Monday, December 06, 2004

Dear Ms and Mmmies,

I think what could I do a couple of years later to enhance this love letter to my many friends and lovers??

I hope that you like the title of the essay??

Maybe you are right about this Web-site that so much of this is so incoherent, M but then I feel good when some or of all this garble reaches you. I have been watching more movies and should actually do more writing. I feel that maybe this is just a long letter to you and all my friends,acquaintances whom I thought were my friends and lots of enemies (folks that would be happy when misfortune happens to them). I have been writing on this blog for 5 months and there is no spark of any book being developed out of this but at least I know that there is more than enough material to put it together for this task. We have been through a lot together especially with the law. We could look at this a downward spiral or a way to learn overcome adversity one more time. I have learned to make a joke about so many of the obstacles that have been overcome and taken care. It is nice to think that our future selves might be laughing at all the prADDfalls. It will nice to think that the troubled ones on the site will be able to see personifications of themselves in a movie or documentary.

For fear of losing all this writing, I am putting it all on AOL so that it wont be erased when I try to publish it. The blog publishing machine is often erratic so some of my readers have given up on the reading. Less are reading it when the anonymous mmies can't leave their nameless judgementalisms. They actually have to register like they are supposed to register their guns. So we have a fear about being found out or of others looking into our souls the way I have done. I know that some of this is probably mindless rambling that has no hope of being published or some have no desire to read it unless they are motivated enough to leave a comment.

My time is wasted each day instead of really devoting to the writing with a much more coherent plan. I haven't really figured out a way to get this done but if I started reading some books about getting it published I could. I know that in KC, there is a writer's group that I could go to get some more ideas.

M, you have been my best friend through thick and thin. You have been through my choice to finally see if medication would help me plan better. It does help me get things accomplished but I have avoided taking it as much because of the cost and my own desire to be not dependent on pharmaceuticals. I also know that as far getting many things done, the weed does take away much of the motivation so I have cut back on the amount and just wait till I go to bed or the important tasks at least the important tasks have been taken care of.( I would like to find out about the teacher was arrested for weed in KC and they are a lot of parents and students rallying to his support according to Muffy)

Alene realized how different I was and the other relationships have probably discovered how difficult or strange I might be. I try my best to be patient with myself and especially others when I am in situations where I do not want confrontation. I feel that the pen is by far my best way of communicating where I can say what I want without being interrupted and it is on paper so that there is far less of it being misunderstood as my spoken word is such as in bars.
i.e. "I can write down Utopia for you".

I do have many friends as I only like hanging out with certain types that also enjoy good conversation. I have made many friends or connections in life. It would be nice to still keep in touch with all of those people in life's short journey. I do not regret having any of the deep relationships as they have only helped me grow as a person and learn to deal with people a little better.

Many folks have much more common sense or at least people knowledge. I am still learning just as I'm learning to be a better person that I myself can be proud of. I have found that my sense of humor has been one of my biggest helps in dealing with life's many defeats and disasters. I think of Robert the Bruce and William Wallace to know to keep on getting up from defeat and never give up. I have this feeling that I will make it and be succesful in my endeavors.

There is a reason for me to be here and pass on the collective conciousness of our family and our race. There is so much to learn and so much to tell. All of this knowledge of the current world and the history behind our behavior might help others. There is a genetic reason for ADD. Many inventors had ADD and I believe that the stone age man who's mind was wandering thought of the wheel in his head while others were struggling to find meat.

M, I am still discovering who I am and looking for self actualization while I might find a new way to build our wheel. As we get older we can feel so overwhelmed with life's adversities but I am learning to deal with them better. I know with some things, I am a very slow learner, but feel that with my persistence I can accomplish a great deal. For my few friends out there in cyberspace, thankyou for the support and readership. I hope that we can see some great things happen in the world instead of all this fundamentalist hate from both sides that has been spreading like the plague.

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