Watching the wrinkles gather as your skin dehydrates under the dry Navaho sun. You wonder where your life is going at the moment not feeling fulfilled as the image of this utopia or round table of noble teachers is slowly sapped away. You are still so much more impressed with the hearts and minds of so many here including the principal that want to do so much for these kids.
You are disheartened that you think that you could be overwhelmed with the competition that can keep up with all this Baldridge philosophy that is almost a religion forced on these teachers to produce results! No child left Behind has put on the pressure for there to be results even in very depressed Navaho reservations!
I need to make it a point of at least writing to you for a few minutes each night before I get caught up with my favorite soap opera of characters that live on the hereinreality tagboard waiting to cut and paste from my site again.
I think about these disturbed individuals that frequent this site might have a different type of neuroses
than the alcoholics that visit their neighborhood pub too afraid to be alone...
so they make friends with other lonely folks while they drink their way to their eventual oblivion.
(woh..thats pretty deep.. ;)
These tagboard nerds have no real friends so they pretend they do ... they think that they might be doing some good in their self righteous desire to be heard...
Buffy is looking at me now wondering when I'll walk her to our home in the teacherridge (not sure of the spelling??) It's only 2 tenths of a mile away. I sometimes feel the intimacy of the other teachers here 30 miles away from a city. We share our lives in this small community. When we are at these workshops to help improve we start feeling a camaraderie as we all share a potluck lunch. I feel the positive vibes from others that are new here, especially from foreign countries all alone like me. Then there are the friendly veterans but there are a few TFA teachers that were probably overachieving little snots spoiled by their parents. Maybe they will or will not get rid of what ever it is that is stuck up their ass. Maybe they might not feel that you are worthy when you barely get a grunt from them when you greet them...maybe you are not even close to their intelligence or high academic achievement to be worthy of their attention....oh well ...no worries mate!
I then think that there are single folks that eventually become even more neurotic in certain ways as they learn to have different ways of coping with the loneliness..
I'd like to continue this some more...
Wednesday 5:46 pm :)
I'm in town tonight at the local library before ballroom dancing. It seems like I'm getting more hits since I've been writing a little more. No worries, M. I'll always have the chance to edit the run on sentences later!
It's amazing after having a good chat with sympathetic ears and a chance to sleep, how everything seems and feels so much better. We had our first frost and it was hard for Buffy to wake up. She is so cute curled up beside my bed each day as the morning light streams into the bedroom while waking up to hearing about earthquakes on NPR.
I'm going to try finish moving this weekend into my new place across the cul de sac. It has such a beautiful view of my backyard mountain! I will see the sun shining on her while I drink my extra creamy mocha swiss miss blend. Seeing her sure helps wipe away the depressing thoughts that I might have gone to sleep to!
I was happy when the lady from the main office (the IEP expert) was so helpful. She reassured me that I would have the necessary help. It was just nice to know that I could relax again. Last night I was still brooding about the principal admonishing me about the first IEP. The much more empathetic IEP lady understood how IEPs from one state can differ so much! She realized that 27 pages can be so intimidating. The district had to make it so long to cover their assets after so many lawsuits.