a fly and hear some of that "spin"?The more people fail to pass stuff on, the quicker it dies.

lately it's been better with the three of us together in regards to allying ourselves in regards to job duties

...Stand on Your Own: Don't recruit allies to agree with you.

but it feels good when friends and supportive people validate our stance on matters.

The downside to seeking validation at work is that people will say they agree with you when they don't. They do it to avoid conflict, and sometimes do it to cause conflict between other people. If you know you are right, be brave enough to be right on your own. In most cases, people will respect your approach and any damage to your reputation will be avoided.

I believe it is so nice to know that you are together on an idea like a team would in tennis towards the victory that we all can enjoy

Ask Mr. Ed: Get the truth from the horse's mouth?

our leader???
who are the many leaders at this egocentric school, mate?

Many political battles could be avoided if people had the courage to ask what was said and what was meant by it.
VERY TRUE!

Stop yourself from shouting out "Oh no she didn't, she is the last person that should be saying ..." Instead, get the facts and settle it at the same time.Unfortunately it was unresolved...): Forgive & Forget: Don't get mad or even.

I always know winning is getting even, when we have accomplished a task that nobody expected.... proving all the naysayers wrong!
our field of dreams becomes reality~!

I know, forgiving and forgetting is easier read than done!

but then we continue to let the same pattern go on???

However, as leaders it is important for you to look at the end result you want. Will holding a grudge help you reach your vision?
I often see how anger/passion for a cause or injustice, (ie lack of recognition,praise or misunderstanding) can make one strive for the end result....when it is channeled in a positive way such as the human chess play...we enlighten ourselves to what can happen when all the energies are synchronized in a common theme..Probably not. We are at work to do a job and I have yet to see grudge holding listed in any job description (not even in Other Duties as Assigned.)know grudges, hates only get counted against youEvery Vote Counts: Value everyone. Earl Nightingale once said, "treat everyone as though they are the most important person in the world, because to them they are." Treat every person with respect for no other reason than they deserve to be treated with respect. it is very hard to do sometimes when the person continually berates you in his very subtle form....and then condescendingly talks to you as if he is more of an expert or more professional in his job...If you do, you won't have to worry about office politics. Imagine if everyone showed value to everyone else. It has to start somewhere, I say it should start with leaders like you.
I wish,hmmm...what do you think, my office comrade?

You may not be running for the highest political office in the land, but I am sure you have seen the negative impact of a smear campaign. Who needs television ads when you have the office grapevine?

and it can be so negative sometimes especially as an outsider, a bellagonna, in a foreign community or even walking through a super walmart!

Now that you have read these seven tips, you have a responsibility to help keep your grapevine healthy.

Maybe, mate, my friend, we'll even see Jesus prefering ripe over rotten grapes!

Stay committed and before you know it, sour grapes will be the exception instead of the rule!

hmmm, maybe we could share some fermented grapes again before our holiday is over, good friend and comrade!

I want to talk to you Kevin Kearns is President of Kearns Advantage (http://www.kearnsadvantage.com/), a leadership coaching company. Kearns Advantage works with business leaders to define and improve results, guaranteed! Kevin holds a Master of Science degree in Organization Development and is a member of the Coachville Graduate School of Coaching. Kevin also mediates business disputes for the Better Business Bureau of Southern Colorado.Source: http://Top7Business.com/
Im imagining the way it could have been last year talking to you on the computer while having the most beautiful view of Mt. Serendipachi...I feel I could fly over Whiskey Lake on the long beautiful 9000 ft plateau as if I was soaring on Google Earth. I see the lake all frozen because the temperature is 2500 ft colder...what is the difference in degrees? I'll have to look up that fact...Now I'm hearing coffee from my muse...never have I felt freer financially, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically and mentally to become part of this earth that recycles all over the planet and eventually the universe....more so am I connecting with the general conciousness....
We travel together in our mortal conciousness while taking up a speck of dust on life's expanding timeline in the narrow microcosm of the universe!
puff, puff, pass.... wow

Monday, December 24, 2007

It really is a cool feeling when only friends are together....we want to reach somthing...mcC

"As much as most of us wish we could exist in harmony with the people we encounter throughout our lives, there will always be individuals we dislike. Some simply rub us the wrong way while others strike us as deliberately unaware. We may judge others as too mean or abrasive for us to interact with them comfortably. Yet no person should be deemed a villain because their beliefs, opinions, mannerisms, and mode of being are not compatible with your own. You need not embrace the rough traits they have chosen to embody. There may be times in which the best course of action involves distancing yourself from someone you dislike. But circumstances may require that you spend time in the company of individuals who awaken your aversion. In such cases, you can ease your discomfort by showing your foe loving compassion while examining your feelings carefully"
It really is a cool feeling when only friends are together....we want to reach somthing....CrowMac and my muse are together....
it is frustrating when you cant get your point across or it sounds repetitive....so even your muse doesn't want to hear it...
December 25, 2007, 7:17 PM
Nicole kidman can play an evil woman so well…it was fascinating seeing the woman who conned this man into loving her…
Bill Pullman plays the nerdy teacher who lets this affair go on between Baldwin and Nicole in the movie, Malice...
we are enjoying our Christmas in Serendipachi watching all these movies and surfing the net while we both recover from chest colds...it is so nice to spend the holidays with someone who really loves you!

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

"the disasters and the grief... and yes... even the rage... is all directed to one purpose. To wake me up!? " I love the writing of Ted Roosevelt and Two Feathers! I felt that I have woken up in the last few years in regards to what is really important in life ... finally waking up and smelling the coffee!"was it the Buddha said when asked if he was a God? He said. "No, I am awake."Does that mean we sleep for the rest of eternity or?? and when we are alive we need to wake up and go for it during our "waking" hours??"..the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood;"I love that quote from Teddy! He went after adventure all the time his brilliant career and he reminds me so much of how wonderful life can be when regardless of all your failures in life, you can still have success!...or just the happiness in the pursuit of success for somebody other than yourself; it brings on an abundance of intrinsic rewards that you never experienced before!."
8:25 PM


"There is something about you... something within you that is miraculous and special. What is it? How do you nurture it? How do you keep it safe?" ( from "question of the day")
What I meant to say earlier so as not to upset any readers for not answering the question correctly:I believe that many of us can have something miraculous and special to give to the world if we understand our strengths and weaknesses...We can nurture the wonderful gift of giving when we see the results of our gifts....I keep it safe when regardless of what others say I will walk tall as I know my students will when they feel good about what talents they have discovered within themselves!

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Thank God for snow Days!

It is so nice to relax after a Monday in school and then get the great news that we can take it easy finally seeing the largest county closed all day. That is fantastic news. It's so exciting to see the gorgeous snow on the mountains in our backyard. My muse is sleeping recovering a bout of bronchitis while I nurse her back to health while chatting with you on the net.
My renters are roughing it. Most of OKC has lost it's power due to ice storms. I'm happy that they still can get gas through the fireplace to warm up the whole living room. It is a nice warm feeling that that a family is being taken care of at a very reduced rate. They are doing so much on the place where the previous tenant neglected and let my poor place fall apart. I wasn't helping of course while the roof and bathrooms continued to . Now everything is in the garage from my previous life in the Okie Zone.

Monday, December 03, 2007

"The mountains, I become part of it.
The herbs, the fir tree, I become part of it.
The morning mists, the clouds, the gathering waters,I become part of it.
The wilderness, the dew drops, the pollen...I become part of it. "

Navaho Song found in a favorite blog!

A picture is worth a thousand words but this Navaho poetry comes close.I feel this way so much more than I have ever before in this Native American commmunity.

I feel part of this land more and more. It has become my home before I find home again in the Land of Oz..
I am putting off my own enjoyment with the love of my life ( I hope, since my heart has been broken so many time. My muse looks at me in her red riding hood attire or maybe a xmas elf.
"they are my xmas pjs honey!"
responding to my rambling eloquence in her very innocent and young sounding voice. Sometimes I forget how young her voice sounds on the cell phone almost like a child. She perks up my day when i hear her voice because I know she loves me with her eyes. She looks so adorably cute in our very humble adobe abode nestled in the middle of the triplex on the side facing Serendipachi Mountainz!

Climb the mountains and get their good tidings. Nature's peace will flow into you as sunshine flows into trees. The winds will blow their own freshness into you...while cares will drop off like autumn leaves.
John Muir

Friday, November 30, 2007

I need to discipline myself to chat on here for at least 5 minutes a day...my dream come true about finally connecting the internet universe has come into the comfort and safety of my own home in my village ...I feel that slowly things are happening in the right way finan, cially and in my career...Like I said to someone in the past, I will self actualize by the time Im 54!
This week was the best week of my teaching career and confidence..Finally having my own two half hour math classes instead of just assisting teachers and students ,,although I enjoy teaching math to all the students. Im talking to more students everyday now than any other teacher from having only a couple of students in a self contained classroom.. I am walking tall knowing now how I am connecting with so many children especially in my after school clubs I've created!
Im so excited about creating the drama club and how the students are taking ownership in the program..
Im excited about seeing how a student in special ed now is eligible for the gifted and talented from scoring 99.6 in a test as a direct result of chess!

And by the way I am falling more and more in love with my muse who has totally immersed herself in my life on the REZ!

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

November 18, 2007, 6:47
Driving to Amadillo by morning…the fate of my paintings and our family heirlooms worry me while we are heading again towards Arkansas to see A’s parents; again! I am frustrated at our own prograsstination to finally take off on our trips… now she is smiling at me, asking me
“Are you gonna sell a billion copies of your book?“
I guess I’m having to pay her truck payment….she’s not making enough substituting to pay for the outrageous rates also!

I set down the lap top almost at the state of limbo where one drifts off to other realities and we are shocked into vigilance when the mulitcolored lights flash behind us... She drives her jeep into the middle grassy median while trucks zoom by in their high 70 almost swiping us into oblivion...the highway patrolman runs up to our vehicle while I take the last swig of any evidence of brew overly paranoid over the previous incident. Of course I had been smokin ...The worst thoughts run through my mind... another night in the slammer?? hoping my bowels will hold up ...worried that 40 other drunk inmates with share the one toilet seat with a diminishing roll of bumwad?..I am happy that A is totally sober..

The officer smells "alcohol" through A's open window.
"have any of you been drinking?"
NO!
He goes to give a ticket to the car that A was following behind closely.
We both open up a pack of gum and chew.10 to 15 minutes later he comes back while both of us are talking about the worst case scenario.
"You are chewing gum. That's where the smell of alcohol comes from."
I see you are sober, Mam but I will have to give you a ticket for going 92 and following to closely behind. Those trucks almost ran you over"
A stayed cool through the whole episode. Again her charming innocence worked but we still had a ticket. We were both so relieved and happy. I thanked again feeling the energy from my mother protective blue hand knit Aussie wool sweater! Again a protective talisman.

It has been a very strenuous week dealing with two long IEP meetings held up by what appears an instigator to get the school in trouble…
He always appears to make more sense and the new sped director was even agreeing how brilliant he was! He co teaches now in the reading correction class with Jesus. The second meeting could very much turn into a litigious situation because one of the students wants to graduate. They asked for a parent advocate to sit in on the meeting …It could have been a contentious meeting ..
It upsets how you keep giving to a student and then he manipulates the adults around him about the situation…






November 21, 2007, 12:38 AM
A is getting used to the village of Serendipachi…she is actually starting to enjoy subbing over at the high school much more so lately…the boys and girls don’t get on her nerves as much as the
Bratty middle schools children do when she travels to the city where they make fun of her Arkansas accent… A doesn’t think I do a very good southern accent even though I’ve lived in the okie zone for more than half life!
(right now I’m in her new truck where I have to make most of the payments until her subbing can hopefully pay for it,
+you’re not writing a book …it’s more like a journal!
Suddenly she flips the radio to “rollercoaster” and grooves to the music at a decibel level that gets of unmanageable levels for G’s present temperament… wow the song came out in 76 when she was only 3 years old !
I’m glad that M is going to help out Hillary in Iowa…A found her emails when she came to school…

I’m glad that we are honest and don’t have anything to hide about past relationships!
A and I imagine the idea of what it might be like when we bring up kids together…Will we ever be responsible enough?
I sometimes wonder if the Universe sent a female mirror image of my own traits to help me get my own self in check??
I could easily get frustrated with her own laziness or our inability to get out of a place within a reasonable time when both of us are trying to pack? Because of her I’ve actually found out that I’m a good cook…this new found self esteem has helped me become an even better cook!
It is so wonderful to finally found a non-judgemental woman!

"The greatest need in a soul is to achieve that loving of self which will bring about the unity wherein the judgements that have caused such pain are eliminated."
Emanuel's Book

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I often think of how easy it could have happened…I need to start writing to you at least everyday for a few minutes…then I can transfer it
Watching Nicole kidman going into the soul of an emotionally disturbed and vulnerable woman..then I see the parallels with my muse…how she was so depressed and then I brought her out of it..and sensing her on the upward swing..she sees the vision of what I am going through…I feel is another chance to have a child…I make love to her innocence and naïve vulnerability …but then a few drinks sometimes seems to unleash her demons~
I get excited about seeing all of the talent and visions that we could have in our future~!
I then wonder about our future together…
She sees all of what he see!
I then wonder about the soul of the witch…what issues are going over in her mind??
She’s taking care of her kids…and struggling with her health…she seems to reach me now in this moment…more so with an energy…
Now Im watching this the man denying his black ancestry!!
The suspense of wondering “if the kids won’t come out as white as him??”
Muffy sees me as the tortured soul…
Now I feel myself approaching the peak of my life…I could have done it with her!!
(presently I’m enjoying the sweet taste of this last taste of Mexican beer, Modelo especial!!) On a Saturday evening while my gf sleeps as if in a coma recovering from her nicotine addicted wild night of reverie while I slept in Steel Reserve induced coma…She visited Jesus and Mary next door wanting to drive because she couldn’t find her keys…she asked Mary in her inebriated state why Jesus and Garvald couldn’t get along! Jesus and Mr. Fayler were drunk next door. Fayler is the o personality social studies just weaned (1. vti give food other than mother’s milk: to start feeding a baby or young animal food other than its mother’s milk) from college less than 20 months ago…he has joined the young club of know it all’s that suddenly know how to teach these kids better than the experienced veterans!
Many things happened over the week…lectured over talking to much with my gf and not testing a student before the Iep…the drama club starting to evolve and the epiphany of this being the best subject and experience of teaching….that I have ever taught!! Feeling the magic more and more before
Their own natural instincts know far more than us on how our bodies communicate with us!
She is type c- as compared type as next door like Jesus!
daydream: a state of idle and pleasant contemplation

Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
When does Garvald decide that he won’t be the whipping post anymore??
G wonders when that wonderful day will happen when he self actualizes to be the teacher and parent that he wants to be but is ultimately scared of becoming that person…
He still portrays a man with lack of confidence in himself and with others…”U just have to step out of the comfort zone””
Say’s his muse just awakening from her 30 hour coma from her Friday night revelry …
Unfortunately she went into an addictive personalities’ craving for nicotine
She broke down from her abstinence of the tobacco until a couple days of ago when she went crazy with his 100$ bill…
It was meant for her passport and instead of her masseuse in town…she comes back with a cute haircut and that ashtray smell of tobacco…and then has the audacity to say how beer is addictive and we are drinking too much (sometime she get into the habit opening several beers at once when she cant find the beer on the patio!)…I am very frustrated worried that she might have had an accident on highway 666!

rev·el·ry [révv’lree]
(plural rev·el·ries)
noisy celebrating: lively enjoyment or celebration, usually involving eating, drinking, dancing, and noise (often used in the plural)
Encarta ® World English Dictionary © & (P) 1998-2004 Microsoft Corporation. All rights reserved.
60 to 100 miles …..several counties in LA apothis! Hit’s in Tsunami…we would have 3 and half hour waves..
simple rise of
I feel the negative energy sometimes as if others are doing their best to manipulate and observe my demise..
I understand what is going on and need the right energies…I wear folks out , I guess , with my rantings about Jesus!
All the nay sayers! Mirna, Jesus, Betty Lou , and even having to watch my back about Gaye…they want to be in charge and then I think that you are waiting for silly things
To be documented about my behavior…
Can you make it so that I’m not the center of attention when I’m called into the office so that enquiring manipulative minds want to enter the picture and capitalize on their wounds!
Suddenly I have a cannabis brain fart and think of playing a hippy looking character in the appearance of jesus with hunter s Thompson sunglasses in this play..
The biggest I think sometimes is the parental conscience of worrying about going beyond our self and societal imposed paradigms!
Write stories for plays for us to do….a human chess play with 32 actors, thespians, staff and community members playing various parts!
At times it is easy to feel good about myself and then other times it is so easy to see myself as a failure…I feel like I have a great American novel ready to be written at any moment but my own self disclipline is holing me back!
Taking care of business:
I see the pieces and how they should fit… and how I want them to fit…
I see the chess pieces on the board and then I see wonderful plays..

November 18, 2007, 12:51 AM
Driving to Amadillo by morning…M still has my paintings and I’m heading again towards Arkansas to see A’s parents again! I am frustrated at our own prograsstination to finally take off on our trips…she is smIling at me asking me
“Are you gonna sell a billion copies of your book?“
I guess I’m having to pay her truck payment….she’s not making enough substituting to pay for the outrageous rates also!
It has been a very strenuous week dealing with two long IEP meetings held up by what appears an instigator to get the school in trouble…
He always appears to make more sense and the new sped director was even agreeing how brilliant he was! He co teaches now in the reading correction class with Jesus. The second meeting could very much turn into a litigious situation because one of the students wants to graduate. They asked for a parent advocate to sit in on the meeting …It could have been a contentious meeting ..
It upsets how you keep giving to a student and then he manipulates the adults around him about the situation

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Never have wonderful things seem to fall into place for me and now us!
Found some very solid renters who will actually work on the place..
I am excited about the mother that is wanting to help her family move into a home before they are forced to move out of apartments that have been totally abandoned by management!
So now they have paid cash up front and a check to make up for their sweat equity...I'm sure they will fall in love with my home as many others have before...it will be so wonderful to view the results of their efforts!
I'm thinking that the home will be paid off by the end of the year..
School is starting again after a much needed fall break! The weather could not have been better in our trek through the heartlands of the US!

Saturday, October 20, 2007

It is so cool sharing your life with a new adventurous soul! It get's expensive going long distances with the gas and motels!
It was really cool meeting my muse's hillbilly family...actually I was pleasantly surprised with her parents. The Dad used be a very competitive tri-athlete and the Mom teaches HS math...
It is such a wonderful breath of fresh air to meet a young lady without the issues of dysfunctional families as a background''

I wonder how some of my ex gfs would have ended up if they came from functional families...Maybe we would already be parents since those types of ladies are far and few between...especially the older one looks in the market of availability..

My Peculiar Aristocratic Title is: Sir Garvey
Most Noble and Honourable the Fortunate of Buzzing St Helens

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Happy Birthday , Alene and P!

"There is something about you... something within you that is miraculous and special. What is it? How do you nurture it? How do you keep it safe?" ( from "question of the day")

What I meant to say earlier so as not to upset any readers for not answering the question correctly:
I believe that many of us can have something miraculous and special to give to the world if we understand our strengths and weaknesses...
We can nurture the wonderful gift of giving when we see the results of our gifts....
I keep it safe when regardless of what others say I will walk tall as I know my students will when they feel good about what talents they have discovered within themselves!

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

History has demonstrated that the most notable winners usually encountered heartbreaking obstacles before they triumphed. They won because they refused to become discouraged by their defeats.
~B. C. Forbes


I'm here at a hotel with internet access and with my wonderful muse as we travel across this "great state or what" (when they advertise for this state on the news)

I'm about to see her family in the hillbilly state of Arkansas...
I am having so much fun in a mild Hunter S. Thompson philosophy(?)
My house is falling apart and it has rain spots on the ceiling from all the rain leaking through the roof!...The renter vacated my place owing a month's rent and the electricity still going!
The weather feels like Indian Summer on our trek taking care of business and city stickers left on the garage door telling me to mow the jungle of a lawn or get rid of garbage...(a friend comes over with his pal to help me move the desk from the side to more garbajjj in to the garage)...

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

It's great to be back in school , sort of...
It is amazing how summer has flown by so fast!
I'm wanting to write more but the bug has not captured my desire to write..
At least I can say hello to everyone

now I've escaped to Serendipachi again and all the worries of reality

We are still at war and Bush is still in office but at least his "brain" is gone!

I joyously accept my beautiful home away from home on one of the most beautiful stretches of beach in the world, the Gold Coast.

The desires of my heart are fulfilled when I swim and surf in the crytal blue waters of the Pacific.

I'm planning on going there for the winter break for 2-3 weeks..I'll have to find someone to take care of my darling Buffy so maybe I can find someone that will be staying here during the xmas break...they can put her inside my home in Serendipachi while I'm gone...

It was sure nice having an escape from reality travelling with my canine soulmate all around the northwest part of this still beautiful country despite the onslaught of RV's and noisy overtestosteroned motor bikes...
we saw so many gluttonous gas guzzlers escaping the heat and crowding from the ever expanding megalopolis's of over cemented suburbia with all of its "bubburbans" driven by Bubbas and Bubbettes totally oblivious to their own thoughtless trails of their carbon imprints!

I loved seeing all the wildlife and natural geographies of Yellowstone, Glacier, the Tetons and the most beautiful and least disturbed by our eco-monsters, the Olympic National Park....
It is said how our forests are being destroyed by fires as a result of the warming. I heard on NPR how a new beatle has arrived due warmer summers that leave the trees even more succeptible to forest fires...All throughout the midwest the beautiful forests are being ravaged by fires!

I'm sorry that I have to modify comments. A lady that physically threatened me has been leaving some nasty comments..

Other than that, I'm having a wonderful time exploring all of New Mexico with a special friend!


It is amazing how life can be so wonderful when one has found his niche with his wonderful muse and who doesn't go hormonally insane before Aunt Flo arrives!

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Im having the greatest time of my life for a very long while. I'm having a wonderful time travelling with Dad's old Infinity...sometimes it seems like it's going to konk out but she hangs in there...We'll be heading to Glacier National Park and then to Banff Canada and Vancouver, BC...and then to the downtown section where herb is legal!

THANKS AGAIN FOR BURNING THE OLD GRAY SOCKS, MICHAELLE!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Backwards Voodoo!


Thankyou Michaelle Christchurch, for helping me to be happier than I have been in a long while!

Heading out to Yosemite and maybe wine country in the great America!...so far the voodo curse must have had an opposite effect! Maybe 2 negatives make a positive or Mom's hand knit sweater serves as a protective talisman to turn your negative energy into the most positive energy in a very long while! This will be the best way to overcome the curse that I've been under since 911! !
"It's funny how 'accessory to murder' isn't talking about that really cute necklace you wore when you shot the bastard. "

"Every once in a while, a woman will wake up with no ambition save for a wish to creep around quietly in her socks. And it must be a rule of the universe that this is a day when she will be required to go out into the world and act, interact, and be acted upon, in spite of - perhaps even because of - her extreme vulnerability. May I add then, this delicacy will be likely be expressed in a violence of temper over some inconsequential hurt, with feelings so raw as to be immediately exposed by virtue of the fact they are so terribly tender. Be kind then, to this raging woman, be she you or some other miserable creature - she is wide open and utterly naked, a state no man could imagine or endure."

~Grace Gibson, From the Diary of a Lady Beloved

Friday, July 13, 2007

Gray socks with a green stripe bonfire eve! (I bet she didn't wash them so they would have more power!)

THE 2007 HARDROCK 100 WILL BE HELD:

FRIDAY, JULY 13TH THRU SUNDAY, JULY 15TH



The 2007 - 14th running of the Hardrock 100 Endurance Run will start at 0600 July 13th and end at 0600 July 15th, 2007 in Silverton, Colorado. The ’07 course will be a 100 mile COUNTER-CLOCKWISE loop through the back country of the San Juan Mountains in beautiful southwestern Colorado. The Hardrock 100 connects or passes near the old mining towns of Silverton, Lake City, Ouray, Telluride and Ophir. With a total elevation gain of approximately 33,000' and an average elevation at near tree line of 11,186', the Hardrock 100 peaks out at over 14,000’ on Handles Peak, one of Colorado’s 14’ers.
http://www.hardrock100.com/

I am sitting here in the gym of the highschool where this amazing race started at 6am (I slept in of course). I've made some friends with some of the 130 runners are staying here at this very nice hostel with a very warm motherly innkeeper that makes us feel at home while I deal with the impending voodoo curse where the evil aging witch burns my gray Aussie socks...to top this new curse, today is Friday the 13th.

"Men: Be careful what you say during sex. It will be used to judge your reading on the retardometer " I suppose that is what we thought when I thought we were making love ..

The nice beautiful bartendress (their are actually some nice ones that haven't been damaged by all the evil men in their live) who delivered me a delicious margarita with the Mexican buffet said that I need to find the common weed, OSha(I don't know how to spell it), to serve as a protective talisman. All the people appear to be very nice in this small town of about 300-500 depending on the season.

Later on today I might go to one of the checkpoints of this race around the moutains with this doctor who has run in this race 5 times. She is so tiny but looks in fantastic shape. I don't feel old because many of the runners are even older than moi. They take care of their bodies and it's great to see their joie de vivre!



"So I found out a little piece of information today that made everything suddenly ‘click’ and make sense.
Everything that happened, crystal clear now….the discrepancies, the placement of his body and the gun, the over-exaggerated friendliness of someone who I thought disliked me, the look that was given to me that I felt shot arrows into my soul as it asked, “did I know?”
I was right all along. I knew it from one look. I didn’t have the right reason, but I had the right person.
So now what? Can’t tell anyone I know, I mean, I like to stay alive. And the revelation that the complicity had to reach so far into the agencies and organizations and surrounding people that it did was stunning a little bit. The lies that were told right to my face….it made me dizzy, for just like a second.
The fact is, the truth will never come out. But at least now I know what it is.
But I can tell you….this is the shit that picks away at you, peels layers of your sanity away, and makes you want to do bad things.
Hopefully this post never is seen by anyone relevant to the situation, as if any of those people have tumblr. That’s why I love this site. But if I go missing, the important people will know who it was and why.
“Why not hurt the person with violence or magic?” You might say. Because it’s not my place to call the entity above for anyone other than me. Karma is a bitch, and it takes a lot more strength to know how to do things, and not do them, than it takes to use dark magic or violence against someone else, and unnecessarily fuck up your own Karma.
Ultimately, they won’t get away with it. It will always be there, and it will come back around to them eventually, in this life or the next.
I have too many people that depend on me to evoke the ire of murderers or the Karmic payback I would receive myself. No thanks, I choose peace. Never forgiven, and never forgotten, but I still choose peace. "

so her curse backfired!....    she lied that she didn't do evil magic on people...  karmic payback was done by this witch

Thursday, July 12, 2007

War is good for the carpet baggers, the oil companies,other greedy corporations , and the military industrial complex that are raping the people of Iraq so that obese westerners can have their big trucks and SUVS because they are too lazy to walk or ride a bike!
The Bush family is enjoying the profits from war as they have for several generations!

right now I'm at my favorite pub, the Miner's union where you can get $2 amber bock beers...of course it doesnt compare to the .75 cent beers at the Buzzard Beach!

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

My body is saying to me to get more exercise and play more (even it's only with my canine soul mate)...
watching Buffy running in and out of the cold Animas River high up in the Rockies, just for the sake of exercise and play, made me realize how all animals, especially humans, pent up all day just getting fat, need the chance to play (exercise)...
We should observe animals more often instead of just listening to the mores of society and the fast food mcdonaldiZation of this country...

watch how dogs naturally take care of their bodies..
Their own natural instincts know far more than us on how our bodies communicate with us!
2:34 PM
I wanted to thank God for this beautiful day in the mountains and then seeing the cleansing moonsoon rains come down and cool everything so that I actually have to put my mother's hand knit sweater on!

so this rambling doesn't make sense, M?

"There are three kinds of people and three kinds of richness:
people who want to have, to collect
people who want action, work and labor
people who want to beThe real richness is in be-ness. People can take all that you have, all that you collected. People can stop your labor, or an accident can stop you. When you are, you never lose what you are.~Torkom Saraydarian"

That is so good to remember. Happiness is learning to be in the now!
I see the statue of Jesus looking over the town of Silverton and the cross of St. Patrick's cathedral through the window of this turn of the century library... The statue was erected in the late 50's after the mine was flooded and many miners died to help them in their deliverance to heaven
I actually feel more comfortable seeing Him than I ever have before...

This morning I rode my bike up the road and then walked to where the statue looks comfortingly over the whole village...just at the foot of where the mountain starts dramatically rising
There has been a very cleansing rain going over the whole town. I wrote a note of prayer and asked for strength to help release me from this l0ve/hate spell..as soon as I rode back to the hostel the clouds started gathering and formed a protective shade for this valley...I picked a little sheltered spot outside and started writing with my beautiful Buffy beside me! It was the coolest experience!(of course I had two hits of herb..I only have less than a teaspoon of the medicine left...I don't know who to ask to find a little more ...It sure makes me want to write a lot more!)

all of my writing is "babel" according to the young but rapidly aging witch (she is actually almost a generation younger but that is what happens to your body when you are filled with anger and hate...it restricts your circulation... what a sad pathetic creature)

It is so good to escape from everything here in the middle of the mountains..it's actually peaceful to make a little "home" in this village high up in the Rockies!

More and more I become saddened at the state of the human race and so we wonder why we might need to escape to a peaceful place ...
I still have a glimmer of hope that I might find my soulmate and my utopia...but then It hink it will never happen!




Muffy writes:
And start fucking editing your writing so it makes sense more of the time.
at least you and the witch agree that my writing is very incoherent and sloppy...Eventually, we can edit this and find the good material... right now I am just writing from the heart and we all know how deluded my vision of all this coming together into a great American novel..

I, literally, can't understand what you're saying. It's incoherent, uncohesive, and just sloppy, Sloppy. Beautiful, heartfelt writing and imagery will not be recuse you from the charges of lazy composition.Oh, Baby. I still love you. Ich liebe dich.

Are you actually saying that some of it is beautiful? And you used the same word,"imagery" that the evil witch used!...hmm, maybe there is hope..maybe I could hire you out as my editor and ask Leigh Anne for help with the blog and putting actual pictures to this imagery??
The herb helps but I'm down to only one hit on my one hitter...I'm too afraid to ask anybody here at the Miner's tavern in Silverton..But this is a cool pub and by far the cheapest so it's the only place that gets the local business. Earlier in the evening, I met a fellow Aussie from New South Wales. He married and divorced a Yank , but at least got his green card out of the relationship..so now he is working construction..
You also used the word "recuse", in a different sense than when the judge recused himself of my case!

Aber Ich liebe dich auch. It made me feel so good knowing that it was you and not the other M with some more nasty fan mail! Maybe, if you play your cards right.... (just kidding ;) I was just thinking of you and actually missing you!

Thursdsay at the "Cow Palace" with internet access...

I know. Just watch out for run-on sentences. And how come the world can't see the blogger comments on your website? As they are written, not copied and selectively re-phrased by you? I think you should find a smart kid and pay him to set you up and show you how to do all the techno- things you envision for this site. Surely you can find a college-age kid needing money, and he probably has a "hook-up." I'm still not sure of what voice you're going to be using when you write the book. First or third person? (Change names to protect the fantastic.)

The grey sock witch is liable to write some libelous slander with my name on here...it must be her time of the month because she has been writing a lot of psychotic crap including praying to the ghost of Jeffery Dahmer to eat my "waning libido"! I guess she wants me dead the way she wants all of the fathers of her kids to be dead or at least incapacitated the way she is..
Maybe I will find a smart college kid that is willing to work for the commission of our great American Novel..or pay a little now with a contract for a lot more when the story with the names changed to protect the guilty...

I don't know yet how we can write this alternating between first , 2nd and third person...It could be a compilation of stories while travelling across the midwest ala Kerouac or Hunter Thompson?

It could be a best seller if the witch's voodoo actually works when the new moon happens this weekend?
Her comments are hilarious and I will include them in later posts, M!

"G, go to hell I know who you are you aren't fooling anyone. But tonight, I will say thank you to Jeffrey Dimmer. Yes, that's right, Jeffrey Dahmer. Not because he ate people, and not because he liked to look at their insides and jack off, or even because he tried to make living zombies with muriatic acid or something. It's because he killed people. Like Giuseppe. Well, not really because they were young and good looking, and probably smart....but somehow they got either lured by his charm or he just drugged their drink. I really do believe that we come into this life and others to make a difference, to try our best, to be honest, and we really do have a purpose. We always talk here about the prosperity aspect of life, (duh, it's the Prosperity Project) but there wouldn't be the sincere desire to better one's life, that heart embracing kind of love that is between people sometimes, rarely, and there wouldn't be miracles if there weren't the exact opposites. we all have to die some way. we can't all be positive energy. so thank you, to Jeffrey Dahmer, for showing me yet another little paradox of life. And possibly, in this moment, I realize that we can't always be positive. SO Giuseppi, screw you, I'm burning your damn socks on the next new moon and then I will never, ever aknowledge you or someone who even sounds remotely like you ever again. I hope the ghost of Jeffrey Dahmer eats the rest of your precious 'waning libido'. At least. But if you are out there accepting this thank you in person somewhere Jeffrey...eat the part of his brain that would keep him from using the computer"


wow....does it sound like she should be committed again??
I always wondered what happened to my crazy grey socks with the green stripe! Too damn funny!

"When we recognize that we are not making healthy choices, we might even say out loud, “I am not taking care of myself.” Sometimes this is the jolt we need to wake up to what is actually happening. Next we can sit ourselves down in meditation, with a journal, or with a trusted friend to explore the matter more thoroughly. Just shining the light of our awareness on the source of our resistance is sometimes enough to dispel its power. At other times, further effort is required. Either way, we need not fear these parts that do not want to heal. We only need to take them under our wing and bring them with us into the light."
I love the way the "Daily Om" seems to connect with me and always have something that deals with exactly with what is on my mind!

and thanks Muffy for cheering me up when Im about to have some gray sock voodoo done on me in the new moon tomorrow?/

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

In dem Augenblick als ich gerade weg von der Hitze bleiben möchte. Die Berge sind kühl, wenn Sie nah an 10.000 Fuß erhalten. Ich kam gerade in Silverton an und betete sofort in des Str. Patricks der Kirche. Sie hatte übereinstimmend den Namen meines Lieblingsjesuitlehrers in der High School auf einem befleckten Glasfenster, Vater O'Malley. Ich glaubte sofort einer Freigabe, besonders als ich die wundervolle Kathedrale des felsigen Moutains draußen sah!

Saturday, July 07, 2007

I go around the corner with my soulmate and see the almost endless view of the Rockies against the red sky from a setting sun and I hear Neville singing Amazing Grace. It was at that point that I really wanted to believe in heaven where hatred, fear, animosity, jealousy don't exist..There is only love...It made me realize how much that I have to enjoy every moment..

I have only a few more days of good health and vigor before the new moon... the worst could happen .....someone's gonna put a curse on me and if that don't work then Joe Pete will break my legs or I will mistakenly eat Mema Valetti's poison Manicotti.

I'm gonna have to find the catholic church in Durango and pray for my salvation.

Friday, July 06, 2007

"Chills run up and down my spine for the new moon!"



Some one wants to cause me harm...
Is that news?

considering all the hatemail from rednecks and Bushistas having a few too many in bars and starting fights since they cannot argue well, rednecks very often get physical...What do I say to them?
"Take a number!"

One xgirlfriend has a father connected with the Mafia and is threatening to do voodoo on me !
She wouldnt talk to him for 1o years and wrote how her Dad wanted the father of her 2nd child to be in cement boots along with Jimmy Hoffa references....And we wonder how a lady could grow up to be emotionally stable with a crook for a Dad and an emotionally abusive mother?
It's understandable that broken homes cause years of issues for the children and tend to get mixed up only in abusive relationships.

She has made references to Italian names and beating heads for a living...

So if anything happens to me it's probably more likely the Cosa Nostra connections rather than her voodoo... Maybe her connections could even reach me in Oz...she laughs at the imagery of an Aussie stingray poisoning my heart!

She has threatened to come back as a bird to poop on all the men who crossed her (unfortunately she ended up hating or disliking all the fathers of her children...sad)


Dieses ist, wohin Voo Doo in handliches kommt. Ich nicht verwende es überhaupt zwar, es sei denn es keine andere Alternative gerecht gibt. Z.B. benutzte I einmal spellwork, um eine Frau zu verursachen, die ihr Kind mißbrauchte, um die strengen Magenschmerz zu haben, jederzeit, das sie ging, das Kind zu schlagen. Danken Sie Gott, den Situation korrigiert erhielt. Auf dem folgenden neuen Mond werde ich noch etwas loswerden, das mich gestört wird, und er verwendete zu besitzt ein Paar graue Socken mit grünen Streifen, die in meinem spellwork Schlüssel sein werden. Es ist großer Spaß und läßt mich einer Gesamtfreigabe, derselben glauben, die ich, als ich jede Lüge brannte, die mir auf Papier geschrieben wurde. Und, es funktioniert. Mein scharfer Bullshitdetektor bearbeitet gerechten Geldstrafe.....the kleinen mißbrauchten Jungen ging zu einem sicheren Haus, und hoffnungsvoll bald habe ich etwas tatsächlichen Frieden, zum einiger Sachen zu genießen, die ich Tageszeitung tun mag, aber zu scheinen, vom grauen Socke Kerl immer ein wenig ruiniert zu werden. Warum? Weil ich ihn ständig beschäftigen muß. Er hält zu versuchen, in meine Masse der Freunde zu schleichen und mich Bezahlung Aufmerksamkeit zu ihm zu bilden. Sie ist krank. Aber, ich möchte nicht meine Freunde loswerden, um Frieden, den zu haben bin lächerlich. So Voo Doo ist er.....
It is so hard for me to pack and move but when I'm finally on the road again...the sadness of immobilization leaves me...

I have a feeling some exgfs have been reading this blog because of the fan mail...

Now Buffy and I might check out the alien festival but I swear that I have dated women that are as strange as the aliens that I have only heard about...

It's nice to get loving messages from Muffy... I guess her, Charles and Buffy have been some of my few friends...But it was great to chat with DR. Thomas, my part Native American friend and unofficial mentor!

Chills run up and down my spine for the new moon! The loony witch will put a spell on a weird pair of grey socks with green stripes that I forgot that I had...I always felt that this woman was never into black magic but listen to her hatred:

"
This is where Voo Doo comes in handy. I don't ever use it though, unless there is just no other alternative. For example, I once used spellwork to cause a woman who was abusing her child to have severe stomach pain any time she went to beat the child. Thank God that situation got rectified. On the next new moon, I will be getting rid of something else that's been bothering me, and it used to own a pair of grey socks with green stripes that are going to be key in my spellwork. It will be great fun, and make me feel a total release, the same as I did when I burned every lie that was written on paper to me. And, it works. My keen bullshit detector is working just fine.....the little abused boy went to a safe home, and hopefully soon I will have some actual peace to enjoy some things which I like to do daily but seem to always be somewhat ruined by grey sock guy. Why? Because I must constantly deal with him. He keeps trying to sneak into my crowd of friends and make me pay attention to him. It's sick. But, I don't want to get rid of my friends to have peace, that's ridiculous. So Voo Doo it is....."
uly 6, 2007 3:46 PM
Guiseppi Verde said...
Who was grey sock guy and what did you believe were lies that he wrote to you?Did you keep his socks specifically for this voodoo?



I guess the article on manic depression and realizing why I should not take it personally even though it still hurts because of her lies to me asking me to be the father of her children.

We were doing wonderful but during one of your episodes you insisted on having your stepfather and Mommy Dearest over to my home (I was enjoying it being our family home more than ever in my life)

Wednesday, July 04, 2007


What Is Bipolar Disorder? Bipolar disorder, formerly called manic-depressive illness, is a condition that affects more than two million Americans. People who have this illness tend to experience extreme mood swings, along with other specific symptoms and behaviors. These mood swings or "episodes" can take three forms: manic episodes, depressive episodes, or "mixed" episodes.
The symptoms of a manic episode often include elevated mood (feeling extremely happy), being extremely irritable and anxious, talking too fast and too much, and having an unusual increase in energy and a reduced need for sleep.

there was one emotionally disturbed lady I dated who had the above episodes..she kept repeating how she was extremely happy and then went through very depressed periods.she became extremely irritated and anxious when her parents were coming to stay almost as if she was preparing for a final exam. The house had to be spotless so she sent me off to teach her 9 year old son to ride a bike!

It's also very common for someone to act impulsively during a manic episode, and engage in behaviors that are risky or that they later regret, like spending sprees.
or a very loose lifestyle with drugs and many sex partners creating health and back problems later
And in over half of all manic episodes, people are troubled by delusions or hallucinations.
experiencing past life experiences and believing in magic spells

For example, they may think they have a relationship with someone famous,
believing to have the power of a very rare Indian tribe..

claim to be an expert in an area they really know nothing about, feel paranoid (unusually fearful), or hear voices that are not there.
supernatural

The symptoms of a depressive episode often include an overwhelming feeling of emptiness or sadness, a lack of energy, a loss of interest in things, trouble concentrating, changes in normal sleep or appetite, and/or thoughts of dying or suicide.
yes

A mixed episode includes symptoms that are both manic and depressive.
What causes it?
The symptoms of bipolar disorder are thought to be caused by an imbalance of key chemicals in the brain. The brain is made up of billions of nerve cells that move a constant stream of information from one to the other. To keep the information flowing, the cells release chemicals known as "neurotransmitters." Two key neurotransmitters that are needed for brain function are dopamine and serotonin, which play a crucial role in emotional health.
Many scientists believe that when the levels of these neurotransmitters aren't quite right, it may result in bipolar disorder. For instance, too much dopamine in certain parts of the brain can cause symptoms such as delusions, while too little dopamine in other parts of the brain can cause symptoms such as a lack of emotion and energy."

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

"By not passing judgment on anyone, and instead sending hope for their healing, we may create something positive out of a difficult situation. We can then release it, since dwelling on it can cause an energetic drain in our system, causing us to really only hurt ourselves. When we can release our hold on negative events and interactions, we leave it in the hands of a wise universe to work out the best solution for all involved. "

from my favorite daily om!

Sunday, July 01, 2007

Fun with Raphael and Erowyn

I'm extremely passionate about finding my niche where I can really soar.
I'm passionate about finding
my Utopian Shangri La
(Raphael says that you have to realize your Shangri La by living in the now..It's easy for him in his beautiful place)
...
I'm passionate about doing something really great and making a movie/documentary/book about it..
Im not passionate about my procrastination...its the side of myself that I detest.
Most think that I have a tendency to get obsessed (OCD)about some projects..

I often just smile at them and look forward to when the projects are done..I consider that the best revenge to all the naysayers!

That is what drives me and motivates me instead of just staying in bed depressed about all the things I should have already done in this extremely short life.

July 1, 2007 11:03 AM Arizona time

I's sitting here on a lazy Sunday in the middle of summer, the beginning of the very busy American July 4th week..Do I want to compete against all the traffic this week or go back to Utopachi and get my car fixed and hope my place hasn't been robbed as I knowingly left the door unlocked thinking nobody would touch anything...Muffy has a tendency to do that..

(She's been checking up on me to make sure I haven't found my Native American princess,but it's still good to hear her voice. She is still my best friend especially when I'm far away from her malicious manipulative 16 year old daughter.. The older one is fine ..it's funny how M wastelling me how the house smelled very "skunk", yet the youngest ratted on me when I smoked a J with her neighbor as if she was going to get me in trouble with my stoner gf...I'll be glad when weed becomes legal so we don't have to deal with these closet hippocritters that smoke weed themselves and chastise others that smoke it,,, at least half of the faculty enjoy the herb and Governor Richardson passed a bill to make it legal medically! :) I just hope that I don't get too old before it becomes legal!

July 2, 2007 5:39 PM
Anonymous said...
"There is also a silver lining in being able to giggle when someone cusses and grumbles anonymously in a blog, isntead of getting angry!"yep that is fun,,writing is the best catharsis of the soul,,:)life is too frickin short to get angry... its a lot easier sometimes to do your best to laugh at your own mistakes in life rather than get all pent up with anger...anger and hostility causes cancer, heart attacks, strokes, back problems and overall poor health.. be angry and uptight all the time and will create a general restriction of live giving circulation, besides high blood pressure at a very young age!babble?? ;) "

It's cool being back near my "home" town and waiting for my Native American friend to work on my Infinity! (I often think of the line from the expsycho..
"The ring is infinity and you are not it!")

Friday, June 29, 2007

So here I am again in my home away from home...I get used to a place and it's cool to see the same familiar streets except that it has the warm ambience of mid-summer..
the anxiety of summer accelerating without doing anything is wearing off as soon as I take a road trip and hang out for a night smuggling Buffy in the "Bates Motel" in the middle of Gallup next to some of the very limited dives ... Maybe they could call these places "Stumble Inn's"...The inn keeper saw me on the hotel camera taking my blonde bitch for a walk...She was smiling when she asked me if that was me sneaking my dog out for a walk (she has had some loose poop since changing over to the high quality dog food just before the trip...a mistake but I had run out of the other)...The inn keeper was also 50 and made me feel better about my reflection in the mirror doesn't look too bad for the flip side of the half century...
especially when exgfs a generation younger are diseased and in need of wheel chairs (was it a result of their loose lifestyles? I wonder if her teeth are all black from crack?)Its sad when I see women half my age with very ugly teeth from too much crack or whatever manmade drug of choice..

Muffy and I seem much more comfortable with a platonic relationship on the phone...It's almost a full moon so I warned her to make sure nobody is around for their own safety...just kidding, M, or am I??

as soon as sex is involved women so often feel entitled to at least half your will!
....they are never grateful...you are automatically supposed to pay for everything since you are a man...I often wonder if men are expendable in the mind of a utopian amazonian lesbian? They can just get their selected sperm from the refrigerator and there might be a few very young submissive boy toys for the older matriarch of the utopian society to enjoy...(uh oh I'm either babbling, rambling or too cannabized to care)
The only worry that I have right now smack in the middle of summer without having to report to work for maybe 5 weeks(?) is my infinity parked in the shade for Buffy's sake with the windows half open...they wont tow it away but I could get a parking ticket??

Seriously friends and not so friendly, it is such a relief to finally to be almost over the case...my lawyer will ask for a motion for dismissal since the six months is way past and I won't have to appear for hopefully the last hearing!

It's also a relief to finally make the decision to stay at least one more year and dive full force into our metaphoric pool of miracles just waiting to happen

Thursday, June 28, 2007

"Armadillo by Morning"

ok...so I I'm taking my time heading back west to take care of business with my school, my abode and my decisions for next year when I turn in the contract.
The hotel here in Amarillo has internet access in the lobby and not in the room like it was supposed to have, so I'm delaying my trip so I can chat with you!

I still have the anxiety but then I let the fuck it attitude takes care of it... I imagine just hanging out in my place on the beach for a few weeks with a little Ganja and some Aussie neighbors!
"She'll be right mate! Pass me a pint of Tooheys! No worries Mate, look at the gorgeous sun rise! It's my beach!"


It will nice to know that I will have some funds in both lands to use in my very modest lifestyle!

"I admire the quality of not feeling sorry for oneself. I have seen some people with some really tough lives but they just shrug it off and keep going like nothing happened, and in fact, seem to try even harder to succeed"

I have felt that way very often drowning in my self pity, but then finally waking up and realizing that I can still do something really great in this short life
.."that which doesnt kill me makes me stronger" .. just finally learninng from my mistakes so Im not doomed to keep repeating them.

Monday, June 25, 2007

still vegetating in the okie zone before I head west again and make the decision to work in the land of enchantment at least one more year....
It's almost surreal the being here again in the same locations but so many changes...visiting the old Haunts...I went to Mikes in Oklahoma City...again after being personally attacked there 3 years ago by one of their customer..another young jerk who spent time in prison bullies me for no reason...amazing..but when it was their fault and I warned the security about his continual harassment. They did nothing until he physically attacked me.

I have been told that Mike's in Oklahoma City is still a very violent bar with fights every weekend. I will write a letter to Daily Oklahoman (disappointment) about the violence in clubs.
They let me buy a pitcher of beer until the fairy bartender and old lady that remembered me decided I had to go ..
Why do bartenders only get old and angry...its almost as if the wear of being control freaks wears on their psyches

I have seen nice angelic people become monsters after years of bartending. They always end up with power trips like Shannon from Danny's Blues Saloon. I was thankful that he wasnt there anymore. He married the sister of the nice thoughtful bartender, Matt that is an exception to my theory of accelerated aging in bars!

Saturday, June 23, 2007

What am I thankful for?I am lucky to have finally found a very fulfilling job and be financially secure. I have had very loving nurturing parents that were always there for me. They took me around the world and were dedicated to my education.I had a strong nuclear family with my parents always together. They taught me to exercise and always eat healthy. I was very fortunate to have had a wife who loved me with all of her heart and it made me realize that only the good die young. I am happy to realize what true love was instead of just a facade and getting used.
6:39 PM

Friday, June 22, 2007

"I hope this doesn't qualify as babble to you?

The surrogate children that I teach love chess. The 300$ after taxes, that I earn for coaching the whole year, I sink totally into the program since there are no funds. I asked the woodshop class to make giant chess pieces for outdoor chess with the lumber and paint I bought. I offer an outlet for students twice a week in my classroom that might be otherwise be getting into trouble. They painted a 100 sq ft yard chess board with the school colors and beautiful indigenous wildlife in the surrounding border of the cement chess board. The biggest complaint about the school is the ugly grey cement buildings. Now there is a beautiful board in the center with the "cougar pride" mural right behind it.

We have played chess outside a few times and hope to have some human chess next year if I decide to go back.I would have loved to have this opportunity as a child especially if there was nothing but poverty in my home life living in a shack with no heat.

I give time and money to my kids, because it makes me feel good inside especially when I see these students walking tall now when they have had mr labels since early in school."one of the greatest pleasures in life is doing something great when others says you can't and proving them wrong!

some folks question my teaching ability...I love to prove these jerks wrong!

Monday, June 18, 2007

A
not so anonymous ex girlfriend of this one ridiculous anonymous said...
"When are you going to stop babbling about the same old stuff? 'i never self-actualized, i don't have any friends but a dog, i'm lazy, i have add'....whatever, dude....the reason you don't have any friends is because you're kinda creepy and you stalk people. You have a difficult time getting one single coherent thought out and putting it on one of these blogs. i know you. i lived with you. you are a whining pain in the ass with no personal respect for anyone...and if you can linger around everywhere on the internet that i want to be and i have to continue to listen to the SAME crap that you have been incoherently babbling about for seven years at least....then you can just read the damn answer to why you have no friends and why your relationships failed. the question was, 'how do you live with yourself,'....and the answer to that is YOU CAN'T. you have to be right in the middle of someone else's crap whether they want you there or not. all your lovely little imagery of you and your dog and a deathwish stingray in the water is just great. has nothing to do with the question posed. so let's add this up....you are incoherent, creepy, and you cannot stay on the subject to save your life, and you are going to force yourself on anyone you can. probably even your dog. great. still....nothing to do with the question asked on this blog by TwoFeathers....but it does answer yours. (the 'why do i have no friends' one, just because i know you cannot stay on track long enough to remember what your own stupid question was.) you can't even remember what the damn question is that was asked on the blog the same day you comment...you just keep going on and on about your self-proclaimed pathetic life every time you comment on one of these handful of blogs that you like to frequent and be 'anonymous' at. as if no one knows who you are! haven't you ever heard of a statistics tracking program??? you are just so freaking creepy. geez. enough already.......why not just comment as 'Garvald, special ed teacher and weirdo?' i can't even believe children remain subjected to your creepyness

How does a loony hippy witch fall in love with creepyness?


some fan mail:
a not so anonymous ex girlfriend, ( she left out her name of course) of this one ridiculous anonymous said...
When are you going to stop babbling about the same old stuff?


I guess it is a broken record about my failures...but you only married failures, your ex husband says you are a failure and now you are in very poor shape physically and mentally...How can you expect to be a mother when you have to depend on drugs to counteract your bipolarity??

'i never self-actualized, i don't have any friends but a dog, i'm lazy, i have add'....whatever, dude....the reason you don't have any friends is because you're kinda creepy , but I still made love to you. I did the same with this other old geezer named Quentin. He kept Roscoe for me and suckered him into paying my rent for ocassional sex.

again the creepy?? Then why did you live with me ?? to sucker me into free room and board? All the bs about love was really a facade??

You have a difficult time getting one single coherent thought out and putting it on one of these blogs. I would love to talk to Muffy to hear her side of your stupid attention deficit problem!
i know you. i lived with you and I made love to you! But in the meantime I write an essay about my dealer's large penis and how to give head to it! How do you work for weed?

yes , I suppose I do ramble a lot but I thought that you really loved my writing??



you are a whining pain in the ass with no personal respect for anyone and I listened to your whining pretending it was interesting and humoring your dumb ass! I have posting anonymous posts on your stupid blog but your dumbass never got the picture.

So taking care of you and your family was a front like you took advantage of your husband?? He told me how you would tell him how much of a needy nerd I was , while I worked for you and the family in a small rural town 1oo miles away while you stayed in my large house with your family, because I thought you loved me and wanted to have my family! Your wonderful child would call me Daddy and your son told me several times how he wanted me to be his father. I was trying to help him to learn to ride a bike!
You kept writing lies about how badly you wanted me to be the father of all your children. Your son even asked me to be his father! I would have been a good family man just as I am a good teacher. I would have been devoted to your family as if they were my own kids!
I realize that it was a lie like all the lies that you continually told me in your faux journal while secretly emailing your overbearing butch friend.... lies while having sex with your dealer while I was out of town working to pay the mortgage for the house that would have been ours! You begged me to marry you and bought you a beautiful ring that you said was infinity. You broke off the engagement and kept the ring. I am glad that I found out that you were a slut for free herb just as you ended up being all over your little town bartendressing.

I read your stupid website and i have to continue to listen to the SAME crap that you have been incoherently babbling about for seven years (6, 2001) at least ....then you can just read the damn answer to why you have no friends and why your relationships failed. the question was, 'how do you live with yourself,'

Maybe you should become a shrink. You sound better than Dr. Laura!

Alene loved me and she passed away. We lived together for 13 wonderful years. You are a very cruel woman and now understand why you go thru men like walmart watches...4 different children from 4 different men,,, it seem like you are only comfortable with abusive relationships. I love you but I guess I was mistaken. Thank you for the awakening! I needed this closure and from one of your exes how you refused to take medication and went crackers , and how your mother had you committed... and in regards to success, my top 4 players on our chess team have learning disabilities. They are walking tall! The parents of our chess players believe in me and they are my friends!



....and the answer to that is YOU CAN'T. you have to be right in the middle of someone else's crap whether they want you there or not. all your lovely little imagery of you and your dog and a deathwish stingray in the water is just great. has nothing to do with the question posed. so let's add this up....you are incoherent, creepy, and you cannot stay on the subject to save your life, and you are going to force yourself on anyone you can. probably even your dog. great. still...

my dog is very well adjusted unlike the crazy witch that believes in hocus pocus and will come back as a pigeon to shit on all her male victims!

.nothing to do with the question asked on this blog by TwoFeathers....but it does answer yours. (the 'why do i have no friends' one, just because i know you cannot stay on track long enough to remember what your own stupid question was.) you can't even remember what the damn question is that was asked on the blog the same day you comment...you just keep going on and on about your self-proclaimed pathetic life every time you comment on one of these handful of blogs that you like to frequent and be 'anonymous' at. as if no one knows who you are! haven't you ever heard of a statistics tracking program??? you are just so freaking creepy. geez. enough already.......why not just comment as special ed teacher and weirdo?' i can't even believe children remain subjected to your creepyness

creepy...I thought you loved me for all my silliness brought on by the ADD. All those letters telling me what a great teacher I was for giving myself to the children. The principal told me not to worry when you kept calling over to the school with your lies! You lost sanity like your ex and your mother dearest told me. She did a great job convincing you to leave me ??
This once beautiful lady said she loved me. I guess folks that are manic depressive are wonderful manipulators. I thought that I had found my soulmate. I beared my soul to her and I guess it must sound pathetic to my readers... Oh well
I guess thats why Im going to Oz...

I have never been so cruelly hurt with words...This woman was lying to me fooling an older man into believing she really loved him and now she sends me threatening lies in her hate mail, attempting to blackmail me knowing that I teach special ed..She was and is threatening my job like she did before (she even introduced me to her dealer yet she goes on and on about my herbal medication, yet she's on anti depressant medication)
This is a woman angry at the world and hating the only man that wanted to help her and her family so much! He gave everything to her.. Now she is currently working on her latest sucker to be another father to 4 fatherless children!

All I can say is that Im sorry but poor health is often the result of a very poor and loose lifestyle, a strong propensity toward obesity, drug abuse and a body only pent up with anger towards men that actually cared about you! No wonder , Mommy dearest, had you committed! Oh well. Thanks for the closure that I had. I am sorry about what you turned into when I was conned into actually thinking you were an angel.May the universe bless you, regardless of your ill will towards me.
"today i deeply appreciate the fact that my children are healthy, and happy, and compassionate. i appreciate my sweet and loving friends, the ones that make life seem more interesting, and meaningful. i appreciate the fact that i am not living with a madman. he is not mean, and he is good hearted, and he loves me in his peculiar way. i appreciate the gift of my house, and the financial security i have been given. If this peculiar man ever crosses me, I will kick him out of my house!
i appreciate the fact that my family and friends and pets are healthy. i appreciate the presence of spirit in my life in ways that i am easily able to recognize and that are realized at just the right times. and today, i am particularly appreciative of this blog, because if i had not sat down and thought about it, i might have forgotten for a moment that i am so deeply grateful for these things in the rush of daily activity and domesticity"

who is mad and peculiar? Its interesting that crazy people are always the first to notice it in others!

""This is where Voo Doo comes in handy. I don't ever use it though, unless there is just no other alternative. For example, I once used spellwork to cause a woman who was abusing her child to have severe stomach pain any time she went to beat the child. Thank God that situation got rectified. On the next new moon, I will be getting rid of something else that's been bothering me, and it used to own a pair of grey socks with green stripes that are going to be key in my spellwork. It will be great fun, and make me feel a total release, the same as I did when I burned every lie that was written on paper to me"

and who is emotionally unstable? Now she is threatening to get rid of me using voodoo!
wow!

"I just want him to want to get married so I can waffle around about it and leave him wiggling on the hook for a change. I'd like to know how to be that one lucky bitch that all the guys want but treat with respect. I'm more like the bitch that does laundry and gives blow jobs (or would but they are apparently unwanted at this time) and puts up with constant absence and relatively no affection and certainly no sex. And no talking. And no help except a little financial help which would probably be less than child support were it ordered. ????? "


I was just checking out blogs and was fascinated with some of the thoughts the opposite gender has about their philosphies in regards to the weaker gender...

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Maybe it's a challenge to accept the mirror's reflection on the laptop.???..all those extra wrinkles since 911...your hippy witch gf breaks up with you almost 6 years ago..but it seems like only last year.. experiencing Einstein's theory first hand...sitting here in a bier garden in a town outside a big metropolis of the heartland...an anual concert is going on for a 59$ fee, you can have your car break down or get a flat due to prograstinating baldness...Buffy is sitting with you at this new location that allows your canine soulmate to accompany you...she still has separation anxiety...
"is my master gonna just tie me up and leave me all alone to fend for myself?? Ill just bark at his ass to make sure he doesnt leave me again...I know what its like when he deserts me for long periods of time...hanging out in his yard while he goes "walkabout"...ooh I like that pretty blonde with long hair to her asssss"
Buffy has a preference for young pretty waitresses...maybe she's a canine lesbian??

I realize she is the only female that I can trust since Mom and Alene passed away a long time ago...she gives the warmest feelings especially in the morning of a new day...she sighs and I feel it with her...or she is the best empath in the world...better than any human bitch could possibly ever be...at least in understanding your feelings...
so a bunch of single blokes are all hanging out on a lazy summer weekend watching time fly by in it's accelerating fashion

later on in the evening
I come back by and chat with two attractive couples of course talking about our favorite conversation piece , Buffy...I walk by in the neighborhood a poor middle aged lady is sitting outside smoking..
Does your dog want a mate??"
the dog is all blonde and looks like her except for the face and more squat features of a chow...
1137 am..Nadal beats Federer in the French Open
YOu don't realize what you have until it's gone...alene was so patient, loving and especially forgiving...I dont think Ill find anybody even close to her on the flip side of 50...now Im not as fit and as energetic to do the things that I want to do ...even the independence to walk alot of places..
But at least I have made myself at home in this little town in the summer before it gets too hot..I read about Joy and the ways to keep happy..sometimes it is so hard
as usual, I am a very slow learner...muffy insists I see her before I go to australia and then cant wait for me to go as soon as I arrive...I think always with her the anticipation is far better than the meal..
Is it always the same things that get on her nerves? ... money and my add?? yep...so why argue....resign yourself that it will not work and make the best of the last day...If I say it's the last day of our relationship then she'll start pushing me to go and I can't keep up with her or her impatience..

Thursday at the Peanut:
its cool that there is a beer garden where Buffy can be the social butterfly and greet everyone person that comes on the patio...

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

Back to the Okie Zone...its weird the way 2 years have passed so suddenly...Im at least excited about seeing my old neighbors ..My house has so much work to put on it...
Im still waiting to see the reaction from everyone about my large eagle tatoo on my arm..I impulsively had it done with an experience native artist on the Rez. It was so beautiful...Im trying to tune into art so much more since the arl class did their wildlife on the boarders of our chessboard.. had a good cry with one of the secretaries about the whole ..she remarked how so many don't want the chess to succeed because they are jealous..
i knew that but to hear it from her made my day and I was getting all verklempt about how my chess players are walking tall. My four best players are special ed and they have proved to themselves and everyone how smart they are!


May 31, 2007, 11:44 AM (land of enchantment time :)
going to the same old haunts makes you realize how time flies by while you sit still...everyone is going through the Wendy's drive thru...Uncle Ron just passed away and it doesnt faze...another year and then summer vacation will transpire like its a weekend..

listening to Shania Twayne (rhymes with my name) and that song takes me how wonderful it would be someone like her singing about you...and Muffy calls at the same time...


June 21, 2007, 4:08 PM
ok about 4 weeks have passed and what have I done with my summer vacation paralyzing fear??
its seems like lately I have become obsessed with my own little laptop as a way to communicate with people!..
I arrived back in the okie zone last night and had a relaxing with Buffy often being the center of attention. It makes me realize who good a father I could be when I meet the right emotionally adjusted woman..I guess that will be hard to find unless I look overseas...

It is overwhelming thinking about all the things that I have to do with my house!
I get bouts of severe laziness which only adds to the depression!
I need to make a list of goals for the summer and then the next two years. She wants to take a cruise with her kids and have me take her to Pennsylvania! She is so well organized like someone else I knew but so emotionally volatile, I don't know if I candle her anymore. She wants to see me somewhere away from her home and kids. That was the worst 3 weeks of summer that I've ever had!
1. fix up my house a. plumbing
b. organize the other rooms and maybe even get a truck...get up early some morning and find a place for storage.
c. get a huge trash bin, dismantle the refrigerator so we can throw that and the dishwasher away
d. fix the wall of the bathroom
e. get a regular refrigerator.
2. take a trip to australia or venezuela!

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

"Everyone is looking for a miracle outside rather than looking at the power within"

A major weight has been lifted...the judge said at the end of the day that he would have to recuse the case...my lawyer was a very sharp individual that I would find out at the end of the day loved playing chess in law school. I did not realize that my teaching would be the ace in the hole. He must have known that the judge was a teacher too so he was biased...now there is a very good chance that the case will be dismissed...I had a great lesson in the legal system..I became familiar with the cities' finances...my Navaho officer went to the same school...
The judge realized how punitive the system could be and that the governor was on a vendetta to prove a point....the lawyers were much more experienced than the young prosecutor

Now I can go to Oz...I guess the joy of losing the pain hasn't sunk in yet..unfortunately, the travel place had been closed for a year which was about the same time I booked the flight with her..I want to revel but Im tired and of course emotionally drained...

I have to be careful about who I divulge the informationt too...
It is such great news that it most likely will be dismissed and won't go on my record...
then I realized that he had a case and renewed the confidence that I hired him for..I didn't realize that he was as good as he was...the police and other lawyers looke up to him and liked him...It was a brilliant chess game...and he was prepared...of course I was becoming both anxious , paranoid and depressed about the worst case scenario
it was good to have my confidant best friend be with me in all these trials of my own fortitude..
maybe one of the best things will be walk to that school with confidence!...Muffy says to hold my head up high and walk with confidence...I gave everyone a taste of more to come...outdoor chess and then the anticipation of being the sponsor of several activities that only enhance learning...these students will be excited about it...

"Im in the midst(?) of an adventure right now..I almost feel that it could be somewhere in the beginning of the movie long before the hero achieves what he wants to do for the community ...but so often in these movies there is the love interest that often spurs him on and makes the adventure so much more colorful...you each share each others' perspectives on things both highs and lows..it gives so much more dimension to the realities of lifes' challenges..instead of facing it all alone." :(

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

its really good to chat with you!!...even though the court date is tomorrow ...I suddenly have such a good feeling especially having the contract in hand ...and having a superlative day teaching chess...
the kids were giving me a hard time and they knew that they were getting on my nerves..they dont respect me as they are with other adults..
then dealing with the last politics of the schoool..I just wanted to stay out of it and Jesus planning for his coup de tat of the sped department... and then relaying the message to the Borg
but overall, I felt that I had a victory of so many kids involved in and engaged outside in this one game of chess while bantering with adults the way uppity adolescents love to banter while Im somewhat relaxed outside in my shorts , trying not to think of the impending trial!

Now there is an air of summer relief that we are through all of it...
Then I was pleasantly surprised

May 22, 2007, 9:07 PM
Ok so Im here at coal street pub, Muffy is proud of my adventure coming to fruition…all the students engaged in the outdoor game of chess while the jealous teachers keep walking by….the old guidance counselor who appears to dislike any man over 30...she and the old IST only prefer talking to young malleable Peace corp teachers….and they want to fantasize about sleeping with young men the way dirty old men enjoy young women….it appears to be a pattern with old alpha females want youngsters that they can dominate…all 3 including Macbeth had African American husbands and probably was the liberal thing to do right after the Sidney Poitier movie of “Guess who’s coming to dinner!”
So tomorrow is the make it or break it day…either getting all depressed when the worst case scenario happens or the black cloud from her curse is vaporized…and the light is shining on our pathway…at least I don’t have to appear before the students this school year…I imagine being on the channel 7 news either way
On the wonderful positive side, I’ll be singing , dancing and only drinking when I can walk…or walk it off for an hour after spending time writing to you, and letting it metabolize for a couple of hours!…trying the specialty of the pub, “A bare Knuckles”
Then I can relax as long as there is a place to crash within walking distance..
Lovely thing about Oz is everything is within walking distance or even a free bus!!…then of course you have to walk or stumbling back from Surfers to Mermaid Beach…aah..I can feel the cool Pacific water in my toes!!
what would keep me from coming back to Utopachi??…I would need a months notice if i were to be a "quitter"…so that would have to be the beginning of July…or I start out the year waiting for the coup d’é·tat

of the school from this peace corp freak secretly desiring to have his own colony or sect....if Jesus’ domination of the sped dept doesn’t happen and we are free of his manipulations on the powers that be, then maybe??… I will see the young minds keen on learning about chess and students of all ages from k-12 making a commitment to improving their academics, test scores, intelligence, self esteem, character all while having fun learning chess… and I will be their vehicle for this greatness within themselves...so they will learn to "walk tall"
It was such a great day and then getting the contract in my hand…Julio doesn’t want to come back…Betty Lou and the other assistants want me to be the dept chairman,
“Yeh, right” responds Hesus with disdain….and the contempt that would only fit a latter day saint
Like David Koresh!…its fantastic to see them see through faux pseudo hippy saint façade…and understand him to be the back stabbing manipulative power hungry emotionally disturbed young man that he is…He is actually moving with his Newlywed (who wants the Spanish teacher’s job the way he wants my ED position. …I can almost guarantee he will manipulate himself into getting my spot just as he was going to have my class at the beginning of this year…
Muffy rolls her eyes and wonders why I want to punish myself

Friday, May 18, 2007

yesterday could have been the best day in a year...maybe the best as far as my career in teaching and hope for my own success...where people will look up to me as a teacher..
Jesus wants his desk in his "resource room" next year and wants to be "dept. head"
I can tell he is very jealous and wont be happy unless he is in total control

I am so happy the creation of the chessboard is finally happening. ...the counselor asked me how I might be incorporating "Character Counts" into the classroom . I wrote about each of the major characteristics and how chess helps these students in trustworthiness, citizenship, caring,
and good sportsmanship..

right now I am in between feeling very tired and on the other side wanting to write a book about chess..sad that I was politely told by the husband of a couple from our village that they needed to talk....
MAY 20TH
OK..Ive been listening to the "Doors" while climbing physically and mentally Mt. Taylor with my old infinity and Buffy! I HAVE the wrong energizer unfortunately so I can only chat with you a little while..The epiphanies seem to occur so much more under the influence...but avoiding overthought which kills the mild euphoric delusions unless you have mocha or a burger!..then you feel better!
I drove about 180 miles just for some trophies...but it's worth for the kids who might be grateful or just take it for granted...the fact it cost them only a dollar causes one of my success stories to throw the
"cheap ass dollar!"

Saturday, May 12, 2007

The postmaster wants to be the match maker and said that he just missed the most beautiful warmest oriental girl. She lives in town and only comes to the post office to see Matt .
Then he sees her at an Iep meeting with the Borg and then again at the coffee shop. They strike up a conversation ...he feels electricity and her warmth that she shares for her middle school children that are now his...he is afraid to let it go further and does not make the next step...
He types away at his laptop and then she comes over,
"you bought one of those Kuchina dolls?"...
"are you checking our the Art Walk?"
"yes"
"cool maybe Ill see you on the walk.."

Walter Mitty is again in one of his delusional states chatting with an old Bohemian Chek who knew Ivan Lendl's mother.
"This is your studio?"
yes he says in heavy eastern european accent and a big smiles shows his need of dental work.
"So this is your zazrani...Ivan Lendl talked of his zazrani for Wimbledon."
He then said the word and understood.
"It is a healthy obsession ..."
"like your art" and G felt a connection with the artists of this Bohemian town...He finally connected with them...another sign ? to stay and let the seeds blossom!
Muffy rolls her eyes at her auspergers' boyfriend with mild delusions....

Well I decided to try a new theme for this blog… Sometimes I’m amazed at all the posts that I’ve written over the years and comes up 2000s...