Monday, December 19, 2005

Back to redneckville!

After a long trip from the Rez and staying over night in Armadillo by morning, I crashed on the water bed. My home now has a good care taker so my transition out of the okie zone has been much smoother.
I had to stop off at the Red Dog for some relaxation from the long ride trying the bare minimum of beeds to stay awake so I would sleep well that night... but there is the emotionally disturbed bloke that attacked me at Lumpy's, Mike Dawson. This angry emotionally disturbed violent redneck mentality is staring me in the face as my foot set down in this intellectually deprived state...

He was just staring at me with an even more hateful stare than the average emotionally disturbed student whom I've tried to help. Why is it that scum like him get away with crap.

He says,
"Don't even start!"

All I say is,
"You owe me a lot of money!"
(from visiting the emergency room it was almost $800!)
His stripper gf starts yelling at me and storms over to the manager wanting me kicked out. He won't because I didn't do anything. 5 minutes later they walk out the opposite door. I worry that my car might be damaged by them. My intuitions are right! They are racing over to my side of the parking lot and then I see him. He backs up his old damaged vehicle, (the same one that he tried to run me over in!) and they take off!

I'm glad that I follow my intuitions. I check out the bipolar saloon afterwards. I'm pleasantly surprised that there are no angry stares to welcome me. I chat with the unorthodox Jewish musician older and even much randier than me. Here is someone of equal intellect that I can relax and shoot the shit with!

He's cool and I chat with an old very brief flame, I feel that there was energy tonight
Das ist schade!...German for that's too bad
I had no energy
I was feeling every bit of 50!

an hour later at another library 6PM
I have this miserable cold/flu and if it were not for the minimal amount of time released addaboy beads, I wouldn't have the energy or motivation to do these errands! I took Buffy to the vet for the free monthly check up and nail trimming, went to the dollar store, the supermarket, and Cingular wireless to find out how I can get the back cover to my new phone so I don't lose the chip. I guess I will have to just get duck tape that some janitor might take thinking its his own!
I want to always believe in people but then folks aren't honest with you. I am verbally and physically attacked by adults who were emotionally disturbed as children . These adults have learned to survive and get away with their violent tempers..A learned anger that children with reactive detachment disorder often have as the major reason they end up in SPED classes.....

Clay gets angry when you stare back when he stares at you!
and they become violent like Mike Dawson.
Everytime you look his way, you notice him staring at you almost daring you to meet his stare. He waits for you with his arm folded waiting to physically attack you. You seek help from the small bouncer. They don' t do anything. Mike comes running towards you when you are not looking and he shoves you on the floor and your head knocks the bottom of the bar. You try to get him off of you and another emotionally disturbed steroid injected bartender attacks you. The police won't do anything. You get on your cell phone telling 911 that he is trying to run you over. They arrive with your shirt ripped off and because it's a bar, they only hear the opinion of the bartender on steroids and his barmates wasted on all the 3.2 beer you can drink!
Okc's finest don't do anything.
"Have you had anything to drink?"

two beers is all it takes for all of your rights as a citizen to be taken away.
The owner of Lumpy's won't do anything and says you can sue.
I call the police the next day and they won't do anything and said there are 2 many Mike Dawsons! He doesn't know which one to go after. You wished that you had time to memorize his plates (funny how it looked like the same green hornet car as what the monster was driving towards me outside the RED DOG.

Now this bloke who needs to be in jail is after you. He has that killer with no conscience look that eventually arrives to the faces of many emotionally disturbed people that never were taught to moralize the difference between right and wrong. They have no conscience and will do anything to get their way. They are so full of hate that woe to their victims.
That's why I worry about Clay and his temper. After a few drinks and with his anger he would do anything to beat up someone that even looked the wrong way!

You are traumatized by the incident and think maybe it's safer in today's emotionally disturbed world to sometimes avoid eye contact with crazy violent adults with histories of violence and getting kicked out of adult anger management classes after threatening the teacher.

"I didn't like the way he was staring at me!!"
Mike complains to the steroidster.

Would he have become angry if the teacher responded with the evil stare that they mastered in middle school or even elementary in order to become the meanest sob on the playground.

The other 3rd graders say to the new kid on the swing.
"Hey newbie, you better not get on that swing.
That is clay's swing
and he will kick anyone's butt that gets on it!"
(I'm sure that even the students on Dawson's creek didn't speak like that as elementary kids!)

"Do you wanna picture?? It will last longer."

I believe I said that to Arnold Schwarzenegger junior when the resident dyke was giving her perspective on me to him.
I noticed that he was glaring at me.
He didn't appreciate a man who comes to drink his beer and was older than his father was so cheeky. His main priority that night was to put me on his feces list.
"I can't wait to have an excuse to kick his ass tonight, if he even looks sideways at moi!"

He was a new bartender full of insecurities immediately desiring authority among the alcoholic pecking order . I'm sure bouncing was on his resume...
he probably even has the desire to become an LA police officer! I could imagine he and Mike beating up a poor victim that might have made the mistake of questioning their authority from psycho power hungry men addicted to violence!

I wonder if Gilda is back. I became paranoid (now it's a heightened sense of reality coming to the safe conclusion that man/woman will more often than not do things to serve their own selfish interests. I was ripped off by her in the past when I lent her money, I was ripped off when getting herb when she was the middle woman, and then she wrote checks from your checkbook that you absentmindedly left in the coat pocket left at her house several years ago on ST. Patrick's. You wonder the worst things. Since her old phone number doesn't work, you think that she sold your car to make a quick buck. Even though you like her, you know that she would only use you to her advantage.

So we are tainted by past injustices....
becoming hardened to the fact that humans are animals
civilization and its codes
help us rationalize our behavior
our "evil"
is just taking care of number 1...

if we have an addiction such as power
we will break the laws and
even pretend (?)
that the Gods are with us

Hmmmm.... I feel the energy of the damp snow coming down
excited about things and relieved that Gilda hasn't stolen my car
or sold it so she can fly to her magical hippy colony in Santa Fe (?)

she's been sold on the escapetheokiezone philosophy....Garvald finally does it and so why shouldn't she before she rots from being in this rut
your tires stuck in this barren land of intimidating overwhelming chosen ignorance!

wow!!! amazing what a little mind opening euphorics can doto your state of mind, your emotion...
but you will have these same thoughts when you read it and think about it when you wake up in a new land, a new nation (cept they were here before us by about 20k years!)

you could easily be waking up to teaching inner city youth all gangsta wannabees...
middle school gangsta rebelliousness has migrated down to 5th graders
as the ICP rap and gangsta shootings have even reached the most rural Indian communities...

But you wake up knowing that you will walking to school with sun coming up over the eastern horizon shining on our Mt. Serendipachi....You have a feeling that the synchronicities are reaching you here, all the signs :
1.the Mountain Lion on your black sweatshirt that Alene thoughtfully and prophetically bought for you subconsciously seeing into the future, that her Garvald would be alone in this wilderness
2. The only sweatshirt that you took with you from your packrat hovel was the mascot for the school
3. state chess champions waiting for you to coach them to the state championships
4. You feel that your students will ecome what you want them to become
5. you are fitting in almost as much as the doctor on Northern Exposure!

there are more coincidences that I can't think of at the moment but that I've probably mentioned if I ever reread my ramblings...
these are all reasons that you want to get up in the morning and do your peaceful road warrior work!

All of this contrast is like finding a new gf, going back to the old one and realize that you weren't missing anything
and then you go back to the sun shining on your mountains in the morning
maybe you have finally found your passion??

Tuesday evening, alone in the library..... but hey!
maybe I have few friends out there in my loyal 25 readers who anxiously might wait for me to continue letting them be in on my sometimes very mundane melancoholic life!
I convalesce(?) my lungs at the height of congestion
believing that these tough bacteria have become much more resistant to stronger and stronger bacteria!
I have Gilda to thank for the antibiotics but she had make sure that it was a big deal and they are $75!
I suppose that's how much it would cost if you didn't have health insurance~!
You are a real pal, G, but I still like you and you don't have to have any worries, M.
She's not a threat and living near the mountains in a small village where everyone knows, its better at least to have the image of gentleman and hide any lustful desires for younger intellectual teachers....
( "I said that just to see if you'd get pissed off" ;)

It was nice hanging out in the Red Rooster last night and I'm torn between heading there while giving a call to Madamme Joan C! I realize in my unmedicated state with congestion clogging my brains I have a less than 50% chance of surviving a telephone call before she chews my head of for disability, stupidity and not being able to follow her conversation about whether she's working at the casino or her office party is there.
"He can't keep up!"
"I'm sorry kids, but my bf is retarded!"

xmas is always traumatizing;
finally, the whole superficiality of the season is getting to me
its get the presents before others do
hurry up and get out of the way so I can do my shopping!
folks drive more agressively
more excuse to drink heavily
and get into fights in bars

At least it's a beautiful day and I can let Buffy absorb some of the winter solstice sun in my backyard in Redneckville. I open the blind to a room filled with decades of packrat junk and see her looking so sadat me but she is happy and knows to absorb the precious few rays of the winter sunshine!

xmas boredom
So M told me to wait a day so I won't pass on the avian flu to her. G's antibiotics will run out tomorrow night! I've even cut out the booze completely to let the stuff really work... I'm sleeping as much as my body will let me until the melancholy of feeling sick, down and wasting another xmas holiday takes a grip of my aging body
I get even more down when I could still be having the most fun of my life in the Land of OZ before the pecker will eventually wilt! (I wonder how much saw Palmetto do I have to ingest to slow it down?)
I want to escape to a fantasy(?) or religion(?) that we will have another chance to get all the Karma right. I must have had a lot of bad karma in my last life then??
If I could believe like the pagan girl who almost converted me, I would be so happy knowing that it's another journey. I would want to fill the DVD with as many adventures around the world as the limited footage of tape would take!

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