Indecision is like the weather in Oklahoma....

The biggest problem that folks with ADD have is indecision. They are bombarded with thoughts which cause more worry. Sometimes, they get bogged down with worrying about pleasing others and the critic that is so harsh and cutting within themselves.
This critic develops after all the hard blows, emotional abuse from parents, peers and mocking from others over the years for being and thinking differently. You are ostracized by others until the point that your own self esteem and worth is shattered. You give the appearance that you are aloof when you have learned it is safer to be away from others that are close minded and don't accept differences. The creative self within you gets shut away for fear of what others think and that what you are doing is not worth while your efforts. The harder they try to please others, the more will be taken from their souls. (sorry for using you and us freely but I want you to understand that I am talking others that suffer with these traits as I do:(
Muffy was telling me of her friend very into feminist causes also beats herself up and has the same indecisive paralysis that plagues her and prevents her from even getting out of the house just like I do. I know that we crave support and approval from others. When it is not there we think what is the point of even leaving our houses.

It is a long hard haul for us but I know how we can flourish when we are with the right folks that are positive energies that don't want to tear us down because of their desire to put themselves higher on the pecking order. We need to avoid negative forces that want us to succeed and away from the animalistic urge to subdue or put the other dog in "their place" lower on the food chain.

It has been fun coming back and feeling welcome in my neighborhood. I look forward to my walks with Charles. I am happy that I am getting along my western neighbors.
I enjoyed treating them to my favorite Chinese Buffet restaurant and being invited into their home again. It is nice to sometimes let go of the past so that you are not brooding over it. It is so much easier to forgive than hold in hate and grudges but it is always important to not let your guard down regardless of your nature to want to see the good in folks.

This journal has been very open and honest with conflicts that have happened and some of them have been resolved. In order for there to be material for a book there has to be a common theme such as getting kicked out of bars where "liberal" deep discussion will not be tolerated.

There is conflict with neighbors that is almost as funny as some of the things in "Desperate Housewives". I think that making some of the things that were very serious to have a comedic irony would intrigue the audience....

It is amazing how much better one feels when he writes it down....I am thinking of others that kept a journal like Samuel Peeps did for later audiences to see in a movie a few hundred years later about England's actors and the first actress...

I love constructive input...at this point this website is very experimental but I would love for others to get involved especially with the part about putting much of it on the site where we can download the films of Buffy in several versions, one for Jesus Land and the other with a more intellectual Buffy questioning her existence and whether she has a soul that is part of this whole collective consciousness..
I want others to be better able to see the world according to Garvald and Buffy with little film vignettes...
I need muses....creative supports to the serious and funny essays...And I really need technical support because computers are still like Greek to moi :( I am happy that Dave and Steph have offered their invaluable tech support...It would be great that the 'hood participates in this site!

I don't need Bubbanon only leaving personal shit but it would be nice if he/she actually told what essays he/she loved to hate?? Sometime folks like to read or watch something because they hate it so much....Why do some of us enjoy watching Fox? We are curious about how Hannity or O'Reilly will make a jerk of themselves to reinforce our feelings of why we love to hate them...
.. sometime I love to hate Bush and Karl Rove just to see what kind of power hungry malevolence they will incur under the guise of "democracy"..

We want to know what is going on but are afraid to be truly honest for fear others' reactions...We love to be flies on the walls...But flies have the tendencies to get on your nerves when they all of sudden hit a cord that was not questioned before...
We all have voyeuristic tendencies...but we much prefer to look out of tinted windows so we can see others without them seeing us...

This will be continued .... with relish and green mustard ....Wasabbeee?
love, Garv

The biggest problem beside all the mistakes from carelessness is that I procrastinate
and put off doing what really needs to be done to succeed...Like at least setting a plan and following it instead of wallowing in self pity...watch I'll say this and Bubba and Muffy will get on my case about it too!

She is right about taking the pill. Thanks for listening whether you are rolling your eyes or seething at this totally openly honest journal...you don't want to hear this rendition on the violin that's been sounding way too much like a song that is getting on your nerves!

Maybe I will feel better after I take Buffy out for sushi and a walk in the windy park!

Monday, March 14, 3 days until St. Patty's and have you seen Garvald San Diego?
I am so excited with life that I just want to write and talk to whomever might tune into my station. Eventually folks my brains might have the technology of how to put my little soliloquies on this website! It's 420 AM and I feel good but always with the impending thought of mortality. We have only a short while to live life as best as we can. We wish that our own soul, our visions, our sight will be all saved into this collective consciousness that some can tune into. It is far out, but I am more and more thinking that vibes and images can be transferred across space. When we do that we might be tuning into that consciousness. When we let ourselves go of anger we are much more conducive to these thought waves. I know how animals are much more in tune to psychic forces enough that they all moved to higher ground away from the water...how animals know across the globe when their master dies..

now pass me the doobie!..but I am serious...I will now retire to this DVD of
of these Shakespearean actors and the first actress during the lascivious reign of Charles the second. Charles the Second escaped to France when the Puritans temporarily took over England and then were to sent to JesusLand.

Charles learned how to have a good time in France and had many mistresses. I think it was about that time that the word FUCK, Fornication Under the Consent of the King so the king could have legitimate heirs from his queen was invented, 1680.

Main Entry: [2]fuckFunction: nounDate: 16801 : usually obscene : an act of copulation 2 : usually obscene : a sexual partner 3 a : usually vulgar : DAMN 2 b : usually vulgar : — used especially with the as a meaningless intensive stupping ....

Tuesday March 15th...I'll probably hang out here with McOkies drinking 3.2 green beer for St. Pat's at Oconnell's or Bricktown. I remember when Alene and I made a day of the festivities,,,At least there'll be some sun and reach 60! Buffy is growing like a weed...I can't figure a way to show her pics..she is so adorable...I never thought that I would fall in love with a dog! Who thinks I should take her with me dressed in a greeen outfit??...she would be the best looking blonde green canine in the world!


11 PM:

I am so proud of Muffy. My Australian father who is world famous for philosophy sent her some of the articles that he wrote. She was so impressed with how well he wrote and how everything made sense. I admit that many of my pieces do not have the coherence. She will write a letter back to him about the article. He will be so impressed that I'm dating someone that can comprehend his very heavy material. She is so smart! (she rolls her eyes)

ADD comes from my mother's side of the family and I am even more bizarre when cannabized....but seriously, I am so proud of the way she went to Jefferson, the capital of Missouri with over 400 women to fight for reproductive rights. It is scary how these Repukes are making this government as far right as the Baptists want it to go. In sex education in her daughters middle school there is no talk of condoms except that they are 85% effective (misleading fact). They are preaching abstinence only...wow get serious!... like prohibition, we are not going to stop folks from sinning, young and old. (don't get me started)....

I am so proud of her...she even stuck a pro-choice bumper sticker on her senator's door in Jefferson when no one was looking...Way to go, girl! This kind of stuff is what she needs to get into instead of serving food or booze! I can imagine her working for Hillary's campaign fighting all the dirty tactics of the evil dirty tricksters. My feisty alpha female will kick the asses of these Karl Rovian Repukes!

I want her to write an essay about her day in Jefferson....Maybe, Muffy??. ...She even wrote a letter to Harper's and was complimented on it by the editor himself for some of her eloquent passages! Maybe she will let us see that letter too?

...I'm gonna watch this movie, "High Fidelity", with John Cusack about some young blokes in limbo in Chicago. It was adapted from a story about the same situation about 20 something folks in London. Maybe I will feel eloquent later :) after reading what Rolling Stones magazine says about Hunter S. Thompson.

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Please Lord, get my ass in gear so that I can focus on the future for our family!