I was reading this other site that was coincidentally talking about what I was writing and thinking about the other day, and I realized that Im this kind of prograstinator...i

"The tense-afraid type
The tense-afraid type of procrastinators usually feel overwhelmed with pressure, unrealistic about time, uncertain about goals, and many other negative feelings. They may feel a sense of malaise. Feeling that they lack the ability or focus to successfully complete their work, they tell themselves that they need to unwind and relax, that it's better to take it easy for the afternoon, for example, and start afresh in the morning. They usually have grandiose plans that aren't realistic. Their 'relaxing' is often temporary and ineffective, and leads to even more stress as time runs out, deadlines approach and the person feels increasingly guilty and apprehensive.

This behavior becomes a cycle of failure and delay, as plans and goals are put off, pencilled into the following day or week in the diary again and again. It can also have a debilitating effect on their personal lives and relationships. Since they are uncertain about their goals, they often feel awkward with people who appear confident and goal-oriented, which can lead to depression. Tense-afraid procrastinators often withdraw from social life, avoiding contact even with close friends."


I guess subconciously, I am escaping my contacts and social life and my failures and delays..... and my honey does the same...so we say "Lord help us"...or universal energies help us....
but I think that my so cockeyed optimism helps me realize that slowly it can get better...
together mixed in with the guilt of not getting the paperwork even started to become an Aussie by descent...
knowing that I could be one of the happiest beach Rip Van beach bum over 50 on the beach!
there is my home that was almost destroyed but slowly and surely that is being taken care of...as will all the other things while I escape on my favorite beach in Oz...playing ping pong and drinking 4x beer on a Good Friday Avo with an Ocean St. mate...
but then the guilt that I should be with my family overtakes my concience and desire to be with them some...
my love for my son has helped me get up early with him and seize the day on the beach with him..

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Please Lord, get my ass in gear so that I can focus on the future for our family!