You could call this a personal creative fiction journal about a world traveler and his evolving life.
He saw the warmth of Americans vanish with the once large friendly middle class. Was there a Camelot, when we thought of ourselves as a good nation?
The powers that be have been holding our country hostage since Reagan took away the power of the unions and Neoconservatives took over the Republican Party!
Will we ever stop our declining ways?
(sorry for typos!)
ya know....sometimes, it would be cool to really believe that there is an afterlife...
I guess I see some of the gung ho Christians dancing in almost mesmerizing trance...
I guess depending on the herb you smoked or who you were with....you could get into a woodstock type of communal thought....
you are with a bunch of other believers really getting into with the dancing and speaking of tongues.... you then vote because you believe the future president will believe the same way...
....You all wanna believe there has got to be a better place.!!.....
you see a new day!!...and you wonder if you could do something wonderful that would make you think life is fulfilling... I suppose one of the major reasons some folks go into depression is that they might be missing out on the party...they have been seeing black, white and grey...
or they are missing sunshine and color in their lives! you fall in love and everything is like a summer morning in paradise!
I have had so many relationships and lived in so many places...I love falling in love
I have seen enough dawns to sometimes wake up bitter...
I sure hope that I make the best of this place and this marriage...I love seeing the bright sun come in again after overcoming a long few days of sub tropical storms!!
I know my vulnerabilities and weaknesses as past women have found out...
so when will I ever get the day right.??..
I have seen so many dawns ...hoping that the next day would be better...Maybe I could strive one day to have the perfect day, the way Bill Murray did in "Ground Hog Day"....to perhpas know that I am evolving into the loving ,understanding father that I would have loved to have had!
....Would I like a day of great achievement so that Mom and Dad would be jumping up and down from up above the way they were watching me win the 200 yard freestyle swimming race in the swimming championships of Rochester New York!
( I sent the essays about Ground Hog Day to Dad in Australia...He loved it when I wrote him these long essays while he paid for my classes to become a teacher...I didnt seem a long time ago...almost like I could get on the phone and ask him about my latest essay...Perhaps he was reading them from his favorite chair of our Parthenon flat..It was a warmer feeling of our family being together only a year or 2 after Mom passed away)
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i went downstairs to admire the almost full waning moon...
realizing my own mortality...
i think of a friend who had his wake up call at a much younger age
and then i get a glimmer of what my own mortality could be
when i walk across Hedges ave.
and suddenly see double with much better acuity...
it was bizarre
i closed either eye and didnt see double
but then I could walk just shutting one eye
to a chair
to see my beloved ocean one more time
and eat a halloween mini candy bar
the uneasy feeling wondering when the double image
fades away with each bite
a mini stroke....
and I hug my son that evening
and play frisbee with my son more than i ever have
having discovered my son's new toy hidden among
the seaweed about a 100 meters out from shore...
the feelings run across my mind that night,
with frustration at my own body's fragile shell
and the necessary need to establish the bucket list....