now Im about 100 seconds from narcolepy...It was so fun to hike up with while smoking the new found herb..going to another altered state mixed with a little depression that life is so fleeting....wishing that you were the age of your friends again...you didnt think about how life was so fleeting back then>>
Wednesday: It's too bad that I don't have anybody close by to share the wonderful weather ...long distance relationships are very frustrating...I almost want the freedom of not having a gf so that I can experience falling in love again...I miss that excitement of finding that elusive soulmate and wondering if there ever is a chance that Ms. Perfect will fall in my lap somewhere in my travels...I have been celibate for the past few months just out of laziness and desire to be honest...another big one is why make the effort for rejection and entanglement worried that the whole village will know ! ....especially if it fails....
More and more it seems as though I am convincing myself to stay here regardless of no intimacies here or the chance of a third year by myself only comforted by my faithful bitch, Buffy!
I have talked to others of my dream materializing in schools large courtyard...I keep looking at her as if she is now my love, my passion, my creation!...I can let her go now just when it could be the start of a movie and this is only the beginning...Never, have I felt a niche and comfort zone working here with the natives...a Bellagonna all alone putting all of his efforts into figuring out how chess can save the community!
They will be proud of themselves ...I can feel it...I can feel the energy when so many youngsters hang out by the chessboard ,,, I had desks put around the 100 sq. yds. so that kids wouldn't across it and wear it out before we started the actual play...others see it and then ocassionally an adult gives a compliment...some people think I'm crazy but they are not willing to admit that it's already having a profound effect positively on many. It is so beautiful seeing the maroon and gold colors blend into the mural of the mountain, cougar, sun and nature. The colors that Brad and I picked out were perfect. I never expected it to look as good as it does!
It will be so fantastic when they paint mountain lions, Native American warrrios on the edge of the board!