Escape the Okie Zone

Now that I have the convenience of the computer in my house, I don't feel the need to go to the library. So it gives me the chance to be more of a bum or recluse. The depression of being alone was alleviated by just stopping off at Mike's pub. It was a serendipitous occasion feeling the positive vibes of most of the young folks and of course babes that momentarily exchange glances.

I hope that this doesn't sound naricissistic but for some reason I seem to attract more looks from the ladies that I used to think were out of my league. I would like to get the opinion from other ladies to know better. What do you think Muffy? She is rolling her eyes>'
"Gawd!"

Bottom line it was an enjoyable evening seeing friends that I had met earlier in the year, Mike and Emily. I was introduced to their friend, Frank. Mike is really good with computers, photographs, and graphics. We hopefully will be getting together on setting up the website to do even more things. Emily used to be a top tennis player in the state in highschool.

We all went back to my place to "speak with the Gods". I am very proud of having a clean house for the first time since I've lived alone. When they wanted to smoke cigarettes, we went into the garage where there is a nice couch. The previous tenant left a black light in the garage so it gave a really cool feeling and look in the cold. I brought out the space heater to warm the place to a little above freezing.

Now I have visions of making money somehow(??) off my writings and be able to invest in a hot tub!

I will write more about these delusions more after the free beer at Mike's!

Sunday 9:56 am:
Now I will watch Kerry on meet the press!
I'm glad that Kerry and the few Democrats that are left are holding the administration responsible for the war. He is staying on top of what the administration is doing over there. I am excited that he's developing an idea to cover all children with health care.

It's now almost 2 and I'm very bored with everything and where my life is going. I need to set up a real plan.

It was good last night meeting Chuck and Sondra again. We always have good discussions and it's good to have a few friends to have good deep talks with. Sondra had introduced me to the adderall a few summers ago by giving me 2 pills. When I took them, I immediately felt confident and not overwhelmed with things. I took them on alternate days and noticed immediately how others noticed my confidence too getting looks from girls more :) My view of myself was much higher and did not feel bombarded by the usual perseverance of negative self talk. On the day in between, I noticed without it, how my energy level was obviously down, but I felt better psychologically. I had realized a new vision of the way I could function. It was like putting on a pair of glasses after being nearsighted all of your life.

The following day after taking it, I noticed how much more I could fit in the day. I did not feel overwhelmed with mundane chores that needed to be done. But then I still procrastinated on getting medication until last February.

I did not choose to have any adderall today, because I still want to take a nap so I might have the energy to go to the Blues Saloon. I wonder how they will react if I walk into a place that I had been kicked out of 2 years ago?

I wonder if they still hold a grudge for me for just ignoring the bartender when he told me a seat was taken that no one had sat on for 15 minutes. Bartenders/tendresses have a tendency to be control freaks and be on power trips especially if they are small and don't know the definition of the word, "utopia". They then get angry when you don't tip because they never smile and always have an attitude on par with a middle school emotionally disturbed adolescent except with more testerone and steroid induced strength alla Lyle Alsado (God rest his angry steroid tattered soul!).

I think, the one tall, 4 eyed, goofy looking bartender upstairs, John, was always angry with me after I went home with a girl that was a "friend" of his and wished he was getting it instead.
Why should I go there and face angry rednecks but I love to dance so much and I loved the music so much when it helped me lift my mood!

This is basically becoming a journal that maybe one or two readers want to tune into. I suppose you're tired of this boring soap opera.
I'm gonna veggg now watching some DVD's of "Sex and the City" until I fall asleep. Maybe later, I will have the energy to go for a walk and come out of hibernation? I don't feel as guilty being a vegetable in my own cave on Sunday.

I really need to get a plan going whether it is to fly to Australia, go south for what's left of the winter and go "carabout" (walkabout in a car), or substitute in other states or even here??? Just make a plan!

see ya for now

6:40 pm rambling rose , alla Nat King Cole!
The last 20 minutes, I've been listening to him on OETA, all about love, sometimes musicians can capture that feeling so much as hid....

I'm gonna have to get some of his tapes to listen to on long romantic car rides with or without love.....
to get all bleary eyed and verklemmpt;;;

"forever more , that's how you'll stay

that's why darling

you are incredible

she thinks that I am unforgettable too"

I might have messed up on a few words....

So now I'm deciding whether to go eat Chinese on Nw Expressway, where the bartender from the bipolar saloon eats sometimes, or CiCi's pizza??

I deserve it after just walking for a couple of miles in our square mile of expanding subdivisions, having a couple glasses of Mason white wine, and speaking with the gods with my good neighbor, Charles.

until later...

so now its 1:50 pm...Monday paralysis...waking up and thinking about the hangup call from my reality check....knowing that she is almost right unless there is the lottery chance of ever doing it...especially if you have no idea where to go with it...we were talking about the fear of there hardly being anything when you start saving 177$ a month at 34, you might have a retirement income of only 800 a month at 65 :). Depression is thinking about what your life will be really like if you really "retire" at 65 or have to greet the future masses with an old forced smile at the entrance to Walmart. :)....wow ....can I sound anymore depressing than that??

She is right almost right that I haven't even started my book...she does not like this "fantasy' of getting 6 figures for this pie in the sky book....I say that to myself everyday as I find no purpose in this book, no goals...the protagonist has to have goals and be going somewhere ....

life in limbo. life in the doldrums, feeling alone, unfulfilled, not even going through the motions as this year passes by...the week has been hovering above freezing...I have never been more concious of looking out into these bleary January days...knowing that it's my own fault for so many things....I have just taken a lick of adderall and see that my mind is not cluttered but obviously you see that I am still depressed into paralysis from the situation ...

.When I was teaching, I would actually look forward to coming home and just vegetating in front of the tube until narcolepsy took over...and I would start the day, hoping that the children would start learning how to behave and write better so that they could learn to write their own thoughts for what choices and directions they would want to go...i would then feel better when I had a supportive administration that I was really reaching these kids...It would be so wonderful to come home to someone that really cared about me and saw what a good thing I was doing...maybe I could be content growing old helping these kids...helping them gets my mind off of my own travails...the pity wagon is a pitiful thing and I'm sharing this with maybe 5 or 10 readers that might just surf into this site ocasionally ...it's like they are seeing a marine mammal flapping its fins stranded on the beach... (Is that a good metaphor for a pathetic situation?)

I have been reading the "Artist's Way" so much lately... disciplining myself even for a couple of pages everyday is a lot for me...The book tells you to write 3 pages everyday...stream of conciousness...I wish that I could type faster so that more of these thoughts would come out...some of this should be for no other eyes especially closeminded judgemental eyes of folks that have not gone through the loss of losing people so close...

People might be understanding or sympathetic for a little while after the loss and then they lose touch with the survivor ....

After Alene passed away, I gradually lost touch with my tennis friends. I probably started acting differently...Since then I have made new friends or companions on this journey...I have had many girlfriends or brief intimate acqauintances probably scaring many of them off with my nerdy, ADD ways of saying things... said impulsively that might hurt because they are so honest and true, but without malicious intent only misunderstanding..
Oh well, I've got to get over spilled words and spoiled relationships,
"no use crying over spilled metaphors" as the professor smiled flirtatiously with the young co-ed in the front row....

..

I'm sure it was the neediness for companionship after losing someone who centered their life around me. We shared and cuddled in the same bed for 13 years. I held this woman close to me for about 8 or so hours every night. The loss must have showed subconciously and in outward appearance. I lost my naivete and in many ways have become hardened to the world of anger and hatred. I much prefer being around loving nurturing folks. Sometimes, I fight this plague of anger and fear, at least knowing that my voice can be heard. Sometimes, I just want to escape from it and be a recluse in my own house.... only getting out to eat Chinese, Pizza or be in bar with an abundance of reminders our not too distant grunting guttural ancestors brought on by the inebriating grog....I

I'm happy to have avoided the neanderthals in pubs lately...It is so nice to go through weeks without seeing or having to confront this raw anger that is deeply rooted within our animal minds...

I suppose this bipolar feeling in the nation and Okiehoma has calmed down since their dicktator was reelected...they are happy and complacent like they are when their footall team wins...It doesn't matter that this is one of the poorest states yet they always vote for the Patrician's party.

The patricians have momentarily appeased the plebians with lots of death as their young gladatiors fight at the colliseum on the other side of the world.. the emperor says,

"Let them eat bread!"

To be continued...it's 2:36 and I'll see if Charles wants a walk. :)

9pm: One of the few things that I've acomplished today is walking about 5 or 6 miles today... earlier the walk with Charles and then walking to the Chinese restaurant and back. It's about 2,6 miles but I walked an extra few tenths when I realized I was going up the wrong street instead of Ramling Rd. The other neighbor's wife offered me a ride when she saw me walking around the corner....

I guess they are really trying to make peace with me. I told her that I was getting exercise. I do apreciate the offer and felt like the animosity is gone. So maybe things are getting better??

I have so much to do but don't know where I will start. Maybe, I will get up before 10am and will take a little adderall with my coffee. Maybe I will make the dreaded phone calls to the collection agency for the hospital bills from being assaulted by Mr. Dawkins and the bartender from Lumpy's. I gave Lumpy's the bill before Xmas and Dawkins had told me that he would pay when I saw him by chance at a convenience store. I get upset that I am too scared(?) to even face these people when an injustice was done to me and the bill needs to be paid. I guess I need to call a lawyer and talk to the police again. I thought that I could let it go but it's over $700 and I don't some testosterone rednecks spoil my credit. Please God, give me the strength to face people and look them in the eyes when I need to stand up for myself. I have let myself be a victim before and I need to learn when it's important to take a stand when someone really crosses the line.

that's enough for now....tomorrow is the start of February ....Dad will be 89 February 7th, Fat Tuesday eve.

Wow! Happy February, I am finally going to bed...It's 6am...I will have some serious rems and maybe will get somethings accomplished tomorrow like some phone calls to the agency and Lumpys! Can he have the courage and intestinal fortitude, readers??

"you,ve been saying you would get a laptop for several months!"

she rolls her eyes...
"What do you do with your life? Is this what will go in the book?"
and she wrinkles her face to look at him that tells him,
"besides ADD you are nuts"!

"I"ll give you the answer in the morning"
as the narcolepsy controls any dismal desire to confront an angry lady....and he nods off into his days of youth....he always dreams that he's still college age :)

"how pathetic"
he hears
and he rolls over to tune out that painful voice
that also comes from his own injured soul
He wishes for beautiful dreams
to give him the needed desire to seek out and love the new day!

Go Garvald! :)
Tuesday 5:30 :(
Damn aol...I keep losing service right when I am writing my funniest pieces and it's all erased...

"What have you accomplished today?"

Not a goddamn thing but explain myself as nothing but a lazy, lascivious, lethargic, lengthy Lethario using a silly French accent to make le Muffy to laugh knowing how good he can make her feel in the stupping department...:)

It was a hilarious scene funnier than most SNL skits..
(she rolls her eyes at his delusions of hilarity)

Feb 11th

It's funny when I shook hands with Shane, he still holds a grudge that I wouldn't kiss his ass ...now his teeth look like he's doing crack..only in his 20's ,,,but apparently, they let an asshole bartender run the Blues Saloon.

I saw Pinky and her Snake Shakers and she almost looked as sickly as Shane. It's sad that is so predominantly redneck...Everyone looked very bored.

1/30 a year later:

I wondered if reikifethr had written this as I know she doesn't want to see me
and this seems to be her way of closure. She has gone through so much and I wish that I could go back in time to help her from being in the situation that she is in now. I wish that someway I could help her and know about her life.

I don't know who wrote this; no credits were given where I found it. If anybody knows please let me know and I'll post the credits. Thanks. ~~Lena

CLOSURE EXERCISE
Background: We are all here to teach one another lessons and to learn lessons from one another. In the course of this learning, people will come in and out of our lives. When people come into our lives, it is usually an easy welcoming process. When people leave our lives, the departures are not always so pleasant. Often we spend too much time pondering, cursing, or regretting their absence from our lives.
Goal: The purpose is to achieve closure with people who have departed from your life WITHOUT seeing or speaking to them. This exercise brings the energy of completion to the relationship. It allows you to express - once and for all - what you wished to say to the person if you had the chance. It then releases the energy of closure and completion to the universe. Since at the level of pure energy, we are all one, you will feel the sense of closure and peace with the other person.
Preparation: All you need is a lighter, a blank piece of paper, a pen, and a quiet place and time to do this exercise. For each person, Here are the 4 questions to ask yourself and write out completely: 1. List all resentments
2. List all regrets 3. Write all unsaid or undelivered communications 4. Anything you would have wanted to acknowledge him/her/them
for and didn't. When it feels complete, burn the paper and Invocate (say) out loud:"I address my Greater God Self, For final release and Disposition:Please witness my Declaration of Power:I rescind any and all vows & contracts I have taken, anyone in this body has taken, and anyone within my genetic lineage has taken pertaining to:Any vow of Illusion, Separation and Disharmony. Remove and Clear All Negative Implants, Ancestral patterning, Genetic patterning, improper karmic attachments to my ( Insert Name of Person) , known or unknown to me.I claim my Divine Inheritance and Self Sovereign God Power NOW!I now declare these vows & contracts null and void in this incarnation and all incarnations across space and time, all parallel realities, parallel universes, alternate realities, alternate universes, all planetary systems, all source systems, all dimensions and the Void.Spirit, please release all structures, devices, entities, orientations or effects associated with these vows & contracts.NOW! "

Dad will be 90 on fat Tuesday Feb. 7th, the same birthday as Charles and Horacio!

Cannabis 'Scrips to Calm Kids?
Tuesday, April 20, 2004
By Kelley Beaucar Vlahos
STORIES
•San Francisco Ponders the Pot Business•Kindergartner Sprinkles Marijuana Over Lasagna•Art Garfunkel Pleads Guilty to Drug Possession •Police Ordered to Return Confiscated Pot•Priest Accused of Growing Pot at Church•Medical Marijuana Prosecution Confusion •Kerry 'Toke' Draws Little Smoke•Federal Appeals Court OKs Medical Marijuana in Some Cases
WASHINGTON — As a California pediatrician and 49-year-old mother of two teenage daughters, Claudia Jensen says pot might prove to be the preferred medical treatment for attention deficit disorder (search) — even in adolescents.

"Why would anyone want to give their child an expensive pill … with unacceptable side effects, when he or she could just go into the backyard, pick a few leaves off a plant and make tea for him or her instead?" Jensen asked the Drug Policy Subcommittee of the House Government Reform Committee earlier this month.

While some wonder whether Jensen was smoking some wacky weed herself, the clinician for low-income patients and professor to first-year medical students at the University of Southern California (search) said her beliefs are very grounded: The drug helps ease the symptomatic mood swings, lack of focus, anxiety and irritability in people suffering from neuropsychiatric disorders like ADD and attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (search).

"Cannabinoids are a very viable alternative to treating adolescents with ADD and ADHD," she told Foxnews.com. "I have a lot of adult patients who swear by it."

Under California state law, physicians are allowed to recommend to patients the use of marijuana to treat illnesses, although the federal government has maintained that any use of marijuana — medicinal or otherwise — is illegal. The federal courts have ruled that physicians like Jensen cannot be prosecuted for making such recommendations.


Jensen said she regularly writes prescriptions recommending the use of marijuana for patients —particularly those suffering pain and nausea from chronic illnesses, such as AIDS, cancer, glaucoma and arthritis.

She has also worked with one family of a 15-year-old — whose family had tried every drug available to help their son, who by age 13 had become a problem student diagnosed as suffering from ADHD. Under Jensen’s supervision, he began marijuana treatment, settling on cannabis in food and candy form, and he has since found equilibrium and regularly attends school.

But not everyone is so high on the idea of pot for students with neurological illnesses. Subcommittee Chairman Mark Souder, R-Ind., who invited Jensen to testify after reading about her ideas in the newspaper, was hardly convinced by her testimony.

"I do believe that Dr. Jensen really wants to help her patients, but I think she is deeply misguided when she recommends marijuana to teenagers with attention deficit disorder or hyperactivity," he told Foxnews.com. "There is no serious scientific basis for using marijuana to treat those conditions, and Dr. Jensen didn’t even try to present one."

Dr. Tom O'Connell, a retired chest surgeon who now works with patients at a Bay Area clinic for patients seeking medical marijuana recommendations, is working on it. He said cannabis not only helps pain, but also can treat psychological disorders. He is currently conducting a study of hundreds of his patients, whom he said he believes have been self-medicating with pot and other drugs for years, and he hopes to publish a paper on the subject soon.

"My work with cannabis patients is certainly not definitive at this point, but it strongly suggests that the precepts upon which cannabis prohibition have been based are completely spurious," O'Connell said. Worse yet, he added, the prohibition has successfully kept certain adolescents away from pot who now turn to tobacco and alcohol instead.

Jensen, who said she believes Souder invited her to testify to "humiliate me and incriminate me in some way," suggested that a growing body of evidence is being developed to back medical marijuana chiefly for chronic pain and nausea. She said it is difficult, however, for advocates like herself to get the funding and permission to conduct government-recognized tests on ADD/ADHD patients.

"Unfortunately, no pharmaceutical companies are motivated to spend the money on research, and the United States government has a monopoly on the available marijuana and research permits," she told Congress.

Studies done on behalf of the government, including the 1999 Institute of Medicine’s (search) "Marijuana and Medicine: Assessing the Science Base," found that marijuana delivers effective THC and other cannabinoids that serve as pain relief and nausea-control agents. But these same studies warn against the dangers of smoking marijuana and suggest other FDA-approved drugs are preferable.

"We know all too well the dangerous health risks that accompany (smoking)," said Rep. Elijah Cummings, D-Md., ranking member on the subcommittee, who like Souder, was not impressed by Jensen’s arguments.

"It flies in the face of responsible medicine to advocate a drug that had been known to have over 300 carcinogens and has proven to be as damaging to the lungs as cigarette smoking," added Jennifer Devallance, spokeswoman for the White House Office of Drug Control Policy (search).

The government points to Food and Drug Administration-approved Marinol (search), a THC-derived pill that acts as a stand-in for marijuana. But many critics say there are nasty side effects, and it’s too expensive for the average patient.

On the other hand, Jensen and others say cannabinoids can be made into candy form, baked into food or boiled into tea. They say that despite the FDA blessing, giving kids amphetamines like Ritalin for ADD and other behavioral disorders might be more dangerous.

"Ritalin is an amphetamine — we have all of these youngsters running around on speed," said Keith Stroup, spokesman for the National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (search).

"Although it flies in the face of conventional wisdom, it's nevertheless true that cannabis is far safer and more effective than the prescription agents currently advocated for treatment of ADD-ADHD," O'Connell said.

Stroup said if Souder’s intention was to harangue Jensen, he was unsuccessful in the face of her solid and articulate testimony on April 1.

"It was a good day for her, and a good day for medical marijuana in Congress," he said.

Nick Coleman, a subcommittee spokesman, said Souder doesn't "try to humiliate people.

"But to promote medical marijuana for teenagers with ADD … he does not feel that is a sound and scientific medical practice," Coleman said.

While the issue of treating adolescents with medical marijuana is fairly new, the idea of using pot to treat chronically and terminally ill patients is not. Nine states currently have laws allowing such practices. A number of lawmakers on both sides of the aisle have added that they want the states to decide for themselves whether to pursue medical marijuana laws (search).

Among those lawmakers are Reps. Ron Paul, R-Texas, a physician; Dana Rohrabacher, R-Calif.; and Barney Frank, D-Mass.

"(Rep. Paul) believes there are some legitimate applications," like for pain and nausea, said spokesman Jeff Deist. "But the real issue is that states should decide for themselves."

I can't believe I can access my blog. I played around with the security and somehow, the settings were preventing me from getting on.
Now it's 2:24 am and wondering what to say. I've been enjoying reading the Artist's way. Next week, I need to decide on my plan of action!

Now it's 12:24 pm...woke up at 10 am to find snow outside and can almost pretend that I'm snowbound in the country when I see the snow accumulating on the thick evergreen brancehs of my cedar forest in the backyard...watching Trump and his 20 something young bride talking about having kids!...isn't he aproaching 60...more power to him...if I was rich like him, I guess I could to afford kids and hiring a hispanic maid and even afford to pay their social security
unlike the blokes that Bush tried to hire for his administration...

so now I'm letting you be involved with my stream of conciousness
the pagan girl used to log everything in our notebook together as part of her own stream of conciousness....it really captures the moment...when you see what you wrote 3 years later or when I wrote about my travels in my diary when I was 10 years old...

It brings back exactly the way I viewed the wonderful large world back then....I was in Thailand in 66, while Vietnam was rife with civil war and seeing soldier hanging out at the hotel pool on R and R... I remember my older brother and I were somewhat oblivious to the war but when I flew over it, I knew that there were bombs going off down in the jungles below. We were singing,
"It's been a hard days night and I been workin' like a dog."
The beatles were famous for a few years...

Hope you all don't mind this stream of conciousness but nobody out there in cyberspace or any of my 5 loyal readers, wants to give me constructive criticism on what they want me to write about???
Here's another essay among other essays schwaggers from theschwag site about how they are trying to sneak by a bill to draft our young American youth for the dicktator's war for "freedom" when it's really about oil! :

I was a senior in HS when Nixon pulled us out so I didn't have to worry about "running for the hills", Canada or maybe trying my luck with the coast guard.

I just don't like the idea of us being over on the side of the world fighting communism or "terrorism" (Bush and his administration have become the terrorists)

when I would have been much happier servicing the country doing volunteer service somewhere where we really needed help ....education, helping youngsters find out that they can have a life instead of a fat administrator or chicken hawk telling me to die for oil

We dont need to die for oil...We existed without oil 100 years ago...we walked , rode the horse or took a train run on coal...

we could make ourselves independent of oil...it is a finite resource that will run out when your grandchildren get tired of paying $100 for a gallon of gas!

it's interesting that a name after our worst institution, MCDs, call liberals "pukes"

probably from eating to many big macs

who has watched that DVD about folks getting sick from having a diet of only MCDs?

MCDs is another one of the ugly America's embarassments....the rest of the world laughs at us or worse, despises us because of this ugly Americana that is not wanted in so many countries..

when we blow ourselves up we will think that we worshipped the big mac! when anthropologists (if there are human remains or any human left) they will
see the mcd's styrofoam that have not degraded....they will see these ugly golden temples and think this place was for worship of the Holy bigmac cow!

"run for the hills "....
where there are no MCD arches to aesthetically pollute the scenery
those hills free of MCDs and the madness will be few and far between
places like schwag might not be around anymore as we subdivide our country
into homes, parking lots, MCDs and walmarts
just imagine walmart being in the center of what is now schwag 100 years from now!

they are all over australia....you see a beautiful little town in the country to be blighted
by these ugly yellow M arches

I am hoping that most of the folks from schwag form together to stop the mindless ravages of civilization or what we repukes like to call progress

There are many of us that want a much more ecological friendly civilization. The greens party has these ideals. I know most folks love places like schwag where we walk around rather than drive cars....
We will lose it unless we really speak up and decide to not tolerate shitty administrations, shitty closeminded attitudes and shitty processed food

IMPEACH BUSH AND GET OUT OF IRAQ!

It's funny when you are away from the internets you kind of miss them. I finally have my own little portal or cyber door to the universe of intelligence....wow..that must be the stuff that infiltrated my lungs!...it's nice to be back at the Warr Acres library and sweet librarian, all dressed in red! :) I only have 15 minutes to say what I need to say and then put my writing and discussion from thescwhag.com. onto this site. I wrote on various places and my computer at home does not let my password work for some reason. Here is a conversation from the message board of the schwagsite:



Wh,
Im putting our discussion on the site for others that are interested. I'd like my site to be sort of a chat room and support group for those with ADD and those that want to get rid of Bush rather than just staying in a funky depression! Ithink many of the funniest folks have ADD!
pax,
Garv

I would like others to be aware of folks that have different ways of processing and to not feel alone if you realize that you might be different.


Whitehaze,
I felt like you did, until I saw the difference in calming down very hyperactive and unintentionally disruptive students. They have difficulty staying in their seats and talking impulsively without thinking often getting themselves in trouble.

There is a substantial difference immediately in their behavior . When the medication wears out or they didn't take it, they get into trouble ...

I do believe in nutrition as a way to help students and gradually decrease the medication when their eating habits are better. Often the processed food in our diets causes so many problems and often causes problems and allergies . This poor diet is exhibited in poor behavior or poor work skills.

check out my site..I've talked about my own ADD and how it affects my life. I try to keep a sense of humor about all the fuckups that are often things folks that are absent minded and impulsive do.

www.escapetheokiezone.com

as far as bud and ADD,
weed definitely makes me more lazy, so when I have been teaching, I wait until evening after work. When I have lots of work, I make cannabis a treat until the work is done. I also stay a very closet smoker as far as not letting any one at work know that I imbibe because of all the propaganda about for almost a century!

I'm hoping that with more exposure we will lessen the stigma so it will be like having a beer after work.



whitehaze Posted: Jan 27 2005, 01:04 PM



Bronze Member


Group: Members
Posts: 204
Member No.: 670
Joined: 17-October 03



Garvald, I understand your point, but I think you failed to understand mine.

Here's your example:
Not concentrating*take pill*concentrating

Here's my example:
Not concentrating (severity may differ with ADHD, I understand)*take pill* concentrating.

So, Speed helps you concentrate. ADHD children may need it more, but I could use it too. I have a lot of work to do, and I have trouble concentrating. Why shouldn't I use it?

Also, remember, parents like to use this so that they don't have to love and watch their kids. It's way over prescribed, and nearly handed out among doctors. Having only 3 and a half years of Psych, and a year of training in clinical testing, I could easily obtain it if I so desired. If you know how to answer the questions properly, you can obtain it too.

BUT BACK TO THE POINT: I could care less what YOU ingest. If it helps you, enjoy. I just don't think it's a smart idea to have children ingest relatively new drugs and screw up their very sensitive brains. Do we want children to be dependent on a pill for the rest of their lives, or would we like to see them succeed on their own accord?

I totally agree, DIET is essential to feeling and acting well. I was ecstatic that you make points to feed your children good food.



GnomeGrownThreads Posted: Jan 27 2005, 03:17 PM



Gold Member


Group: Members
Posts: 1111
Member No.: 316
Joined: 23-May 03



ahhhh adderall....

Melissa's bro is on it, and it seems to have helped him with his schoolwork indeed....As for the drawbacks, I think I will coerce him into posting his thoughts......

I DO know this....Adderall is not a weak, simple drug. It is a combination of two different amphetamine salts, and by weight is more potent than methamphetamines. The two amp combo works magic by each salt functioning in waves, overlapping each other, presumably to lessen the crash........

At one time amphetamines (not necessarily adderall) were the most prescribed pharms in america....Valium gets all the press, but post war america is a country run by speed freaks.

Not a big fan myself, but there are valid uses for it, and like any other drug it can simply be a tool, however, the potential for addiction/ abuse is pretty damn high.

--------------------
Peace and Kindness
Bart Campbell
GnomeGrownThreads

"An eye for an eye and soon the whole world is blind" Gandhi

CHECK OUT MY WORK!!!
http://tcampbell.photosite.com/






garvald Posted: Jan 27 2005, 05:18 PM



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Group: Members
Posts: 71
Member No.: 1442
Joined: 22-September 04



whitehaze,
you wrote,
So, Speed helps you concentrate. ADHD children may need it more, but I could use it too. I have a lot of work to do, and I have trouble concentrating. Why shouldn't I use it?

Yes, speed helps you concentrate. and from my experience teaching students with ADHD, I have not seen them grow up to become addicts. They go off it during the summer without any desire to have it.

There is a lot of stigma because it is an amphetamine and that was why I was reluctant to try adderall until I was sure. The Doctor let me try different samples from stratera to a med for narcolepsy. They all had good effects for thinking and my own ability to focus on what my gf was saying. I have been reluctant to try an amphetamine for very long but I have never felt addicted to it and often go weeks without it. I just drink more coffee which isn't healthy.(actually green tea gives you a good lift and it is good for you!)

When I was teaching,
I realized that the time released adderall worked well for me all day and I was able to work well into the evening. I would have felt overwhelmed with all the work with IEPS and lesson plans. I no longer felt overwhelmed with all the work that I had to do and developed more confidence. I also realized how much more that I could do in a day. It was like finally getting glasses after being nearsighted.

I am taking a year off to write and find out where I am going in my life. I realize that these pills are very potent and when I open up the capsules and just have a few beads, I can make the pill last (for as long as a week)
I only take a little of it, just like I would a cup of coffee, except that it really works so much better. It actually often lifts me out of a sometimes lethargic depression.


"Also, remember, parents like to use this so that they don't have to love and watch their kids. It's way over prescribed, and nearly handed out among doctors. Having only 3 and a half years of Psych, and a year of training in clinical testing, I could easily obtain it if I so desired. If you know how to answer the questions properly, you can obtain it too. "

I have worked with parents and many say that until they have a student that will not behave no matter how good a parent they may be. They are reluctant to try the drug regardless of how misbehaved the student is acting. The drug can be overprescribed but I have not seen that with the students that I have worked with.
parents sometimes want to blame the teacher or others when good parenting skills would work better in conjuction with limited medication.
There is a significant change in their behavior when they miss.

"BUT BACK TO THE POINT: I could care less what YOU ingest. If it helps you, enjoy. I just don't think it's a smart idea to have children ingest relatively new drugs and screw up their very sensitive brains. Do we want children to be dependent on a pill for the rest of their lives, or would we like to see them succeed on their own accord?"

There has been a lot of research on it. I have not seen the side effects from the adderall on any students. I know that it should be as a last resort but it also a choice for parents that don't want their child to miss out on a good education because of their poor behavior and inabilty to concentrate.
check out my site....I have a lot of books posted on my site about ADD. There are many historically significant inventors, artists, scientists that most likely had the "syndrome" when it can actually be a blessing and talent.

I totally agree, DIET is essential to feeling and acting well. I was ecstatic that you make points to feed your children good food.

Americans have more problems in this country in regards to violence, poor behavior in schools. This diet causes many more problems than we realize. Children are getting adult onset diabetes because they are 100 lbs too heavy.

If we ate vegetables more and less red meat, we would be healthier and less angry.

Hope that you didnt mind the way I responded to your letter, Haze



whitehaze Posted: Jan 27 2005, 07:40 PM



Bronze Member


Group: Members
Posts: 204
Member No.: 670
Joined: 17-October 03



I think the way you responded was perfect. If I could figure out how to quote on this damn thing I would.

All the benefits you describe are indeed great benefits. I also notice the same thing about coffee. I used to be a real user of ADDs when I was in high school. I had a friend who was prescribed them and hated them. So, naturally, he gave them to his homey. ME.

They were wonderful. I could do all my work, be a peach in class. Shit, I remember raising my hand and answering questions, even while stoned. Those were fun days. I lost weight, didn't need to sleep, and it helped me make straight "A's. (That's what we are here for right?) I was the perfect little boy.

But I WAS on a pill. Speed.

I guess I get a long fine without it, but I guess I miss it like you would. It's hard for me to concentrate, and I get anxious when I have big tasks. I perform better when on Speed. Flat out.

I like what you said near the end because it proves my point well. Those historically significant artists and inventors, and scientists that had the "syndrome" as you describe it. Those people didn't have pills. They had their "word" and their "balls" per Tony Montana. That's it.

Imagine if everyone though Van Gogh needed a pill because he was a bit too looney?

Again, I am all about YOUR freedom. This country is badass because of it.
I just don't think giving kids speed is a good answer. I have two cousins with doctor described ADHD, and they are special, but something about the pills makes them different from themselves.

If a kid doesn't raise his hand or talks in class. If a kid doesn't get in line properly, or plays rough with the other boys. If a kid doesn't want to do his work. Are these good reasons?

I SAY screw lines, screw raising your hand, screw not talking to a friend in class, screw that bullshit busy work like writing your name 30 times. If my kid is smart enough not to wanna write his name in cursive six times, and write out spelling definitition 8 times. MORE POWER. Ask yourself, can that kid concentrate on nintendo for 3 hours? Does he have ADD?

Elementery school for kids is all about bullshit socializiation. Get in line, raise hand, don't talk, don't step out of line. Keep a perfect straight line. If a Kid strays from the norm, he needs something.

Aren't you quitting to write and think about where your going? doesn't that suggest something to you about it's possible influence, or I am reading way to much into that....

Thanks for such a lively debate Garvald. It's helped me burn a few minutes before a third date. I was so anxious...

Until next time, a free promotion for you:

www.escapetheokiezone.com

Edited by whitehaze - Jan 27 2005, 07:46 PM



garvald Posted: Jan 27 2005, 08:29 PM



Advanced Member


Group: Members
Posts: 71
Member No.: 1442
Joined: 22-September 04



"Aren't you quitting to write and think about where your going? doesn't that suggest something to you about it's possible influence, or I am reading way to much into that...."

I have been thinking about writing a book for 20 years. One
of the most irritating and frustrating symptom of the condition is procrastination and putting something off until you are way past the deadline. I would end up doing papers for the prof at 3 in the morning. I did not have the pill when I survived college a few times.

It is hard to say where I might be in my life right now if I had started in high school long before they knew about the condition and just called you lazy and absent minded.

You need to read "Driven to Distraction" about adults going no where in their life until they discovered medication and doing the steps in their lives to cope with their difference in processing. Check out Barnes and Noble and browse books on ADD and relationship. It will give you a lot of insight into yourself and others.

"Thanks for such a lively debate Garvald. It's helped me burn a few minutes before a third date. I was so anxious...

Until next time, a free promotion for you:

www.escapetheokiezone.com

Lately, I haven't felt like writing as much but I have been enjoying blogging on the internet to see what has been written on my favorite subjects such as Bush, rednecks or marijuana. It's been nice being away from the intellectually starved state of 66.6 % Bubbamentalism. It's hard to find a place with where I could find a good game of chess or cannabis induced conversation.

Today is a gorgeous day, so I hope that Muffy and I will be able to enjoy it for her day off. I have been procrastinating about heading south.

I still need to order my notebook computer from Dell so that I can find my favorite coffee shop and start writing for a couple of hours...stream of conciousness...and then opening my mind up to all the things that I can do with the rest of my life...

A warm day teasing you with spring ...
like having a taste of a lover that you miss so much
spring fever and it's full moon's eve
the moon energizes your fluids
the way she motivates the tides

I've had a few licks of adderall and so now I'm motivated to write more...

The pagan ex gf often mentioned getting me the "Artist's Way" as a way to help you find the artist within yourself...The author stresses writing 3 pages a day of everything that is in your mind to release the creative blocks that have been preventing you from your creative process...I am a slow reader so I read a few pages everyday whether I'm at Cici's in Grandview or the Broadway Cafe in Wesport...
at the moment, I am not writing 3 pages on a regular basis...but I can easily fit in 15 minutes each day to write in my journal. That helps!

It helps when I feel the energy of the day by just walking outside. Believe it or not, when I was growing up from a young adolescent to college boy,I would regularly sing "Oh what a beautiful morning" from the musical, "Oklahoma" whenever it was a gorgeous morning! (I had no idea that I would be stuck in Oklahoma for over 20 years. Was I being prophetic or just plain pathetic?)
So I sang in front of the neighbor's 3 dogs and two of them listened to me sing it while the other one ate a bone. The white dog that always barks, actually shut up and looked at me with this alpha tail high up in the air and let me finish the song. It was almost like I was talking to him more than the other dogs. He seemed to accept me...(maybe I ought to feed him the roast that Muffy thought was beginning to turn bad).

I ate some of it and it seemed ok. I'll let you know if me or any of the canines have food poisoning. :) I know some of my real neighbors would get angry feeding their animals but I love feeding the cats and the meat I'm sure is good. The owner saw me feeding his watch dogs for his large backyard and was cool about me feeding them . It was dated for the 24th but I ate it for lunch and Muff enjoyed most of it. Well, we'll see. Dogs have better bacteria than humans to fight off the stuff that you might get from eating old meat.

I sang the song and then enjoyed walking to Price Chopper for Muffey's cup of sour cream for her cauliflower dish while enjoying the warmth of the sun on me.
We are gonna get out of here and enjoy the few hours of beautiful sunshine together!

BUSH'S DRUG & OTHER PROBLEMS

BUSH'S THINKING REFLECTS MANY ASPECTS OF THE DRY-DRUNK

KATHERINE VAN WORMER, IRISH TIMES - Brain studies reinforce what recovering alcoholics and their counselors have been saying for years; long-term alcohol and other drug use changes the chemistry of the brain These anomalies in brain patterns are associated with a rigidity in thinking. . .

"Dry drunk" is a slang term used by members and supporters of Alcoholics Anonymous and substance abuse counselors to describe the recovering alcoholic who is no longer drinking, one who is dry, but whose thinking is clouded. Such an individual is said to be dry but not truly sober; such an individual tends to go to extremes.

It was when I started noticing the extreme language that colored Mr Bush's speeches that I began t o wonder. First there were the terms - "crusade" and "infinite justice" that were later withdrawn. Next came "evildoers", "axis of evil", and "regime change", terms that have almost become cliches. Something about the polarized thinking and the obsessive repetition reminded me of many of the recovering alcoholics/addicts I had treated.

Over the months, hundreds of people, many of them in recovery from alcoholism, have written "ah-ha" letters and provided additional insights to the hypothesis: "I spotted it right away - he's a dry-drunk," or "He needs to work on his issues." Consider the most commonly delineated traits of irrational thinking known as "the dry-drunk syndrome" and how closely they match the personality characteristics of George W. Bush.

Exaggerated self-importance and grandiose behavior. . .

All or nothing thinking. . .

Obsessiveness. . .

The man who knows George W. best, the person most familiar with his rashness of thought, recently sent him a message. In a speech at Tufts University, George Bush Snr emphasized the need for the US to maintain close ties with Europe and the UN. "You've got to reach out to the other person," he advised. If only George W. would.

Katherine van Wormer Ph.D. is professor of social work at the University of Northern Iowa. She is co-author of Addiction Treatment: A Strength's Perspective

WHERE IT ALL STARTED

`WE WERE TERRIBLE TO ANIMALS,' recalled [Bush pal Terry] Throckmorton, laughing. A dip behind the Bush borne turned into a small lake after a good rain, and thousands of frogs would come out. `Everybody would get BB guns and shoot them,' Throckmorton said. `Or we'd put firecrackers in the frogs and throw them and blow them up.'- Nicholas D. Kristof, Midland Life, TX

DAVID COGSWELL - We are talking now about a guy who as a kid put firecrackers in frogs and threw them into the air to watch them explode. He cracked himself up in an interview with Talk magazine by mocking a woman on death row whose cries for mercy he scorned, screwing up his face and saying, "Please don't kill me!" in an impersonation of the deceased. He presided over more executions as governor of Texas than any governor since capital punishment was legalized. His own people said he never spent more than 15 minutes deliberating over whether to sign the order to kill. . . This is a man who enjoys killing. He is totally in his element when it comes to killing. Everyone is different. This is the way he is.

BUSH HAS RECORD
OF SADISTIC VIOLENCE

[From detonating frogs with firecrackers as a kid to torturing Afghan prisoners, George Bush has shown an interest in sadistic violence. Now David Martin sends along this from a few years back.

RICHARD GOODING, STAR WEEKLY, July 27, 1999 - Presidential candidate George W. Bush once led a Yale fraternity that barbarically branded its new members on their backsides with a red-hot metal rod as part of a sadistic hazing practice. "I got branded and I didn't like it one bit," Professor Bradford Lee of the elite Naval War College in Newport, R.I.-an ex-football player and onetime member of Bush's Delta Epsilon Kappa fraternity-told STAR in an exclusive interview. "It did burn," he says, recalling the terrifying experience. "I think I still have the mark on me."

A Star investigation has revealed that he was president of Delta Epsilon Kappa when the hazing scandal broke in the campus newspaper in the late '60s-leading to the fraternity being fined and the branding practice halted. Amazingly, Bush, now the governor of Texas, defended the illegal torture of the young fraternity pledges at the time as a harmless prank-insisting that it was comparable to "only a cigarette burn" which left "no scarring mark physically or mentally." But others said the branding resulted in a second-degree burn that left a half-inch scab in the shape of the Greek letter Delta.

Lee-who still bears the mark 32 years later-is not sure who actually wielded the brand because the pledges were not allowed to look at their tormentors. "But I do know that George Bush was very active in all the fraternity activities then."

Lee, who was a guard on the Yale football team, recalled that the branding came after "a long initiation that went on into the early morning hours." He says the idea was to wear you out so much that you allowed your bare flesh to be singed. "I was already tired from football practice earlier that day. I was so groggy I wasn't exactly sensitive to what they were up to. I wasn't very happy about it."

. . . Bill Katz, now a community college teacher in northern New Jersey, told Star that the branding was done with "a wire coat hanger twisted into a triangle and heated up" in the fireplace. "They touched you just above the buttocks, in the small of the back," he says.

. . . And Boston lawyer Franklin Levy said that to increase the fear of the moment, the older fraternity men first brandished an actual glowing hot branding iron-to make them think that was what awaited them. "When they burned me," Levy remembers, "I jumped a mile."

Before the brandings, pledges had to endure hours of being kicked and a vicious round of tannings with wooden paddles-another practice that Yale has ruled taboo. "On that night," according to an account in the Yale Daily News in 1967, 'each pledge was forced to sit with his head between his legs, motionless, for two to five hours.

"If he coughed, raised his hand or talked, he was kicked by an older brother." After all the beatings, recalled one fraternity member, the branding was almost a relief.

In the wake of the Yale Daily News' expose of the fraternity's hazing, Bush, whose father was also a DKE at Yale, admitted the branding to the New York Times in November 1967. But Bush - whose college nickname was "Lip" for his Texas wisecracks - also ripped into Yale for being too "Haughty" to "allow this type of pledging to go on."

ALAN BISBORT, AMERICAN POLITICS JOURNAL - Alcoholics Anonymous has a name for someone who is a drunk in every way except for the actual imbibing of spirits. They call that person a "dry drunk." This is not a judgmental term, nor should this be a judgmental topic in America, where there are, by even the most conservative estimates, 10 million adult alcoholics, and very few families that have not been touched, in one way or another, by this national scourge. This same scourge has, by his own admission, also touched the life of our Commander in Chief. . . Bush's past battles with the bottle are worth pondering at a time like this, one of the most dangerous in the nation's history. When a recovering alcoholic begins to engage in what AA calls "stinking thinking," he or she begins to exhibit the old attitudes and pathologies of their drinking years. These include an increase in anxiety, mild tremors, mild depression, disturbed sleep patterns, inability to think clearly, craving for junk food, irritability, sudden bursts of anger and unpredictable mood swings. According to AA literature, "Boredom and listlessness may alternate with intense feelings of resentment against family and friends, and explosive outbursts of violence." Bush said he was a "heavy drinker." But let's not be coy here. Anyone who has ever imbibed heavily over a long period of time knows that "heavy drinker" is the rich man's (or the politician's) code for alcoholic.

How did he, at age 58, get so fumble-tongued, incapable of stringing more than two coherent sentences together, snippily irritable with anyone who dares disagree with him or even ask a question, poutily turning his back on the democratically elected president of one of our most important allies because of something one of his underlings said about him, listlessly in need of constant vacations and rest, dangerously obsessed with only one thing, to the exclusion of all other things (including an economy that is slowly sucking the life from the nation as well as the retirement savings of anyone reading these words)? Furthermore, why is Bush so eager to engage in violence and so incapable of explaining why?

KATHERINE VAN WORMER, COUNTERPUNCH - What is the dry drunk syndrome? "Dry drunk" traits consist of:

Exaggerated self-importance and pomposity
Grandiose behavior
A rigid, judgmental outlook
Impatience
Childish behavior
Irresponsible behavior
Irrational rationalization
Projection
Overreaction

Clearly, George W. Bush has all these traits except exaggerated self importance. He may be pompous, especially with regard to international dealings, but his actual importance hardly can be exaggerated. His power, in fact, is such that if he collapses into paranoia, a large part of the world will collapse with him. Unfortunately, there are some indications of paranoia in statements such as the following: "We must be prepared to stop rogue states and their terrorist clients before they are able to threaten or use weapons of mass destruction against the United States and our allies and friends." The trait of projection is evidenced here as well, projection of the fact that we are ready to attack onto another nation which may not be so inclined.

MUCH MORE

CAROL WOLMAN, MD, COUNTERPUNCH - Many people, inside and especially outside this country, believe that the American president is nuts, and is taking the world on a suicidal path. As a board-certified psychiatrist, I feel it's my duty to share my understanding of his psychopathology. He's a complicated man, under tremendous pressure from both his family/junta, and from the world at large. So the following is offered with humility and questioning, in the form of a differential diagnosis.

From the Freudian point of view:

Dubya may be acting out a classical Oedipal drama--overcome Daddy to get Mommy. By deposing Saddam, when his father did not, he may want to prove himself more worthy of his mother's love. His rationale that he is avenging the assassination attempt on George, Sr., may be a reaction formation - his way of hiding the true motive from himself. . .

From the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual Fourth Edition, Antisocial Personality Disorder--301.7

There is a pervasive pattern of disregard for and violation of the rights of others since age 15 years as indicated by at least three of the following: 1) failure to conform to social norms with respect to lawful behaviors as indicated by repeatedly performing acts that are grounds for arrest; 2) deceitfulness, as indicated by repeated lying, use of aliases, or conning others for personal profit or pleasure; 5) reckless disregard for safety of self or others; 7) lack of remorse by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated or stolen from others. . .

Another possibility: Narcissistic personality disorder 301.81

1) has a grandiose sense of self-importance- exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements;

2) in preoccupied with fantasies of unliimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love;

3) believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people. . .

"Onward Christian soldiers marching as to war!"



Republicans Push For `In God We Trust' Banners In Libraries
By JULIA FERRANTE jferrante@tampatrib.com
Published: Jan 22, 2005


NEW PORT RICHEY - Dollar bills and many Pasco County government buildings bear the motto ``In God We Trust.''
Pasco Republican leader Bill Bunting and other party loyalists want to extend the message to public libraries.

Bunting recently asked county commissioners to hang banners with the inscription ``In God We Trust,'' along with American flags, in public meeting rooms at the county's seven libraries.

``It's very simple. It's not political. It involves all parties,'' Bunting said this week. ``This country was founded on Judeo-Christian values. If you're an atheist, and you don't like it, you can put a banner over it and take [the banner] down when you leave.''

The late Joe Herrmann, a San Antonio activist, approached the county commission three years ago about posting ``In God We Trust'' plaques in public buildings and donated about 30 of them, commission Chairwoman Pat Mulieri said. County Attorney Robert Sumner said at the time that he saw no legal reason to prohibit the signs because they did not refer to a specific God, so commissioners endorsed them.

The signs, some of which were donated by another resident, were posted in government buildings and elderly nutrition sites, but they never made it to libraries, Assistant County Administrator Dan Johnson said. American flags were displayed in portable stands in some library conference rooms, but children often knocked them down, so the flags were stored in closets, where they have stayed.

Bunting has recruited state Rep. Gus Bilirakis, R-Palm Harbor, to buy new American flags for the county's public libraries. Bilirakis said he supported Bunting's efforts to hang ``In God We Trust'' banners or plaques.

``We have it on our currency, and our country was founded under God,'' said Bilirakis, who is Greek Orthodox. ``People have other beliefs, and we should respect that, but our country was founded on Judeo-Christian values, and I don't think we should get away from that.''

Bunting takes the argument a step further.

``We're getting a little tired of our country chipping away at our rights,'' he said. ``Us Republicans feel very strongly about that, and that was a big issue in the [presidential] campaign. If you have an objection to it, just ignore it. If you think it's terrible, don't go into that building.''


Legality Is Undetermined

County Administrator John Gallagher at a recent county commission meeting told Bunting he would hang the ``In God We Trust'' banners in the libraries, but this week he said he's unsure whether the signs are legal. Commissioner Ted Schrader endorsed the idea at the meeting, and none of the other four commissioners raised objections.

Mulieri and Commissioner Ann Hildebrand said they were under the impression the signs are allowed because neither Gallagher nor Sumner advised the board to reject the signs when Bunting raised the issue.

``We did not say `no,' but I guess I'd assume if Mr. Sumner or Mr. Gallagher have a problem with it, they will come back before us,'' Hildebrand said.

Chief Assistant County Attorney Barbara Wilhite said Thursday that her office had not researched the issue, and would not offer an opinion unless asked.

``We haven't been asked to research it. We haven't evaluated it. We are not going to research or evaluate it unless John Gallagher or the county commissioners ask us to,'' Wilhite said.

Gallagher later said he would ask the county attorney's office for an opinion.

``I don't know whether they are legal or not,'' Gallagher said. ``I'll ask them to look into it. This is on our dollar bill. I'm getting [federal] mandates saying I have to give a share of grant money to faith-based organizations. I think the issue of separation of church and state may be getting cloudy.''


Christmas Trees

Assistant County Administrator Dan Johnson said his department operates under the policy that ``In God We Trust'' signs are legal in public buildings.

``We have gotten legal advice that the courts have ruled on this, and it is acceptable,'' Johnson said.

The issue rings similar to a debate about Christmas trees, which Gallagher and Johnson temporarily outlawed at public buildings in December after the county attorney's office said religious displays could expose the county to legal problems. The opinion, given after a Jewish man questioned the policy and was told he could not display a menorah in front of a library, said displays could cause problems if they are accompanied by negative opinions regarding religion, religious holidays or obscene symbols.

The county attorney's office later clarified the opinion, saying Christmas trees decorated in garland, snowflakes, Santas and even menorahs may be displayed at Pasco County government buildings, as long as they are accompanied by a patriotic message. The opinion is based on the U.S. Supreme Court ruling that Christmas trees without nativity scenes or religious ornaments are nonreligious symbols and therefore may be displayed at county property. A menorah with a Christmas tree also is not considered religious, but it, too, must be displayed with a ``salute to liberty.''

A long-standing county policy allows various holiday displays at public buildings.


Reporter Julia Ferrante can be reached at (813) 948-4220


Who wants the days of the Spanish Inquisition, where the Pope or Christian king could lead wars against heathens?

Yesterday, I hung out in Westport waiting for Muffy to get off work. There's a Mexican restaurant that offers 89 cent beers all day Friday and Saturday. I ate a large burrito and was writing and reading when a Hare Krishna offered me a couple of books on Buddhism. I like a lot of things about their peaceful ways of eating vegetarian and not having the angry intolerant fire and brimstone of the puritanical Baptists and the intolerance of the right wing sect of the Moslem religion.

I gave him a donation for one of his books and offered him to sit down. I felt much happier after visiting with him letting go of some of the losses in my life. It is amazing when you just feel good karma overcome you.

Afterwards I checked out Buzzard Beach and met some of my favorite benchmarks of the place. There were the authors of KCdrinkers.com and Chillicothe Dave and my favorite bartender, Dennis, of Mormon heritage. (He was telling me that Meth and Mormons are strong in Independence, Mo.)

Lately, I have not been as motivated to write and prefer to just browse my favorite websites while occasionally going downstairs to tend the fireplace in Muffy's den on the cold day in the teens. I better go check on it.

Thanks for the anonymous comments. These are the first in a long while. Good to see some Repukes get out of hibernation!


District Should Not Pay For Bush Inauguration Security
Source: The Hilltop (Howard University - DC)
Date: Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Author: Editorial


There are a lot of us who are not very excited about the upcoming inaugural celebration that will bring President Bush into office for another four years. However, the celebration is special because it is the first post 9/11 inaugural celebration. Right now, the D.C. government isn't very excited either because, thanks to this being the first inauguration since 9/11, there is a need for extra security; a need that carries a $12 million price tag that the federal government has passed on to D.C.

Since D.C. is not considered a state, and therefore, does not get the same rights as other states such as representation in the senate. D.C. has a shadow senator. They carry the duties of any regular senator but, they are not paid and do not have full-voting rights when it comes to passing legislation. It's a well-known fact that D.C. residents have never been happy about this, hence the license plates that read: "taxation without representation."

The federal government also controls many aspects of D.C. government including its budget. So when the federal government realized they didn't have enough money in their inaugural budget for extra security, they passed the cost on to D.C.'s homeland security budget. So once again, the federal government has played D.C. as a result of their statehood status.

Even worse, is the fact that the inaugural celebration is held in D.C. every four years only because D.C. is our nation's capital. No one ever officially voted to hold the celebration in D.C. each year. As a result, merchants lose money because they must close their stores early in anticipation of heavy traffic. Let's not forget to mention where the extra security is coming from: the D.C. Metropolitan Police force.

To say all of this is unfair would be an understatement considering the millions of dollars left over from the Bush campaign. That money is going back to Bush, not back into the city's homeland security budget.

We believe all of this would ultimately be solved if the federal government would simply give D.C. its deserved statehood, that way D.C. government officials can have more say as to where there money goes. In the meantime, they should just give the money back, it's a financial burden every year and this year's need for extra security will make it an even bigger burden. Its not D.C.'s fault that this year's inauguration is the most expensive in the celebration's 200-year history, why should they have to foot the bill.




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Source: Sunday Times
DAte: 12 September 2004

How team Bush took an airbrush
to the Chosen One’s misdeeds


The public swallowed a story of the wayward president’s son who cleaned up his act to take his place in the White House. Kitty Kelley exposes what really lurks in George W Bush’s past
On November 6, 1997, the exclusive club of America’s current and former presidents and first ladies gathered at a college campus in Texas for a celebration. President and Mrs Clinton arrived on Air Force One to join President and Mrs Ford, President and Mrs Carter, Nancy Reagan and Lady Bird Johnson.

They were there to honour President George Bush, who had raised $83m to build his presidential library at Texas A&M University.

His eldest son, George W Bush, governor of Texas, welcomed the 20,000 guests. With a few words, W smashed the bonhomie of the occasion: “I’m here to praise my father as a man who entered the political arena and left with his integrity intact . . . A war hero, a loving husband . . . and a president who brought dignity and character and honour to the White House.”

Spoken at the height of Clinton’s personal scandal in front of a predominantly Republican crowd, the assault on the current president’s integrity was not lost on anyone.

The Bush family had never accepted Clinton as a worthy successor, and they delighted in his unfolding scandal. They e-mailed one another ribald jokes about Monica Lewinsky and Paula Jones’s sexual harassment suit against Clinton.

When it was reported that Jones claimed she could identify a “distinguishing characteristic” of Clinton’s anatomy, George Sr did not rest until he discovered what she was talking about. He then e-mailed his sons and friends: “His Johnson curves to the left.”

The family was looking towards its restoration to power through the presidential candidacy of George W. His mother, Barbara Bush, referred to him as “the Chosen One”. There was a problem, however. After eight years of Clinton, the American public “want to elect a statue”, as Oklahoma’s Republican governor Frank Keating put it. “They want a hero, an unblemished and untarnished guy in the White House.”

Karl Rove, the political adviser with the task of shaping W’s image, knew he had to present his candidate as the anti-Clinton: fresh (no drugs, no alcoholism), religious (acceptable to evangelicals) and faithful to his wife (majority of voters: women).

Fanning out across the country, Rove and the Bush team began to tidy up the governor’s past. Rove wanted no potentially devastating revelations to emerge that might portray W and Laura, his wife, as anything but an ideal and idealised couple. But to present W as pure and pristine was hypocritical and untrue.

George W Bush wasn’t Bill Clinton, certainly not in terms of sexual excess. But Clinton is not the standard to which he should be held. He must be compared with his own declarations on morality and his own carefully crafted public image — the image that the entire Bush family has cultivated for so long.

THE first hurdle facing the tidy-up team was to deal with W’s past drug use. As governor of Texas, he took a hard line on drugs. He supported increased penalties for possession and signed legislation mandating jail time for people caught with less than a single gram of cocaine.

Yet, as the claims of Sharon Bush, his sister-in-law, show, he could have been subject to jail time himself had he been caught “doing coke” with his brother Marvin at Camp David during his father’s presidency.

In the midst of an unfriendly divorce from Neil, another of the Bush brothers, Sharon told me last year: “He and Marvin did coke at Camp David when their father was president and not just once, either.”

As governor, George W had been very careful not to lie about doing illegal drugs himself, because he knew there were too many people who could testify to the truth. “When I was young and irresponsible,” he would say, “I was young and irresponsible.”

So what was his drugs record? When they were young, both he and Laura used to go down to the island of Tortola in the British Virgin Islands where they attended and enjoyed heavy pot-smoking parties. Smoking pot was hardly a sin but it did not mesh with the strait-laced image the Bushes were now presenting to the voters.

Then there were the allegations about cocaine. When W was at Yale in the mid-1960s, it was the most popular drug on campus. One contemporary, who insists on remaining anonymous, admitted years later to selling cocaine to W at the university.

Another man who was at Yale’s graduate school recalled “doing coke” with George, but he would not allow his recollections to be used on the record. This was not simply through fear of retribution. He said he did not feel right about “blowing George’s cover because I was doing the same thing”. A confirmed Democrat, he also said that although he could not stand George’s Republican politics, he liked him as a person.

Alcohol, the more familiar thread in W’s life story, started at Andover, the exclusive school W attended.

Andover stressed athletics as part of its regimen. Unable to live up to his father’s legacy as one of Andover’s most outstanding athletes, George W played his own kind of sports and won a reputation as a prankster.

“He loved stickball, which is baseball played with a broomstick and a tennis ball and funny hats,” recalled his contemporary, J Milburn “Kim” Jessup. “George made himself the high commissioner of stickball, which was a joke job.”

Alcohol was absolutely forbidden on or off campus, but the high commissioner of stickball figured out a way to beat the system. He designed an official stickball membership card that seemed to carry the imprimatur of Andover. He distributed the cards as fake IDs.

“People took the cards and started slipping off campus to go to Boston so they could get drunk,” said Jessup.

When W moved on to Yale at 18, with the Vietnam war at its height, he felt alienated on the liberal campus because of his father’s conservative politics and his own Texan childhood.

“George was definitely not on the popular side of the war issue, but he stood his ground,” said Robert Dieter, his Yale roommate. “Saying someone was conservative back then almost had a moral sting. I remember him coming back to the room and telling me that someone had been in his face about his father’s position. There was a certain arrogance that the left conveyed back then. It was hurtful.”

As a result, George spent most of his time carousing at the Delta Kappa Epsilon (DKE) fraternity house or “the drinking jock house”, as it was known. Some classmates remember him as a “hard-drinking good-time guy” and “a jock sniffer” who “loved to raise hell”.

Ken White, a DKE contemporary, told me: “My wife remembers him roaring drunk one night at a DKE party without a date doing the Alligator; that was some sort of dance back then when you fell to the floor on all fours and started rolling around.”

In the spring of 1972, after graduating from Yale and while serving part-time in the Texas Air National Guard, George W embarked on what he would later describe as his “nomadic years”. Seeing him adrift, his father got him a job with the Republican campaign in a Senate race in Alabama.

Those who worked with George at that time remember him as an affable social drinker who acted much younger than his 26 years. They recall that he liked to drink beer and Jim Beam whiskey at the Cloverdale Grill in Birmingham, Alabama. They also say he liked to sneak out the back for a joint of marijuana or into the bathroom for a line of cocaine.

According to their recollections, he tended to show up for work “around noon”, prop his cowboy boots on a desk and start bragging about how much he had drunk the night before.

Spending Christmas in Washington with his parents, W went out drinking with 16-year-old Marvin. Driving home, he smashed into several dustbins. He swaggered into the house with the bravado of someone who had drunk too much, and there was his father, sober and unsmiling.

“You want to go mano a mano right here?” George junior challenged.

Big George called John White, a former footballer with the Houston Oilers. Bush wanted his son to perform community service with a mentoring programme for inner-city youth started by White and his teammate Ernie “Big Cat” Ladd.

Young George reported for work in January 1973 at a warehouse in a tough district where kids up to 17 years of age were offered sports, crafts, field trips, free snacks, rap sessions, tutoring for those who had been expelled, and big-name mentors from the athletic, entertainment, business, and political worlds.

Ladd recalled young George as “a super, super guy . . . If he was a stinker, I’d say he was a stinker. But everybody loved him so much. He had a way with people . . . They didn’t want him to leave.”

W stayed only seven months before he was accepted at Harvard Business School — a more hostile environment. It was the height of Watergate and his father was running the Republican National Committee for Richard Nixon, who was considered the Antichrist at Harvard. In Cambridge, Massachusetts, the town that surrounded the college, only 400 people were registered Republicans.

“I remember seeing Georgie at the Harvard Business School,” said Torbert Macdonald, an old classmate from Andover, “but he looked so lost and forlorn I didn’t have the heart to say hello.”

Others were less sympathetic. “I can still see him in his cowboy boots and leather flight jacket walking into macroeconomics,” recalled a classmate. “He sat in the back of the class, chewing tobacco and spitting it into a dirty paper cup . . . He was one red-assed Texan who made sure he was in your Yankee face and up your New England nose.”

Most of his contemporaries at the business school headed for Wall Street after graduation but W moved back to Midland, his boyhood home town in Texas, trying to become an oilman. He lived above a garage in an apartment that was piled high with dirty clothes that his friends’ wives periodically washed. Most of his nights were spent in bars, drinking with buddies in the oil business.

In July 1977, soon after his 31st birthday, friends introduced him to his polar opposite, Laura Welch. “We were the only two people among our friends who had not yet married,” she later joked.

Nobody expected the introduction to ignite, but George and Laura were married within three months at the First United Methodist Church in Midland.

Laura, the only child of a Midland builder, is remembered by some former students at Southern Methodist University in Dallas for not being as conservative as most. She had smoked marijuana and backpacked through Europe after graduation. A Democrat, she had also supported the anti-war candidate, Senator Eugene McCarthy, for the presidency in 1968.

In the early years of their marriage Laura joined her husband in his revels. “George and Laura ran in a much faster and fancier crowd than we did — their friends were all hard-drinking and drugging. That was part of the oil business scene then,” said Robert Whitt, a Midland lawyer.

But after a hard struggle to conceive and a fragile pregnancy with twins, Laura pulled back from the hellraising while he charged on, leaving her behind.

“I suppose there were strains in her marriage, just because he’s so difficult and high-energy and . . . she isn’t, but she never talked about it . . . Just read paperbacks and smoked cigarettes,” said Sharon Bush.

The couple kept their distance from the Bush family for several years in the 1980s, staying in Midland and even skipping the big surprise party that George Sr — by then vice-president of the United States — threw for his wife on their 41st wedding anniversary. “It’s a long way,” Barbara said, “and too expensive.” But family members confirmed that she had stopped speaking to her son, whose drunken outbursts had become a source of unending embarrassment to his wife and parents. The last eruption at a family gathering had been a tactless crack to the wife of one of his parents’ friends at her 50th birthday party: “So, what’s sex like after 50, anyway?”

He was 40 by the time he gave up tobacco, alcohol and drugs in 1986 and became a born-again Christian. In his memoir, A Charge to Keep, W credited his family’s good friend, the Reverend Billy Graham, with planting “a mustard seed in my soul”. He did not mention that he actually came to Jesus in a coffee house conversion with a much more flamboyant evangelist, Arthur Blessitt, who was known among born-agains as the man who had wheeled a 96lb cross of Jesus into 60 countries on six continents, winning a place in the Guinness Book of Records.

W figured, perhaps, that Graham was more palatable to churchgoing voters than Blessitt, who came to Midland after the bottom dropped out of the oil boom and fortunes crashed overnight. In a desperate effort to rescue lives and restore morale, some church elders invited the evangelist to stage a revival in the town. Loudspeakers exhorted the populace “to experience the love of God, the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the fellowship of the holy spirit”.

George, who had already begun attending a men’s Bible class, asked a friend to arrange a meeting at a hotel coffee shop. As Blessitt recalled, George began with a few pleasantries, and then plunged in: “I want to talk to you about how to know Jesus Christ and how to follow Him.”

“I was quite shocked at his direct and sincere approach,” said Blessitt. “I slowly leaned forward and lifted the Bible that was in my hand and asked him about his relationship with the Lord: ‘If you died this moment do you have the assurance you would go to heaven?’” “No.”

“Then let me explain to you how you can have that assurance and know for sure that you are saved.”

“I’d like that.”

The evangelist read from the Book of Romans. He quoted Mark, John and Luke to the vice-president’s son, who held hands, repented his sins, and proclaimed Jesus Christ as his saviour.

Conversion and abstinence did not affect W’s machismo, however. He still swaggered and cursed constantly. When a friend accused him of taking the Lord’s name in vain, George exploded: “That’s bullshit. Total bullshit.”

Whether talking to reporters, congressmen, or heads of state, George made no effort to curb his trash mouth. Israel’s prime minister Ariel Sharon was taken aback to hear, “I said you were a man of peace. I want you to know I took immense crap for that.”

Those closest to George agreed that the key to his new persona lay in his steely discipline. His sister Doro described him as a fat boy who deprived himself to stay thin. His mother depicted a drinker who denied himself to stay dry. Both acknowledged that the effort to control these appetites was monumental.

In order to maintain his rigid discipline, George imposed an inflexible order on his life. Like any addict in recovery, he needed a regular schedule, rising early and retiring early. He prayed daily from his One-Year Bible, which was divided into 365 readings, each from the New Testament, the Old Testament, Psalms and Proverbs.

Edgy and impatient, he exercised at least one hour, sometimes two hours, a day. With martinet punctuality, he started and ended meetings exactly on time. The routine became the core of his developing political career, first as governor of Texas and then as president.

He refused to read memos longer than two pages. He thrived on making quick decisions. His religiosity allowed him to live in a black-and-white world of absolutes with no bedevilling in-betweens. His decisiveness sprang from his need to control and to establish order amid chaos. Once he made a decision, he rarely looked back.

Despite his quick temper, he was capable of nice gestures, as he showed on the presidential trail. Ruth Gilson, an estate agent, recalled a touching moment during a $1,000-a-head fundraiser in a Washington hotel in 1999.

She was one of very few women to attend the event. “All the men looked to be lobbyists in expensive suits with huge stomachs. The room filled up fast and we were all squished together. I was at the front of the rope line. A little old lady about 85 years old crept in beside me. She said she needed to see the governor. ‘I just have to talk to him,’ she said.”

The elderly woman was frail and wearing clothes that looked worn and dated. “She looked like a church lady from the 1950s.”

George W arrived and started working the crowd. The old lady stepped forward and asked if she could say something.

He reached out and took her hand. She whispered in his ear to please do something about the price of prescription drugs for the elderly.

He nodded. “I’ll try,” he said. Then he stepped back to look at her. “Did you pay $1,000 to come here?” “Yes, sir, I did.”

“Well, I want you to get your money back.” He turned to the man with him. “Get her name and address and see that she gets a cheque for $1,000.”

The little old lady shook her head. “No, I want you to have it all, Mr Bush. I want you to win.”

“Well,” said George. “I’ll tell you what. I’ll keep $100 and you keep $900 and we’ll both win. That’s what we’ll do.”

She smiled gratefully.

“It was such a sweet gesture on his part,” recalled Gilson. “Others might have seen it as patronising, but I didn’t. In a crowd of fat-cat lobbyists that little woman in her tattered coat looked like someone’s poor grandmother, and he responded sensitively.”

Extracted from The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty by Kitty Kelley.






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Today is so gorgeous feeling the sunshine. It is wonderful to have someone to share the walk without much wind! On our walk to have brunch this morning, Muffy and I noticed chemtrails in the sky. She was mentioning how chemtrails are used to help the powers that be see everything better especially since today is the inaguration of our great dicktater!
I thought you might wonder why presidents with ADD might like the lift they get with Coke!

by the way, I've never touched the stuff....adderall works fine and is not addictive
enjoy this essay:


The Republican Cocaine Candidate
Did GOP presidential candidate George W. Bush use Cocaine?


Republican Cokehead leads the GOP Pack
Republican GOP candidate for president Texas Governor George W. Bush refuses to answer the question about his prior use of Cocaine. Every other Republican candidate have all said the never used cocaine except George W. Bush. Why does he refuse to deny he's used cocaine? Probably because George W. Bush actually did cocaine. If Bush didn't use cocaine he'd say he didn't use cocaine.

The Republican party has always positioned themselves as having the moral high ground and saying that character counts. The look down their noses at the morally inferior knowing that the judgement of God is going to send the sinners to hell. But in spite of the Bush cocaine connection, the GOP still backs Bush as their leading candidate. It would appear the the Republican moral convictions and the character issue is so much bull. These issues only apply to Democrats. If you're a Republican you can be a drunk cocaine using womanizer and that's just dandy.


Why I can't support a cocaine user for president
Unlike Marajauna, cocaine is a highly addictive drug that has ruined the lives of millions of people. Cocaine is almost as addictive as Cigarettes and is highly illegal. America is trying to crack down (excuse the pun) on cocaine productions in Columbia. What are the Columbia drug lords going to say if we elect a president who's been snorting coke? Are they going to laugh at us? You bet they are!


A president who has used Cocaine sends the wrong message to the Columbian Drug Lords

And what kind of example does it set for kids growing up in poor neighborhoods? After all, if the president is kool then why isn't it kool for them to do it too? This sends the wrong message in a big way. I wouldn't vote for a cigarette smoker for president let alone someone who does coke. The president is someone who should not be into dangerous drugs, and cocaine is a dangerous drug.


If he would just admit it
Texas Governor George W. Bush shouldn't hide this from the voters. Do we have a right to know? No we don't. Does he have a right to keep his drug use private? Yes he does. Do we have a right to vote him out for not talking? Yes we do. So George, if you didn't use cocaine, just come out and say it and put this issue behind you.

There is a posibility that if Bush admitted he used cocaine that I wouldn't exclude him on that point alone. First of all it would have had to have been a long time ago. He would then have to totally denounce its use and explain why he did it. He would have to make me feel confident he was never going to do it again. It's like Betty Ford and her alcohol treatment center. It didn't count against her because she turned it around and made something positive out of it. But we can't begin until Bush admits he has had a problem.


Republican's just talk morals
The GOP is setting a bad example for the youth of America by endorsing a coke freak for president. It sends the message that winning is all that matters and that even though he abuses drugs, he's better than all the other Republican candidates. If this is the best the Republican can offer, they're playing an empty hand.

The Republicans get all high and mighty about their moral values and the character issue. during the impeachment of President Clinton they thought what Clinton did demanded he be thrown out of office, and Clinton didn't even actually go all the way. But where was the moral outrage when it was uncovered that Henry Hyde not only went all the way, but broke up a family. Or when Helen Chenowith had an affair? Or when Bob Barr paid for his wife to get an abortion? Dan Burton had affairs with about 20 women. Newt Gingrich was doing one of his staffers and was charging hookers on his credit card. And Bob Livingston had so many affairs he made a deal with Larry Flint not to publish it if he resigned. It looks like the Republicans are having more sex and doing more drugs than the Democrats.


Republicans don't insist on morals when it's one of their own. Their higher standard applies only to other people.

But God forgives Republicans and you don't hear the cry for these sinners to step down. That's because the only thing that means anything to the GOP is winning the elections, no matter what they have to do. They'll shut down the government, deny us health care protection, squander out tax money but cutting taxes for the rich. Whatever it takes to win is the Republican platform. Even if it means embracing cocaine.

"There are few clear areas in which we as a society must rise up united and express our intolerance. The most obvious now is drugs. And when that first cocaine was smuggled in on a ship, it may as well have been a deadly bacteria, so much has it hurt the body, the soul of our country. And there is much to be done and to be said, but take my word for it: This scourge will stop." - President Bush in his 1989 Inaugural Address

This is going to be an interesting election year indeed. Al Gore, although dull, is squeaky clean. Where George Bush is more charasmatic, but has quite the past. Will Christian Republicans turn their backs on Jesus, their morals, and their convictions and support a cocaine user for president? Sure they will.


Cocaine Connection not new to Bush Family
In spite of President Bush's 1989 Inaugural Address, during the Reagan/Bush administration Oliver North secretly used the CIA to ship arms to the contras. In order to fund this operation they imported crack cocaine that was distributed in the Los Angeles area and was responsible for massive drug addiction and resulted in increased gang activity. Although Bush has always claimed he was "out of the loop" I have a hard time believing that neither he nor Reagan knew what was going on.

"Dark Alliance" was originally the title of a series of newspaper articles by San Jose Mercury reporter Gary Webb (August 18, 1996). It had a strong lead, a powerful introduction, and it's still an accurate summary of the story.

"For the better part of a decade, a Bay Area drug ring sold tons of cocaine to the Crips and Bloods street gangs of Los Angeles and funneled millions in drug profits to a Latin American guerilla army run by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency, a Mercury News investigation has found. This drug network, federal records show, opened the first pipeline between Colombia's cocaine cartels and black neighborhoods of Los Angeles, a city now known as the crack capital of the world. The cocaine it brought into the United States fueled the crack explosion in urban America and the simultaneous rise to power of the murderous gangs of black L.A."

Did the Nicaraguan Contras really use cash from cocaine sold in the US? Did CIA- sanctioned Nicaraguan drug smugglers flood the inner cities of America with crack cocaine? The answer to both questions is Yes.

In its new book-length incarnation, Dark Alliance by Gary Webb is a heavily referenced history of how the CIA engineered the high-volume U.S. cocaine invasion in the 1980s. This is a classic market study. Saturate the market with low-cost cocaine. Produce mass market "crack" in South Central Los Angeles. Make big bucks. Go to jail (if you're not protected by a high-level CIA coverup.)

Important Related Links

I will be going to Salem for the charges of weed and paraphanelia that apparently will be dropped with just a 6 month probation. I will not have access to the puter unless I visit a library out of town. It will be a long car drive and maybe I'll visit Muffy for a couple days to get away from brain drainage in the red state. It will nice to hang out with folks that like intelligence for a few days.

I should even plan on going south just to get away from this depressing coldness here while I'm still unemployed. I think that I should learn to enjoy myself and explore the country and the world but I still need to get a short term major medical. Eventually, I will have to go back to the real world of work so I should take advantage of this freedom isntead of being a couch vegetable and expert on DVDs. It's nice to know that I won't have to worry about this court date anymore. I hope that the Salem police don't bother anymore while I'm driving through the town. Maybe they will be following close behind me when I'm driving in and out of town. I will have to only drive in the town during daylight. It's hard not to get paranoid sometimes so I better not bring any thing with me.

Speaking of freedom, I need to get a laptop to write to you anytime that I want to. It's like getting on the phone with a best friend that I feel safe to confide in anytime I want to. They will be accepting of my views and can listen with non judgement. The redneck readers have decided to write much lately. I almost miss them a little bit, but then I don't look forward to opening my heart when they will leave some juvenile comment.

I have been reading the "Artist's way" upon recomendation by an ex gf from a few years ago and I never had access to the book so I went to the library and checked it out. An artist needs to write about 3 pages per day in order to release all the demons or blocks out of your system that are preventing him/her from doing his most creative work. I have not been able to write 3 pages at one sitting but I'm trying to at least write almost a page with all the crap that is going through my mind. I can see how it might be blocking me.

I'd like to do some browsing more often. It will be nice to look something up when I want to. I look forward to seeing you all in a few days hopefully. :)

It's been 4 days since I've made it a point in my daily schedule to talk to you. It's been very cold and was amazed to see the gas bill $145 when I was gone for 17 days!
I wonder how we will survive in the future? Everything is changing so much from drastic changes in government taking away our freedoms and forcing fundamentalist based morals down our throat. Bush and large corporations want very cheap labor but we are paying for it increasing the burden of debt to the expanding working poor. They are deliberately freeing open our borders to appease big business to over supply labor so that we have to work at slave wages to compete for work.

I go everywhere now from OKC, to KC to Chicago and see that we are swamped by an invasion and a significant culture change. Maybe some of it will be better? I know a lot of our "invaders" to the south love Mary Jane!

We will be forced to learn "Spanlish" as the evolving American language or is it devolving with our grammatically incorrect president at the front lines of this "bastardization of the English language"? My father has frequently complained about the Americanization of the language.

Are we afraid to address the invasion for fear of being called a racist? Can we address that our dwindling government resources have to pay for free medical and schools available to them when they are hurt or sick? They cannot pay for the medical so we indirectly pay for it with increased costs in hospitals. Immigration has been always been part of our culture but never so significant that soon 50% of the country will have a significant Spanish ethnicity and culture.

Can we not somehow limit the illegal migration as other countries especially Australia and Canada limit the immigration of illegal folks because it is too much of a burden to these countries?

I have always been a fan of ZPG , zero population growth, but we are supposed to be "fruitful and multiply" but we don't have to be the way of the lemmings who keep expanding until they all jump over cliffs to cut down their population.

I would like to open this topic up to my 5 readers and invite them to leave their comments. At the moment you may even do anonymously!

Sometimes we can feel so overwhelmed that we want to just smoke some stuff that is probably from Mexico. It would be so cool to legalize it and therefore we could tax it but it would be hard for them damn "revenuers" to find all of it just like they went after moonshiners! Now that is a whole 'nother topic.

Another day, I think definitely in the positive column relative to most of the previous days after the election .....
getting our "liberal" asses kicked by the Repukes
we know that we have a very tough battle ahead to come out of the pit bull dog tenacity of the greedy rich
over the past months of gloom before our most incompetent draft dodger takes the podium that he stole obviously the first time and with much more Machiavellian stealth than before
like a well oiled football coach that will do whatever it takes to win the Super Bowl but the powers that be (Corporations and Lobbies) have given him first draft on all the best players.

The press is so intimidated by this religious southern fundamentalist inquisition that has come rolling down the plains like a frigid artic blast of Puritan frigid depression of opression as they carve away our freedoms under the guise of homeland security and family values.
The power of money is very hard to fight against until the people say that they have had enough!

I feel the power of our energy, our collective conciousness, our blogs and our ability to reach so many others....
we can decide to help each other
and prevent the corporations and the rich (Republicans have always been the party of the rich elite) from taking over our thoughts with advertising, captilism, spending and the media controlled by the corporations that only want to make themselves richer for their them and their Stepford families.

You do not realize how scary it is that we are so close to Big Brother almost controlling our thoughts ...they can see what we like and how we think by our computers....they can bug our phones suspecting us of being "eco terrorist" or we are threatening "patriotism" with our subversive thoughts and desire to "speak with the Gods"....they do not want us to question and the soon to be "dick tater" will impose his will on the people ....always question and think for yourself
do not be afraid to be yourself

think about the worst and it could be worse

Wow!

that's my preaching for today I think...Muff would have already walked off and had the whole cigarette! She told me that she will be getting some very sweet "chicken" tonight. Sometimes I think she's sweeter when she hasn't imbibed in a while.

Chatting with her today, she told me that she is againt the idea of me having a female roommate!
I thought women are much better workers sometimes and can really make the house look cool being that they have a better idea of what things are more aesthetically pleasing. I think it would be exciting to have a platonic roommate and be exposed to someone that might lend their intellectual wisdom on things. It could be come like "3's company"

It could add to the humor of the neighborhood especially since the social chairman came over to to say something right after I pulled into my driveway. I had thought what does he want now?
I opened the window slightly and he says,
"Let's bury the hatchet!"
as he puts his fist out for me to knock his fist like cups of beer. I thought why not?..
Just as why should I be angry with the misguided children that I've taught...

It is much more emotionally healthy to not bear hate for anyone...
hate breeds angry ugly lines of age and then cancer
I wish some of my ex gf's felt that way...oh well


Muffy is off to a feminist meeting tonight. I think that is so cool that she is so involved in female politics....She is being wasted just working in food service...she is so smart...but....

She comes in from the south to warm you for a few hours
she settles down and cuddles you to give you a small pleasure
then this warmth from her is taken away so suddenly
when the frigid air from the north chills you to the bones
she wants to show you that she can be one cold cold bitch

I have a good feeling as soon as I went outside and started driving especially after listening to this bloke on NPR about intuition or going with our first instincts. We know when we are instantly attracted to someone physically or when policemen feel that someone is going for a gun or when he's going for a wallet. Sometimes it works but in the case of the poor victim in NYC when he was shot 48 times when reaching for his wallet it doesn't. Our instinct is something where all of our background knowledge reaches the subconcious like Vic Braden, a famous tennis intructor knows when someone will double fault.

I sense it is something when your life is empty and you are tired of the mundanity or same old same old of going through the motions.

Some of us need all that stimulation or we will become complacent and end up going into a melancholic acceleration towards our graves as we see life us pass us by with us desperately trying to push rewind or pause before the tsunami hits again!

(wow! that's that the second hit from the dugout to put me in the creative mood before going into the library)

Well, I wonder what to do today after 4:20 whether to check out Sam's or Best Buy for laptops and computers. I finally called a travel agent and it's at least $2,ooo for a trip to "Oz"! It would be nice to take Muffy but she's tired of all these promises of vacation unless Dad sent this as a downpayment towards the book with a few chapters about our heritage including him. He's excited about researching the two Scottish brothers in our ancestry, one going to fight against slavery and the other going to the new land of Ned Kelly, ex convicts, aborigines and wallabees!

You might think about me having kangaroo genes the way I hop around in my essays so much.
I see how my ancestors were impulsive wanderers going to whole new worlds that only could have read or heard about these strange new countries. I get so excited thinking about all of the people that I could research as far immigrants that went to Australia and the States. I would love to find out what it was like for my Scottish, German, English and Irish ancestors when they first landed in the land of koalas. What were their love lifes like? What kinds of thing did they do for what little spare time that they had. Did they visit these marvelous stretches of unexplored beaches (but aborigines had already been down these beaches for last 50 thousand years or so. Did my Scottish grandfather mate with any aboriginal maidens in a similar fashion to the landowners of the south or anywhere men might get distracted by pretty young females?? I think for us to get over ourselves we need to realize that there is an evolutionary reason we behave certain ways ....that we are only milimeters away from animal's natural behavior when living together in "civilized groups" in what will be our earth's geologic strata.
(I would love for the fundamentalist to get mad and send their bubbanonymous comments about how we did not come from monkeys like the children of the corn from Chickasha did with righteous indignation!)

Before I do all this I need to start writing down my plans after I've had the lick of addaboy meds to help organize my brain without getting sidetracked by the sweet herb too much. I need to realistically see all I can do visually on paper and then imagine it all realistically throughout the day...then gradually, for the next few months of freedom that I have before getting back to the real world of work, I can plan out my days, weeks, months about this short journey.

(now I'm getting distracted by these 2 typing demons beside me so I can't concentrate on my thoughts that are going 100 miles per hour and can only write about 5 miles an hour compared to their loud supersonic speeds!)

I was talking with the librarian, Rhondia, about the "vicissitudes" in life of many creative people during mid life crisis. They do their most creative work when they come to term with their own struggles facing their own mortality and seek a higher spirituality such as Woody Allen, Bob Fosse, BF Skinner, Gogan. Shakespeare wrote all of his works during this creative outlet after his heart was broken by a mysterious lady. I once wrote a great research paper about male mid life crisis and generativity but the female professor lost it. Maybe she kept it for herself! I'm angry because I didn't have other copies and I think that it was one of my best essays....oh well

I don't have anything of significance to say, so regard this as just an entry on the journal....It's nice to see there have been a few more hits over the last 24 hours. It will be nice to have the laptop...I guess I keep procrastinating about calling Dell and getting a laptop. My time has been cut short...oh well

Nice chat with the Muffster after she's had a good sleep. She is in the top ten percent mood after her good night sleep and coming back early from her work when the her work place at Long View lost power. All this tasty salmon that was left available for the help, so she brought it back for her and her older sister to consume. I know how felines especially alpha ones love fish. :) It is so nice to talk to her when she's happy . She likes to listen to me when I'm not "hyperactive". Maybe the weed makes me get hypermouth and that it is so important to say some deep profound wisdom!

" You need to express yourself in some way that won't irritate her or anyone that is not necessarily in the mood to experience the diarrhea (I had to look it up in spell check again) while you're on a soap box ."
My conscience points this out to me when the therapist in my brain goes into overdrive.

I was telling her how the little beads of "addaboy" help so much just to lift me out of this lethargic depression which is often accentuated by the creativity herb....
where I find that the only pursuit that would motivate me would be
writing with my favorite "liquid gel ink" pen or
knowing that the immediate gratification of being out there in the world of cyberspace will stimulate these words of wisdom to be enscribed.

(wow, that only took 2 hits of creativity earlier while waiting for a computer to free up at the Belle Isle library.)

Lately it seems that I'm getting only about 10 to 20 hits a day from maybe 5 (??) faithful readers that might tune into this mad diary....I suppose it's not controversial enough, or maybe the gratification of seeing their anonymous comments was taken away?? (I brought it back for the holidays and maybe until I go to OZ!)

I have about 45 minutes to finish this essay before the library closes at 5. I like to reserve about half hour on the puter that lets me cut and paste interesting articles from other sites. I also love to browse the messages on theschwag.com to see others that might have a similar Garvaldian philosophy. I get sidetracked as you can obviously see when I write these essays sometime on purpose....
that's part of the ADD and stuff :) and my dry bizarre sense of humor that many might not apreciate..

The point that I was getting to after the nice conversation with Muff was to make this week productive. I told her that I'll get a laptop, a refrigerator (used, or new but not a tiny one). I'll visit the college center and maybe even visit with a counselor about job prospects for next year all across the nation. I get paranoid sometimes that an angry person might try to say to the "powers that be" in education that I have a controversial site, but I want to let everyone know that this is purely fictional so there!

I will look at laptops tomorrow morning from various stores and talk to sales reps about all the things that the items can do. I will use my income tax refunds to purchase these. I will also take care of some of the debts incurred by the visit to Mercy's emergency room after being attacked by a customer and Conan, the bartender that used to work at Lumpy's. I happened to see Mike Dawkins a month ago at an oriental convenience store and he told me that he would pay the bill. That was a month ago and nothing has been paid.
Lumpy's has the bill so he can see it...Check out archives for the summer to read the account of the assault because he didn't like the way I was looking at him...wow!

I will make a list as far as what else to do. I will avoid the stuff until I have accomplished at least one or 2 things on the list.

Everyday, in every way I will get more and more organ azized!

If any one has any constructive criticism of these essays, tell me. Tell what you want to hear about. What adventures or tales can be the material for the evolution of my elusive book ?

I want the most out of this site is for you and me to see the transformation of someone coming to grips with his life and shortcomings. I want to realize all the potential that I have in this journey. "Sucess is in the journey!"
I have a wonderful feeling sometimes that when this book is finished and published, the plane will have taken off and on its upward journey to the stars where there are no limits.

Now insert "The man of La Mancha" music.
"To dream the impossible dream" I have only 5 minutes left to tell you that I will going on a walk to see the Lake Hefner sunset and give myself thoughts of seeing the sunset on a beach on the opposite side of the world!

Sometimes I feel like Scrooge all excited about doing good in the world while he still can! I want to get over my own mortality so that I move on with my life and enjoy every little bit of it like it is my last. It sure would be nice to know that we can still have another chance like many pagans believe

I was reading last night at Border's about ADD and romance. It helps me understand myself and what I could have done differently in past relationships. There is a deep desire to be hyperfocused on somethings such as romance. The person with ADD constantly is seeking stimulation. When the stimulation is gone , the love sours often. At first in the impulsivity of the action you are putting all your efforts into the relationship so much so that often lovers of the ADDers are the happy receptacles of the best lovemaking and more attention than they have ever received.

It really helps when I read these books to get over my own disability and lack of focus in my life. There are many famous folks that have blossomed with their disability such as Edison, Churchill, Lincoln and Einstein. Both Churchill and Lincoln were documented to suffer from deep black depressions. I wonder how they would have been if they had tried the medication. Would they be able to tolerate or even not have these moods.

I was feeling very lethargic this morning and all that I wanted to do was watch "Troy" while I was feeling very blah and down. I decided to try a little taste of the expensive Adderall tablet breaking it open to have a small part of these time released minute beads. I immediately felt better and was not feeling so overwhelmed with the depressing thoughts that bombard me such as where my life is going. I feel that I am missing out so much in all the good things in life. Even with a small little bit of the drug, I have so much more mental energy to get out and do things and don't make as many idiotic mistakes such as wasting hours looking for keys or remotes.

I know that it's important that I don't smoke anything if I am wanting to accomplish anything. I've noticed that the cannabis sometimes just accentuates the feelings that I have at the moment. So when I am depressed it is better to just have a little "addaboy" and avoid the schwag.


A.D.D. & ROMANCE -- Finding Fulfillment in Love, Sex and RelationshipsBy Jonathan Scott Halverstadt, MS, LMFT It is amazing how far we have come over the last few years in understanding the affects of A.D.D. over the life span. Once thought to dissipate in adolescence, we now know that A.D.D. is a neurobiological disorder that for most people does not magically go away after the age of 11 or 12. In fact, the majority of people diagnosed with A.D.D. will have it throughout their lifetime. That being the case, no doubt the behavioral characteristics associated with A.D.D. will likewise be present throughout one's life. The impulsiveness and hyperactivity associated with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) will continue into adulthood. These two behavioral characteristics can have seriously damaging consequences on romantic relationships.
The impulsive person's spending patterns can rapidly disintegrate the family's finances.

Words - cutting words - thoughtlessly spoken in arguments can devour the love two people have for each other. Restlessness - the adult version of hyperactivity - left untreated can lead to inconsistent work performance and sometimes, infidelity if left unchecked.
(I think it was the very cutting words when the pagan girl and I had a confrontation that were the nails in the relationship coffin)

These are just a few of the problems people in romantic relationships face when the relationship is affected by A.D.D.. And there are more problems! That's the bad news. The good news is, there is hope - and lots of it! C. Evert Coop, M.D. has been seen on television over the last few years promoting a series of books about physical illnesses. He states a wonderful truth in those commercials when he says: "The best prescription is knowledge." I couldn't agree more! The hope that couples have in working things out in a relationship affected by A.D.D. is first, and foremost, knowledge. The more educated each partner is about A.D.D., the better their relationship will be. Knowledge about A.D.D. will help them be able to understand each other's experience in the relationship. This understanding has another term - empathy. Empathy is necessary for any romantic relationship to be successful. But there is something else that knowledge about A.D.D. brings to the couple. Knowledge about where and how to get help. I believe the full approach to getting help begins with a thorough assessment of the A.D.D.. We now know that there are several different types of A.D.D. and corresponding behavioral characteristics. After a thorough assessment, appropriate medical intervention can be made. Since A.D.D. is a medical disorder, it needs to be addressed with medicine. When medicated properly, the brain functions better. The A.D.D. person is able to process information better. They are better able to monitor their own behavior. They are then able to work better in the next aspect of treatment which is couple's therapy and possibly even individual therapy. In couple's therapy, both partners can work though old painful issues and discover new ways of interacting with each other that create the results they desire - a lifetime of love. Individual therapy is often useful for working through the painful scars left in the wake of growing up with A.D.D. - scars that can also affect the relationship. Finally, I often recommend 12-step work. Yes, 12-step work like in Alcoholics Anonymous (A.A.). Not necessarily AA, but some form of 12-step work. Now there is even a 12-step program for people with A.D.D.! A lot of healing and education can take place in 12-step work that can't be done therapy ... just as there things we can do in therapy that can't be accomplished in 12-step work. That's why I recommend both. It is possible to get off the A.D.D. roller coaster and into the tunnel of love. Yes, it will take some extra effort, but the truth is, all relationships require some work. Through utilizing the 4 part process of assessment, medication, therapy and 12-step work, it is possible to have the love you want. Jonathan Scott Halverstadt is part of the clinical staff at the Amen Clinic For Behavioral Medicine In Fairfield, California where he specializes in Attention Deficit Disorder and relationships. He speaks extensively at national and regional ADD conferences and can be found on the Internet at www.addjohn.com. ADD & Romance is available through bookstores everywhere. ISBN 0-87833-209-X. The Amen Clinic For Behavioral Medicine (707) 429-7181.© 1998 Jonathan Scott Halverstadt


I see how Muffy tolerates me so much better when I don't have my head in the clouds and I can think clearly. My chess game improves. I think twice before I make a statement that might belittle a bartender.

The book was stating how people lifestyles are changed dramatically for the better when they can fit so much more in the day. They are not content to be just lethargic.

I'm feeling so much better and freer but still often have the bouts of depression that this is the last year of my first half century! I will be younger than 50 for less than one year! Does that mean I am too old to still act immature or goofy and take on the so called responsibilities of Repuklican Puritanical Pukedom where I'm supposed to grow old gracefully? I am discovering my way to flower so that I feel that my best years are ahead of me where others will want to share in similar philosophies of hedonism that I have! I love to tune into schwagdom on the net and in the same feeling or vibe that other stoners of all ages tune their spiritual radio stations to.....There is so much to do and can almost empathize with ole Ebenezer having visits from 3 ghosts to really live and go for all the gusto while you are on this earth! Maybe 50 years sooner or later you hope your obituary will be filled with love...
Maybe your life will be like Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life" and you will really see how others have benefited from your visions of this utopia that you envision... maybe you will still be alive a healthy old man to see the wonderful ripples of your wake!

I was so happy yesterday to see the letter from my lawyer saying that I will only have to pay nominal courts and $300 to the "Law Enforcement" fund. I will appear in court on the 18th. I will be on probation for the next 6 months. It's was like a black cloud was released from me. Now I feel free to go see my father for his 89th birthday in the "Land Of OZ" as we Aussies affectionately call Australia, Mates!

I only have an hour left to talk to you. Sometimes, I feel that my blog is my soulmate and that I like to talk to her like you are out there somewhere and can understand me so well and accept me for who I am. I have not had the hate mail in some time so I'm feeling the audience out there has been much more receptive to liberals trying their best to come out of their various depressions. When I am talking to you it is like I am talking even to myself hopefully 50 years from now. You might be reading this with the love that you have learned.... when you have learned to love the vulnerable child deep inside of you......you are wanting to be loved and accepted by most of all you...you are a good person....
"GOSH DARN IT! I AM A GOOD PERSON". I was thinking of Al Franken playing the gay therapist on SNL.

Some uninvited guests have entered my journal, my views of the world around me, and not accepted my opinions.... We are different but if we understand that we are so close to each other in the way we think we would no longer see the need for war and dominance over other human beings.... the fundamentalism here is almost as strong as the fundamentalism in the Middle East...you fundamentalists want to force your defintion of morals the same way the Moslems do...you want to take away our freedoms to enjoy ourselves ....you want to stop us from enjoying a good doobie when we want it...(Do you realize that many Repuklicans also love THC?)...relax and enjoy yourself instead of being of being lemmings on civilization's treadmills .... working yourself to the grave to pay for your huge bubba truck or whatever the corporations and greedy advertiser tell you to buy so you have no freedom...you are always in debt...Poor Old Scrooge had the best ideas for fiscal conservatism! Save your money so you don't have to be someone's slave...Save so you can have the freedom to tell someone to take their job and shove it!!! Then relax at 4:20 with your homegrown when you tell the Repuks to shove it when they don't want you to smoke your own plants that you grew yourself!

"How about if we eat the plants and put it in our oatmeal the morning?"
(she rolls her eyes)

Serioulsy folks, we can let go of many things that we have no control over....
The Tsunamis waves are still gonna come!

American has been dominated by the Puritan ethic since folks became tired of Oliver Cromwell who forced his fundamentalism on England and was the "George W" to Ireland. Cromwell goes down as evil as Hitler in Irish history just as "King George the Crusader" will go down as evil in the Arab world and most of the world's history books. The Irish have hated the English for 500 years. How many years will we be hated as American Imperialists? I'm sure that I will deal with a bunch of shit as an American even in Australia, our ally! I will have to mention that my parents are Australians from a continent SOUTH of here, not Yanks (as Aussies call anyone from the US, north or south ) and that I never voted for either generation of Bushes!

Now our country has the chance to make good helping the folks from the tidal waves and we can get out of the new "Vietnam" as quickly as possible..... before we brand the hatred so deeply inside these folks where the continuing hatred for the West will go on for another millenium...if we don't blow ourselves up!

It's amazing how time flies when you are having fun! It's Friday evening so I'm not sure about going to the Red Dog, or dropping off my puter that was messed up by AOL to the nice bloke in charge of security at Mike's. He'll help fix it. There are very nice conservative around sometimes here in Oklahoma. Brian is the most open minded and intellectual conservative that I've met down here! I dropped by at 1am to play a game of chess with his friend, a Republican with long blond hair in a pony tail. I was hoping that the match might have been more challenging but it still was fun almost wishing that it was Karl Rove that I was checkmating!

Speaking of polite conservatives, Charles and I enjoyed watching the end of the movie, " The Door in the Floor". Kim Bassinger is so beautiful as the very sad wife who has lost her two wonderful sons. Jeff Bridges plays her husband who shared the happy family with her and invites a high school boy that looks a little like his dead twin sons as a summer boy toy for his wife. The high school boy from a prep school is only a pawn to be used by both adults that we forgive because of what they have gone through and we realize how hard it is to cope with the loss. Bridges goes on with his life with his "sins" of womanizing , alcohol and moral decay while giving his wife the needed love that she does'nt have from him anymore in the form of this boy to only be used and discarded by her.

I think what would be funnier? Condoms beat out premature ejaculates (sooners). The football team at OU is red and was beat out by USC, the home of Hollywood and so many liberals! Isn't that ironic justice that the blue states have beaten out the red states in football and baseball, America's favorite sports! Boston won the world series. Is that the home of the liberal senator from Massachussets?? I thought it was even more ironic that I had bought a hat just by chance only for the express purpose of keeping my head warmer or preventing skin cancer not even realizing that the hat represented USC when it was only a buck at the salvation army store! Imagine making a bet back then for USC would be like 100 to 1. I bought the hat in KC too! I am realizing more and more strange coincidences in life that seem to be signs from somewhere....This afternoon while watching that cool new movie with Kim Bassinger and Jeff Bridges with Charles, I found out that his birthday is the same as my father's , February 7th. Maybe that really reinforces, how badly I need to see my father for this 89th birthday. As far as coincidences, Alene's birthday, October 18th was the same as the daughter of the pagan girl. I think what are the chances of all these coincidence. The significance of 7's and how I'm 49 too...
(she rolls her eyes)
"Where do you come up with this bizarre stuff? Are you the wierd guy at the bar?"

Seriously, I think that great good will come out of this awful tragedy in Asia, where there are empty spaces of what were once villages and towns. This was the world to all these people and it was wiped out in seconds....it was all natural with no one to blame ...We can't predict the forces of the nature and the universe...Maybe there will be great good coming out of the world together to save lives instead of us killing innocent people. Our soldiers are now helping these people who are mostly Moslem. Maybe this will put aside all this hatred that we have built up inside of our species. I hope that all the energies of these lost souls were not lost but their energies will be for good and world peace that can be possible if we evolve to that higher plane of existence that I see can happen. I see this love and energy when I visit schwag and hopefully will see other communites in Australia where the strongest energy is love. I have visited Nimbin and other folks where you could only feel positive energy and not the negative energy that has infected this country.

After visiting with Charles, about 4:20, I noticed how beautifully the sun was shining through my crystal cedar forrest in my backyard forest. The icey rain had formed this gorgeous sculpture making love to the sunlight. I wish that I had bought the camcorder so that I could pull it out and record this moment in time that will never come again.

It is my new years resolution to buy the laptop and camcorder so that I can record these moments with my writing and photos while on this brief stay on the earth.

This is one of the best movies, Charles and I have seen in a long while:


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Adapted from the best-selling John Irving novel, "A Widow for One Year," "The Door in the Floor" is a complex tale of love and relationships. "It's about how love is defined by its shadow - loss," explains writer/director Tod Williams. Jeff Bridges feels it's "a wonderful combination of tragedy and comedy," while producer Ted Hope sees the film as being all about "the complexities of life."
What does author John Irving think about this big screen adaptation? "Tod Williams' screenplay is the most word-for-word faithful translation to film of any of the adaptations written from my novels. But he has also made his own film. This is excellent work," proclaims Irving.

The story follows one summer in the life of children's book author Ted Cole (Jeff Bridges) and his wife Marion (Kim Basinger). With their marriage in shambles after a devastating tragedy, a young man ignites a spark in Marion, and the Coles find themselves faced with having to make difficult choices about the future of their family.

INTERVIEW WITH KIM BASINGER AND JEFF BRIDGES:

Why are older woman/younger man relationships so controversial?
KIM BASINGER: I don't know. I don't care. I enjoyed every minute of it. I think that love and sex and everything comes in all different ways and sizes in life. I've just more or less always had a European attitude about things, I think, a looseness. I think that my life, I've been so attracted to the “Harold and Maude” aspect of living as opposed to the norm. Normal is so boring. I like to spice it up a little myself.

Were you familiar with the book this movie’s based on?
KIM BASINGER: No. Of course I knew about it, but no. I was really introduced to it by the script, which was really wonderful for ‘Marion.’ It was really great.

Was that what attracted you to the project?
KIM BASINGER: The script, and I loved Marion. I loved Marion's - and this is my word that I'm using - her ‘aloneness.’ I loved Kip [director Tod Williams]. I think that combination alone. I could not and would not have done this piece without Kip. I don't know. It was just a perfect time for me to meet Marion. She was rather quiet and got to be somewhat of a voyeur. That was kind of interesting for me, and sort of internal.

Jeff, did you know the book?
JEFF BRIDGES: I hadn't read the book, but I knew of it. My wife had read it. And I read it in preparation for the role. I love John Irving's stuff. It's that marriage of comedy and tragedy that he manages to do. It's really terrific. Kip had such a great adaptation of it. That was a big plus for me when I'd heard that John was being supportive of it. He called Kip, or I guess that's he going officially as Tod, but I think that Tod bought the rights for $1 from John.

How do you get into the mindset of parents who have lost children?
KIM BASINGER: I think that the advantage that you have having had children, you don't have to think about it. If I had not had my daughter, I wouldn't know. That's true. That's honest. I don't think that you could be as convincing, even to yourself, about the truth that goes with that. As a parent, you just don't go there. You just don't go there. So as artists, when we had to go there, whatever we had we went there. It's something that we didn't even share. We just shared the moment on film, but we didn't even share it all. It's so a part of a parent’s horror, fear.

JEFF BRIDGES: You don't even have to think about it. Hearing Kim speak about [it] and not even really talk about it, but I was thinking about when Beau [Bridges] did “Baker Boys.” If it was another actor, you'd probably spend a lot of energy trying to figure out, “How do we appear to be brothers? What can we do that will give the illusion of that?” Since we were actually brothers, you didn't need to talk about it. You had that in your kit bag and you didn't need to take it out. It's just there, and a similar thing is having children yourself. I didn't have to think about. It was just kind of there. I didn't have to bring it out too much, even to myself, in the work.

One of the things that I did in preparation for that aspect of losing a child was talking to my mother who lost a child just before me. His name was Gary. My mom and dad went through Sudden Infant Death Syndrome. A kid, a year old, and you go up to see the baby and the baby is dead. I talked to her about that, and how they worked through that, and how long it lasted, and it's still just like it happened yesterday if you talk to my mom.

Kim, is there anything that could make you leave your kids - like this character?
KIM BASINGER: Not me in my own life. But I totally understood why Marion did it. It is heartbreaking, especially to leave her, Elle. My gosh.

PAGE 2: Bridges and Basinger on Working Together Again and Big Love

Well I made it ...long flight..and had I know customs would have been so easy....well I would have had more stuff in my pockets...

Travel was simple.... just long...

I am staying in HinNam but may be moving housing monday...so when I know for sure where I will be I will post my actuall address...

I have watched the sun come up on the beach 3 times now and intend on doing it everyday of my trip..I am very close to the beach...
Hin Nam and Cha Am have been uneffected my tsunami
so its buisness as usual here....
the market is wild ...I really feel Like I have slipped into some show on the travel channel...I am seeing things I have never seen before and doing my best to communicate with people it seems to be working out..

there is a really " seedy" bar at my hotel dorm...the ladies there will sing to you then "take good care of you"

and you would be suprised...there are many 7-11's and even a few starbucks...damn western civilaization, but thank god I can find a few things that remind me of home there...everything is very different...
I miss you all very much...alreaday...wish the schwag could come and play here....maybee at the blue star kareoke bar...near my dorm....
I am sure the boys...especially You rik would enjoy the lovely ladies who "work" there...

as I start classes and learn more I will update you..and keep this a a type of journal...
so far
day one

found a fresh coconut washed up on the beach..so I husked it and cracked it on a rock and drank the milk from it....made me realize that I am indeed in a tropical paridise

day two

took a sunrise walk on the beach, before me two buddhist monks walked along and behind me another...confirmed to me that I am on the right path and in the right place.

day three

tide went out and left lots of huge jellyfish dead on the beach...
I will be swimming in the pool,


day four.. here we are....I am sure this day will bring great things...

If you want to email me private I will write you back//
soniadae@yahoo.com

Love you all very much
Wish You were here....


(((((((HUGE HUGS))))))))))))))))))))

Sonia

--------------------
...... believe in LOVE and live accordingly

Ten years ago, yesterday, Alene passed away. I miss her and realized how I took for granted someone that loved me so much.

It's important that I get the most out of this year and really do the things that I want accomplished. I have wasted a lot of time in frivolities when I could be writing and pursuing knowledge for this collective conciousness.

I will get a laptop so that I can go anywhere and write to you. Lately there have not been many hits. It's important that I'm always writing and developing connections. I will get a camcorder so that I can always record moments in time with important connections such as my conversation with Dave and then be able to put it on my website. I spoke with Chilicothe Dave (of KC drinker's fame) last night and bought him a few beers before heading to dance at Blaney's. The owner, Dick, does not have much personality, upset that I would ask for water saying this is a bar and you don't ask for water.
I had already paid 10$ cover and 2$ for coffee to sober up. I had been drinking beer for happy hour at the Buzzard Beach.

Yesterday was such a gorgeous warm day to finish 2004, an overall piss poor year with everything from politics to my career limbo and state of uncertainty.
I absorbed as much of the sun as I could sitting outside in Muffy's warm patio being consoled over Alene's life being cut short. It is good to have a cry. There is a purpose still for me and I have to figure out the best way to do it and express it while continuing to improve as a person and in character.

I will continue on with my resolutions later....

Jan. 2, 1044 AM:

I never know when the tidal wave will hit, but it's usually in the middle of the night when I'm sleeping on my back. The snoring wakes her up and I hear her screaming at me. I try to adjust the blanket or sheets and the volume of the wave continues to get louder . There is no way to avoid the wave. You think everything is calm and BOOM!
"Get out of my house by High Noon!"


You can't go back to sleep and so you go downstairs to have a Kava Kava. Earlier in the evening, you have the best lovemaking and you think everything is hunky-dory. Your naivete about the female species easily misleads you. She yells as she walks off to go sleep in her empty daughter's bed.



He grumbles and waits for the herb to mellow him to surf these emotionally disturbed waves of trauma before he dreams.

Muffy is apologetic in the AM but not really.

"Why do all men snore?" .....



Now its 1:30Pm

"Chop, chop" she yells waiting for him to leave, "But Garvald, don't you want to finish up your essay."

He realizes that time is fleeting and he only has a few minutes to show everyone that the trip finished on a good note. Both he and Muffy have hope for the world in 2005. There is so much work to be done. If only he could borrow her mental will power to take care of business. It had to be done in order for her to survive as a single mother her two girls. She thought of the women that he was with and how he evolved into the lover that she fell in love with. He could see her lust turn into love as these little Garvaldian moments made her think of him often as soon as she kicked him out of her cave in KC.

"What were they like compared to me as far as body, spirit and soul?" she wondered as she found a new drug,this way of being her aphrodisiac. The way he pleased her and she pleased him always made the love better than before.

She had been in his life for the last year and a half after his impulsive move on the way back from visiting his author masseuse in Chicago about 18 months ago August first. Muffy fell in love with his nerdy ways and the way he often amused her with his bizarre humor and ADD craziness. It was hard for her to find a man as intelligent as him but he often tried her patience and hit her buttons enough to create her tsunamic mood changes and resulting total devastation of his spirit. ... so his only survival from the devastated beach of tidal emptiness was Kava Kava.

(WOW! I've only had a few hits but basically for right now, Garvald will be on his road trip with good Karmic feelings between him and his lovvver. adios Muchachos, meinen Freunden ....Happy New Year!)