Wednesday, December 27, 2006

Angry reader defines Garvald!


4 up, 5 down

Like grr, "garvald" can be said in times of great stress and/or annoyance. Can also be spelled "garrvald", "garvaald", or "garrvaald".
Garvald! I lost the game again!

I saw this in the Urban dictionary . I wondered when my name might draw some notoriety. I saw it posted from late this summer..probably from an angry reader.

note: my new word was published... it's cool to not become angry at a reader's malicious perspective on can develop the philosophy of just observing their anger almost from a distance
they have rationalized a reason to despise what you represent???
freedom?? perhaps?
instead it's just fun to write about your feelings and the characters you meet in your life!
Making a joke about others and especially yourself is the best way to deal effectively with liebentraumen
by the way
a new word was just published and accepted by the majority of editors of this new found word bank!

bipolar wiccan-

Dec 30th, ... the years are flying by and he can't capture those brief moments when he truly was in love...and his mind continues to go to morbid thoughts or the fantasies of what could have been??..
.How many years can he realistically keep his fleeting youth(??),,,when
He feels the years now as he swing his mixture of Ginger Ail and Jim Beam...

Yesterday AVO he could have very realistically felt he was Burt Lancaster in the movie, "The Swimmer" about an aging man not ready to give up the fun and frolic of youth...the movie ends sadly with him banging on the doors of his home....his wife and family had long since left him and cool rains of autumn were arriving....

So he wonders how many folks think of Garvald as an annoyance in their lives or maybe by some small chance that he helped someone else's Karma
He wants to feel good that someone was actually helped in their small journey of life...

He feels that the spirits that once loved him are still around...
He carries Mom's sweater with him everywhere...
But how can he take her to Australia with him in search of his magical gangamaiden!

then he wakes up to reality in a big city with a gf that does'nt see any use for him...she goes downstairs for a couple cigarettes and comes upstairs to him sleeping with his canine soulmate..
seeking solace and comfort in her warm furry blonde body...
she puts on her best Mommy dearest face and yells,
"You disgusting middle aged pervert!"

Just kidding, Mates, I'm not bestial......yet :)

wow...sometimes small victories help overcome the continual onslaught of losses in your life in order for you to come to terms with your own mortality and eventual demise or....
or just realize that you will be recycling into new life??...Will this energy be carried on or will you just hypnotize yourself in believing that the conciousness will continue in some you wake up each morning, wondering where your aging body and soul(?) will go...
my journey is more than half way's nice that the visit to Muffy ended well in the full moon phase....You

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

It is really upsetting that I can't even access my own blog to write.

I feel good about today, although I lost a game of chess to a teacher I usually dominate!
Now the school district doesn't even let me see my own blog after 330! I guess they must be monitoring teachers and their searches. I almost have a feeling that one of my many enemies called the district and exposed this blog. Are they waiting for me to write something that incriminates myself and then only allowing me access during school hours when ...I hardly have time to write since I have been busy...But then the limited access time makes me just want to write more!

I had a relatively good Iep meeting where most of the meeting was with me and the 17 year old student who skips classes most of the time. I asked him what was the reason that he even comes to school other than to just socialize with his homies!
In a week's time, I'll be going walkabout through mid- America and enjoy the nomadic existence with my favorite canine soulmate! I was debating about going to Oz, but I would get so depressed about coming back to winter in this country!
TGIF December 15th 51 goin' on 15! the birthdays accelerate faster and faster to our eventual recycling!...
This has been the longest week in a while with all the holidays. It was great chatting last night chatting with the band director about the 6 traits of writing papers that we had to grade for the students. These grades are so subjective that we work with another teacher on rating these papers. We discussed the politics of the community and how the students and staff have such little stability with the very transient faculty and administrators especially. It is the roughest for new administrators working with an established community that knows they will still be here after the staff have left.
It's nice to say somethings on here during my lunch break. I have a feeling some angry emotionally disturbed readers have called the district about my site regardless of my statement about the creative fiction. I have a feeling some of them think I'm talking about them in their egotistical delusional paranoia. For some strange reason, it's only during school hours that I can even go to this site. It is banned! "Surf access denied"... I have had some very nasty comments probably from the Joan Crawford wannabee... lata mates..just wait till I'm relaxing in Oz and see their reactions when the book comes out! Will they serve their papers to me on the beach or in the outback?? rofl!

Buffy and I are having a party tomorrow afternoon at my hovel. It will be nice to splurge for a big party in our little teacher village. Hopefully, the principals will be there and others that I consider my friends (not enemies)... those that I feel are on my side or at least not after my job...
Right now, I will probably just take a nap and attempt to enjoy the evening watching a movie with my canine soulmate.

The party went well. Karaoke helped save the party and we all sang till late in the evening. I have a long way to go on my singing.

The faculty party is on tonight but I don't have the energy to face highway 666 and the dangerous drivers that use it. I need to go into town but there is supposed to be a snowstorm tonight and we are predicting a snowday tomorrow. I could just go ahead and take a nap and curl up to some of the movies that I borrowed from the nice Phillipine math teacher.

Yesterday's snow day was refreshing abeit boring.... I could have driven into town but I couldn't even be bothered just as going to a faculty party in town on a monday evening! Clay's Iep and hearing were scheduled and he was a no show like the last time. I wonder if he's just hanging out on some street with winos getting intoxicated... Only boot camp might help him from his downward spiral! I wish that I could write to you during off hours but now my site is banned after school hours ?? Is it a bipolar witch's curse or just angry calls to the Super from Mommy dearest??

It is sure nice having a snow day in the middle of the week to revitalize your juices and recover from Monday! Unfortunately, there are no exotic dance clubs that I know of within 100 miles to waste dollar bills on! I lay off the Addaboy for 4 days and then when I try a few beads of the addaboy, I'm wide awake and almost happy... just no woman to share the beautiful snow drenched mountain view with! I'm sure I'll have a lot more things to say to you later but the access to this site will be cut off. It will be nice to buy my laptop so that nobody can stop me from writing or arguing with until they ban my laptop's ip! It will be nice to chat with the world without fear of the powers that be monitoring every site I go to!
When we are snowed in, it feels comforting to know we have free heat and I have plenty of food for me and Buffy! It was nice to get a thankyou card from my sometimes jovial principal thanking me for the party. I saw a good relaxed side to him that I had not seen. I won't mention how he reacted when we listened a Door's song on karaoke...maybel later when I'm far far away from angry readers that want to snitch on a teacher that they feel is a reprobate(?)
Well, it's 4pm now and the Stern network is off limits. I guess they don't want teachers going to this site when kids are gone (?)....
I have a continuing tirade against the hypocricy of and their stubborn whining about the liberal media when in fact most media outlets with the exception of cyberspace are controlled by mutliconglomerate corporations.. They hate liberals with a passion ... They will not ban me, only the ip adress of the school computer. I suppose they can claim that one of their few liberal voices has not been banned!

please forgive my rambling .... I go outside and see the sun quickly hiding behind the snow capped mountains ..I get on my mountain bike and take in the bright orange glow on the sandstone cliffs ... It is a beautiful show from God at the end of the early day as we aproach the winter equinox... I wish that you could share this this vision! All I have is a cell phone which won't come even close to the image that I still have in my mind.

Winter Solstice: 22,000 hits!
One more day here in the village before Buffy and I take will be a nice break to get out of here..! Maybe I can check out the Rockies and hang out somewhere cool or in an ecclectic hippy town in the Land of Enchantment...Maybe there might be a place to find intellectual discussion and cool vibes??
FreiTag- Merry Pagan Celebrations!
Today is a shortened day I will have a couple of hours of daylight to get everything packed for my journey with my canine soulmate, Buffy! Snow is predicted for this afternoon, but I think the majority of it is over!

Finally made much travelling to be finally with me Muffy...Buffy of course was a big hit along with the Cappucino machine that I brought with me. After getting a xmas present for M to smoke later, I continued to be her love slave...waiting like a lap dog for nourishment for his waning libido.
"He shows up with a wall to wall beard":
she remarks while primping her naked body in front of the mirror... He reads it to her and she yells
"you asshole, are you deaf and retarded?"
YOu are a special needs adult with Ausbergers, Rain Man!"
She says with that mocking derisive laugh!!
"I hate you! You have to do nothing except take of your beautiful Mutt. You dont have to do make up, car payments, lawyers fees, tuition,...
YOu dont even have cable. What kind of life do you have without cable, Silas Marner?"
She sips my cappucino elixir with orgasmic glee, Garvald, you have the right blend of Irish catholic and Protestant. JIm Beam and Baileys! I am a bartendress and I know good drinks!
Go up top and kiss my feline!"
Tuesday post xmas blues(?)
Lazy day in a big city but at least culminating the day with sky rockets in flight,"What a great relief! The pressure is off both of them.....on vacation with a domestique that was turned on by me wearing an apron,
"I know how you quickly put it on just as I drove up!"
She figured out his Casanovan/Garvaldian ways...(but now you look up Garvald in the Urban Dictionary and one finds a recent post from summer, the word/name as anger, or annoyance)...I'm mildly flattered with this new found notoriety of my name!)
Sometimes the boredom overwhelms me and I think how fun it would be hangin out on a ski resort??...what am I doing hangin' out with a family???...I compare my life with my brother's and folks might say that he made the right choices...and moi??
.. now I am alone most of my days and mainly nights with the exception of Buffy...
Chess lends solace, comfort for my existence...but I miss hanging out in Oz with this myth or fantasy (?) that I will find
working and now I almost feel the same way...almost as a boarder just consumating our long distance relationship with one

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

A cleansing snow is finally coming down over the Serendipachi Mountains

..I didn't have chess practice today and took off from school so I take care of business in town. Just going there and facing it was such a relief. I could not believe how nice the judge was but he won't be the same one in trial. It could be that cold ice queen that others have talked about but I will cross her bridge when I come to it. Sometimes when you think about the worse case scenario it is so pleasing when things are not as bad as they could be. I visited my class with the sub to make sure that he understood the work for the kids and it was so nice to see good behavior from my two boys! They were smiling and clay was working in my comfy chair after seeing that he helped himself to my instant cains coffee with chickory and probably hot chocholate. They love my cocoa/coffee mixture. It was such a treat for them bringing my expresso machine and making Cappucinos for them on the last day before Thanksgiving Vegetation! It's nice to go back to work and then immediately have a day off where I can sleep a few more minutes with Buffy and then really smell her dog breath! I imagine her playing in the snow before I come home. I hope that we get a few inches tonight. It would be so cool to be snowed in but I run out of things to say with my canine soulmate ;)......
I'm not enthused about writing to you . I am almost enjoying the time with Buffy in the snow. It was so beautiful seeing the snow on the mountains and the whole community being blanketed in snow. It was more snow than I have ever experienced here in the Serendipachi range. It would have been so fun to have spent it here all nestled in for snow...we are so alone far away from any major town but there is a comforting feeling being away from it all especially seeing all the problems in the middle east!
Speaking of problems, Jesus coincidentally set up a two hour meeting for our sped dept meeting the day I had scheduled to be off.
the asst. sped director from the district from town was there. The Borg and Jesus had a heavy discussion but according to Julio(this is from a bloke who borrows my sugar for his coffee and I often buy cheap beer, meals,ets), she knew far more about sped than an inexperienced Jesus,so she was obviously still in charge. It was almost a welcome relief to feel that J's power had been diminished I'm sure that he will now be putting his Machiavellian efforts on her.
Julio said that he will cater my birthday party for about $ 200 to 300. He will make Lasagna and have a Carribean theme! He says that then I will recover from my reputation of being cheap. I guess saving money is only popular in Oz and yet everybody still calls me that when I am still paying for everything. It reminds me of John Stossell telling everyone about the cheap rich people when he is a prick and I guess of the token neocons on news journalism. I remember him bashing teachers on one of his episodes.
I think it will be so much fun to have a bash before the last week of school before Xmas. It looks likely that I will stay in the states for the holidays but I need to see my home in Oz so badly. Next summer, I will most likely just stay there. My only ties to this country are Muffy, Buffy and my house. It will be wonderful to finally really escape.
I was roaming through tribes and decided that this ladies' quote fits me best.
"I am a gypsy. I don't mind having a solid base, but this
girls (boys) gotta roam from time to time. It is key to my happiness."

Chess practice was great again!
It was so wonderful to have the band director come by and play a couple games against one of his young musicians that also loves chess! There are a steady group and one that was angry with me for more than a month or more for talking to his cross country coach about his low grades in algebra. His attitude has changed after he finally talked himself into coming to chess again. I was giving out free lemon tea donated by Julio to all the players. It was great seeing how competitive they all are. I visited one of the teachers who's involved with photography and the newspaper. I will write a little ditty about what I want to accomplish with the chess club this year. I felt wonderful and then chatting on the phone again with M spoiled my great mood because of my verbal faux pas of saying like mother like daughter...It's funny how different the relationships are between moms and daughters verses sons and fathers. Mothers and daughters have a much thicker bond even till old age but oh well regardless of the way a daughter treats her Mom and vice versa (ie, sticking the child in an institution!). I loved my father but I would have been to Oz far more if Mom was still alive. I believe he just resented me even being in the same continent. I'm sure many of my ex loves would feel the same way! :( wah

Saturday, December 2nd
So Now I have to go the public library to express my thoughts to you! The school district apparently does not want me to have access to my writing and ... funny... Julio last night said I was paranoid but I have already told folks that and of course they use it against me just like me getting a reputation for being cheap even though I was letting him drink my cheap beer and Boone's farm wine last night along with my intentions of making a big dinner party for my "surprise birthday party"( I will be surprised if anybody shows up;)..I'm joking at my expense!
Well, I finally took my mountain bike in to have a new tube with automatic sealant to stop flats and then put on some shocks ... It will be a lot more comfortable ride! I'm going to get one of my sped students a Garfield tape for her birthday. She is retarded but works extremely hard. She is very motivated to learn how to read especially to her one year old child. She was neglected so much in education. Even last year the Borg hardly spent anytime with her on reading or math...She was out of her class more often than being there so she could schmooze up to last year's in the closet principal and pretend to be an administrator (she had a very large gf that looked like the obese superintendent living with her!)

Wow! I have no idea what is going on with limited acess but something is up. Temporarily we have acess so I can write to you. Chess club is on right now so I will be back later!
Sometimes for brief moments, I have access to this site and then it is blocked. It is so weird!

It seems like only during school hours can I access my blog so I can chat with you! Wouldn't it be awful if our govt. had the same power to limit our freedoms to see sites that they did not want us to see?? Clay wanted to go see another teacher and so I went to the office to say that it was no big deal about him walking out of class without permission. Jesus comes outside and Clay overhears him talking about him from about 100 feet away. Clay threatens to kick Jesus' ass and that might set J on a mission to permanently expel him from the school since it was the 2nd time in the last two weeks that he's threatened him. I'm grilled by the principals about talking to Clay about J wanting to take over the sped department. I deny it but Clay understands all the sped dept. politics without hearing it from the staff. Well, it was nice chatting with you. I'm off to early lunch to check up on the love of my life, Buffy, and emptying my bowels in my hovel of refuge.
Now school is over for a couple of hours. The bus driver from the care center and I coaxed Darren into the van just for him. Darren was violent yesterday but Jesus was dealing with one of his rages for the first time. J had said that Darren doesn't behave that way with Him. He regardes himself as the miracle worker.
I found out at lunch that Clay will be expelled completely for the rest of the year. J had incited the rage of Clay so angry about us talking about him. I guess for so long, he was walking on very thin and eventually a bear will break the ice. Jesus' influence with his administrators made sure that he would be expelled. He had been his friend. How dare he break his trust in Jesus?
You understand that I say this all so tongue in cheek.
So now I'm in town 30 miles from my desert refuge almost wanting to get back to home. For some weird reason I feel at home but very lonely. There is only so much thrill in talking to Buffy and then not having access to chat with you! I have become often depressed and I try to release myself by writing or especially arguing with neocompoops on says that I do enjoy getting on folks nerves. She can imagine how I am with those closeminded idiots on!

TGI Friday!
It's so nice to relax and walk to school. This afternoon when the students were acting out, I made a joke when Jonathan came back after walking out. I told him that security would come and pick him up....tomorrow...It is no big deal for these kids to be written up ... I am hoping that when some of the kids that are continually truant are expelled, they will learn that they cannot continually get away with skipping. The students that are serious about school will be left so that we as teachers can help them.
It's so good to know that I can talk to you. It seems like the fact that I can't have access to the school computers after hours when I'm free makes me want to talk to you even more! Two weeks till xmas break. Time flies by so quickly. I need to visit the attorney Monday and find out his fees! That court day about the pre trial is hanging over my head. That sorts of adds to the depression that often hangs over my head, but knowing I have Xmas break really helps! Now that I'm here at the library , another thing I can do is go newsbasterds to give those brainwashed neocons a hard time. They have banned my ip and the school doesn't allow acess either! I'll show a little of their conversation sometime.
It's great to say something to you again! Did you all have a great weekend and not let the holiday blues get you down?? I'm praying that I can really get into the old fashioned holiday spirit where folks are actually nice to strangers, friends and even enemies. I will do my best to get along with Jesus and his interfering ways. It was nice to have a productive chat with the Borg. Clay wouldn't be expelled if J didn't continually interfere with my student when he's not even on his case load.
Wednesday Holidays are coming up! There is still all this tension in the school. It would be so nice if I could chat with you in the evening when I have more time to write. It's only during the school day that they have this blog open! It's nice when Jesus and the Borg are fighting each other for control of the sped department! My b'day party is saturday. Things are looking up especially with the interest in chess. I really look forward to our club practice now that teachers are coming by often for chess also!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

New Moon over the Village!

Does he think things are for the worse?? He was stopped the other night ....Was a curse put on him again just as the gypsy had done to him about 5 years ago??
( "Gypsies are justly famed for their psychic powers and the ability to curse or bring good luck to those that cross their path.")Deja Vu or Groundhog evening all over again?? He made foolish decisions Friday night and was happy to see freedom again Saturday after the longest night since 5 years ago in Oklahoma. Then it was only a couple of months after 911 and now it's the post election let down. A husband of a wonderful lady committed suicide a week before. The funeral for him is tomorrow...Maybe he thinks it's a curse but he seems to still have a guardian angel watching over him?? He should have kept Mom's sweater in the trunk as he usually does for protection! You wonder if the area has a curse as so many used to say or do things happen in cycles?? Greatness comes out of adversity!
Brad bought an inexpensive 1750 psi pressure hose machine. I saw him using it on his driveway with his family watching. I was so excited to see the job continuing . Our wonderful chessboard will be made!

New Moonday!
Today we started the board with Brad's help and his corn pollen class! Students were gathering around as I sprayed the high pressure hose on all the old paint spilled while painting the mural on the wall adjacent to where the board will be. In between passing on the warmest late morning in weeks, the young natives filed by the beginning base of our creation and they started a momentary gathering while it was being done. Marty came up and wanted to work the hose! It was the best day in a long while just to see the start of this! Other teachers especially the band director walked by and I could tell how proud he was and the school will be when we we are in the middle of creating this wonderful project!

Who knows?? I might even volunteer to help wrestling too. It's almost as if a voice is telling me more than ever to do these things! Time is of the essence!

I am so excited especially after dealing with all the negativity and trauma the past couple weeks since leaving for Halloween! I see prosperity for our community with the support of the teachers that want to join in on this project!

It is a new moon and I read on a site about how it is best to start projects on the new moon! Clay and Marty were working today. I will go the funeral of my friend's husband this afternoon.

The funeral was very good. If a teacher were to come back and see the impact of the children that he taught, this would be the place. It was so sad that he was such a great teacher with wonderful almost mischievous sense of humor.

11:11 pm
So another day passes in your short life
and you are able to see the sun before it hides behind the hills of your local town...
You have been taught a costly lesson but you are ok other than the handcuffs left sores on the back of your wrists...
follow your first thoughts for safety and stay at a motel!..
.it's less than one 50th the cost of what you will have to pay out,
but you still are lucky than you haven't hurt yourself or anyone else because of a silly accident!!
Would you be able to live with yourself??
and you compare yourself to the poor bloke that was such a good friend to others??
Maybe he wanted to teach you a real lesson and just let the cops stop you being the great teacher that he was
instead of it being another silly accident
he made his life changing moment in a drunken stupor or he just passed out
with the motor running??
A waste of a life when there was still so much to give to his family and crying students...
His brain was cloudy and we will always wonder why!

I'm not sure where to head for the holidays?? East or West?? Gambling in Vegas to win money for my chess club or eat turkey at the Jesus house in OKC??

Saturday I'm still very down, depressed and bored. Life is passing by so quickly. Others are very busy with family. Utopachi is not as joyous as I expected it might be. I have been too afraid to venture out. I have bad experiences when I came back to Jesus taking over the sped department to losing my freedom for a night which shocked me back into depressing reality of things could be much worse. It was nice to have thanksgiving with Marla and Rob. They have been so supportive of me knowing how mean the Navaho ladies can be. I am happy that I have my own room and can have the freedom to do things that I want!
Ok. I know that I need to get out of here before the day escapes me as it has for so many days. When was I the happiest?? That was when I was visiting new folks and making new acquaintances before they get to know me and get tired of my companionship.

Wednesday, November 08, 2006


The beginning of the end for the neocons! Rummy resigns and we will control the house and shortly after we count the last votes we will control the senate. Bush and his white house Mafiosa will be held accountable for their crimes including war crimes!

What a day yesterday was! The police came in to do a check of red verses blue gangs and do an assesment of our campus! Jesus has taken over the sped department with his pseudo hippy bs ...saying to everybody that he didn't want to do it but the principal asked him to do it since the Borg is out on mental leave for a few weeks. We had a meeting about the conflicts in the life skills class with those matriarchal ladies who love to sit on their gluteus maximusses. The first meeting went well but then they all continued conspiring for the next hour while I taught finally in my old room without pass interference from these meddling ladies! Wfhen I come back from teaching they are all sitting there in the life skills class (there were no life skills students so they could have meetings about me the whole afternoon!). Betty Lou motions for me to sit down so the ladies and Jesus can take turns setting me up for a cruxification. Julio was the only one defending me and that upset Jesus thinking that he was one of his disciples too since he has all the ladies including the secretary feeding off of his charm. I'm thinking Karl Rove would be proud of him doing such an effective job of the coup of the special ed department while I'm gone for a few days and the Borg is out!
"We all have to be held accountable including myself! I know how to handle these kids far better than G. Darren does not get violent in my class.(that was as good a lie as "Mission Accomplished" was for Bush!tdf!)
Well, the principal is back today so I wonder what he'll say to me since I became a little loud defending myself under the Rovian attack. Karl couldn't have done a more excellent coup! (Jesus had two years experience becoming the peace corp mayor of a small village in Mongolia) The ladies were all ready to vote for him as the reichminister of the sped department.
Samstag: J left me alone yesterday and it was so nice having my own room without pass interference from the nosy assistance. Marge has been the matriarch of the life skills room for the past decade and Betty Lou has been there almost 20. In that situation the roosting hens will almost always stay and also because we are just regarded as "transient"." They'll s stick around the Bellagonna will leave"
I shouldnt have left for Halloween and listened to my paranoia about how bad it could actually be and it was worse. That is when we call paranoia- a heightened sense of true reality....if you expect the worst out of some enemies, when you see them act worse than you expected it doesn't shock you as much!
Now we have a 3 day weekend and unfortunately it's so close to our Thanksgiving break of 5 days, but we all needed it so badly especially when Jesus is leading the cruxifiction!;) It's best to joke about a bad situation and then the worst. We have a two hour delay meeting and this will be my chance to write a metaphor of pieces working together in chess will be able to win. They will lose when all the power on the board is not used for a common purpose!
I'm off to see Raphael and Erowyns' soulmate haven in that oasis of the desert. We will go mountain biking and all I need to find are the knee pads?? oh well I need to be really careful and at least I have shoes (?)

well the trip went great and I treated them and their friends to brekky...50$ ...It was worth it! I had such a wonderful time biking with Raphael!!
I guess one realizes the older he gets how little time there is to really do the things he wants to do. He walks into Jesus's Life Skills Class. It has become his kingdom! I am amazed how quickly and charasmatically he has taken over the classroom. He is Machiavelli in the demeanor of Jesus. He sees me talking to the band director and wonders if there is a conspiracy. He is attempting to control the land! I have never seen it happen so effectively with my own eyes!
Should I be resigned to it or fight him or learn to let him learn to work with people without feeling that he has to overshadow them. He must know the Borg won't be coming back from her mental leave. He filled the vacuum with consumate skill.
It is really amazing to see someone with so much "missionary" zeal in person!

I could worry myself into an ulcer as he continues with his coup of the school and "my inclusion teachers". He calls them those on his own PDSA's. He has become an effective convert to the Baldridge system. There is no way I could compete with this megalomaniac so I get excited about chess. I borrow a chair for my small overflowing room of young native american chess players from the Life Skill's classroom. Jesus stares at me.
I revel in having a larger crowd of after school kids than ever in my bi weekly chess practice. It is so wonderful to see this kids so excited about a fun game. We got about 8 new recruits and their gfs to come out. We had tea and lots of good games! I am looking forward to asking volunteers to start cleaning the cement outside if it gets a little warmer tomorrow! It was almost tornado weather today and it showed in the behavior of the emotionally disturbed students and Jesus! ;) just kidding, relax any neomentalists that might take offense to naming this character"Jesus"!

I realize it is good to make allies of moral support among the teachers. It is almost as if it is young verses old. I'm dealing with a young Jesus but didn't Christ die in his early 30's? Would His ego be any worse than our new "emergency sped director"!

Your outlook is sure a lot better when the sun is shining in the morning. As always I'm running late, so I drive the short distance instead of absorbing the autumn sun and having a beautiful walk praying that we will have a beautiful day. I was depressed last night thinking about the poor woman who's husband asphyxiated himself last Friday in the garage. She was so helpful to me last year facilitating the Iep meetings so effectively avoiding and preventing the often contentious meetings with young sped directors and shrinks looking for ways to embarass other professionals in order to attempt to make themselves look better.

I helped Clay through his 10 algebra problems while he constantly complained about the way he was taught and that I confused him. I did my best to simplify the work as I have all this year even using computer manipulatives but he still does not completely undertand. Please, Lord, Universal Reiki Energy, help my student learn Algebra. Is that a good prayer?

On positive note, the principal came by our thriving chess club at the end our practice about 520 and saw the interest. I bragged to him about almost having 20 students show up Tuesday. He wants us to sponsor tournaments and sell pizza by the slice 2$ each to make money for our financially strapped club! Even Harold showed up for the first time and dominated after being dormant in chess activities for a couple of months!

Thursday, October 26, 2006

He wakes up from his Dream of future residency near Paradise!
(His beloved flat is a few miles down the coast from Surfer's Paradise.)

The large raven flies everyday in the school courtyard
.Where does she reside? Is she waiting for the chess board to be finished? G sees her every morning and wonders if he/she is a sign from the gods?? The Romans talked of the ravens flying over the left side as sinister. Sinistra is Latin for left, the root of the word. Does he see her on the left or the right?? Left is evil according the right wing neocon fascists but so were the Jews in Hitlers Germany. Folks fear anybody that can think. Despite being in an intellectual environment humans still are intimidated by intelligence or a new better way of learning.
He overhears Bettylou whining about her treatment when she caused a scene yesterday again about "her" computer. She claims that hers doesn't work so she "acquired" another sped computer that could be used to help students with math skills? Every other day she nags him in front of the students about using it to help the students learn skills yet she is on their more than any other assistant. She is effectively talking to the library assistant(who often sleeps on the couch) to all go visit the superintendent and school board to complain. I have noticed that these folks are very good at whining while making no effort to improve on their own.
Clay was on an hour long angry tirade about how much he hated school, the teachers, and even Betty Lou. He called everyone including G all sorts of names. G asked him once or twice to do some math!
"You are always forcing me to do math!"
"I asked you once or twice.How is that forcing,Clay?"
The 17 year old junior cusses angrily using the F word in every other sentence. G tells him he won't argue and then resigns to having another day without teaching Algebra first hour. He realizes that he is in viscious circle and he is happy that he will take a few days off.Will he have hell to pay when he gets back??
Chess is his saving grace and will be the saviour of the village. There is so much anger generated from this one lady and others. He wants to teach them that if all the pieces work together we can achieve a common goal of checkmating George Bush and his "No Child left Behind Bullshit"!

He's finally had closure with everything before his well earned time off!
The class makes some muffins with the organic apple from a local friend's tree. He shares the muffins with the principal, the secretaries and even a peace offering to Betty Lou. Yep, G, that is the strategy:
Just shower them with kindness when you are angry with them and suddenly you feel good! A weight has been lifted and you suddenly notice yourself smiling at this Navaho remember when you gave her wildflowers every time you were angry at her!

He's written all the lesson plans, made all the worksheets of math for different levels, cleaned up his room and secured everything!
He's secured his hovel, put away his precious mountain bike, taken his very important piece of equipment for evidence of his brief journey (relative to next year's(?) walkabout in Oz!), and put his beloved Buffy in her kennel. He needs to buy her some dog food with glucosamine so her genetically dislocated hip won't bother her when she reaches G's age in dog years (7?). His neck feels so much better when he has one or two glucosamine sulfate tabs daily! (The pain was a result of getting shot in the neck in his previous life a by southern redneck during the civil war while walking over the "dead man zone" at Andersonville Prison. (at least according to the beliefs of a deranged witch he dated several years ago)

Sunday, October 22, 2006

a day ahead sometime in the Future!

I've been so lazy just hanging out here on the beach walking everywhere. I brought my mountain bike to ride up to Surfer's to play chess with the old folks who give me colds in the Ozzie winter sometimes! I had to have the bike shop take the bike apart before sending it to Mermaid Beach. Raphael put it together for me. I was torn between letting them take care of her or letting her enjoy the wonderful warmness of Oz ...a distant land where there aren't faux hippies who camp out in your home a few months and have only hate rather than gratitude. Matriarchal Aussie hippies believe in keeping their fathers around... so there's far less divorce and fatherless puppies in Oz!
I've been waiting anxiously for Buffy to go through the final months of quarantine before she's allowed to run on certain parts of my beach. How will she have puppies when I have a second floor flat? Maybe my neighborly residents of the Parthenon won't keeping them in one corner of the little atrium where we all dry clothes. My beach towels always get stolen by surfers walking through the yard desperate for a towel to dry off!
I never got around to renewing my American license so I can only ride a bike. I would never have got used to driving on the left side.I'm too ADD so I depend on my good neighborly Aussie friends for a lift especially to Byron Bay! That little Shangra La , that Serendipity with nymphs way too young for Garvald or?? Maybe he will find his Ganga maiden. Maybe she won't be bipolar with a litter of children?? Maybe she will like Oz ganga from Nimbin! and not be another one of these reformed hippies who once pretended they loved Hunter S Thompson (what a load of pseudo hippy pagan crap and lies!)
Soon my wonderful friend might give me a ride to TannyMorel to see where Dad was born and find out which house he was born in? Will there be any spiritual connections when I visit that town and go on further into the Blue Mountains??
My health is so much better since I decided to stay here most of the year. There was only so much that I could do for my Native American community with chess. At least I finally got the 100 sq . yds of chess board painted with different colored stains that should last for a few years. We were able to play some human chess with other schools. We even did a play in front of TV cameras from stations around the state. We were doing great until an old psycho bipolar gf told the school district that I ocassionally talked about the benefits of herb and the site got national publicity. They forced me to resign with a great reference of course but fortunately most Australians didn't see the expose on sped teachers that are middle aged stoners.

Oh well, know I finally have a lap top and don't have to worry about them searching my computer to see where I've been surfing. That crazy lady and even her bitch on wheels, Mommy dearest...(these 2 had an ongoing mutal hate between each other, the Joan Crawford look a like confessed to me while the witch was in the bathroom that she had her daughter committed as if that was going to change my opinion of her? It's amazing about jealousy between women even when it's mother and daughter. The mother always wants to feel superior to her smart child so she has her committed.What kind of Mom would commits her daughter to a loony bin??) mounted all sorts of accusations.The old lady and her sent many nasty comments to me and even to the superintendent. The daughter hated her mother and was still desperate for the love her mother never gave her...
Oh well,I'm glad I can run down into the cleansing Pacific anytime I want to! I feel so free of anger and curses when I'm floating in the cleansing waves of the Pacific. I see my little blonde Buffy barking at me running into the waves but fearing stingrays...
ok so
they even interviewed her and her daughter on Fox news. They attempted to make it a national story as a way to "swift boat" my credibility as a special needs teacher.
Fox news and most neocons were very upset at my expose of Newsbusters and the neos. They hated the chess movie about the imperialistic capitalistic neoconquistadors who claimed to be Christians (sound familiar?) They were invading ancient America circa 1500 ad .The guerilla warfare tactics taught to the native american empires by the time traveller sucessfully sent the neoconquistadors back to Spain without any oil!
The neoconservatives thought that the movie was unpatriotic since it drew parallels to the past and the evil ways of the current neoempire. (They managed to steal most of the elections again in November/06 so they kept power.)
Well, I'm wondering about keeping up with the my relatives in America.

I miss clay and marty. I wonder if they will graduate or even stay out of jail now that I'm not there anymore. I miss the chess players and their sucess in academics. Folks get jealous whenever you are sucessful. I don't miss the Jedi Jesus and the Borg. She neglected her own students but was the first to point out that I wasn't following their IEPs. They were learning a lot of math and learning to read but whenever folks are sucessful, it's time for the Borg to be on the warpath!
I sent off a belated birthday card to a loved one. I'm sure it will be taken the wrong way. It seems as if the more you want to show your love for folks the more they resent you. I guess showering folks with love and generosity is the best revenge.

"The One Heart Song Prayer Project was founded 46 years ago. We are an international volunteer, not-for-profit organization dedicated to teaching and assisting the global community to live in joy, harmony, and respect, and to leave the earth a better place for future generations. The two common denominators of most members are a desire for world peace and balance, and the joining in a global collective prayer .Thursday night, 7:30 P.M., has become the established time for people of all faiths to join together in prayer to focus on world healing. It began with one circle of people of all faiths focusing on harmony and peace, and has grown to hundreds of circles that contribute to this world prayer network.The network includes circles of the indigenous peoples of North and South America, Africa, China, India, Turkey, Australia, New Guinea, Indonesia, Asia, and what was the U.S.S.R. As each circle connects, it contributes to the creation of a halo of love surrounding the earth."

The elections are coming up in 3 weeks and I see how this country has become so divided. It is so filled with hate and anger. I want to escape to Australia where folks are friendly. Families stay together even when the going gets tough. Children don't have several different fathers that are never part of their lives.

There is so much hypocrisy in this country. Reformed sinners appear to the be the worst and the most moralistic. Especially if they used to do lots of drugs and quit.They used to be hippies that smoked lots of weed and now they date cowboys that drink Capt. Morgan! tdf Suddenly they are on their high horse and judge teachers that ocassionally imbibe at the end of the day to lower their blood pressure instead of booze!
Bush is a prime example for being a reformed sinner. He smoked weed , did cocaine and drank a lot. Now rumor has it that he's drinking again.
Unfortunately teachers are put on this pedestal where they are not allowed to sin, where as the sinners are the first ones to throw stones if their children are taught by them. So they keep them home schooled where they are very often neglected and lack the ability to socialize with other kids their own age. They are shut out from the rest of the world because of an angry fearful parent.
Yes ocassionally I have enjoyed some herb but usually on lowers blood pressure! There has been a history of it in my family and I don't need any pharmaceuticals. The walmart machine registers about 120/70 but it's about 10 points or so higher when I haven't used any in a while.
An old gf even told me that her doctor recommended it so she wouldn't have misscarriages. Another bloke told me that his cancer went into remission when the Dr. suggested it.

I enjoy the challenge of helping students with emotional problems and severe learning disabilities. It can be a very stressful job, but I try my best and feel the rewards of reaching them on some days. Other days it's nice to relax and enjoy a little after a very hard day.

For those readers who pass judgement think about your own life and your many mistakes before you continue to cast your stones.

Other than that I had a great day enjoying riding in the mountains with Raphael. It's amazing going a little higher up you see beautiful Ponderosa Pines and alpine meadows . You forget that a few miles away and you are in a desert climate!

Sting rays into the heart!

Garvald asks one of the neighbors who would play him if they made a movie about his life?
will they play him in a chess movie? Robert Deniro, Tom Hanks... Robin Williams??. Robin would undertand ADD the most since he's bipolar! He's so excited about the chess and needs to tell someone who also believes in his dream!
Of course the story is fictitious. (I am actually in Australia writing all of this about an imaginary sped teacher.)
He rides his old reliable 10 speed down to the touch football game between the classes. Later they all go down to the bonfire party and competition between the classes. He sees all of the tribes gathering before the fires. He is so glad the kids are coming together and wishes for more community involvement. G gets more adult recruits for his chess project that will involve the whole community.
He imagines the whole community watching a human chess match!

Ok G, when will you start painting it?

I dunno?? I'm kinda of in a funky situation....worried about whether to pass Clay and Marty hoping that they'll get with it. He knows that if they do well, others will claim the credit. If they do poorly, G is to blame.

Every afternoon he has to deal with Betty Lou's snide remarks or in the am if he has to walk past her lookout from the lifeskills class. She yells, Mr. G!
Oh, no. does he have to respond to her daily anger?? It's always something. She is constantly whining about something.
At least he's not in Bagdad worried about walking on mines. He knows that the mine of Betty Lou's ascerbic mouth will explode with something that he has to respond to. She walks by asking about the ED students. He doesn't even want to talk to her. She never bothers to answer his questions so he walks on!
Cat got your tongue?
She yells out.
Later she nags him about unplugging her computer embilical cord so he could help the students have she starts a tirade later on about how he only uses the computer to teach the kids!
"You think your shit doesn't stink Mr. G!

He jokes later with the janitor who witnessed her tantrum.
"How does she know about my opinion of my feces aroma??"

Happy Birthday Alene! I love you so much!
It happened yesterday and that fact totally slipped my mind as doing well with school consumes me.,,,Alene would be about 48 ! Oh well, so many failed relationships in my life...
Alene was a relative success in that she loved me so much even though I could have been so much better to her. I was happy that I was able to spend a lot of vacation time with her. Vegas, a ski trip, and seeing Ron's new babies. That was another time just after Mom had passed away. My last thanksgiving with my older brother, Ron. I was ostracized by so many including my family after she passed away

A long time ago, I had a little happiness when a child called me Daddy and that feeling warmed the cockles of my heart.
Maybe I could be a Daddy?? Nah...

"You will never be able to handle being a father no matter how much you pray!" she coldly said...


So you put all your efforts in helping these children become good chess players! This is how you can find solace amidst all your failures and embarassments in your life!...or sometimes you just feel like hanging out on the beach and really escaping the toils of reality and lost loves...
none of your efforts will materialize..
you would only succeed at being a beach bum away from the anger of humanity! Maybe your heart will be the third victim of a nasty stingray.
She'll hop up onto your boat and sting you as hard as she can with all of her pent up venom!

once, she wrote some beautiful poetry:

"I close my eyes and I can see you
I want to reach out to you and hold you close
your emotion rolls into me in waves of sadness, desperation
I feel your longing, your confusiont
the hopeless questions
that find no answers
you seem to be reaching to me blindly and unaware that I am in a different realm
and cannot get to you
but can you feel me
I am with you
I can only lend the comfort of a thought
I can only embrace you and hold your soul close to mine
and while I cannot touch you
you will know that I am there
and that I love you beyond time and reason
that we will get through this journey
and find our peace once more
you are my love of my soul
my spirit companion
you are my infinity"

after we broke up this her last email to me
it was about her engagement ring:
"The ring symbolizes infinity and you are not it so I will keep the ring!"

che sera , sera!

then a few years later she writes some threatening blackmail in an attempt to malign my career: written anonymously

"wow. so it's really the ,,,,,, blank mountain range and blank High School, to be exact...wonder what the principal there would think of the school computer being used for cyberstalking or the special ed teacher that smokes pot and blogs about it? hmmm "

she had actually called the principal in Wewoka after we had broke up ! The principal there was cool and not easily swayed emotionally unstable women that have nothing to do with his school.

on a more positive note:
I still have hope for success in the chess and then wonder if it will ever happen?? I chatted with Brad and he thought it might be easy to start the project!
the worries of acid to clean the cement concerns my error prone ways...All the students will need to wear protective gloves and shirts!
he'll have to wear old pants and an old shirt before they take on the project! Get your mind off of past failures !
Please energies of the universe help me let go of these chains that bind me to the failure of the past!
Pray for the future and it will happen!

Happy St. Paddy's day!
I finally got out of the state of hibernation to come into the rest of the world of civization...I am almost sometimes to scared to come out of what has become my comfortable zone!...I relax knowing that I don't have to drive anywhere for the next few days! >>>

But the boredom overwhelms... but the security of knowing I don't have she stood up to him. most of the time bullies do not know what to do if someone stands up to them, especially if they are old bullies and it is a habit and they forget what kind of physical behaviour they had to inflict on people that made them a bully in the first place. to worry about driving is so goo.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

21,000 VISITS!!

Garvald asks one of the neighbors who will play him in his chess movie? Robert Deniro, Tom Hanks or Robin Williams. Robin would undertand ADD the most since he's bipolar! He's so excited about the chess and needs to tell someone who also believes in his dream!
Of course the story is fictitious. (I am actually in Australia writing all of this about an imaginary sped teacher.)

He rides his old reliable 10 speed down to the touch football game between the classes. Later they all go down to the bonfire party and competition between the classes. He sees all of the tribes gathering before the fires. He is so glad the kids are coming together and wishes for more community involvement. G gets more adult recruits for his chess project that will involve the whole community.
He imagines the whole community watching a human chess match!

Ok G, when will you start painting it?

I dunno?? I'm kinda of in a funky situation....worried about whether to pass Clay and Marty hoping that they'll get with it. He knows that if they do well, others will claim the credit. If they do poorly, G is to blame.

Every afternoon he has to deal with Betty Lou's snide remarks or in the am if he has to walk past her lookout from the lifeskills class. She yells, Mr. G!
Oh, no. does he have to respond to her daily anger?? It's always something. She is constantly whining about something.
At least he's not in Bagdad worried about walking on mines. He knows that the mine of Betty Lou's ascerbic mouth will explode with something that he has to respond to. She walks by asking about the ED students. He doesn't even want to talk to her. She never bothers to answer his questions so he walks on!
Cat got your tongue?
She yells out.
Later she nags him about unplugging her computer embilical cord so he could help the students have she starts a tirade later on about how he only uses the computer to teach the kids!
"You think your shit doesn't stink Mr. G!

He jokes later with the janitor who witnessed her tantrum.
"How does she know about my opinion of my feces aroma??"

Happy Birthday Alene ,
It happened yesterday and that fact totally slipped my mind as doing well with school consumes me.,,,Alene would be about 48 ! Oh well, so many failed relationships in my life,
Alene was a relative success in that she loved me so much even though I could have been so much better to her. I was happy that I was able to spend a lot of vacation time with her. Vegas, a ski trip, and seeing Ron's new babies. That was another time just after Mom had passed away. My last thanksgiving with my older brother, Ron. I was ostracized by so many including my family after she passed away

A long time ago, I had a little happiness when a child called me Daddy and that feeling warmed the cockles of my heart.
Maybe I could be a Daddy?? Nah...

"You will never be able to handle being a father no matter how much you pray!"

So you put all your efforts in helping these children become good chess players! This is how you can find solace amidst all your failures and embarassments in your life!...or sometimes you just feel like hanging out on the beach and really escaping the toils of reality and lost loves...
none of your efforts will materialize..
you would only succeed at being a beach bum away from the anger of humanity! Maybe your heart will be the third victim of a nasty stingray.
She'll hop up onto your boat and sting you as hard as she can with all of her pent up venom!
"The ring symbolizes infinity and you are not it so I will keep the ring!"

yet I still have hope for success in the chess and then wonder if it will ever happen?? I chatted with Mathew and he thought it might be easy to start the project!
the worries of acid to clean the cement concerns my error prone ways...All the students will need to wear protective gloves and shirts!
he'll have to wear old pants and an old shirt before they take on the project! Get your mind off of past failures !
Please energies of the universe help me let go of these chains that bind me to the failure of the past!
Pray for the future and it will happen!

Oh by the way, Michele Church left the pleasant threatening blackmailing comment on my blog....what a sad lady!

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

If We Paint It, They Will Come!

So Garvald is in town for his seminar, seeing Jesus even bragging about all the great things he is doing with His chess players! He wonders if even Jesus will attempt to overshadow his own accomplishments with his chess players. They all have lunch at a restaurant on the gregarious proactive principal. Jesus is bragging about his accomplisments in
"My classes!" Garvald wonders if the real Jesus had an ego too?? I suppose so=! I'm sure others wondered about this bloke's ego if he kept saying that God's his Dad and that he can get as many fish from the lake besides making tons of wine (what a party that I wouldn't be invited to) from all the water in the very shallow lake across highway 666! ( sorry, I was getting carried away!)
So Garvald eats his lunch with Jesus, Julio, the Borg, his favorite Iep facilitator, our secretary and the Principal. It could have been an Iep meeting. The Borg, Jesus, Julio and even the principal love to dominate conversations so we were never without words!
Betty lou comes to me with her situation and complained that she came here for the self contained class. I know how she wants to be the mother to my boys. I listen to her and don't want to open up an argument so I only aknowledge what she's saying.
Lately, they have been falling apart at least as far as grades are concerned.I'm torn between passing him or not. If he goes to after school tutoring then maybe I could feel right about passing him??
I'm feeling a little tired but I'm much more pumped than I am early in the morning and then the lull in the middle of the afternoon. It takes time for me to finally get going and then I'm primed by the end of the day.
Jesus asked me if I was teaching one of his severely retarded work study students. He says that he has to check out her IEP as if I was neglecting her. Well, J, as soon as you get off the computer she can learn math. It's up to me to get ports for the computers.
I joke with Julio about my reputation for being "stingy" (how would you say it in a Venezuelan accent?) and how would you react if Jesus came down from heaven and took over your life skill's class? Suddenly all of your best chess players are under His case management and are ready to convert and be part of his expanded following.

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Full Moon over the Serendipachi Mountains

Full Moon over the Serendipachi Mountains!
Garvald plays poker with his neighbors not worried about the poker game while he intoxicates himself with the company. He walks Buffy after the game looking up at his moon running behind the clouds.
Another week has happened with his Navaho tribe and he is ready for some more adventures!
He is more aware of his finity in his mortal shell. Another teacher about his age has a stroke helping him realize how little time there is to do the magnificent things he can do while enjoying life as much as he can.
Betty lou makes peace with him setting up a meeting to discuss the behavior contract for Marty. Julio with his Venezuelan accent loves to hear himself speak, so G brings out the chess clock so he can get a point in edgewise . He wants to let him know how J wants to dominate conversations with his Venezuelan accent that others love to hear so much! more later

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The Chess Blossom!

I'm torn between the Balloon Fest or visiting Raphael and Erowyn for Aiden's first birthday in their soulmate haven! They have the most beautiful boy! Breast fed babies are so often the most beautiful babies. M always said that about my head and wonder why my mind loves to go there?? Subconciously does my mind go to that wonderful warm feeling of my long departed mother's warm milk? Does this deep hidden feeling still long for me to be involved again in that beautiful feeling?? Will I ever be a father and relive that wonderful experience through my children?
(post script a day later): I keep talking about weird coincidences! I came home late last night after getting sidetracked on newsbusters and there was this late night news show talking about how mothers are sending their milk to the starving and dying babies of Africa. It is helping them survive. They are able to fight off the aids and start gaining weight again. They are looking so much healthier! Isn't that weird??

Maybe I could still see them on Saturday, pick up some herb and then be in the Land of Enchantment's big city Saturday night??... to see the balloons rise early in the morning! It would be so nice to pick up some herb for the humongous driving through the desert! And it would be such a wonderful site mixed in with the pleasant buzz of euphoria??

So many birthdays in October! Marla's child, Sarah or Sally will be born around October 18th! That would be such an amazing serindipitous(?) coincidence if she is born on the same day of Alene's birthday! I still have that larged framed picture of her as a baby from a very long time ago!
Marla's husband is helping me with the chess project and we need to expedite it before the child arrives. I wanted to buy the paint (stain) for the maroon and gold colors tonight but I had to prepare 3 Ieps for a very long day tomorrow!
Please energies of the universe, help give me strength for such a long day tomorrow.
Give me the will power to push the boulder of this fantastic chess dream! The boulder will create this fantastic avalanche of energy for this community! The force will create this wonderful flower blossoming in our courtyard! There will be so much more painting in the courtyard! It will be a Phoenix in this long dormant desert!
How wonderful to celebrate it with the poker party in my neighbor's garage and then up at sunrise to head for the b'day party! They have such a beautiful place at the base of the mountains right in the middle of the Arizona desert! The different moist environment is like an island or oasis ! It forms it's own ecosystem the way Kilimanjaro does in the middle of the African desert!
Thursday 10/5
Today was almost as if the Energies of the universe answered my prayers! I had compliments all around for the Ieps and I was so stressed about them. They lasted all day but even the Borg said I did a wonderful job! The principal kept giving me the thumbs up too! 3 of the students had been misdiagnosed (?) with the MR (mental retardation) label. They were now making up for lost time and were doing so much better in school! We were excited about helping them gradually get the reading, writing and math levels closer to students their own age!
To top off a wonderful day, my chess players were eagerly waiting to play chess and be in the tournament on the 14th! I was 2-2 against another faculty member who stopped to get revenge on his 3 losses at the start of the year!"

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Finding my inner warrior!
"Stoking The Fire Within and Awakening The Inner Warrior"
"There are certain personality archetypes that we all carry within us, such as the inner child, the lover, and the mother. Some of these archetypes present themselves strongly, while others lay fallow. For example, there is an inner warrior in each one of us, but in some of us this warrior is underdeveloped to the point that we are unable to stand up for ourselves, even when necessary.

For too long I have sat back while I let others take control. At the moment, I feel like I'm competing with a Jedi Jesus just out of two years with the Peace Corp in Bangladesh! I have let Jesus take over the life skills class and the Navaho ladies love him and hate me like I'm Judas??
Now he handles the work study and is about to hire someone else to work for him. Jesus definitely has the power. Today when Marla, the original work study quit so she could have her baby, he immediately decided to take her desk and her computer since she was work study but not really working under him. I felt again as if my territory and control was taken away from me. He is all about keeping all of his disciples happy but then deciding not to invite me to his supper (is that a good metaphor). He and Betty Lou have teamed up together in that life skills class. She has taken over the phone and he is the Dr. Schweitzer appeasing the restless natives. He even behaves as if Clay and Marty have become his children leaving me out of the decision making process. I wonder if the real Jesus was this anal.
I am realizing that one project is totally in my control and can't be taken away from me. I decided tonight to be proactive in the chess project myself. I will buy the paint out of my own pocket and with the help of the corn pollen teacher, we will paint that outdoor chessboard and they will come! I feel that a few others are also in this dream too!

There can be many reasons for this. We may have grown up with a parent whose warrior aspect was overdeveloped, and we responded by repressing ours completely. On the other hand, we may have grown up with parents in whom this aspect was dormant, so we never learned to awaken it in ourselves.

Dad was very controlling and dealing with my older brother, my warrior was never able to come out until Dad passed away. Now I feel his energy as only being positive since he (in my hopeful agnostic fantasy?) is living vicariously through me. I was reading his little diary just after I was conceived and Dad was without work. He wrote about his vicissitudes and then realized that I can have another mediocre year or I can do something really fantastic. I instantly felt the rush when I realize that I don't need to be struggling with these others that will only help me drown. I will sprint way far ahead of these naysayers and leave them happily in the dust. Success is the best revenge for those that only put you down (out of jealousy? ;)

A warrior is someone with the strength to stand up for what he or she believes;
The chess movement!

Someone who perseveres in the face of challenges and obstacles; someone who speaks and acts in the service of an ideal; someone who protects those who are too weak to fight for themselves. Regardless of the reasons for an underdeveloped inner warrior, you may begin to notice the lack of its fiery, protective presence and wish to awaken it. You may need to stand up for yourself in a certain relationship or situation, or you may have a vision you want to realize, and you know you will need the courage, energy, and strength of a warrior to succeed. Similarly, if you find that you often feel scared, anxious, or powerless, rousing this sleeping ally may be just the antidote you need. One excellent way to cultivate the presence of your inner warrior is to choose a role model who embodies the qualities of bravery, strength, and vitality. Braveheart and Robert the Bruce!

This person could be a character in a myth, movie, or book, or a historical or living person you admire. Simply close your eyes each day and contemplate the quality of energy that attracts you to this person, knowing that the same potential lives within you. Confirm for yourself that Garvald, you are capable of handling this energy responsibly, and I will stoke the fire of my own inner courage. "

Winston Churchill was sucessful in later life and so will you Garvald! Sprint hard ! Your love and passion will have no bounds!
We will paint it and they will come!

to take prisoners,
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run, my dear
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.

We have a duty to befriend
Those aspects of obedience
That stand outside of our house

And shout to our reason
"O please, O please
Come out and play."

For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits

But to experience ever and ever more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom,
and Light!

- Hâfiz

October 12th
I get superstitious about 13th and especially friday the thirteenth when I had my worst day of science class with the children of the corn from Chickasha! Alene and I were together for 13 years. We met when I was making a Presige Emergency Cash withdrawal. She kept that card in her precious box of all of her special moments with me. I just realized how much she loved me and that there is more than a 99% chance that no one will love me as much as she did. I put that thought out of my mind almost as if it was a curse (??) or a blessing when she always said that she would take care of me. I hear all of the signs from her and feel she has become so attached to Buffy too!
Shes on her biannual period so I have to keep a tight leash on her.She's sleeping by foot under my desk as usual. I'm so lucky to have found my canine soulmate!
She has brought that inner warrior out of me that I never realized I had.. or could only imagine that self actualized warrior was just waiting to take off the runway and soar. There are the naysayers and the angry squaws whom I deal with daily, but they are the least of my worries.It reminds me of when I have shaved for the big 200 yd. freestyle event and I know that noone can beat me. I leave them in dust as I sprint the whole way with an extra kick in the final 75 yds!

Sunday, September 17, 2006

Last lazy summer Sunday in the REZ!
Garvald attempts to enjoy himself and get himself out of his usual morning depression...his biggest fear is missing out on he watches "Chris Mathews" with very poor reception early in the morning and falls back to sleep listening to "Meet the Press...his dreams are mixed in with some infomercial until he wakes up...Buffy is one of his few pleasures and he cuddles her... comforting his loneliness and boredom in the high desert...
He gets his hot tub ready and tastes his last tiny bit of herb to escape while getting some sun in his backyard mixed in with a ride to his office to give his 2 cents to the neocons of Newsbusters...Julio and his wife walk in to do some work or also surf the net...they ignore G...
"will it be a long year?? or will you ever learn to be happy by yourself and not depend on others to cheer you up??"
He scolds himself and then he sees young folks flocking to a peace corp pot luck dinner/barbecue at his neighor Tom's place in the middle of the adjacent's packed with all of this club from the surrounding very large county....He envies Tom as he envies others that can organize these events... He overly worries about being ostracized by these folks a generation younger, wishing to be included...Where can he socialize and make friends?? He had a game a chess with his unofficial mentor, Dr. Sam. G worries that life is passing him one to really share his experiences except the audience out in his cyber world...
He chats with a young native American math teacher about his visions for the chess program in Utopachi. She is interested and he realizes that he can still do so much and survive the loneliness by plunging deep into his project. He tells her that he came back from Oz because he wanted to do something really
"spectacular in his at best mediocre teaching career!"
On Friday he showed his principal where he wanted the chess board. Mr. Blaney was very receptive and gave him some good ideas in the building and painting of this school project. He's so happy that he has such a good principal. He feels that this man was almost a gift from the universe!
Go with the flow, G!
If you build it, they will come!

9/19 If you paint it, they will play chess!
Winston Churchill would always take a little power nap in the early evening and then have a very productive night working hard on saving Britain from the Nazis! Bush is no Winston Churchill and we are not fighting the Nazis! We are going there to feed the greedy oil companies and be their free mercenaries while continuing to line the oil stained pockets of the Bush Cosa Nostra!
Ok G! Relax and enjoy your little fireside chat with your friends of the Okie Zone...
I'm so energized after a nap ...I could so much of a better job at school if I ever could try to reprogram my energy for early in the am or ever had a planning period right after lunch so I could have that revitalizing siesta!
But I had a good day sans the adderall, which helped me to fall into a deep slumber during the news. Now I'm wide awake drinking my tea and hot cocoa mixture that I invented after experimenting with Marty's reaction to it. He loves it but he especially loves that Pinon nut flavored coffee! MMM...even the whiny Clay loves that coffee with a heaping teaspoon of chocholate and mini marshmallows to wake these two boys up early in the morning!
Sometimes I'm determined to have a good day regardless of Betty Lou storming into my classroom to tell me next time I use the phone to put it back on her computer shelf the way she had it! The phone was originally for the life skills class but now it is basically hers by eminent domain! Now we get the same hang up calls that I get in my ED classroom!
"Is it your phone, Betty Lou?" I ask her calmly.She makes a snide remark and walks off back to her nesting spot in the life skills class!
At the end of the day she is back again this speaking a mile a minute in Navaho to the other ladies again. Finishing in English, "I don't have to be treated this way!" It was so peaceful for a week's vacation without her!

I had the usual problems again with D again. He knocked over a table when I was just cleaning up around him. Fortunately, the girls working on their math quickly got up before he screamed and threw over the table with his incredible strength from such a little man. He could have easily hurt them and then I'm sure there'd be a lawsuit against the school.
I had to wait with him till 4:45 until his home's van finally came to get him. At least I had the chess players, so I wasn't completely wasting my time. He attempted to knock over another table before he finally left with someone that is used to dealing with him.
The day finished well ! I walked around our beautiful campus and village all green from the rains. The sun is setting earlier now, about 7:15 and I watch her snuggle into the mountains at the corner of the valley.I soak in one of the last evenings of "summer" before we finally get the lush green killing frost and my beautiful pink rose will wilt ...will it be the end of spring in the summer or just the beginning???
I walk to school after chatting with a neighbor who is the "corn Pollen" teacher. These students are always wanting projects to help beautify the school. They did a gorgeous mural on one of the walls except for the emaciated cougar. Buffy is far better looking. She actually has the blonde body of a very strong 50lb mountain lion! I love her so much!
Brett is great at these kinds of projects. I explained to him about the chess board and where we're going to paint it. We will go into town Sunday and buy the paint from Home Depot after getting some cash for the paint and sealer! I am so excited!
I chatted with the custodians. They kidded with me about Betty Lou!
"have you all kissed and made up yet?"
I showed them where we will have the human chess. We will build the half life size pieces getting the art teacher and the wood shop teacher involved with the project also. The biggest complaint from students is that it looks like a prison with the drab grey walls. The murals will only accentuate the mountains and the desert plains that we see from the courtyard!
Gradually more teachers will be involved as the faculty sees the project materialize. I could see all the building painted with murals.
In the twilight with the outline of the mountains as the frame, the three of us saw this school become more beautiful than she has ever has been before!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

Today was one of the toughest days and it always happens when you have little sleep. You have no energy to deal with Clay and his tantrums. The assistants hate you so you finally go to the principal to get order back in the classroom that these ladies parked in their chairs have sabotaged any of your attempts to teach and have good rapport. The students pick up on this animosity in another language. A good friend that was a long term substitute assistant in that classroom knows how women are.
"Women hold grudges forever and won't let go.They will always hate you."
"They will only make your life hell"
G's mind wanders to all the ex gfs in his life that have never "moved on"(a common statement that is a blatant lie!). Even when they are old and grey, there is nothing worse than a woman scorned. If he lives to be as old as old as his Dad, will she still hate him?? He often wakes up in the am sadly thinking about all of his failed friendships. He hears Buffy sighs so effectively all of her worries gone in her exhale and almost envies his dog's life. He rolls over in his bed and hugs Buffy. She groans but tolerates her master.
So you are encouraged to assert yourself and get back your classroom! You feel energized and knock on your leader's door hopefully not to late. He comes outside into the cold wind. He listens to you and you feel so good that it will be taken care of.
Afterwards you have a heart to heart with Tom and become verklempt again. Tom's bachelor pad is so much "cooler" than yours. You tell him that there is only so much negative energy that you can absorb from these hateful creatures!
You become verklempt again and wear your emotions on your sleave. He also listens and you actually envy this young man's humbling experience and wisdom from a couple of years in Bangladesh.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Swift Boats in the Utopachi River!

SportPolitics Says:
September 13, 2006 - 01:37
I'm still wondering if rhayes school computer ban is in tact RJ.

yep , this computer is the only one that has access to this "forbidden site" and the library was banned or "forbidden access" for a week also
You don't have permission to access / on this server.
Apache/2.0.52 (CentOS) DAV/2 PHP/4.3.9 Server at Port 80"

Remember how he went insane - accusing this site of banning all of the reservations school's computers except his own teachers puter...

Then I caught him lying on several fronts- first he was in OZ, then he was here in the USA at 1am on the reservations computers posting to newsbusters...

douchebag with OCD, if you read this site you will see that Ive been teaching for over a month. I was in Oz in July.

I've considered him a complete moronic liar ever since, but he never did as far as I know find out exactly how other computers were "banned" at his - imaginary? 1am hackfest he was partaking in - on the poor abused mentally retarded native americans school computers...

ok, this is what we deal with when teachers are up for public scrutiny by folks like this. The sad thing is I've worked with emotionally disturbed parents and see the reason the child is that way? I can imagine this poor gentleman up late at night plugging away on his computer, with an oversized gut, one click away from his favorite porno channel!

Remember- he was caught in another awful lying statement, and tried to regain credibility by claiming he helped out the poor disabled kiddies- then same day only way later - we find out he's lurking in the middle of the night inside the school on a computer - he's a creep.

okayyy...and look at the posts from sports politics till what hours in the am? What kind of profession does this homeless man with a laptop by the dumpster have that makes him obsessed with Bush and left over double cheeseburgers from Mcds.

I feel sorry for those kids - noone will believe them when they try to tell what horrible things rhayes has done to them - if they can even speak well enough for someone to understand.

yep amazing how this poor bloke can spin and tell slander...but that's the nature of the neocon party and the human frailties with so many!

I decided not to respond to him as most of the idiot on this site now enjoy checking out my site!

of course this deranged gentleman will be allowed regardless of the ad hominem personal attacks!

by the way, today was a great day! Lots of learning ...lots of chess players improving their self esteem and knowledge

over 31 visitors just in september searching for newsbusters (bullshitbusters) and they find my site! Welcome neocons!
and a few obsessed blokes/bitches with many angry issues do a narcissistic search for their own newsbuster handle .. they can find my site too! wow!!
lata mates!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Spring time in Early Fall
During 9/11 he was in the middle of a relationship about to get engaged wondering about starting a family. His brother was fine. Ron saw the 2nd plane hit and took the ferry across to NJ. Then he saw them both fall from the banks of Hoboken.
Garvald was in love and excited about the possibility of a new life with a new family with children who would love him. He was scared more of that than terrorists.
Now it is 5 years later and loneliness scares him more than terrorists. Scared of being alone in his old age. But he learns to not feel alone when he's with the beautiful nature springing all up around him in the desert.
There is moisture in the air. ....
a feeling of rebirth in the community...
he senses that good can come out of bad....
flowers bloom in the desert...
he gathers them up while they bloom and soaks in the pollen
he tastes the native honey immunizing and immersing himself in the land
he walks his dog in the nature
the sun paints the foothills of Mt. Serendipachi so beautifully
it's the most beautiful evening since he arrived
How lucky he was to soak this in and
soak in the sun coming out of the Pacific shining onto his beloved beach
He sees that there are so many things to enjoy
the flowers of youth need him
as he needs their nourishment from watching them blossom
for his hungry soul
yearning to feel good about about it's present state of conciousness
in a shell that he needs to keep in good shape
for as long as the body will allow it to reside there...
he is starting to see who his soul is helping him become
he starts nuturing his garden (her)
and (she) smiles at his reflection
he sees how to be happy be again...
he had forgotten how to do that...
maybe the other souls that are with him also enjoy the image too
and they see the hope in his eyes of the many wonderful things to come
in the village of Utopachi!

Saturday, September 09, 2006


G wakes up a couple times wondering how to get out of his normal depression, (the feel sorry for himself attitude... feeling sorta left out like Holden Caulfied did in a world that he felt didn't understand him. He gets into this needy state of desire for company that has scared off many girls after Alene's death. He pull up Buffy loyally sleeping by his right side, he pulls her up and she gives that sigh that comforts him into a few more hours sleep. He's happy to just turn off the radio that comes on each morning at half 6 (aussie;)
After a jumbo egg brekkie(it breaks open into 2 embryos?...a sign??) filled with his normal ingredients of garlic, parmesan cheese , fresh zuchini and Tomahto(aussie pronuncation) sauce, cept it's not ketchup but our version with meat out of a can),
He walks over to Tim Gardener, the local Jesus lookalike... he's on the phone with his gf and then as soon he asks,
"Wassup, G?"
his Dad, who's 2 years younger than him, calls before can answer that question...
two folks that love him the most in his life and he wished that he had that love and connection with his own deceased Dad!
Garvald feels bad but he needs to talk with him to express his feelings of hurt but over some cider or a mango...neither help open him up to want to listen...He was interupting his makin' bacon and the phone so adroitly nestled with love in between his beard and shoulder. It was about 11 and he was recently up after a well deserved slumber after a hard week of classes, seminars and football. He was wearing his long pj pants and the clean brown Jesus hair
fell on his upper torso...
G envies him and having the next 2o years ahead of him and still be two years younger than this middle aged man deperately holding onto his lost youth as if it was within his grasp...the others in the small cul de sac are pleasantly distant from his invitations for the aussie way of pallava over coffee or brew. They are an elite corp that have given up the normal american materialistic ways for a chance to really get out of the comfort zone in another world and culture~! He wished that he was in that "church", or club(?) to have devoted yourself to another culture for a couple of years. The world would be such a better place if the govt enlisted peace corp folks the way they do the military as a way to give good will from this country to others that truly need our help in a peaceful way...

after an hour or so, Tim was off the phone and walked back over to his new neighbor's abode that well so immaculate and well gardened.
G thinks with an enlightened but anxious buzz how should he attempt to bond with this Christian hippy?? He pulls out a book from his standing room only literature stocked shelf,
"Jesus and his pipe(?)"
about a man trying to connect the attributes of both spiritualities, native american and Jesus? He briefly reads a bit but his right eye is messed up from the laser surgery (he wishes that he had the presription filled to help his vision! up close and far away! How could he be a visionary if he couldn't see properly?) ......

time is flying by and I wonder how to continue this story,
cept that G's friend(?) might be coming over tomorrow am for some of his freshly ground coffee with Navaho Pinon nut flavoring! Maybe he can help heal the feelings of animosity this good man might have towards him(?)...He said he couldn't car pool on Friday but he picks up Julio for the ride instead and then later G asks Tim for a beer and his continual invitations for bonding time are rejected..
"You don't want to have a beer with me? You don't like me??, " that neediness comes out again..
"No, it's easier to hang out with people (peace corp) where we have things in common"...
the street is populated with folks all a generation younger! When he was their age, they were'nt even out of grammar school??"

Garvald remembers back to the Byron Bay hostel in paradise. The beautful English girl brutally tells him that he's way too old for to be flirting with these young nomadic backpackers!
"You're way too old, G. What are you 45? The oldest girl here is only 25!"

Tim has been the intermediary between G's human angst and his feelings towards the Borg and Betty Lou! It only backfired as far as far as the relationship as peers and potential friends...
Garvald finally gets to say after his long conversatin on the phone,

"Well, you can only take so much shit talking before you've had enough!"

"Hey man, I've gotta go and don't forget your flip flops!" would Jesus say that to me if I wanted to have a beer with him?
G could read the cooled vibes of this mature young man in the drive back from the seminar to their village .....

...oh well, it's almost 4:20 now! Ta, M!

Neocons have a wonderful plan goin!
they can twist words such as these and claim them as their own!
plagiarism: the practice of taking someone else's work or ideas and passing them off as one's own

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

"Be realistic: Plan a miracle" (Labor Day)

A 3 day weekend after only two weeks of school!I open a book of sayings that Dad had and I took it back with me along with all of his beautiful Hawaiian shirts just to know that I'm in his spirit...So it says when you need a solution to what's bothering you or for whatever is on your mind, open the book to a page and the answer will be there!"Please God, how do I have a great day and just enjoying myself today?? "the page said the above statement and I laughed to myself almost as He was talking to me.This book coincidentally and synchronisticly (? spell check won’t let me spell it this way) always has a saying for me that pertains to what's on my my mind goes into this fantasy(?) of there being a God or just the spirit of my Dad talking to me… by the way Muffy told me today she heard tribal music when he was in transition to the other side)He was talking to me ,"You want to enjoy yourself and be happy?, get back to reality!really,G, the way you can be happy is just plan this miracle!"....for me, the miracle is how chess will lift the scores in school and the childrens' self esteem so much, we will avoid reorganization by the Nazis of the Bush regime who thought of "No idiot left behind"!La says I'm a visionary and many times I actually believe her!I see it all happening...everything can all flow with synchronicity, "if you build it, the game will happen"( or something like that from the "Field of dreams"...every time I rewrite this, I feel this spirit and energy..I become verklempt-tears rolling down my cheeks so easily the way I was when I told the principal how I didn't have to come back from Oz, but after 3 more weeks of soul searching, I knew had to come back for the chess, my special boys and the native community of Serindipachi!)...first we get the paint and the permission from our charismatic leader who's had death experiences with cancer so he knows how to live each moment with gratitude, wonderment and awe each time he sees the sunrise paint the high desert and mountain blooming now with beautiful wild flowers ... Muffy told me tonight about Ingmar Bergman's movie "Wild Strawberries" and she thought of me pondering a game of chess the way lonely old man in the story kept going back to this game of chess as if it was a metaphor for his life...I remember that movie as one of my favorites of this very deep Swedish we paint the courtyard into a chess board with maroon and yellow colors..the students (7 asked me to host a practice on Friday when I've only scheduled Tuesday and Thursday practices. There were 6 new freshman from the middle school..a couple had been regulars last year thanks to Raphael's involvement there...I need to call him and Erowyn!)...we build the pieces and then play out the game first with the paper mache(?) pieces and then with the human volunteers....we get as many teachers involved in this whole community project,invite a new middle aged teacher who also has dreams of this school having it's own TV station!!.He's gone back to school in his own mid life to become a teacher...I can see that he will help this school so much too!he was taking pictures for our newsletter last Tuesday!we'll invite the media for the first tournament in October with the youth festival in the city ......we'll get the elementary school and middle school involved...test all the students...ask for a simple math and English Iq test...have a before and after chess test!!
I am so excited I'm getting verklempt the way I was when I was invited to come over to the wonderful principal's home Thursday night and have a heart to heart talk after I was very upset about the way I was treated by these native ladies and the Borg ...
I was frustrated again with the native ladies in the life skills class and my Sped director, who chewed me out over Donovan, (the poor student who can't speak and has problems with sight but I believe is much smarter than he gives on to be)for refusing to get on the van. I asked for help so she was upset that I should be getting him on and wasn’t doing my job. It only took her 45 minutes to coax him with different things to stimulate him till he was happy ..I knew that when a group of bigger people surrounded him he gets on the van without problems...that happened Friday and today!...Two blokes from his center gently took his arm and he went without violent altercations immediately
Thursday was my roughest temper was short with all the tension building up...the students whom I'm able to teach didn't want to go in that class but the Borg insisted that there had to be a teacher was hot and these ladies insisted on not having on the ac …they were continuing to making a very irritating loud tapping sound that almost deliberately interfered with my teaching English and Math to the other students. They insisted that the kids in wheelchair needed to hear that very loud noise for stimulation ..
I asked if they could stop…they became mad and went to the principal ...He came down and observed me teaching basic phonics. He was pleased with the way I was teaching them..I felt so much better that night after talking with him and I asked if I could be in an inclusion class with both sped and regular students..
He said that he would think about it! That was all I needed. Friday became the best day of this school year ! Clay and Marty worked hard along with the other children make a wonderful ending to the day, the Borg came up to me with the great news that I would be teaching algrebra inclusion
I’d be away from these angry old ladies..(that day they all had a native lunch in my classroom inviting two teachers but of course not inviting me while I ate carrots perfectly content to while my time away on the puter ..It was funny..I guess you would have to be there..I see it being made into a screen play or sit com..I'm praying to the Gods that the story will have a happy outcome or at least become sitcom "Welcome back, Garvey!" where he finally wins over these ladies with his inner charm and charisma......Maybe he'll be the "Bahe" again??(Navaho or dine for “bread maker”) to be continued….