Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Finding my inner warrior!
"Stoking The Fire Within and Awakening The Inner Warrior"
"There are certain personality archetypes that we all carry within us, such as the inner child, the lover, and the mother. Some of these archetypes present themselves strongly, while others lay fallow. For example, there is an inner warrior in each one of us, but in some of us this warrior is underdeveloped to the point that we are unable to stand up for ourselves, even when necessary.

For too long I have sat back while I let others take control. At the moment, I feel like I'm competing with a Jedi Jesus just out of two years with the Peace Corp in Bangladesh! I have let Jesus take over the life skills class and the Navaho ladies love him and hate me like I'm Judas??
Now he handles the work study and is about to hire someone else to work for him. Jesus definitely has the power. Today when Marla, the original work study quit so she could have her baby, he immediately decided to take her desk and her computer since she was work study but not really working under him. I felt again as if my territory and control was taken away from me. He is all about keeping all of his disciples happy but then deciding not to invite me to his supper (is that a good metaphor). He and Betty Lou have teamed up together in that life skills class. She has taken over the phone and he is the Dr. Schweitzer appeasing the restless natives. He even behaves as if Clay and Marty have become his children leaving me out of the decision making process. I wonder if the real Jesus was this anal.
I am realizing that one project is totally in my control and can't be taken away from me. I decided tonight to be proactive in the chess project myself. I will buy the paint out of my own pocket and with the help of the corn pollen teacher, we will paint that outdoor chessboard and they will come! I feel that a few others are also in this dream too!

There can be many reasons for this. We may have grown up with a parent whose warrior aspect was overdeveloped, and we responded by repressing ours completely. On the other hand, we may have grown up with parents in whom this aspect was dormant, so we never learned to awaken it in ourselves.

Dad was very controlling and dealing with my older brother, my warrior was never able to come out until Dad passed away. Now I feel his energy as only being positive since he (in my hopeful agnostic fantasy?) is living vicariously through me. I was reading his little diary just after I was conceived and Dad was without work. He wrote about his vicissitudes and then realized that I can have another mediocre year or I can do something really fantastic. I instantly felt the rush when I realize that I don't need to be struggling with these others that will only help me drown. I will sprint way far ahead of these naysayers and leave them happily in the dust. Success is the best revenge for those that only put you down (out of jealousy? ;)

A warrior is someone with the strength to stand up for what he or she believes;
The chess movement!

Someone who perseveres in the face of challenges and obstacles; someone who speaks and acts in the service of an ideal; someone who protects those who are too weak to fight for themselves. Regardless of the reasons for an underdeveloped inner warrior, you may begin to notice the lack of its fiery, protective presence and wish to awaken it. You may need to stand up for yourself in a certain relationship or situation, or you may have a vision you want to realize, and you know you will need the courage, energy, and strength of a warrior to succeed. Similarly, if you find that you often feel scared, anxious, or powerless, rousing this sleeping ally may be just the antidote you need. One excellent way to cultivate the presence of your inner warrior is to choose a role model who embodies the qualities of bravery, strength, and vitality. Braveheart and Robert the Bruce!

This person could be a character in a myth, movie, or book, or a historical or living person you admire. Simply close your eyes each day and contemplate the quality of energy that attracts you to this person, knowing that the same potential lives within you. Confirm for yourself that Garvald, you are capable of handling this energy responsibly, and I will stoke the fire of my own inner courage. "

Winston Churchill was sucessful in later life and so will you Garvald! Sprint hard ! Your love and passion will have no bounds!
We will paint it and they will come!

to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run, my dear
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house

And shout to our reason
"O please, O please
Come out and play."

For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits

But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom,
and Light!

- Hâfiz

October 12th
I get superstitious about 13th and especially friday the thirteenth when I had my worst day of science class with the children of the corn from Chickasha! Alene and I were together for 13 years. We met when I was making a Presige Emergency Cash withdrawal. She kept that card in her precious box of all of her special moments with me. I just realized how much she loved me and that there is more than a 99% chance that no one will love me as much as she did. I put that thought out of my mind almost as if it was a curse (??) or a blessing when she always said that she would take care of me. I hear all of the signs from her and feel she has become so attached to Buffy too!
Shes on her biannual period so I have to keep a tight leash on her.She's sleeping by foot under my desk as usual. I'm so lucky to have found my canine soulmate!
She has brought that inner warrior out of me that I never realized I had.. or could only imagine that self actualized warrior was just waiting to take off the runway and soar. There are the naysayers and the angry squaws whom I deal with daily, but they are the least of my worries.It reminds me of when I have shaved for the big 200 yd. freestyle event and I know that noone can beat me. I leave them in dust as I sprint the whole way with an extra kick in the final 75 yds!


  1. I have caught up on your blogs now. So I know that youre teaching but are you still in Mexico or has the KC Pagens brought you back? Also I was wondering how your to dear buffy is feeling these days? I liked your blog on "my inner warrior" the best of all. There is a fine line if you are a people pleaser saying no is difficult and its hard to know if your reacting as someone not being a people pleaser or are just opposing justice, which always makes my inner warrior go on the rampage. Are you going to be attending Spookstock? I am, my beloved Spearhead is going to be there. I guess you didnt find a Schwag maiden after all. Too bad. :( Dont forget your pillow.

  2. Hello moth lady! How was Spookstock and the salem police ;) ?