Thursday, January 05, 2006

Carpe Diem instead of another Ground Hog Day!

I forgot what I was going to start a new essay about. I feel the spirit again and the sadness of the coal mining people doing their best to eak out a living in Appalachia. These men have sacrificed their lives below so that their loved ones could survive up above while the while wife and kids stayed at home.
I could almost empathize with the common man doing his best to survive in the coal mines of a century ago fighting the robber barons, the ancestors of the American royalty ...(the rich patriarchs starting dynasties of rich American families)
I'm wanting to at least discipline myself to chat with you at least 5 minutes a day...I sense how I am in the middle of an adventure settling down with my little family, Buffy and me. She's curled up right now with the space heater going all night to keep my portable warm. It's become almost an evening ritual coming to my classroom to visit with you loyally a few nights a week. It's funny how a relationship developes with you, my friends, enemies (although the chicken shits that left nasty comments were too afraid to even leave a fake name) and anonymous readers.

I'm getting excited about some of the classes and about the chess club.
Clay willingly went to the new communications class, ( I think because he likes one of the girls in the class). One of the exercises was to sit across from your partner and not communicate. You can't help but do it, and Clay was without a partner so I had to sit down across from him and he was upset but being that he was in the company of his peers, he wanted to remain cool! We each to write about the other person without trying to communicate. It was funny to see Clay's willingness to write about his animosities to me but he calmed down in the writing process. I wish I could remember the notes he took. I felt proud that he's (finish later)

I just wanted to say that newsbusters is a typical right wing blog that does not allow comments from the left. allows the typical ignorant redneck to leave his comments on the tagboard. complains about liberal bias when they only allow a few comments from the left. I remember when I used to send letters to the Daily Oklahoman, even more right wing than Fox News, and they never would print my liberal letters or any that differered with their right wing views!

Saturday, the fourteenth:
I'm feeling much more rested today and energized today having almost recuperated from the winter solstice flu mixed in with the usual holiday doldrums and and an often angry gf. It's two weeks of school and a sometimes tumultous change from my favorite portable classroom to the unportable one next door and inside one of the many building resembling, according to many students and staff, a prison.
I was very angry and frustrated in the move when the powers that be gave us no warning. Betty Lou staked out her corner of the classroom while we were all supposed to be in another one of those Baldridge talks. The custodians had already moved most everything of mine and reminded me of how it must feel when everything in your home is moved by the government with a day's warning. Immediately there were four adults and 4 filing cabinets with 3 students in a new surrounding. I was in no mood to be nagged by my assistant, so it was the point where I took up the stand. I said how I felt especially when Betty repeated how this was Lola's classroom several times.
"You've already told me this 3x. Please don't give me this unnecessary information again".
"You 2 sound like you're married!"
laughed Clay.
On Thursday, Lady Macbeth says that when Lola gets here we are going to have a meeting!
McB proceeds to chew us out about bickering and how our back from maternity leave, sped director, Aowyn, comes to our defense.
Lola said how she was not bickering. I did not talk but just wondered where our angry administrator heard that Betty and I were bickering in front of our emotionally disturbed students!
"Students are our first priority!"
she harangues like a broken record!

This morning I wanted to get the scoop about the antecedents for Mcb's temper tantrum earlier in front of all the secretarial staff and other staff in the main office! I suggested to my favorite sped director across from our cul de sac that Mcb take some anger management courses!

Friday the 20th;
Sorry that I haven't written to you in a week! A lot has happened... it finally has snowed so we had an extra two hours to relax, play with our dogs before strolling casually to work with my favorite sped director, Arowyn. We both admired how beautiful the village looks blanketed with the clean white snow and seeing it color our Serendipachi Mountains!
I wore my red LL Bean flannel in honor of the holidays almost wishing it was xmas!

Mr. Trout told me he was going to write me up for forgetting the directions for testing the sped students. I had a premonition that I would be in trouble the next day even losing some sleep (a self fulfilling prophecy). So I slept in and was rushing to get to school in time. In the rush I forgot to get the directions from my room.
After both of us trying to accomodate Marty and his own distaste for going into a class with strange kids, Trout tells me how teachers with far less experience than me would do a better job testing the students.
I told him that I was absent minded but didn't explain my own ADD to him (instead the next day I explained my own tribulations to Mrs. W before she helped explain how to write PDSA's. She was a good listener and appeared to be sympathetic and I know that she's the intermediary to McB,
Today, McB was there and I was happy that Trout wasn't. I was early for a change getting there after 9 with everyone relaxed from the snow delay! Mcb was in a good mood almost like it was xmas outside with all the snow everywhere. It's nice to come to school at 9 instead of 7:30. I could handle that relaxed schedule each day much easier!

Thursday 1/26
I haven't had much desire to write much lately. Clay has been a real pain in the ass and then just trying to stay away from the powers that be.
Mcb is her unfriendly self again especially after Trout decided to write me up after my ADD moment of forgetting the test instructions. I definitely asked the wrong person if I could run to my room to get the test manual. 20/20 hindsight.
I'm not looking forward to dealing with the psychologist. She's such a condescending woman that must have had a lot of issues and anger in her own life.
I made the mistake of trying to engage her in talk about my students and she talks to me like I'm an imbecile.
"Have you worked with mentally ill students before?"
It almost reminded me of Mcb when she asked if I had written Ieps before!
She knows that I've had several years of experience first hand in the classroom. These kids don't want to talk to her and can obviously see through her own uppitiness. Funny how some of these shrinks seem to not see the forest for the trees. One moment she's praising me for how well a student is liking my class and the next she's lecturing me as if I don't know anything.
On a good note, my father went back to his home after his two month stay in the hospital. I want to thank all of those in Pagan Falls who sent positive reiki to him. The older I get the more I want to believe in positive energy, good karma and even prayers can help!
I need to call my father but I feel like I need to be in the right frame of mind. He will be 90 February 7th!
Mcb will come visit me in the inclusion class where I am working with another teacher in a communications class. He brought up about how my idea of relating a good chess game to a good essay would be great for the class.

Samstag; "Carpe Diem Garvald," 1/29/06
Said the vulgur creature on my favorite tagboard, with hatred towards anything liberal. So when did I recognize liberal from the republican perspective? It was either Bush or Rush around 88. Bush probably had been listening to others who had been listening to Rush use this new label evolved from rich noveurichecrats whining about the bleeding heart liberals who care about the poor. In the last 30 years since hippies and peaceful became blase, caring and non-violence has permeated the American culture with hostile feelings towards any one that is weak.
But it has become an inverse relationship between the southern fundamentalist version of Jesus verses the hippy version of this prophet...
one of these days I might continue this essay as I see how mean and angry American people (especially the chilren who will sadly soon be angry mean adults) have become...
......"call me and we'll discuss this over a cup of coffee at 444-444-4444"
It makes me think of the SNL transvestite played by Meyers taking in all sorts of calls. I wonder how she would respond, being a witty Jewish liberal to the increasingly hostile repukes who believe in their Fuhrer, (GWB) no matter what laws he breaks. I would love to see and hear him put these angry people in their place....I would love to hear her respond to Gummy Gue/Gwb or the one very superficial pseudo Christian lady who frequents the site and are basically clones of Fox news yelling out the same one liners that O'Reilly and Hannity do on that ignorant sh0w that has taken hostage the brains of half of middle America!

New Year's list; Jan. 29th, Sunday
I realize that I still haven't made the new year list for life liberty and the pursuit of pleasure. Maybe it would be better to ask questions for what will motivate me to reach these goals, a PDSA. It's Sunday night and I'm a little anxious about the coming week and so it is sometimes with a little trepidation to even write to you, my concience stripped of clothes naked before your eyes..."What do you see?" Might you happy with what you see enough to ....
"Voulez vous coucher avec moi se soir?"
1. Will you become the teacher that you want to be and can see that man?
2. Will you find happiness in your own weekly schedule of school and play?
a. walking to school everyday with Mt. Serendipachi smiling at you from the north while the sun is smiling at you peaking its face over the Navaho ridges in the east... cool brisk mornings being serendipitously surprised by the white snow to help the sun sparkle even more ...
b. Will you feel the connection with your students and feel that you've somehow helped them to become better people?
3. Will you be accepted by the Navahos in this lonely land?
4. Will your warmth shown by your mental, spiritual, and physical nourishment given to these warm people be reciprocrated by them helping you to feel accepted in a community where you will grow as a man?
5. Will you develop the first intercurricular human chess match in high school history and be so happy that you have finally accomplised something brilliant in your very chaotic emotionally disturbing teaching career?
6. Will you have the motivation to develop the one of the best high school chess programs in the state?...
7. Will you encourage chess in all grades as a tool to help students do better academically and keep the powers to be very happy with the long term end result! Will this improve the self esteem of the people here to learn to thrive and be happy? Will this help realize their own mental powers if they can be the best in the state at a sport of the highest and challenging mental discipline?

Felis Compeleannos

I know the spelling is wrong and I have a little buzz from the tequila and rum from Eliazar's party for his son, Horacio. It was great seeing all the kids at the party and conversing with all the friendly teachers. I'[ve had a long hard week of tension with all the paperwork all of us teachers have to do to get student scores up! I slept till 3pm recovering from the week but it was so nice to celebrate with all my teacher friends at Utopachi. They were excited with me about all the good things about chess! I wish that we all had more parties! There is talk of us having a Mardi Gras party and I hope that we can have it when Muffy comes up to see me! Maybe I can get M to stay another evening and I'll take Monday morning off?? Maybe I will chat with you more in the morning!

Friday Feb 17th,
Sometimes I feel like I am psychic especially when shit is about to hit the fan it ofetn does. This week I finally had the meeting with Trout and Mcb. I was so relieved that it was over and it was no worse than what I expected. I am happy that I can be so much better focused with the medication so that I can think especially when being criticized for when a student of mine has been refusing to go into the inclusion class.
Instead of taking me to the side and just telling me the other alternative, I'm officially put on a "growth plan" to write up a plan for Marty. They also said I had to write lesson plans that I've been intimidated into writing. Going to the instructional assistant only made things worse since she only brought the unsatisfactory lesson plans to the the administration's attention. Then they had to bring up my ADD moment when testing the students since I had forgotten the instructions. I had to write a lesson plan on testing the students.
The whole meeting lasted more than an hour but I was happy that it actually had a good outcome. I was happy that I brought how we were not on the same page and had only written one referall when Clay physically threatened me early in the year. They were also blaming me for not finding out why he was missing so much school!
Bottom line for this week was that I was glad that it was over and I've accomplished all that they want for the growth plan and then in less than two weeks, everything will be ok according to my veteran elementary school principal. I understand that she is under a lot of pressure with restructuring thanks to George Bush and the No Child Left Behind Act of his. (of course Bush has only taken away money from education and he eventually wants to do away with public schools since rich corporocrats only send their kids to private schools. He wants vouchers so we'll be paying for these private schools with our tax money!)
I was proud of the way I stayed up late working the hardest this week than I have the whole school year, so a lot of this was my own fault for not getting on the ball. I was saying that I don't want to repeat another Ground Hog year so I got after things.
Then Betty Lou was upset with me today because I wanted the bulletin board put in a different spot than where she wanted. She then mentioned what if the Borg were teaching Marty?? She was in the office and maybe talking with Mcb, so she came back angry and wouldn't talk to me. At this point I wondered if they could try to not renew my contract, so I wonder about asking my union rep. I shouldn't let myself get paranoid but overall I was in a good mood because I was taking care of things.
Another good thing about the week was the chess. I want to get a really good project going with human chess. I possibly get paranoid about certain things and think that maybe I'm putting all this effort into something for naught, but my dream is to make this chess project work!

Happy New Year

Janurary 4th, 06
Ok, I've had my 3rd day. Clay was let out of Juvi for maybe resising arrest. He tells me differently after I finally see him peering through the trailer window. I hear about his experiences and think that maybe there is a chance that he's learned from his experience of civilation's timeout room, jail.
He had to learn to become patient for 48 hours actually reading, talking, and playing chess with a few other offenders. The holding center is behind the gas station and there's more but I don't want to say even though this is a fictitious site.
I think about the town, Stone Boat, where three were murdered execution style along a dirt road perpendicular to the highway.
There is a murderer still hiding out somewhere in the reservation.
I think about how Clay needs to stay on the right side of the law rather than hanging out with young criminals of all kinds. Maybe he will say to himself that this isn't the life for him.
I've maybe said too much and wonder if the murderer and any others could so easily visit this little haven in the wild west, with Buffy being my only defense. I become paranoid but I see Buffy sleeping soundly now on the portable's carpet before I finally call my Dad very close to the end of his own natural slightly extended stretch for his soul's visit.
Most of the time, I believe my life sucks but then I can think that I'm not in Iraq. I have a job. I've had good parents and been in love. I wonder if I'll ever find the right love to share such a short life, but then when you learn to realize and accept what you have, then that is where you can get out of that self pity rut and extend way beyond your self imposed paradigms! It's up to enjoy your reality that you chose and this life's vision of the earth!"