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old sorries

I was reading your blog and I'm sorry that you have had a very rough challenging life... Maybe one day you will read this and I want to say sorry. I hope one day you can forgive me... I would like to write more to you but I know that all my neighbors read this...


life is actually going better... I am so happy to be with my son and thinking one day at a time eventually he will be in Oz.. on our paradise on the beach!he


I go outside and visualize walking out to the sunny beach instead of our backyard with a view of the neighbors, wondering if they will leave curtains open..(oops forget).
just the thought of some people I know reading this and taking it the wrong way...
but I digress, enjoying a lansy weekend with my son.... loving the aspect of enjoying a weekend with no worries.., trying to enjoy the warmest weekend in January, thankful that this hopeful agnostic has prayed for help with his place in Oz... sometimes things seem to fall in place...e
Its easier to write sometimes, …

wow.....

another day... wonderful being with my son... want to tell you everything but most of my readers are judgmental.... and then angry thoughts immediately came to the bastard who stayed in my home free for a year while continuing to rip me off... it upsets my neighbors to let it go...
but it wont because I still have the freedom to write when I have been wronged...I know first of all that the bloke who colluded with BA Showalter.... remember the bloke coming to trial byand told to shut up by the judge... Eric and I should have demanded or gone down the elevator with the conman asking when he will pay...
( I just don't want getting emails about letting it go...when victims have not let go of injustice 30 years ago)
now we as victims of power and bullies will always  have the right in this country
 express mysef... but still I am still so stifled in all the things I want to say... this laptop frustrates me...because I cant set my wrists down... for fear of messing things up
Its frustrating on this blog I have to figure out how to work this better so when I do an update it doesn't change the original date ...l

True grit

I keep thinking it's going to get better in the mornin...   she cuts me down in front of my son it's difficult not to retaliate, when we have a good evening.. she expects me stop.. I want to go home and cook.. because we spent a lot of what I borrowed.. for my x..
 But  I keep hoping things will get better. they don't... A day is ruined when she complains about my home attracting  mice gives lecture on the hunta virus. I lose it.

 Especially after being called a loser, when I finally get full time, so I ask if she has ever kept a job..    
    So it's about a week later... My determination to keep our family by helping my x to feel better about ourselves... watching American grit with John ciena .. he has charm and grit impressed with the way he had his audience.. they love him... I see the similarities between himself and what I could have been or what maybe I still can be!
one thing I learn from my own history, is that is that sometimes I learn very little from herstory....


how come they don't ever say her story?   ... I thought there was a chance we could get a long, hoping that we could figure out how not to annoy each other... she complains that my place is a mess and no kids would come over because he would be too embarrassed about my home... so she takes daily potshots and cutdowns, so that I cannot help but react... things are peaceful until she gets up about 1130, I make her breakfast but she is continually making demands ... while I cannot get my son out of the house when we have had a string of 100 degree days..., so the only way to get water and some inexpensive frozen tv dinners, which you can stretch out to feed 3 , when there is enough daily requirements of sodium for our whole family with one meal!


I could go on and on... but its too depressing ... I finally had to ask her to go so I could enjoy the last week visitation of my son (with…

ancient elephants and attention challenged mermen

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wow....   sidetracked by a couple different herds of elephants at a  gathering in the African reserve,  ... his mind  thinking about a creature like a large ancient elephant evolving into whales... and how human creatures could have evolved into aquatic hominids... so now he's distracted by bloke who likes to hear him self talk and proclaims himself higher in the pecking order of this worlds... they establish themselves sometimes successfully...
Look at Trump   (don't get me started),,,


he says to himself that he needs to discipline himself to write at least for 5 minutes  every single day, while letting his thoughts flow as jack Kerouac wrote on every available piece of paper (even toilet paper0...he's sad or frustrated  perhaps that he cannot write as fast as the many images run through his mind...


 exhilarated, after talking to his son on Skype for an hour and a half , but with trepidation ( about when she arrives) , in my own mind a test of whether they are capable of …
POLITICO: EMAILS RELEASED BY DONALD TRUMP, JR. SHOW "AN INTENT TO COLLUDE WITH RUSSIA" TO INFLUENCE OUR ELECTIONS We've suspected from the start, but now it's UNDENIABLE: The Trump campaign knowingly tried to collude with Russian officials to influence the 2016 election. This isn't just unprecedented, friends , Okies, yanks, it's un-American. Trump's campaign team worked with a foreign power to try to swing the election against Hillary – and they've LIED about it, time and time again. The Trump administration has cozied up to Russia even when it could put America at risk – like when it moved to let Russians return to compounds they've used for spying. Now that the truth is coming out, we have to act before the media moves on to the next Trump outrage. ok.... that was just  an email about how we need to work together to impeach Trump and this whole warped republican for the rich mentality...as long as they throw in guns and abortion, the poor will k…