Sunday, April 23, 2006

Almost 4:20 on another Lazy Sunday afternoon in the windy desert spring

I figure that it's important that I have a little discipline to write to you each's funny the feelings you get after a little kind catnip mixture of eroticism, raw horniness and then crazy midlife desires of starting a family in the little neigbors of the tiny cute cul desac are washing their cars and doing gardening. Last night, the English teacher across from my class, Mr. Rauch, Raphael (Erowyn's husband), and I had a few beers outside looking at the stars wishing the street lamp wasnt working. Raphaels great aim and velocity nailed both the shell , and the outer glass of the bulb with a couple of rocks. Each time, it looked like it would go out but it came back....
the stars in the desert are so beautiful, shame about the lights
and then its nice to have some intellectual conversation until the wee hours in the am while expanding our horizons...;)

I'm starting to wish that most of the teachers would stay as I get to know them and start having hope for the world. They are young intellectuals , with various altruistic past endeavors such as the peace corp and TFA....
we all share the same hopes for a cleaner less violent world...
I walk past the houses of the village, the older duplexes and triplexes have a much homier feel with the much larger yards than the newer more clone like homes....
the various gardens are all being planted for the fruits and blossoms of June...
it would almost be fun hanging out here for a couple of weeks in June getting to know everybody better without the stress of school!
There's only about 5 more weeks of classes before I go walkabout part of the time with Muffy. I'll have to ask Charles to watch Buffy. I worry about her like my daughter!
its a wonderful feeling with the end in sight of a fun makes you feel like a kid or only college wish, Garvald!

Saturday: Back from the Pow Wow

I went with the Native American club to Albuquerque to see the gathering of Nations. It was a great trip. We stayed two nights at the Marriott and I filmed Lindsay Wagner who was in the audience. She still looks very young and beautiful . She must be at least 60. I will tell you more about it tomorrow! Buffy was so excited to see me when I came back. It was the longest time that I was without her! The other time I had to leave her at my house was when we stayed over night for the state chess championships at the beginning of the month.

Sunday: from

I can see how some thought that the Bush impersonator was funnier than Colbert. It's amazing how much of a perfect clone they picked. He had his mannerisms and talk perfected. Saddam had doubles so I guess Bush should do the same since his popularity is sliding and the world's animosity towards him is growing! I think this impersonator would actually do a better job reading the scripts so that Fox " wouldn't have to edit" his video clips so much!
It only helped Bush that he could make fun of himself just as Reagan was a master of self effacement.
Colbert had alot of cajones to poke fun of the Bush and the administration. It appeared that many of his jokes went flat because of his audience but in a different crowd there would be a much different reaction. Colbert played the part very well and it almost seemed like he was a combination of many of the characters who reside on this site in need of a serious reality check.

Tuesday 12 minutes after 420, Just had my teeth cleened getting off a little early on Wednesday. Now later, maybe I can check out the ballroom dancing and have a couple beers to celebrated no cavities, Ma!

I'm generally happy with things. Mcb came by the life skills class and glad she didn't catch me at the computer. I don't want any animosity towards me in from the assistants about being on the computer a couple minutes. Today, I took Randy for a walk outside in the courtyard. It was a beautiful morning with the trees coming to life along with the new mural on the prison like wall of the band building gradually evolving the Serendipachi mountains have been painted and the looks good!
Vinnie, the art teacher showed me the sketch of how it will look with a cougar on top of the mountain and the stars to one side and the sun coming up on the other horizon. His fiancee is the corn pollen teacher (It deals with Navaho culture) and she is getting her class involved with it!

My chess players are more enthused than ever about getting in as much chess as they can almost begging for more practice. There are 4 of them than are very competitive with each other. They all have some type of learning disability but I can their games evolving into much better play!

Wednesday: the more I think about today, I realize that I'd put it in the top 5% at least for these past couple of years...nothing eventful today, only the dental check up with no cavities!

Getting along with Betty Lou again!...
most excited about the impact I'm making on these young chess players with learning disabilities..They can't get enough chess. I'm excited again about these players doing well in the district wide indivdual tournament in town. I'm excited about making a "human chess movie"!...
excited about: learning more about the Navajo culture as they learn to accept me..
about these rice crispies with a little sugar and iced milk!
about seeing Muffy in a few weeks...
about the murals on the school walls,...
about success coming to this poor town!
about living a long life with so little time to do so many things!
was that the spark that incited all the artists, authors, leaders, etc.?
they realizes their mortality and did something great, overcoming their own mid life crisis??
about how wonderful it would be if there was another chance to be on this exciting earth! If I knew I would be coming back I would be so much happier yet I would want fit so much into this short life!

Saturday, April 22, 2006

4/22 What do with a Saturday??,

Type about neocons on newsbusters to get a rise out of them as Bush plummets to 33% in even a very right wing faux news poll Or should I just head to the flea mkt and check out the herbs with the native herb lady??....Thanks for giving me a little kindness to spice up the coffee buzz sans the addaboy! Hearing her voice sure buoys up my lonely morning as the sun shines in and I cuddle my clean buffy debating about listening to NPR, How to love women(?) with Richard Gere (while fantasizing about what life you might have had in adult suburbian, being a female girlycologist). M's going through a few physical and domestic squabbles but her resiliency and love even from over 1200 miles keeps her happy in her newly bought home.
Her home was only like someone to live with a few years until something better popped up verses owning him and knowing all her work on him will only increase the value of her investment!
probably for the longest time, I fellt my own worth was how others judged me. I could almost read their minds I felt how dare I even be in their presence. It was not until major events happened in my life to realize how short life was and that really the only person that I needed to feel good about the reflection in the mirror was me. I think what will the world be like 50 years from now and because I might smell, look ugly, or wear the wrong colored shorts, those petty items won't make a difference. I hope that when I am about to go to the other side, hopefully afte a long and very fruitful 2nd half, I will be happy that I made an impact even in some little way that might make me smile before I face the final question we all have. "

Friday, April 21, 2006


"It was the decision after 9/11 not to continue to track down al Qaeda and bin Laden at all costs in a total, you know, a total effort, but to shift attention down to the old problem of Iraq. And that decision, I would suggest, you respond to this, is the single and the signature issue of this administration." C. Mathews.

We had 10,000 troops going after Bin Laden without any luck!
"Hey here's a great opportunity, Mr. prez, to sidetrack the folks since we cant find ole bin Laden and you have so many wealthy oil friends related to him that you let out after 911! This way you can keep them happy and do what yo daddy wasnt able to do! git Saddam and make some money in the oil business again. Heck, jr, you can have this war paid for by oil and then americans will say waht a great presdent you are since because of all this oil, we can have cheap gas!"

"Hey, yeh Karl! What would I do without you and by the way, you think I awta let libby tell the reporters about that Jerk wilsons wife is in the cia?? That aughta teach him and any liberal not to mess with george!"

And the President cannot say, ‘I made a profound error because he’s admitting his administration is a disaster if he does, doesn’t he?" CM

"Hey, Karl, sorry but I think youd be better helping my party in the elections since I F....... up!"

"Yeh, George, you shouldnt have said you didnt know Katrina would be such a disaster! I told you to come back from your long vacation earlier! These liberals might get envious of your long vacations and bike ridin with lance!"

"How do we sidetrack 'merica again, Karl?"

"How about arresting a cia agent for leaking?"

"Hey yeh, Karl, thanks!"

Sunday, April 09, 2006

4:50 Las Vegas time

I figure that I need to write down at least for five minutes every day regardless of my mood or whether I want to bare my soul to you again?? I've been comatose the most of the day going through my various moods of low blood sugar induced by celebratory (?) herb...
I was inspired by this long historymentary of Leonardo, Il Maestro. He fit so much into his 69 years. It makes me want to research about the remarkable genius way ahead of his time. He wanted to fit so much into his life with so many projects it almost makes me want to search creativity and ADD...

I thought that this research might be interesting to anyone curious about loving someone with ADD:)
Structure Does Matter
Too much structure may inhibit creativity in non-ADD young people, this is not normally so in ADD individuals in whom the creative impulses are "built in". To underscore this point let's consider tragic aspects of the career of one of the greatest creative talents in history.
Leonardo da Vinci
Leonardo's difficulty in finishing products and tasks is often brushed over lightly or ignored in current biographies. Leonardo enjoyed a comfortable, indulgent early life as the bastard son of a nobleman. Though well treated, he missed out on the more rigorous formal education and responsibilities that would have gotten had he been a legitimate heir. Leonardo's enormous artistic talent, refined in the workshop of the famous Italian artist, Verrochio, soon provided him with money and employment opportunities with aristocrats and rich merchants in Renaissance Italian society. Unfortunately, despite his staggering natural gifts, Leonardo completed less than two dozen paintings in his lifetime, and few other major products like sculptures, though all that he did was masterly. Many of his now famous sketches, human anatomy studies, engineering designs, and perceptive writings and scientific observations, written in mirror writing in his notebooks, were recovered and became known only hundreds of years after his death. None of his brilliant engineering designs seem to have been built.
Later in life Leonardo got into increasing trouble when he did not complete commissions for which he had been paid. The pioneering psychologist, Sigmund Freud, made a study of Leonardo's early life and quotes his confession while on his deathbed of his regret and anguish over failing to do his duty to God and man in his art (Leonardo da Vinci, A Memory of his Childhood, Routledge, 1999, translation of the German edition of 1910).
The known facts about Leonardo's life show that Leonardo's ADD, lack of training in discipline to sustain his efforts and finish products, combined with easy early successes, help account for the lopsided talent vs. productivity. Most likely, his temptations to continue experimenting rather than address the more boring tasks involved in completing works, were heightened by the richness and power of his imagination.
Can one imagine more powerful evidence for Ned Hallowell's emphasis on the importance of structure for ADDs? ADD talent can realize its full potential only when a person gains mastery over his energies and impulses. This appears to be as true for one of the greatest geniuses in history as for people with more modest gifts.

I wonder about the mind and then wonder about escaping into a game of chess totally mind wanders and feel that maybe I could empathize with him and his own behavior but of course not have even close the genius of Davinci!
I see that I can help out this community with chess in so many ways. I came back from the state championships with a happy undefeating team coming in 10th in the state. ...About 5 of the schools best players did'nt show. I'm sure that we could have placed in the top five or been at least the top 3a school with those kids but it worked out because 5 of the most devoted but inexperience players were able to play. 3 of them have learning disabilities with IEPs on them. One has ADHD, but he is funny and played 4th board. The others appear to have varying degrees of add (not learning when to shutup!)

Bottom line was that I felt that we would have a great trip and we did especially after I treated them to large dinners. Our number one players grandfather payed for the hotel at Amerisuites! Our team basically went first class and everything as far as the organization and cost worked out!
as usual, when you finally think everything is hunky dory is when everything starts piling up along with Betty Lou changing her mind about volunteering for the trip. Now she wants the money and be paid. There are of course no funds. I wouldn't have splurged at Fudruckers and Golden Coral otherwise.

She goes and complains about the trip even though we had a fantastic time. Why do some folks enjoy tearing you down whenever things are going well??
In these situations I'm happy to see Buffy's wagging tail and eat some food. Maybe if I keep her fed with a TV dinner , she might relax a little bit!
4:20 time in serendipachi!
$600 on the infinity but it was so nice to get the present from Muffy...
it goes a long way,...its the first time in a few days so its nice at first but then you have to fight off the depression
so a banana sure hits the spot for overthinking about the inevitability while realizing in the bath tub that I don't need to spend the time alone but with my lover...
life is too short to not spend it with your lover!

TGIF?? or should I really thank him for another boring lonely Friday.
Muffy is so far away and the only chat room is right wing site...maybe this is how I enjoy myself?? getting a rise out of a party I despise..
Buffy looks up at me and wonders what the hell I'm doing pecking away at this keyboard or to watch a movie "Dr T" about a girlycologist in love with all these women!
I'm kinda depressed and thats when I should just go to bed rather than imbud in herb....I realize that there are too many folks to see but part of me is afraid...I've alway worried about my lack of common sense which sometimes my mind into the paranoid state over worried about what others are thinking!
the chess is over and I'm kind of emotionally letdown but I know that I can still start this project! The first step is at least writing the lesson plan or even getting the giant chess pieces going for the checkerboard courtyard in between the gym and the office. The mural and the chessboard ought to really liven up the school for next year.
Betty lou has put a damper on things and I shouldn't let her hard feelings affect my own mood and self esteem. It was nice of her to take Friday off so I only had to tolerate her for one day!
Spring is in the air but everyone seems to be going to their own cliques....sometimes the worst feeling is just being left out because they don't like my personality...this is the way my mind works when I feel my body just going into this down slump....
everything seems so much better in the am when the sun comes in and Im ready to really greet the day!

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Back to Vegas or happy fool's paradise (?)

We buy into an adult disney land. The lure, temptations and positive reinforcements of easy money and lots of booze overcomes all the losses... it makes you think that you will earn $300 for the chess team! At first my goals were honorable and I was up $100 and then I started to easily drift to thoughts of a table dance or taking up one of the many propositions from young attractive ladies for safe sex even with the blessing of Muffy ??!!

I don't want to go through all the hassle of being screwed financially and physically by someone that has no feelings towards you! And what if the condom broke or she didn't even turn you on!
It's easier to just roll the dice or tell the dealer to hit you your winning card!

I'm down $100 from the same place as before where I met my demise, Casino Royale! You lose the $100 you won for the chess team and then you break out another 50! You have get up and pick up the chips!
"Drop the drink and walk away from the table!"
or you'll be one of the smelly homeless clochards beggin for enough change to put $2 from unsuspecting pedestrians who fear to make eye contact with this untouchable!..
you get all the change including that 35cent that made that couple lock their keys in the car in fear!

you have enough to lay $2 on the pass line, you let it ride
you get 7 three times
you have $16 while waiting for your next Heineken!
"Where is that waitress??"
who also fears your smell of putrid depression!

You get greedy and think if you sneak into the Caesar's palace hot tub, you'll be clean enough to spend all your new wad on the buffet at the Bellagio!

The point is made and then you roll a 7 again! All your funds and fantasies up in smoke!