New Moon yesterday (Moonday)

I have a good feeling as soon as I went outside and started driving especially after listening to this bloke on NPR about intuition or going with our first instincts. We know when we are instantly attracted to someone physically or when policemen feel that someone is going for a gun or when he's going for a wallet. Sometimes it works but in the case of the poor victim in NYC when he was shot 48 times when reaching for his wallet it doesn't. Our instinct is something where all of our background knowledge reaches the subconcious like Vic Braden, a famous tennis intructor knows when someone will double fault.

I sense it is something when your life is empty and you are tired of the mundanity or same old same old of going through the motions.

Some of us need all that stimulation or we will become complacent and end up going into a melancholic acceleration towards our graves as we see life us pass us by with us desperately trying to push rewind or pause before the tsunami hits again!

(wow! that's that the second hit from the dugout to put me in the creative mood before going into the library)

Well, I wonder what to do today after 4:20 whether to check out Sam's or Best Buy for laptops and computers. I finally called a travel agent and it's at least $2,ooo for a trip to "Oz"! It would be nice to take Muffy but she's tired of all these promises of vacation unless Dad sent this as a downpayment towards the book with a few chapters about our heritage including him. He's excited about researching the two Scottish brothers in our ancestry, one going to fight against slavery and the other going to the new land of Ned Kelly, ex convicts, aborigines and wallabees!

You might think about me having kangaroo genes the way I hop around in my essays so much.
I see how my ancestors were impulsive wanderers going to whole new worlds that only could have read or heard about these strange new countries. I get so excited thinking about all of the people that I could research as far immigrants that went to Australia and the States. I would love to find out what it was like for my Scottish, German, English and Irish ancestors when they first landed in the land of koalas. What were their love lifes like? What kinds of thing did they do for what little spare time that they had. Did they visit these marvelous stretches of unexplored beaches (but aborigines had already been down these beaches for last 50 thousand years or so. Did my Scottish grandfather mate with any aboriginal maidens in a similar fashion to the landowners of the south or anywhere men might get distracted by pretty young females?? I think for us to get over ourselves we need to realize that there is an evolutionary reason we behave certain ways ....that we are only milimeters away from animal's natural behavior when living together in "civilized groups" in what will be our earth's geologic strata.
(I would love for the fundamentalist to get mad and send their bubbanonymous comments about how we did not come from monkeys like the children of the corn from Chickasha did with righteous indignation!)

Before I do all this I need to start writing down my plans after I've had the lick of addaboy meds to help organize my brain without getting sidetracked by the sweet herb too much. I need to realistically see all I can do visually on paper and then imagine it all realistically throughout the day...then gradually, for the next few months of freedom that I have before getting back to the real world of work, I can plan out my days, weeks, months about this short journey.

(now I'm getting distracted by these 2 typing demons beside me so I can't concentrate on my thoughts that are going 100 miles per hour and can only write about 5 miles an hour compared to their loud supersonic speeds!)

I was talking with the librarian, Rhondia, about the "vicissitudes" in life of many creative people during mid life crisis. They do their most creative work when they come to term with their own struggles facing their own mortality and seek a higher spirituality such as Woody Allen, Bob Fosse, BF Skinner, Gogan. Shakespeare wrote all of his works during this creative outlet after his heart was broken by a mysterious lady. I once wrote a great research paper about male mid life crisis and generativity but the female professor lost it. Maybe she kept it for herself! I'm angry because I didn't have other copies and I think that it was one of my best essays....oh well

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Please Lord, get my ass in gear so that I can focus on the future for our family!