unconditional love...
is that what happens to most dads                    that fall in love with their family??
we are settling into life at the retirement        community of fairfield bay...
our view isn't as good as last year
but it's still there if stand up and look over the roof...
no comparison to our view of the sea...
but we can see the bay..
and we are so close to the pool, where        i can religiously practice my stroke
and perhaps stave off the extra weight                       of being lazy??
while i relax  in my new parking spot
and spend time with my son
treating these moments with him as the Gold in my life...
his blonde hair bouncing up and down  
as he frolics in his new surroundings
living vicariously in his new life
as he becomes smarter


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i went downstairs to admire the almost full waning moon...
realizing my own mortality...
i think of a friend who had his wake up call at a much younger age
and then i get a glimmer of what my own mortality could be
when i walk across Hedges ave.
and suddenly see double with much better acuity...
it was bizarre
i closed either eye and didnt see double
but then I could walk just shutting one eye
to a chair
to see my beloved ocean one more time
and eat a halloween mini candy bar
the uneasy feeling wondering when the double image
fades away with each bite

hypoglycemia or
a mini stroke....

and I hug my son that evening
and play frisbee with my son more than i ever have
having discovered my son's new toy hidden among
the seaweed about a 100 meters out from shore...

the feelings run across my mind that night,
with frustration at my own body's fragile shell
and the necessary need to establish the bucket list....



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