Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Well, I made it safely to Mermaid Beach and now I've found a cyber cafe in Surfer's paradise after playing a couple games of chess on Cavell Avenue. It's also nice to find a little herb to deal with Dad's death while I swim and surf in the beautiful ocean. Dad has such a beautiful view from his flat on the beach. I want to keep this place in our family despite the pressure to sell. Real estate has gone sky high on Hedges Avenue!

Dad's funeral is on Sunday and I visited with the Anglican minister who will be giving the service.

Today was another gorgeous day but it's not so fun all alone thinking of the family. We were all together on the beach with our other close families 40 years ago. I wish that my old self could go back and talk to my young self to enjoy myself as much as possible and how much I would have had becoming Australian! There are so many young Asians that are allowed here and wishing that I had the chance to really grow up here and even bring up a family!

I'm thankful for scoring the ganja from OZ! It sure makes helps put a perspective on this place that I love so much. It was nice chatting with Lilly and her dog. I was on the phone calling long distance at only 4cents a minute!

I was telling Muffy about all the temptations here. I still think I'm not too old to start a family here and have another life in this country. Is it selfish of me to want to start anew here? I told Muffy to get over here quick before I give into all these propositions! (just kidding, but I would have to have them sign a prenipples agreement!)

Dad's service is this Sunday at 2pm which is saturday evening in the US!

Wednesday: May 31
Ok, I'll just visit with you while I have a few minutes at the cyber cafe in Surfer's Paradise. We just buried Dad in the surf this morning..The sun came out of the ocean just as I imagined it would but differently than her appearance for Mom in 91. It formed into 3 parts divided by the clouds. I thought "the father, son, the holy ghost and then I came across this site devoted to native American beliefs a couple of months later:

The Original Instructions spoke of the trine as “Male/Female/Child.”
Male dominated religions speak of it as “Father/Son/Holy Spirit.”
It represents the Third Principle: (the Principle of Three)First there was One. From One there came the Two; From the Two there became the Three; and from the Three all things became.
1 - Love ... 2 - Life ... 3 - Light.

This was just as the sun appeared before my brother and me!

I become anxious about all the things that I have to do while getting Dad's place ready to be leased out. It has the best view and convenience of the beach. My brother and I had the luxury of just getting into our suits anytime we wanted at least as an escape from his constant nagging and controlling ways.

He has done a lot more work getting everything ready and the biggest obstacle as Muffy well knows of just throwing things away and getting them ready to be taken by goodwill agencies!

In the meantime all I would like to find is a little herb before I make my trek to Nimbin, the hippy capital of Oz!
With my ADD, I forgot my expired license and even the international driver's license that I had set out in my home in the village of Utopachi. At least Muffy complimented me on getting everything ready for the trip. The only thing I really forgot packing extremely light was one of the most important things, the driver's license! I even asked myself while petting Buffy if I forgot anything. I wondered what I was doing putting the licence in the glove compartment. I've asked Mark to look in my house a few times for the international driver's license!

Muffy has become more understanding of it but my older brother, Ron, has no sympathy. He can't even trust me to be responsible about Dad's condo (flat) on the beach! I suppose that irresponsibility and not being up to par is one of the many reasons he never invites me to see his family as his kids grow up! He thinks I don't even know their names. I told him Graham and Diane (or is it Diana like our cousin, just kidding. He still hasn't forgiven me for mispronouncing her name).
"You never had a problem when Mom called you John Ron!"
Oh well, now I will only get the nagging from him on the phone. He is the opposite of me being very organized.

Muffy likes him after chatting with such a nice man (cept he doesn't show that side). Oh well. Why is it sometimes the hardest just getting along with family?

I think of the many barbs while we argued.

When he felt like I wasn't doing my share or I would just argue the necessity of all the things that he wanted. He even wants to charge me rent for our place yet he must make at least 20 times my salary. He never wanted to chat or show his human side.. maybe the only time was to put on a front at the funeral when I broke down saying a little piece about my father.
Oh well, che sera, sera. I have some freedom now and now the only connection will be our relatives. I'm sure it would piss him off, if I moved here!

He wouldn't even share his custard apple this morning even after I asked him to save some of it last night.
I guess anger is one of the feelings after you lose someone very dear!

6/6/06 eve!, Oh no!

Well I just discovered the secret Ganja society here with my neighbors as with everywhere I've lived including the okie zone! We discovered the bucket bong with a nice young engaged couple downstairs. You cut open a 2 liter pop bottle in half, put it inside a bucket of water, put the bowl in the center of the cap and as you lift the bottle out of the water light the bowl of herbal medicine. The smoke goes into the bottle from pressure then after its all been lit you inhale all the smoke! What a cool aussie invention!

Alot has happened but I only have a few minutes left to summarize a few main events.

I will be on the Aussie comedy channel in October when I met some blokes hypnotized to be meter maids dressed in bikinis! I don't know I was being filmed until a lady came up and asked if I'd mind being on national tv! They were being hypnotized for a candid camera type show!

Oh and Baskin and Robbins of the Gold Coast owns the huge beach house (looks like a fortress) next to our Parthenon apts. I can't get over how Hedges Avenues is the richest street in Queensland!

other news..I've been playing a lot of chess with old blokes on Cavell Street and they are very good! One gentleman had a severe accident to his brain. Chess has excercized his brain muscles so much that he can think so much clearer than after the accident. It helps me realize that I might have a calling to help these native American students in Utopachi!

Maybe I'll send a postcard wishing that my kids(my love children) were here with me without their angry mothers! Too bad their moms hate me so much! They'll probably try to get a lawyer to say sending postcards to my biologic children once a year is harrasment!

That's what the average single mother has evolved into in the sad united states of bipolarity! Minimum wage no longer pays for gas and housing so they depend on welfare or are only just one step away! This has become the American way! Thank you, George Bush!"

6/24/07June 24, 2007, 4:10 PM another wasted sunday, bored and depressed about the summer flowing by while I blink and feel sorry for myself? How do I get out of this..when Im really fitting as much in the day as I can!!

The surrogate children that I teach love chess. The 300$ after taxes, that I earn for coaching the whole year, I sink totally into the program since there are no funds. I asked the woodshop class to make giant chess pieces for outdoor chess with the lumber and paint I bought. I offer an outlet for students twice a week in my classroom that might be otherwise be getting into trouble. They painted a 100 sq ft yard chess board with the school colors and beautiful indigenous wildlife in the surrounding border of the cement chess board. The biggest complaint about the school is the ugly grey cement building. Now there is a beautiful board in the center with the "cougar pride" mural right behind it.

We have played chess outside a few times and hope to have some human chess next year if I decide to go back.

I would have loved to have this opportunity as a child especially if there was nothing but poverty in my home life living in a shack with no heat.

I give because it makes me feel good inside especially when I see these students walking tall now when they have had mr labels since early in school.

"one of the greatest pleasures in life is doing something great when others says you can't and proving them wrong!"
I hope this doesn't qualify as babble to you.

a lost love:
today i deeply appreciate the fact that my children are healthy, and happy, and compassionate. i appreciate my sweet and loving friends, the ones that make life seem more interesting, and meaningful. i appreciate the fact that i am not living with a madman. he is not mean, and he is good hearted, and he loves me in his peculiar way. i appreciate the gift of my house, and the financial security i have been given. i appreciate the fact that my family and friends and pets are healthy. i appreciate the presence of spirit in my life in ways that i am easily able to recognize and that are realized at just the right times. and today, i am particularly appreciative of this blog, because if i had not sat down and thought about it, i might have forgotten for a moment that i am so deeply grateful for these things in the rush of daily activity and domesticity.
3:25 PM
Anonymous said...
What am I thankful for?I am lucky to have finally found a very fulfilling job and be financially secure. I have had very loving nurturing parents that were always there for me. They took me around the world and were dedicated to my education.I had a strong nuclear family with my parents always together. They taught me to exercise and always eat healthy. I was very fortunate to have had a wife who loved me with all of her heart and it made me realize that only the good die young. I am happy to realize what true love was instead of just a facade and getting used.

Monday, May 15, 2006

My father is about to die in Australia. My brother and I have to make the decision about whether to put him on a ventilator. My brother is against the idea and also the doctor. The doctor just called me from the hospital continuing to stress the dignity of his death berses just prolonging his death in 4 or 5 days.

I wished that he had just let me spent time with him when I had taken time off from working. Muffy is one of the few now to comfort me through this but I just have a feeling that Dad might be able to make it through. It sounds selfish, but I do want to see him. I could sense the Doctor was continuing to be condescending to me.

I've had a few more chats especially the chats with two friendly couples asking for help in my time of need while everything doesn't register. Ron and I were just waiting for the time for it to happen!

I want Dad to fight. Mom knows how he is still is so important in my life...I go into a spiritual mode with my survival instinct thinking Dad is so very close to moving to the other 40 years, I'll be older , maybe lying down hopefully not alone as others are to share in my parting. I can take it relaxed . Erowyn was describing her aunts very peaceful and psychic. She was thinking into the future seeing Erowyn's baby. hmmm ,almost as if she experience going to the other side
I am amazed at how relaxed I am contemplating the future without Dad, but still not aware of all the loose ends we have to take care of.

Thursday 5:14
I just paid for my tickets ....wait, ADD and a little herb...I got the cash but then forget to see the agent again...I have so much to do and so little time...I almost wish that I made the trip later...but at least I have two extension to summer...I wish that I had seen Dad before he went to the other side..the inevitability happened but should I be angry at him for not letting me see him earlier...More like I'm angry with myself for not calling him especially to brag to him about my chess players and especially their improvement in their grades!
Erowyn and Mr. Rauch both told me about how he has done so well in everything, especially his self esteem. His math teacher says how he has the confidence now to sit with the smart kids in math and go on the board to give the answers.
It is so inspirational that everything that I have been preaching about chess improving intellect and discipline especially for kids with learning disabilties. It teaches them to focus!

This is the big reason that I want to come back next year. I won't be back in the states until July 20th so it might be a while before I have a chance to chat with you again!

Everything seemed to be falling into place until I heard that Dad died but everyone has been very consoling. I've been enjoying playing chess with Raphael. His wife and he were very sympathetic when I just needed a neighborly shoulder to cry on.

Venice Beach 11:41 Pacific Time
It's hard to believe I'm finally on this new adventure under sad circumstances. Dad's death still hasn't registered kind of like it was with Mom until I saw and touched her cold face when I had a chance to see her in the open casket before the funeral. Dad mentioned how embarassing it was about 15 years ago when I broke down and cried just as I did with Alene.

Dad could be so mean, but I love him and feel that maybe I might still be communicating to him now. I wish that he lasted a few more years like I kinda expected him but with the lingering premonitation of his inevitable death. Maybe it was kind of a relief because his impending move to the other side would often depress me late at night and I would reach for Buffy sleeping beside the bed for cuddles and comfort. (It was so sad saying goodbye to her yesterday, hoping she would be ok with Raphael and Erowy!)

I'm proud of myself for only forgetting my driver's license. I might think of other things that I would forget. Each time I should write everything down before these long trips and make an inventory of the essential. I called Mark back again after asking how Buffy was. He told that I left the door open even though I locked it...he'll go inside my car to send my license to my Dad's adress in Australia. I meant to write his adress down and I failed to do that also. I'm waiting for my controlling brother to give me the adress and phone numbers of relatives that he sounds very reluctant to give to me.

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Just two weeks left!
I was telling Raphael over an evening game of chess outside on a very warm spring evening in the desert how this is the best time of the year. All the teachers are relaxed because they have their 3 good reasons to be a teacher (June, July and August) ....more than half the resident teachers of the potential utopia are leaving.
I was thinking last night as 5 of us solved the world problems over some Bud wiser, how great it would be if all of us were together in the same school with our varying degrees of liberal intellectualism. (Buffy is looking at me right now in between pants after she raced to keep up with me on Mark's mt. bike as I type away to you telling her how much I love her). I was telling Mr. Rauch on our intellectual evening binge combined with a mt. bike ride during the heat of the day. I was doing my best just trying to keep up with his wife on the ride let alone these young studs on bikes! All of it was the best weekend of the whole year!
I got to know the former chess coach so much better and sorry that our back to back parties didn't happen in the beginning of the year. He will be an excellent administrator in his school in Colorado. His and 3 other families are leaving the village this summer for new careers in different parts of the country!
I sense in so many ways as the blossoms of all our rose bushes on the northern side of the cul de sac are blooming. Amazing the way you can feel all the energy of spring!... to be continued

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Sei di Maggio!
Not sure how to spell the Italian for the 6th of May on a lazy warm Saturday spring day! I figure that I have 10 minutes to chat with you before I head on out to the flea market in the city in the middle of these high altitude Indian reservations just west of the continental divide. All water I use heads to the EL Pacifico. (That was a good beer while eating fish on one of the beaches in Puerto Vallarte! I won the lottery at this Woodlake Tennis Club tournament lottery about 20 years ago! Another time, another life when most of these teachers around me were still in
grammar school! Fraulein Schmidt is the only older teacher in My cul de sac!)

I have visions of next year bringing more teachers together by sponsoring some sort of party (BYOB and herb) at least once per month! I wonder why I should be so secretive about good herb because it lowers your blood pressure and puts you into just the right amount of euphoria to celebrate life!..the only time in this particular shell...oh, but wouldn't it be great just to know that you have another chance !!
to savor the good beer after a good surf in the Aussie ocean with your twin soul mate!

I'm hoping that M and I can organize so we at least see Dad together. I'm so impressed that she wrote to him and he wrote back in his romantic way...It's the only way Dad will behave too afraid (?) to show his grumpy old man side! He wants to see me match up with someone before he leaves this earth!

Saturday 9:45

You develop your pals and your drinkin buds and then they go away....friends here and then gone...each time it's harder to make new friends in a new environment...

You become paranoid about not getting invited to a party from your neighbors in the adjacent cul de sac...
They are having a bonfire and wish that you were around the fire so you start feeling sorry for yourself.. You hear them chatting away with the charming Romondo the life of the little can hear the attractive young art teacher's fiancee chatting away, both of them love to be the center of attention..

... not in the mood to while away a good Saturday evening with no where fun to go so you walk your dog to the school to chat on the computer
with the other you, my reader, my listener, my friend (maybe?), and me looking at my reflections in the future

You feel sorry for yourself that the real love of your life that you took for granted departed a long time ago in another life of wreckless youth!

Now you are just walking your dog at least realizing that you have it better than the blokes with solitary confinement...
Thanks to your other neighbor in the adjacent third of the triplex you are given the chance at least take your mind for a trip while you sip on the Hard Core cider walking your dog through the neigborhood of teachers wishing there was a corner pub to at least have some conversation with someone physical ...
At least it was nice to chat with Fraulein Schmidt, she joked about how she was never invited to parties...we are two eccentrics in an already eccentric neigborhood of teachers escaping the hustle of normal civilizaion at least for a while it's ok
the way you often would take a trip to Lumpy's , it was a pleasant escape until you were physically assaulted...
would you be treated as the black sheep of the family?? Muffy's common sense would read between the lines....You wish that she was with you right now drinking some wine by the fire ...
our bodies in an embrace as she misses this physical presence of someone that really loves you and wants to share your life...

unpleasant thoughts invade your mind while you look into Buffy's sad eyes.... you want to go to nice thoughts

aah to remember being in your embrace
so nice when you are there to cuddle!
We would wake up together so happy!
Oh, well, maybe next year?? You won't be alone!