I've been having problems with my blog and getting all that I write published. I noticed there were alot of hits in the last 2 days, especially in the last 12 hours! Maybe, after telling the aol election chat room about my site. It's amazing (right word?) how much better I feel when I can communicate to the whole world (even my Dad and all the Australian relatives if I dare tell them about this site). My biggest concern is that they will know that I ocassionally imbibe in the weed. I'm hoping that this site will help remove some of the stigma about smoking bud. Most marijuana smokers are in the closet (keep it quiet and often don't even want their kids to know about it, when it is far less harmful than cigarettes and far less impact to your reflexes and driving than alcohol). I've been without it for a couple days again and I don't go through withdrawals like you nicotine addicts. I'm sipping this green tea before I go see where I can get an absentee ballot so I don't have to be in Oklahoma when Kerry gets elected. I want to be with openminded friends that I've made in KC. I miss them already and enjoy myself more. It's amazing how stifling you feel with the conservative close minded thinking all around you. At least there is one other Kerry sign in the neighborhood and no one has taken my sign!

I was wondering how safe it is to go into past relationships on this blog that the whole world can see. Right now, there might be a readership of less than 100 (there have been over 4000 hits but most are the same readers clicking on different essays). I still love most of my ex gfs as there was something so special about each of them. It's sad that I have lost connection with most of them. It would be nice to know if they are at least happy or grew as a person from being with me. I am glad that I am still friends with some of them. I had chances to be a father to their children and chose not to let it happen with some. Maybe, it's my pack rat syndrome that wants to hold onto friendships. Since Alene died, I have had far more female relationships, friendships and connections. I used to have my tennis friends and that was my life.

In so many ways, I prefer being around women because it is so much easier to talk to them about feelings that I would feel uncomfortable talking to a man about. I think that most of the audience to this site is female. There are so many qualities about women that irritate me, but the fact that I had such a wonderful safe and secure relationship with my mother, helps me be nurturing and loving in relationships that I am involved in. I have had the longest on and off again friendship and love for Muffy since Alene left this world. She has helped me grow as a person and I hope that I have helped her. It is hard to tell her as with other relationships about living in the now and enjoying each other day by day rather than a long term commitment. I know women want that long term investment and I understand why they do. They feel that they are wasting their time with the man if they feel that there is no future with him. It seems that as soon as a man commits to that person long term, then all sorts of expectations arrive such as being a father and role model to their children. They see that he won't meet her expectations and then she gets angry and the man might prefer walking home rather than dealing with the anger erupting over idiotic trivial things like him asking if he has to pay extra for onions at McDonalds or wondering if the child maliciously hid the remote.

I prefer to keep a sense of humor about everything in order to deal with all the anger and frustration. My sense of humor, I think, helps me keep a healthy perspective on life's bullshit.
Before I get to deep, I will publish this and maybe delve into this controversial subject of relationships later.

From Bob Bresny's horoscope for Sagitarians:
Yellow jacket wasps have never been known to journey north of the Arctic Circle. They prefer warmer climates. But recently they began buzzing around a village in the northern part of Baffin Island, surprising the local residents, who have no word for the insects in their native Inuktitut language. I predict there'll soon be a comparable event in your life, Sagittarius. You will need new terms as well as fresh concepts to understand the appearance of an unprecedented phenomenon.

I see a change in government! Maybe I should buzz more around KC when I get my house ready for a non violent, educated renter!

For some reason, The oklahoma gazette has a different horoscope and I'm not able to cut and paste it or find it on cyberspace.
So I will write the crucial sentence:

"Extend forgiveness even to those who hurt you long ago and ask forgiveness even from those you hurt long ago. Halloween costume: religious penitent or self-flagellant"

I will even try to forgive that bully, Skippy Shy of 6th grade, and all the exgfs that broke my heart. I will also ask forgiveness to all the loved ones that I might have hurt long ago. I hope that this apology in cyberspace might help when I can't ask them in person.

I'm sure some amateur shrinks out there will have a field day with this and give me some more obvious one liner comments.


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