Days of depression and blah in the Bush Empire

Muffy was upset about the last two essays and I have a feeling why but fear to delve there. She was about to write a comment but chose not to maybe because of the abundance of hostility lately in the site.

Many of us open minded liberals have become depressed lately and all of them can't be bipolar.
We would have all been elated but the other half would have Jesus to cheer them up (oops, Im sure that pissed off some evangelicals. Roger Moore showed the "United States of Canada and the rest "Jesusland" and that offended stepford anchorman with his little editorial on the news. Maybe, he went to the "Daily Disappointment's" journalism school at OU. A lot of folks at site have been showing that map of North America on their message board.

I wonder if I'm even more depressed or just have this genetic(?) general state of lethargy which paralyzes me into doing the easiest thing and not motivated to do anything. I enjoy parts of this sabbatical but I have to discipline myself to something productive other than writing. The little bit of adderall helps get some of the activities done. I slept till noon, today, part of a very sinful daily inactivity. The only thing really motivating me is writing, romance and the pursuit of intellectual nirvana. Muffy asked me what I've been doing other than writing?

"Well I eat, eat at Chinese Buffets especially the one that has Salmon and for less than 8$. I watch Tv and blog looking for dirt on Karl Rove."

What a life and then you get into the feel sorry for yourself mode. Now watch some redneck will just repeat or regurgitate the previous statement in one of their thoughtless comments. My superid or parent part of the my concious nags me more than anyone so it really gets on my nerves when I have someone repeat the obvious to me.
This site is a chance to vent and I don't need judgemental nagging from anyone. I do enjoy productive criticism of the writing or what can be more entertaining to my gradually expanding readership. I do enjoy most of the interchange with Niles who became upset when I criticized rednecks.

I just bought the book "Bush's Brain" for me, Muffy and our Bohemian friends, Lillian and Eric.
Our favorite thing to do is watch documentaries about the current evil empire. I'm impressed that me in my own ADD, I have read the first few chapters seeing in more detail what the DVD shows so that Muffy can also read it in her bathroom library. I love the way she voraciously reads a book as much she loves food! She is fascinated with the seveal hundred page book on the history of sex that I got for her. She would often rather read the book rather than partake of the activity Well absence often makes her heart grow fonder and it gives me the freedom to hibernate without as much guilt or at least the nagging externally and internally.

Well I only have five more minutes before I have to vacate to another puter from this 30 minute limit one. I know, Muff, I need to buy a handy laptop which I can carry around with me and not be dependent on hers except that I would need a phone line.

Much of this drivel or dribble will be edited from my book when that day comes (I know, Muffy). Writing this all down helps me put a perspective on things and sometimes wonder if it was a mistake to make this site all public almost like an experiment. Was it good for my inner feelings to be exposed especially and intentionally to folks that would disagree with my views and then want to nag on this board about my own character and life? I should expect and sometimes entertained it knowing the ire would bring out in the general way humans react to being scrutinized themselves. This experiment has gone on for 4 months during one of the most pivotal times in this country on the brink of an evangelical inquisition or to more freedom.
It was scary watching Pat Robertson's Christian News Network immediately talking about how they will overcome the obstacle of getting another supreme court justice to replace Renquist.
I am very scared of George being head man in this inquisition or crusade.

I would love to write more about this internal struggle if some might be a little more supportive instead of being so negative and angry. I know that you are the only censors as far as whether you want to read this or just go to another essay. I have been upset about the situation with having to get a lawyer and deal with the unpleasant and questiontionable search of my car when I was not drunk and then finding my own home violated so I do not feel safe in my own neighborhood.

Now it's Wodin'sday and I am stoned into a funky kind of depression as we fast forward to winter. The first frost will be this weekend here in this bored mentalist state of chicken fried steak with tolerance for sushi and ginger root. I've been swimming to long upstream and maybe just learn swim with the waves of time and weather....digging into the capital way too long unless I can really make something of this site or delusion (?) of this book.

I broke down and finally called Dad the other night almost dreading making the effort to make the call but so relieved when I talked to him. I love him and he told he me that he loves me and really looks forward to talking to me. (I'm teary eyed just thinking of him probably not as alone as I feel in this land of intellectual stifling. He is 88 and has a bit of a cough but his doctor gave him a clean bill of health. I told him to grind up some ginger root and mix it with hot green tea.

I wrote two of my previous paragraphs and then was interupted from the writing and the last two were wasted in cybespace because it wouldn't save the new paragraphs.

What I was saying was that my father is a staunch conservative of the old conservative party.
He is not aware of how much the party has changed to the neo-conservatives and all the dirty tricks and political smears that far out did Alexander Hamilton's smears 200 years ago.

Dad was a big fan of General Eisenhower and General Douglas Macarthur. He was a captain of intelligence in the Australian army and met Macarthur in the Phillipines. Dad was also a big fan of Napolean Bonaparte who of course did many evil deeds. Dad especially admired his military tactics.

( I am frustrated that the blog is not publishing but I at least can get into the edit posts)

Some people get onto this site and write nasty comments such as Martin or the neighbors so baring my soul can be difficult when I'm censored into not writing some of my deepest thoughts.

I have many ideas sometimes brought on when enjoying the buzz and then overwhelming sadness when I think too much of what might might be my fate. I get inspired to read poetry at Open Mike at Galileo's in the Paseo. It used to be at Medina's several years ago and then went across the street after they closed down. Galileo's has good food. I remember going there a few years ago with the pagan girlfriend and it has that very different taste of a much more ecclectic cuisine and customer. I would presume that over 90 % hate or at least have an intense dislike for Bush. I suppose that I should hang out there instead of in a redneck pub.

Now it is Thursday and I want to socialize but concerned that we have to get into our vehicles in order to go anywhere or meet anyone instead of us having the alternative of a dependable mass transit system. Where we would not have the fear of getting stopped everytime you had a couple of drinks. The weather has become so miserable and I have been hibernating these last few days wondering if it's even worth getting outside in the real world to face all the bullshit that we don't have to tolerate if we organize and say that we do not have to depend on large corporations and energy companies' desire to take our money because of our addiction to oil. I do not understand why others don't realize this fixation and slavery to autos which are dependent on fossil fuels. It is un- American according to Rush to want to save trees, have alternative lifestyles that don't accomodate our dependence on the big energy companies.

Thank the univeral God (not the Repuklican god, the one that is compassionate, helping and and coexists with the universal forces that seem to help us when we reach out to them) that it's Friday or frei tag (another Pagan godess that we name our days after even here in Jesusland. It's funny about Michael Moore having the cajones to come out in the open with extension of the midwest fundamentalism to most of the country. I don't know the figures, but I think about 10-20 % are devout puritans that have the same radical religious right as the Moslems in the middle east. Two faiths battling it out, just like Northern Ireland, Israel and all the countries in the past that believed that there way was the only way or you'll go to hell or not go to heaven unless you believe exactly the way they do.

Well, I'll get off my soap box for a sec. to mention a principal called me up for an interview for teaching special ed. Muffy says how good I am with young children. Middle school age seems to be the toughest for me when some start developing habits that often lead them to becoming bullies in bars or bully presidents. I told the principal that I was on sabbatical writing a book but that I was interested in the position. She told me that she would call back in 20 minutes, but she never did. Oh, well, I am still wanting to take that trip to see Dad, but it is so much easier to go back to work.

I have a feeling that some of the "enemies" or Bubba mentalists will have a field day saying that I should not be teaching. I want everyone to know that much of this is fiction and that's why I have changed the names of the guilty including myself. Besides, I have a good positive influence on young children with disabilities. I never bring politics or religion into the classroom unless they ask questions and I give an unbiased answer. I still want these children to grow up to be independent thinkers that can make up decisions on their own instead of Fox news or Rush telling the mindless Stepfords who to vote for.


  1. I wonder why the latest essay won't show up. I have lost connections with AOL. It is so frustrating talking to a lady from India and they were no help but Lillian was nice enough to stay with me to at least try to connect. I am dropping aol but in the meantime, I will keep trying to connect.


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