Plans for the adventure or Manana?
I know the social chairman is eager for me to go to Australia. I need to buy a laptop, buy a portable camcorder, fix up my roof and get a renter who's good about getting things done. The previous tenant, besides walking off not paying the summer's ac bill, left me a leak in the hot water tap to the master bedroom bath so it uses gas and water. A plumber will charge 50$ just to look at it, but I spend at least 10$ bucks a month with wasted gas and water. It's these little things that get on my nerves and often seem to put me into a "fuck it" state of mind, before I go get a few beers at the "red dog" and go worship the female body with a few 1$ tithes to the temple.
Sometimes, I wish that, Muffy would do a "Vulcan mind meld" with me and give me motivation to work, just to get shit done. She is one high metabolism woman! I only have to feed about every hour or two. (just kidding, she eats more than I do and I'm twice her size. She even mentioned my paunch the other day so much that I became self concious and was worried that it would be one of those days, but we had fun walking around Independence. We went to a Japanese restaurant and there was a bloke who looked like he had an extra 100 pounds of belly. Muffy apologized for mentioning my belly when she was totally disgusted with his. She agreed that I'm still in better shape than most blokes over 30 and the fat social chaiman of my neighborhood.)
Each day passes by with nothing done except a little writing. I hate to have to depend on adderall and coffee to get going in the day. There are so many things I have dreams about doing and now I'm getting very close to 50 without doing any of these noble aspirations.
Sometimes, I have delusions about writing this big 6 or 7 figure book, but I've made no attempts to contact publishers or magazines. At least Muffy says that the writing is getting better, but it jumps all over the place. I guess that is my ADD. Ill try this vitamin now at see how it affects my writing and my outlook for the rest of the day.
Today the temp will get up to 70 and then in the mid 80s for Thursday and Friday! Maybe, I can find a clean swimming pool to work on my cardiovascular system. ( I was worried for a moment that an hour of writing had disappeared again if the puter froze on me.I will explain my motivation for writing later.)
I know that many times, some of my readers will find this drivel boring, but this site is for cleansing my soul and getting it all out as a way to put things in perspective. I am figuring out a plan for the rest of my life and overcoming my desire to just vegetate and be a hermit. Then I get out and feel the need to connect with the world like I went out for an hour before the rest of the Republican rednecks trickle into Huddlestones. Steve's wife was there and gave me a hug before she played her favorite video game.
I miss Steve but I'm banned from Lumpy's. I'm sure from my controversial talk about rednecks and the hatred towards liberal was one of the reasons. I think Chris, the owner, thinks I'll send him the bill for visiting the emergency room after being a victim of assault from an emotionally disturbed customer (that they previously had banned) and the angry schwarzenegger bartender (he was fired until he takes a Dale Carnegie course, "How to win friends and influence customers without resorting to violence".) I think many bartenders become that way or grow up in a violent household.(i.e Jr at Mikes in KC). There was a nice new bartendress there but how long before she becomes bitter at the customers"? My last few ex/gfs have been bartending. It causes them to develop attitudes sometimes.
Ill continue this later unless some of my readers say it's too boring.
OK! It's 1:36 pm and I've taken one of these Phospherine tablets that is one of these natural aids to the function of the brain.
" a naturally occuring phopholipid that appears to play an important role in the function of the brain". I'm feeling a little more focused but still don't feel like getting out of the house other than take a walk with Charles, the peaceful friendly neighbor that doesn't have to yell to get his point across. I am almost intimidated from going outside before the fat neighbor comes over and harasses me about his brother's DVd and TV. With Muffy's inspiration to not let rednecks walk over me, I'm holding onto these for deposit for the electric bill. (uh, oh. Just writing this might draw their ire and the lady next door will write a nasty comment like she did before). I know Bubbas will think I'm a chicken shit, but I know how some of my neighbors are obsessed with guns and axes.
There is a stray bullet in Charles' gargage door. I know that they won't go to that but I'm sure they would love to meet me in a dark alley. It is best to avoid confrontations with violent people. I was sure glad that Charles was the witness to their agression.
The social chairman mentioned getting a police officer, but I have witnessed his volatile mood like I do when I'm trying to talk to emotionally disturbed teenagers. When they become loud, it is best to walk away. He threw something at me one time when I walked away from one of his "interrogations" and it just hit the wall of my house. Sometimes his military background concerns me for what steps he might take to aquire his brother's tv and DVD. The ex/tenant refused to pay the electric bill and walked out to live with his "brother". It almost makes me feel like I'm dealing with the mafia and extortion.
The social chairman seems like he's taking off from work to, so he will bother me if he sees me outside or chatting with Charles. I'll call Charles and see if he wants to go for a walk! :)
I am happy that I at least walked a few miles to the Chinese buffet.
I think that I would feel better about myself if I subbed a few days but it's always the first step of signing up, visiting the college.
Then I will feel better about myself. I have to get out of this morbid selfdeprecating depression. I also make a joke about it because the amateur shrinks might call me bipolar.
Now, I'm watching 60 minutes. I'll write some more later.Ok, it's a commercial. I was just watching ED Chapelle who is gonna get 50 million in the next 2 years for his comedy. I would be just happy with 6 figures so I could travel around the world on the interest :).
I keep getting "You will inherit a large sum of money" when I go the buffet. That doesn't make me happy because I want Dad to be around to 100 when he sees my book published and started a family. !2 years ought to give enough time, but I gotta get my shit together and not worry about emotionally disturbed violent neighbors.
Chapelle, who at 31 is already a sucess, was saying that you have to embrace my failures. I feel that I have a lot more failures and I'm even more of a minority being of Australian aboriginal descent.
Now I see Muffy roll her eyes at making that last statement the way she would when I brought up my famous aunt, who is a dead Australian painter. Her art is on Australian postage stamps.
I miss playing scrabble with her. She thinks I cheat. I can beat her without having to cheat...lol,,,but she is one of the smartest women without a degree that I've met. The last 3 gfs are very intelligent, one an artist, one a published writer and maseuse, and now for the last year an ardent very sharp feminist who is the best reality check for this crazy idea of a book!
The last paragraph was erased into cyberspace. I should write it all down in the microsoft first so that when the blog is down like it was the last half hour, it won't be lost or I should cut and paste it before publishing. Oh well, no use crying over dead words lost in cyber heaven.
I was talking about being a common survivor of someone surviving the death of someone close. My mother and Alene passed away within 4 years. Common survivors don't get the attention and concern like the survivors of Columbine, 911 and the Murrah Building. They are told to move on but some never completely heal just like many of the Vietnam vets who got the shaft when they came back. At least now we treat the veterans well with this war that is at the moment more popular than the Vietnam war. At the moment, most Americans are brainwashed into thinking Saddam was Osama's "brother". At least I get that feeling when I go into an Oklahoma pub!