Buffy the mental demon slayer!~
I sometimes feel that I am overcoming the demons that I have been dealing with as far as Alene passing away, my own self worth as a person and as a teacher. I have learned to become much more honest with myself.
I sometimes feel that all the negatives that say I cannot do it will succeed and overwhelm me causing me to let myself fall into this downward spiraling feeling of depression as we eventually have to resign ourselves to letting go on this fleeting moment of life within this shell . Time flies by without anything accomplished and feel little time left to really get the "motor runnin'".
Teaching has been one of the avenues of discovering who I am and what I can do. I have had so many failures and rejections in my life but I have learned about my own tenacity as a survivor. I have learned that I do keep getting up. I have a home that I have almost paid off and I have done many things and visited many lands.
One my biggest pleasures in this short life if it were to whur past me in my last moments of life is the warm connections and love with other people and now a wonderful canine, Buffy. :)
Since she has come into my life I have become more aware of the wonderful things in life. I feel smarter, more aware and happier. I look forward to coming home to be with her.
I love her company on trips. She keeps me company on walks when I am alone. It is so amazing and I realize how they are man's best friend. It is now 1:30 am and Buffy has fallen asleep on my lap while I type. She is curled up in a warm ball. I just feel so much more warmer and centered when she is next to me.
I see how others become so attached to her. I am just amazed that I have been the luckiest person to have the most beautiful blonde dog in the world. She is snoring now just like I do. Muffy says that I look like her and feel the compliment because I love taking pictures of us both together.
I thought that if children were ever going to be in my future, I would need to know that I could at least demonstrate to myself that I can be responsible enough to take care of a canine. It's amazing about love that it grows on you, where every day you love her more.
Buffy has almost made me want to believe in God or some wonderful energy in the universe that can be used for good. There are positive vibes in the world.
I often feel the energy of all the people that have passed away. There is a tremendous energy from the folks that perished from that great wave.
These people want us to have wonderful lives just as Alene wants me to go on living and enjoying life. She wants me to be happy. I feel her energy through Buffy sometimes.
My little blonde canine looks at me with unconditional love and I just feel so wonderful. I pick her up and hold her. Her warmth invigorates me almost as if she was born to be my companion as she grew up and I grew older. She is helping me come to terms with my own mortality. I am learning to get up earlier at least to see the start of a new day with her. (Tears well up in my eyes and I go see where she is. She is asleep on my bed and looks guilty for getting on my bed. She gets off and goes into her kennel. I reach for her inside the kennel and put her on my chest as I lay on the bed. She rests comfortably on me and I feel the rush of her invigorating warmth and love. Wow, what a rush!)
She is teaching me to be good to myself in my second half of life as I progress to the next half of my century! She is teaching me that these will be the best years of my life with her. She will see me blossom. I sense her wisdom as I would from an old soul brought down to help others in need. She has already given to Muffy and her daughter. I have seen the best out of them. I have seen the goodness of strangers when they see her with me. I see the warmth in other that she brings out.
I get so excited when I am writing and talking to other folks in different ways. I sense that there will be many ways that I will be able to reach you. I want to talk to folks in person, on the computer and through video. I love to be a ham in front of the camcorder. I have recently rediscovered unconditional love through Buffy. I have given to her and she has been around for me almost as if an angel brought her to me.