Friday at the Beach with Muffy
After I came back about 10 or 15 minutes later, M had calmed down. She understands me more and how I feel hurt when I'm disrespected. Her respect for me had waned as I took a voluntary year leave from working. This was a chance to devote to the dream of writing a book,documentary, website.
Along comes Buffy at the end of winter. She gave me motivation to wake up and absorb the world the way she does when she is let off her leash to run after squirrels, birds and chipmunks. Her excitement helps me the see the world again and she is so refreshing to take for a walk.
When I am feeling down, I can seek the warmth of my canine and I immediately feel better.
"You are needy! You want to cuddle all the time!"
Her words echo over and over in my mind throughout the morning. as I nod off while watching one of the Lance's last stages shown on OLN.
Muffy just arrived home and we are getting ready for the beach. For a minute I was so happy and then,
"You ate 6 slices of ham and left only 3? Did you not know that we were going to make sandwiches today?"
"I thought that you were trying to get rid of them even offering some for Buffy"
"You are so fucking retarded!"
she screams while Buffy looks at her, his tail wagging, but I think she knew her step mistress was pissed and sat her canine ass down in front of her at least hoping that she will pet her.
M storms downstairs with Buffy following her in eagerness! (She actually whines everytime Muffy leaves. She was even whining while sitting in the bathroom with me while I read about creative writing using one's inner critic. My child has really bonded to her! )
ITEMS FOR OUR PICNIC:
1. CAMCORDER AND ACCESORIES.
5. BLUE SPEEDOS FROM THE GOLD COAST
6. SHORTS, SHIRT
7. SUN TAN CREME
8. HYDROCORTISONE FOR POISON IVY
9. INSECT REPELLANT?
Best day of the trip even though we kept forgetting material, both of us having evidence of Alzheimers!
Sunday 1am :(
Im realizing more and more about what I need to be in control of. I can learn to tolerate some behaviors and sometimes realize that if I can't get the respect that I will tolerate, then its time to assert yourself or walk away from the situation regardless of the time of the month and it could happen anytime.
I want to spend more time chatting with you but just feel so angry that no one will listen to me; or why do I end up spending time with folks that don't like hearing my voice?
I've realized in my travels there are folks that enjoy being with me and I need to find out being with people that do enjoy what I have to say. I need to work on so many of my social skills but I think it's so important about always being autonomous with myself and my family (Buffy). I will not let the mores of a stifling society inhibit my own creativity or my own voice when I write.
Maybe I will feel better when I heat up the catfish from our dinner together. Things were going wonderful until she signed my credit card when I asked her not to do that because I let her do that before. It just seems that people get angry at you stepping over their boundaries but they have a right to disrespect your own boundaries.
Ill finally get out of here and let M pursue her dreams and her own reality while I pursue mine without her brain for organization. It was wonderful to watch Lance win the tour with Lance looking like one of the happiest men in the world. He has vacation with his family and the ultimate girlfriend, Sheryl Crowe.
He has the world within his grasp and I think that she believes that she can do anything with her own superman!