Sting rays into the heart!


Garvald asks one of the neighbors who would play him if they made a movie about his life?
will they play him in a chess movie? Robert Deniro, Tom Hanks... Robin Williams??. Robin would undertand ADD the most since he's bipolar! He's so excited about the chess and needs to tell someone who also believes in his dream!
Of course the story is fictitious. (I am actually in Australia writing all of this about an imaginary sped teacher.)
He rides his old reliable 10 speed down to the touch football game between the classes. Later they all go down to the bonfire party and competition between the classes. He sees all of the tribes gathering before the fires. He is so glad the kids are coming together and wishes for more community involvement. G gets more adult recruits for his chess project that will involve the whole community.
He imagines the whole community watching a human chess match!

Ok G, when will you start painting it?

I dunno?? I'm kinda of in a funky situation....worried about whether to pass Clay and Marty hoping that they'll get with it. He knows that if they do well, others will claim the credit. If they do poorly, G is to blame.

Every afternoon he has to deal with Betty Lou's snide remarks or in the am if he has to walk past her lookout from the lifeskills class. She yells, Mr. G!
Oh, no. does he have to respond to her daily anger?? It's always something. She is constantly whining about something.
At least he's not in Bagdad worried about walking on mines. He knows that the mine of Betty Lou's ascerbic mouth will explode with something that he has to respond to. She walks by asking about the ED students. He doesn't even want to talk to her. She never bothers to answer his questions so he walks on!
Cat got your tongue?
She yells out.
Later she nags him about unplugging her computer embilical cord so he could help the students have acess....so she starts a tirade later on about how he only uses the computer to teach the kids!
"You think your shit doesn't stink Mr. G!

He jokes later with the janitor who witnessed her tantrum.
"How does she know about my opinion of my feces aroma??"

Happy Birthday Alene! I love you so much!
It happened yesterday and that fact totally slipped my mind as doing well with school consumes me.,,,Alene would be about 48 ! Oh well, so many failed relationships in my life...
Alene was a relative success in that she loved me so much even though I could have been so much better to her. I was happy that I was able to spend a lot of vacation time with her. Vegas, a ski trip, and seeing Ron's new babies. That was another time just after Mom had passed away. My last thanksgiving with my older brother, Ron. I was ostracized by so many including my family after she passed away

A long time ago, I had a little happiness when a child called me Daddy and that feeling warmed the cockles of my heart.
Maybe I could be a Daddy?? Nah...

"You will never be able to handle being a father no matter how much you pray!" she coldly said...

3/17/07
"



So you put all your efforts in helping these children become good chess players! This is how you can find solace amidst all your failures and embarassments in your life!...or sometimes you just feel like hanging out on the beach and really escaping the toils of reality and lost loves...
none of your efforts will materialize..
you would only succeed at being a beach bum away from the anger of humanity! Maybe your heart will be the third victim of a nasty stingray.
She'll hop up onto your boat and sting you as hard as she can with all of her pent up venom!


once, she wrote some beautiful poetry:

"I close my eyes and I can see you
I want to reach out to you and hold you close
your emotion rolls into me in waves of sadness, desperation
I feel your longing, your confusiont
the hopeless questions
that find no answers
you seem to be reaching to me blindly and unaware that I am in a different realm
and cannot get to you
but can you feel me
I am with you
I can only lend the comfort of a thought
I can only embrace you and hold your soul close to mine
and while I cannot touch you
you will know that I am there
and that I love you beyond time and reason
that we will get through this journey
and find our peace once more
you are my love of my soul
my spirit companion
you are my infinity"

after we broke up this her last email to me
it was about her engagement ring:
"
"The ring symbolizes infinity and you are not it so I will keep the ring!"

che sera , sera!

then a few years later she writes some threatening blackmail in an attempt to malign my career: written anonymously

"wow. so it's really the ,,,,,, blank mountain range and blank High School, to be exact...wonder what the principal there would think of the school computer being used for cyberstalking or the special ed teacher that smokes pot and blogs about it? hmmm "

she had actually called the principal in Wewoka after we had broke up ! The principal there was cool and not easily swayed emotionally unstable women that have nothing to do with his school.

on a more positive note:
I still have hope for success in the chess and then wonder if it will ever happen?? I chatted with Brad and he thought it might be easy to start the project!
the worries of acid to clean the cement concerns my error prone ways...All the students will need to wear protective gloves and shirts!
he'll have to wear old pants and an old shirt before they take on the project! Get your mind off of past failures !
Please energies of the universe help me let go of these chains that bind me to the failure of the past!
Pray for the future and it will happen!

Happy St. Paddy's day!
I finally got out of the state of hibernation to come into the rest of the world of civization...I am almost sometimes to scared to come out of what has become my comfortable zone!...I relax knowing that I don't have to drive anywhere for the next few days! >>>

But the boredom overwhelms... but the security of knowing I don't have she stood up to him. most of the time bullies do not know what to do if someone stands up to them, especially if they are old bullies and it is a habit and they forget what kind of physical behaviour they had to inflict on people that made them a bully in the first place. to worry about driving is so goo.

Comments

  1. "I close my eyes and I can see you
    I want to reach out to you
    and hold you close
    your emotion rolls into me
    in waves of sadness, desperation
    I feel your longing, your confusion
    the hopeless questions
    that find no answers
    you seem to be reaching to me
    blindly and unaware
    that I am in a different realm
    and cannot get to you
    but can you feel me>
    I am with you
    I can only lend the comfort of a thought
    I can only embrace you
    and hold your soul close to mine
    and while I cannot touch you
    you will know that I am there
    and that I love you
    beyond time and reason
    that we will get through this journey
    and find our peace once more
    you are my love of my soul
    my spirit companion
    you are my infinity"

    I have been so hurt when I was so happy. We had something so wonderful and for it to turn only into hate is so sad. Life is so short to hold in so much anger. Regardless of what you do, I will always love you.
    All I want is for you to listen to me.

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow. so it's really the Chuska mountain range and the town of ________.......... High School, to be exact...wonder what the principal there would think of the school computer being used for cyberstalking or the special ed teacher that smokes pot and blogs about it? hmmm

    ReplyDelete

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Please Lord, get my ass in gear so that I can focus on the future for our family!